Reckless Love by Kendall Ryan
A real orgasm tore through me at that point, just like it always did. As I came down from my self-induced, Ian-inspired release, I was again reminded of how that night had actually ended…
• • •
That night we’d kissed frantically on the dance floor, and he’d carried me out to his car as we pressed together in heated passion.
But when he guided me into the backseat, he didn’t follow me as he should have. Instead, he promptly backed away from the car with a tight look on his face that I couldn’t quite read. Then he closed the door, leaving me more alone than I had felt in a long time.
I was hurt at first, but then I got angry, like terror-alert-level-orange angry. Was I not good enough for him? I fumbled with the door handle until I opened it and got out.
“What the hell?” I snapped.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he shook his head and ran a hand over his hair. “I just can’t do this.”
“Why not? There aren’t any cameras here. This isn’t an adult movie shoot that your ‘future wife’ might see, so what’s the problem?”
“Get in the car. I’ll take you home.” His expression shuttered and I could no longer read his face, as if he’d cut me off not just physically, but emotionally.
“What the hell was that?” I said. “I thought we were going to have some fun. What happened?”
He shook his head and looked away. “Nothing, I just shouldn’t have started this in the first place. I don’t have time for this right now, I have a fight in two days. I need to stay focused.” He wouldn’t look me in the eyes anymore.
Did he just say he didn’t have time for this? For me? Familiar negative emotions came roaring back before I could stop them. I felt like I’d been punched.
I was used to this by now, to people not having time for me. I’d been dealing with this all my life. But for some reason, hearing it from Ian hurt more than it had in a long time. I thought we’d made a real connection. He’d come to my rescue on the dance floor and had been sweet and easy to talk to.
Stunned, I’d realized that despite my checkered past, I’d never felt quite so rejected before. So I’d dug my fingernails into the palms of my hands, but the pain couldn’t stop the stupid tears.
Without another word, I had rushed to a nearby taxi stand, got in the back of the first one, and slammed the door.
Five
Ian
The office at the gym was smaller than my own at home, but Chris had managed to squeeze in a dingy cracked-leather sofa, along with an old desk and bulky chair. I tossed my bag in the corner and shoved a pile of towels off the couch to make room.
Chris reached behind his desk and pulled a protein shake out of his mini fridge, then tossed it to me. “Heads up, bro.”
I caught it and shook it before unscrewing the cap. The shit was green and thick, which no drink should ever be. It tasted like blended dirt and leaves. I took a deep breath and chugged it down in as few gulps as I could manage.
I shuddered. Even though I drank the same nasty breakfast every morning, I never got used to it. It was just one of the many brutal things I willingly put myself through, because it took sacrifice to become a pro MMA fighter. And knowing I was close to achieving my dream fueled me to keep pushing.
“I had a call yesterday with Shannon,” Chris said, and I perked up. Steve Shannon was the manager of several pro fighters. If I could get a match, even with one of his newer fighters, I would be almost there. “He wants you to fight Gator. He’s set it up already for two months from now.”
“Gator,” I repeated. There were several pro fighters in my weight class I thought I could beat, and he was one of them.
Game on.
“He’s a wrestler, so we’ll need to work on your ground technique. I’ve got a guy coming into town next week to train with you.”
Without Chris, I wouldn’t be where I was now. I was a good fighter, but it wasn’t just about fighting, it was about who you trained with and who you knew. Chris knew everyone, all the managers and all the coaches. He also knew enough fighters that I often ended up training with pros. It sounded like he had another one lined up. Good. I needed someone to challenge me.
Through the one-way glass, I could see MacKenzie as she jumped on the treadmill for her morning run.
“Where’d you take her?” I asked. I hadn’t meant to ask Chris about his night with Kenzie, but I couldn’t stand not knowing. What was it about her that made me lose control?
“Zito’s,” was his one-word answer.
Shit. I gave him the perfect opportunity to spill the details, and he didn’t take it. I’d spent all last night beating myself up about the two of them out together. Alone. I wanted them to go and have a good time. I wanted Kenzie to have fun. I kept on telling myself that.
But I knew Chris. I knew he liked to bag them as soon as he possibly could. And the thought of him touching her made me really glad I wasn’t juicing, because I already wanted to pound him just for the image that put in my mind. So I’d promised myself I wouldn’t ask, and hopefully he wouldn’t tell me.
Only he always told, so why wasn’t he talking now? Could it be that nothing actually happened?
I looked out at her on the treadmill. God, I wanted to know so bad I almost flat-out asked him if he fucked her. Get a grip, Ian.
“That’s a pretty high-end restaurant,” I said instead. Because it was, for him. Normally a girl was lucky if he took her to an all-you-can-eat buffet.
“I was in the mood for something different.” Chris shrugged. “Besides, MacKenzie is different.”
Damn right, she was. I took a deep breath. Something about the way he said that, though, got under my skin. There was only one thing worse than them having sex, or maybe just as bad—
He could be falling for her.
“You’re cool with me dating her, right?” he asked. “You don’t have anything going with her, do you?”
“No.” The word felt like sawdust in my mouth. “It’s fine. Just be careful, she’s Cade’s girl’s best friend. They’re like family. So don’t fuck with her.”
The last part might have come out a bit more venomous than I’d intended. Too fucking bad. When it came to MacKenzie, something inside me needed to make sure she’d be treated right.
Chris lifted his chin in acknowledgment. “Like I said, she’s different. I think I could actually like her. Hey, speaking of women, when’s the last time you saw some action?” He broke out into a big smile, and I wanted to pound him. Again.
“Dick,” I said.
He was fucking with me, but it was no joke, I needed a good ground-and-pound with a coed. Maybe that would get my mind off MacKenzie. Besides, I was getting serious blue balls from all the sex I was not having. Another sacrifice I made while in training mode.
Sex was a distraction. One that I desperately wanted, but couldn’t afford. There was an important fight in just under a week. I was the sure bet, but my opponent actually had a chance. And that meant I had to be on top of it. I had to win. My dick would have to wait his turn.
“I’m gonna go suit up,” Chris said, then got up to leave. “See you out there.”
On his way out, he stopped briefly to talk to MacKenzie. She smiled at him, then laughed at something he said. I couldn’t help but notice the smile didn’t reach her eyes.
He headed to the locker room, leaving MacKenzie on the treadmill. It wouldn’t hurt to sit and take in the view. Besides, I had a few minutes.
Give up the chance to watch her run? I might be in training mode, but I was still a man.
Six
MacKenzie
I knew this double-date thing was a bad idea, but I couldn’t explain why. Chris had a way of talking me into things without me even realizing it, so here I was, getting ready for yet another date with him. A double date with Ian, no less.
I downed a glass of chardonnay—my get-ready-to-go-out drink of choice—as I stood over my bed, trying to figure out which dress to wear. It was down to t
Glancing at the clock, I sighed. Chris was due to pick me up any second now. I needed to make a decision.
Screw it. If Ian was coming with a date, it didn’t matter anymore. I was going to wear the sexiest thing I had, and he could just see what he was missing.
Stepping into the skintight dress, I pulled it up. The buzzer rang as I slid into my shoes. I took one last swig of wine and hopped out the door, pulling my second shoe on as I struggled to maintain the hold on my clutch. I skipped down the stairs and out the door, slamming right into Chris.
“Well, hello,” he said as he stumbled back, catching us both. “You in a hurry, sweetie?”
He smiled and looked down at my face, then he looked down farther. My cleavage appeared to have gained his attention.
Fine. Let him look. I tried to convince myself that I wanted to date Chris; maybe it was time for me to shit or get off the pot, or whatever. I stumbled a little and hiccupped.
“Oops. Hi, Chris,” I said, my voice coming out higher than normal.
He took my arm, steadying me. “You’re starting a little early tonight, don’t you think?”
“I may have had a little too much getting-ready wine,” I explained, my face hot. Yep, definitely too much. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay, sweetie.” Chris kissed me on the lips. This was our third date, but only our first lip-on-lip kiss. It was close-mouthed and he came in a little too hard, as if he was worried I would back away before he could follow through. “Let’s get going,” he said, then led me to the car.
The restaurant wasn’t that far, but the buzz I had from the wine was wearing off by the time we got there.
Ian and his date were already seated when we arrived. The table was quiet as we approached, and they looked as if they hadn’t been talking much. Ian was a little stiff, but put on a smile when he saw us. His date was drop-dead flipping gorgeous. Of course she was; she was with Ian, for goodness’ sake.
I was seated across from her. God, why? She had long legs and looked like a swimsuit model.
She smiled. “Hi, I’m Sara.” It was a genuine smile. Which made me hate her, of course. Her hair was beautiful, long and flowing red locks. She looked familiar, though.
It hit me so suddenly that I barely managed to stifle a small, “Oh shit,” as I covered my mouth.
It was her. Cade’s first adult movie co-star. Desiree was her stage name, but we called her “the screamer” because she’d howled like a banshee through the whole thing. It sounded so fake, it was painful.
The night we’d gathered around Alexa’s laptop and watched Cade’s video came flooding back. I struggled to keep a straight face, but could hardly look “Sara” in the eyes, even as I couldn’t stop staring at her.
“Nice to meet you, Sara,” I said. I hadn’t meant to emphasize her name, but it came out that way. I gave her as friendly a smile as I could manage before turning to Ian and Chris. “Should we get a bottle of wine?”
“Yes,” Sara and Ian both answered at the same time.
Chris looked at Ian, shocked.
Ian smiled. “I mean for you guys, yeah. I’m in training mode. I have my water.” He pointed at his glass on the table.
When the waiter arrived with a bottle of white, we filled our glasses. The conversation turned to Ian’s next fight in just two days with a semi-pro fighter named Steel.
“Remember, he’s a ground fighter,” Chris said. “Keep him on his feet, and he’s your bitch.”
Ian leaned in and the two of them began strategizing, leaving Sara and me to listen.
Curious, I watched how Ian was with Sara. They had almost a foot of space between them. I looked over to see how far Chris was from me; it was about the same. Not that I was keeping score or anything.
Chris glanced at me and leaned closer, taking my hand. “So, Sara,” he said. “What is it that you do?”
“She’s a graphic designer,” Ian said quickly. She looked at him and nodded.
Why was Ian lying about what she did for a living?
“Really?” I asked after taking another sip of wine. “Where do you work?”
“She does freelance,” Ian answered for her again.
I blotted my lips with my napkin and placed it on my plate. “I have to go to the ladies’ room.” Then I grabbed my clutch and pulled my phone out, dialing Alexa as I walked.
“Did you know Ian was dating the screamer?” I didn’t even give Alexa time to answer before I started. My phone pressed to my ear, I made it to the back hallway near the restrooms, but didn’t go in, choosing to loiter outside instead.
There was a pause. “I’m not sure they’re actually dating,” Alexa answered when she figured out what I was ranting about. “Cade warned me that she would be going out with Ian. He wanted to know if I would be okay with it. He posed it as a favor to Ian, like he was setting them up for some reason.”
“Why on earth would Ian need to be set up on a blind date? He’s amazing.” It slipped out, and I couldn’t put it back in. Damn wine.
“Yeah,” she said, then paused. “But there’s something else weird about the whole thing. Cade asked me—no, begged me not to tell you that she was a porn star.” She giggled through the phone. “I didn’t have the heart to remind him that you’d seen the movie too.”
“Oh my God, Lexa!”
I couldn’t believe what she was saying. Did Ian really not want me to know he was dating a porn star? Why?
“Why does he care what I think of his sexploits? He can fuck any porn star he damn well pleases.”
The second I said the words “porn star,” I noted two things. First, I was definitely talking too loudly, and second, “Sara” had rounded the corner and was within earshot.
So I did what any stupid idiot who’d just stuck their foot in their mouth would do—I pretended it didn’t happen. I ducked my head and walked past Sara without looking her in the eye, the phone still pressed to my ear as I headed back to the table.
“It seemed important to Cade, so I hope you won’t tell,” Alexa said.
“Who is there left to tell? Chris?”
Maybe that was it. Ian didn’t want Chris to know because Chris would tease him about it later. I didn’t know why, but the thought of telling Chris wasn’t appealing to me.
“Their secret is safe with me,” I whispered. “Look, sweetie, I gotta go.”
Then I sat back down at the table.
Seven
Ian
I’d never hired a prostitute, and had never paid for sex. Hell, I never had to. So when I asked Cade if he knew anyone I could bring out on a double date with Chris and MacKenzie, I wasn’t expecting him to suggest paying someone. Still, once I’d heard him out, his idea didn’t seem totally whack. In fact, it made sense.
Normally I would have brought one of the gym bunnies to the dinner, because all I needed was a pretty girl on my arm, but the big fight was only two days away and I didn’t trust myself. I’d become one serious horndog, and it seemed to get exponentially worse whenever MacKenzie was around.
So I needed a sure thing. Someone I could trust to not throw herself at me.
Cade’s friend Sara was on her own and trying to take care of a newborn. My trust fund was pretty well padded, so we settled on the terms: a few hundred dollars and a free meal in exchange for her company for the evening.
“Thanks for coming out tonight,” I said as I drove Sara home.
“Sorry I was so quiet,” she said. “I guess I’m not good at this escort business.”
“It was fine. You were great,” I lied.
She’d looked on edge for most of the night, but Chris didn’t seem to notice and MacKenzie was sauced, so I didn’t know how she would have known. All that mattered was that the night was finally fucking over. I could pay Sara and never think of her again.
“I feel like I could have been better if I was alone with
“What the—”
My tires squealed and I nearly ran off the road when she grabbed my dick. What the fucking fuck was I paying her for? I had made it very clear when I picked her up that I was not paying for sex. No extras.
“No,” I said as I lifted her hand out of my lap and put it back in her own where it belonged. “I told you, I just needed a date for the dinner. I don’t need any of that.”
“You’re telling me a guy like you doesn’t need this?”
She picked up my hand and stuck my middle finger in her mouth, all the way in, sucking it hard and licking at it with her tongue. I couldn’t help imagining her hot, wet mouth on my cock, and I almost pulled the fuck over right there. This girl definitely knew what she was doing. Goddamn.
But training mode was training mode.
“I can’t. I told you we wouldn’t. I’m sorry if you misunderstood the deal. I’m training.” I pulled my finger out of her mouth and wiped her saliva on my pants. Yuck. And my dick went soft.
Sara pulled her mouth into a little pout. “Sorry, I know you said no sex, but I wasn’t going to charge you or anything. I just…” She shook her head and looked out the window. “Never mind. Sorry.”
The rest of the ride back to her apartment was damn awkward. I was tempted to peel off as soon as she was out of my car, but I had to go inside and pick up my little sister, Sophia, who’d been babysitting Sara’s baby so that she could go out.
Sara fumbled with the lock, pushing and pulling at the door before it finally burst open, and I could see inside the tiny front room of her apartment. Sophia was there on the sofa just as I’d figured she would be, but the person next to her, Cade’s former adult film producer, I never thought I’d see again. And I sure as fuck didn’t ever want to see him in the same room with my little sister. Every single muscle in my body tensed instantly.