Sweet Nothing by Jamie McGuire

  I didn't see the point of spending extra money to travel for a honeymoon when we both knew we wouldn't see the outside of the hotel. But Josh insisted we at least leave Philadelphia for a few days.

  We compromised by heading over to Lancaster, breaking from the reality of a fast-paced life in a big city hospital in exchange for a few days in the countryside.

  The Altland farm was two hundred and nine years old. Fifteen acres of corn and blue skies spanned as far as my eyes could see. The home was no longer occupied by the Amish, but the family who lived here opened their property to others looking to experience a simpler life. Oil lamps offered a subtle, romantic glow to the rustic interior, and a converted one-room schoolhouse offered a honeymoon suite I'd never dreamed of.

  "This is like being on another planet," I said. I was easily distracted while Josh's lips traveled across my collarbone.

  "I bet I can make you see stars," he teased as he slid his hand under my skirt, trailing his fingertips up my thighs toward my panties.

  A loud knock at the door caused him to pause, hanging his head as he laughed once in disappointment.

  "Dinner is served in the main house," the man called from the outside.

  Josh looked at me, hoping I would say no.

  "I'm starving," I admitted.

  Reluctant, Josh lifted himself from my body, pouting like a little boy banished to time out.

  "That's okay," he grumbled as he ran his hand through his hair. "It's a little easier to live with, knowing we have the rest of forever."

  I pushed against his chest and slid off the bed. The owner of the farm was standing on the other side of the door when I pulled it open. He greeted me and then extended a handwritten menu, and I smiled.

  "We look forward to seeing you at our table." He grinned as he looked past me to Josh.

  "We'll be right over," I said, chiming in when Josh didn't respond. I closed the door, leaning my back against it.

  I narrowed my eyes at Josh, watching him shove off the bed, unbuttoning his shirtsleeves and rolling them up his arms.

  He sauntered over to me, gliding his hand over my ass and then gripping my thighs. Lifting me into the air, he wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed my back against the wooden door.

  He kissed me hard, reminding me of exactly what I was missing. I gripped his shoulders as Josh yanked up my skirt, his length pressing against the apex of my thighs. He knew what he was doing, and it was working. I wondered if I could ever leave a bed with him in it again.

  As quickly as it began, his lips broke free from mine. I quietly panted as he lowered me to the ground.

  He took a step back from me, looking smug. "And now we're even." He ran the back of his thumb over his lower lip, wiping away the remnants of my gloss.

  I flattened down the front of my dress, scowling at him for getting me all hot and bothered. "That was cruel, husband," I sneered. I could pretend to be annoyed, but saying the word husband spawned a flock of butterflies in my belly.

  "We have the rest of our lives to make it up to each other." He held out his hand as a peace offering. I only hesitated for a moment before weaving my fingers between his.

  He pulled open the door to our suite, and I pressed a kiss to his cheek. I tugged him forward, but he resisted.

  "What are you waiting for?" I asked. "Let's go start our forever."

  Josh lifted me into his arms, kissing and carrying me the whole way.

  I covered my mouth with my hands, muffling my gasp as we stepped inside the main house. The many smiling faces of our friends and family peppered the room.

  "How?"

  Josh lowered me to my feet, taking my hand in his and guiding me to our seats.

  "We couldn't have them come all this way and not spend time with them." He shrugged as he pulled out my chair.

  I sat, still in shock. "But the logistics of getting them all here, and the money ..."

  "Don't worry about it," Aunt Ellen said. "Just enjoy your day."

  Josh pressed his lips to my hair, and then he took the seat next to me.

  Aunt Ellen was beaming. Sitting down to eat, surrounded by everyone I loved, felt like Christmas dinner. I scanned the small group, shaking my head.

  "What?" Josh asked.

  "I just ... I guess I don't understand. This just seems impossible."

  "Stop," Maggie said with a grin. "We all wanted to do it. It's not like Josh had to organize the mass exodus of three hundred guests from Philly. We rented a car and drove Josh's parents."

  "That was fun," Zane grumbled.

  Aunt Ellen jabbed her elbow into her son's ribs, still smiling wide.

  "Ow!" he said, rubbing his side.

  Maggie lifted a flute of champagne. "To Josh and Avery."

  Everyone else followed her lead, except Zane. Aunt Ellen smacked his hand away when he reached for her glass.

  "To Josh and Avery," our family and friends said in unison.

  I glanced at Mary, who lifted her flute and then set it back on the table, pushing it toward Silas. He nonchalantly placed it on his other side.

  "Did you see that?" I whispered to Josh.

  "She just finished thirty days of sobriety. I think she wants to start over with grandchildren."

  I looked up at him. "Then let's give her some."

  I paced the floor until my feet ached, nearly biting my nails down to the bone.

  "You're going to wear a hole in the floor," Quinn said with a yawn as he rested his head against the doorframe. We'd been working all night during a full moon, and I had barely dragged my tired ass through the door when my cell phone chimed.

  "You should come," she said, trying to subdue the excitement in her voice.

  "Really?" I asked, blinking to keep my eyes open.

  "Really."

  I hurried to the hospital lab. The elevator was taking too long, so I ran up the stairs two at a time and pushed open the door.

  Avery sat in the waiting room wearing her scrubs, her stethoscope still around her neck.

  "Have you gone in yet?" I asked.

  She shook her head, too excited to talk.

  I scanned her face, taking in how beautiful she looked in that moment. "You are absolutely stunning, you know that?"

  Her eyes softened, and she opened her mouth to speak, but a phlebotomist opened the door. He looked at the chart twice before calling her name. "Avery Avery?"

  Avery smiled and stood, but when I did the same, the phlebotomist pointed at me with his pen. "This will be super quick, so if you could just wait here, that would be fabulous."

  "Uh ... sure," I said, frowning at the sight of Avery disappearing down a short hallway.

  I ran my hands through my hair and bobbed my knees up and down while I waited. I played Angry Birds on my phone, shot out a few sarcastic tweets, and then looked at the clock.

  "Fuuuuuck," I hissed under my breath. My eyelids felt like sandpaper as they raked over my bloodshot eyes.

  "We'll call you with the results, Mrs. Avery."

  My beautiful wife stepped into the waiting room, gorgeous in her purple scrubs and a matching tourniquet wrapped around her elbow. I closed the distance between us, gripping her waist as I planted a kiss on her forehead.

  "It will be a few days," she reminded me with an easy smile.

  My face fell. "A few days?"

  "You act like you haven't done this before."

  I frowned, unhappy about the reminder. "Not this part."

  I kept my palm on the small of her back as we walked into the hall toward the elevator. Avery looked so happy, grinning at everyone who passed. A heavily pregnant mother waited with us, pressing on her back with her hand.

  I leaned over, whispering in Avery's ear, "It's happening this time. I can feel it." I pressed my palm against her stomach as her hand covered mine.

  "I don't want to get my hopes up just yet," she said.

  "I will. They're up. This is it. I'll bet my paycheck on it."

  She leaned against me. "St
op," she said, sounding like a mother already. She lifted her wrist and frowned at her watch. "I have to get to work."

  I nodded even though I didn't want to let her go. "I'm already looking forward to your maternity leave so I can see you once in a while."

  "You love your job just as much as I love mine," she said, stepping inside the elevator.

  The doors opened, and she walked toward the ER while I headed for the parking lot.

  "Love you," she said, waving good-bye.

  I reluctantly let her go, watching as she made her way down the long white corridor. Her bright purple scrubs abruptly disappeared behind the large double doors at the end.

  I gripped my keys in my hand, smiling at the idea of a little Avery running around.

  "Please, let this happen," I whispered. I thought I couldn't want anything more when I had asked Avery to marry me. Now, all I wanted was for her to be pregnant with my child.

  I only turned on the red lever and left the blue one alone, but the water still wasn't hot enough to soothe my aching muscles.

  I turned off the shower and reached outside the stall to grab a towel, allowing heat to escape so I could breathe. The mirror immediately fogged, the tiny bathroom filling with thick steam.

  Dax was waiting outside the bathroom door, his tail wagging wildly as I stepped out onto the linoleum floor.

  "You're going to have to wait a minute," I warned. I wasn't looking forward to dragging my ass down the two flights of stairs to let him go to the bathroom.

  His head cocked to the side, and I laughed. The thick white cotton of my towel collected water droplets from my skin, immediately leaving goose bumps in their place from the slight nip in the early morning air.

  Fall was my favorite time of year, and this fall was going to be the best yet. The sweltering heat had let up enough for Avery to once again drown in my oversize hoodie. I loved the look of her bare legs under my sweatshirt when she woke in the morning to make coffee. Unfortunately, our schedules had shifted again, and I was working mostly nights.

  Dax yelped as I wrapped the towel around my waist, shaking my head at how short it was. I would have to get some more of those oversize ones Mrs. Cipriani had given us as a wedding present. Avery used the only two we had and left the tiny ones for me.

  "Do you see this?" I pointed to the small pile of towels in the corner as Dax's tail began to whip harder. "I am not married to you. You can't tell me what to do." I padded my way to our bedroom, leaving wet footprints in my path. Grabbing a pair of basketball shorts from the clean laundry basket, I tugged them up over my hips, rolling my neck to the side and closing my eyes as it popped loudly.

  "Let's go." I followed him from the bedroom, grabbing his leash from the counter and clipping it to his collar before leading him downstairs.

  Our newest neighbor was shoving her key in the lock to her apartment, a baby car seat in the other hand and the straps of her wristlet purse between her teeth. She'd only moved into the apartment below us a few weeks before, and her colicky son's room was directly below our bedroom.

  "Let me help you with that," I said, hurrying to her side. I took the seat handle from her hand, smiling down at the chubby baby inside.

  "Thank you." She batted her faded pink hair from her face and let out a loud, exasperated sigh as her key finally found its way into the lock. She shoved the door open with her shoulder and stepped out of the way so I could enter.

  Her place was laid out exactly like mine and Avery's, but with baby furniture and paraphernalia. It looked like a Babies "R" Us had exploded.

  Hope called over her shoulder as she put her purse on the kitchen island. "Thank you so much, Josh. You can just set him down next to his playpen, if you don't mind."

  I set the carrier on the floor and began to unbuckle the little boy. "How you liking this place?" I asked, smiling down at him.

  "It's a quiet neighborhood." She laughed. "Well, I guess I'm the loudest one around here. Sorry about that. Toby doesn't sleep through the night yet."

  "No worries." I pulled the boy from the seat and stood with him in my arms.

  Hope watched me.

  "Oh," I said. "I hope this is okay."

  She smiled. "He likes you."

  I bounced him a bit. I had no clue whether that was the right thing to do or not, but it felt right. "It's good practice. We hope to be adding a baby to our family soon, too."

  "Oh," she said, surprised.

  "What?" I paced the floor with Toby, bouncing slightly.

  "Oh, nothing. I just thought you guys were a casual thing. I don't see her around much and she's always running out in the morning." Her cheeks darkened, embarrassed by how much she knew.

  "She works days and I have the night shift at the moment. But Avery's definitely not casual. She's my wife."

  "Wife? Congrats."

  "I know. She's way out of my league," I said.

  "Don't sell yourself short." Crossing the room, Hope pulled Toby from my arms. "I just meant you look too young to be married."

  "Ah ... well, when you know, you know."

  "Yeah ... I mean, I guess." Hope set her son in his swing and turned it on. It swayed and chimed a nursery rhyme tune while Toby became mesmerized by the lights. "Best invention ever." She turned to me. "You know, Josh ... I thought I knew once, too. Believe me, it was never my plan to be raising this little man on my own."

  Dax pawed at my leg, anxious to continue downstairs. "All right, furball. Let's get you to the grass."

  "Thanks, Josh. You're my favorite neighbor." Hope stood and held the door open for me.

  "Anytime. If you guys every need anything ... we're just upstairs."

  "I just might take you up on that." She called to me as I left her apartment.

  The morning chill was beginning to subside as Dax wandered down the narrow walkway between apartment buildings to the small yard in the back. My thoughts went to Avery and the possibility of us having a child of our own. We'd need a place, something bigger with a yard where he could run, and big enough for a tree that could hold a swing. The oak in the center of the yard offered the only shade on the property.

  I wasn't certain the landlord would allow us to hang anything from the branches like the old plank swing my father had hung out back for us ... us. My gut twisted and I shook away the sad memory of my sister.

  My father had always tried his best to make our childhood perfect. All the hours we'd spent tearing down and rebuilding motors wasn't to line our pockets, but to heal our souls. Still, it kept us afloat, and it was something I was good at. I blinked. Something I can easily do now and be able to spend more time with my wife.

  Reaching up, I pulled a scrap of bark from the old tree. We'd need a home of our own, one with a large yard and not just a tree, lots of trees. I could already see Avery outside, soaking up the sunshine and working on her garden as our children ran around her, playing.

  It sounded like Heaven. "Josh?" Hope called from the strip of grass between the apartment buildings. A plastic ivory box was in her hand, an antennae sticking out the top.

  "Yeah?" I asked, dividing my attention between her and Dax.

  "Toby is sleeping. I was wondering if you'd like to come in for a glass of wine, or a beer ... or formula, if that's your thing." She giggled quietly.

  Hope was an attractive woman. Before the accident, I would have led Hope to my apartment and had her flat on her back the first night she moved in. But now, I could look at her, notice she was attractive, but not feel attracted to her. It was weird, and just one more thing that assured me how in love I was with Avery.

  "I can't," I said. "Thanks for the invite."

  Hope nodded, smiling to me before turning around. She stopped, trying one more time. "I don't know a lot of people here. It would be nice to make a friend."

  I thought about her words. I was once the transplant, too. I knew how she felt, and loneliness was definitely not a good thing for a single mother.

  "I'll talk to Avery. Maybe we can st
op by this weekend?"

  Hope laughed once and looked down. "Yeah, I've got to work this weekend, but another time. What's your schedule like?"

  "I work nights, Tuesday through Saturday. For now."

  "And Avery works days?"

  I nodded, tugging on Dax when he pulled against his leash. "Mostly."

  Hope nodded again. "See you later."

  I waved at her, turning to Dax, who was bent in a C, creating a smelly mess I was going to have to clean up.

  I rolled my eyes. "Maybe Hope will let me borrow some diapers."

  I'd slept away the afternoon, hoping to be awake when Avery finally finished her shift. Four and a half hours wasn't nearly enough. Seeing each other outside of work was becoming impossible.

  I scratched my head and crawled out of bed, pulling on my gray sweatpants. Avery would be home in twenty minutes. I couldn't shake the excitement of owning a home, watching Avery pick out where we would raise our children.

  I picked up my phone, dialing Dad's number. We chatted for two hours before deciding that selling my Barracuda could possibly net me enough for a down payment on a home. We'd have to move farther out of Philadelphia, into the suburbs, but it was doable. I fantasized about a big garage. I would need a vehicle with four doors once we started to expand our family anyway.

  I wasn't sure what Avery would think about me restoring cars for some extra money, and maybe, if all went well, I could turn it into a business and a full-time career. It was a gamble, but if we were patient and did things right, we would get to spend more time together, and later, with our children.

  I padded into the kitchen, pulling ingredients for fettuccini Alfredo, Avery's favorite.

  It was a full moon, and Quinn had said Deb was complaining about back-to-back multi-car accidents. Avery would be exhausted. Adding the stress of waiting for her test results would be too much for her.

  I set our table with the nice dishes with the swirly patterns and flowery shit the nurses had gotten us for a wedding gift. I smiled at myself. Avery was going to love it. Just as the Dodge rumbled outside, I finished stringing up a few white Christmas lights for ambience, a subtle reminder of the day I'd made her my wife. Part of me hoped the occasion would be more than trying to cheer Avery up, and she would come home to tell me for sure that she was pregnant.