Unbearable by Sherry Gammon
“Why are you taking off your coat?” I asked as she shrugged the coat down each arm and tossed it next to the gloves, all the while keeping her eyes and the gun trained on me.
“My sister loves the coat. I don’t want to get blood on it.”
I slapped my hand over my face. “Are you kidding me? Nik, please. Let’s go inside and talk about this. What do you say?”
Ignoring my question, she laid out her plan, just like the nut jobs in the movies always did before they killed someone. “I’ll shoot you first, then I’ll kill myself. We’re going to die together. Star-crossed lovers. Just like Romeo and Juliet.”
“Nik! That’s crazy. We’re not Romeo and Juliet. We’re not star-crossed lovers.” I’m a dead man. I’m not going to see Tess ever again.
“In my mind, we are.” She raised the gun just as something silver flashed above her head. Nik fell to the ground. Her gun slid across the icy patio toward me. Behind her stood Tess with my now dented snow shovel in her hand.
“Tess, you do know that a concealed weapon permit doesn’t cover shovels, right?”
She rolled her eyes at my comment and tossed the shovel aside. I scrambled, with considerable effort, first for my gun, then for my cane. Nik didn’t move. She was out cold.
“She left this note at the office for me, apologizing for what she was about to do,” Tess said, handing me an envelope addressed to her in Nik’s writing. “She thought the office was closed for the night. Lucky for you Millie didn’t leave on time.”
“Very lucky. Thank you for saving my life.” I picked up Nik’s gun and tucked it into my calf holster.
“I guess that makes us even,” she said, with palpable anger in her voice. “And not that I’m not grateful, but I never asked you to save my life. I had my gun pointed at Garen’s heart and would have killed him if you hadn’t gone all super hero on me and started firing your gun. FYI: If I’d shot him, he’d be six feet in the ground right now, not in prison causing everyone trouble.”
She turned, pulled out a . . . cell phone? and called for the police and an ambulance as she walked down my half-shoveled driveway looking so freaking sexy in her black knee high boots, I almost called her back.
Instead, I opened the envelope, removed the letter, and read it while waiting for the police.
Tess,
I’m writing you this because you of all people know how I feel. Like I said when I dropped by the office a few weeks ago, loving Booker is like a disease, an incurable disease. And you’re right, he’ll never choose me. He’s moved on.
I’ve tried to move on also, but I can’t. He’s in my every waking thought. He’s even in my dreams. Booker’s my Romeo, and I’m his Juliet. And I don’t want to move on. I want him. I’m very sorry, and I hope you’ll someday understand and maybe forgive me for what I have to do. You were so sweet to me the other night, I felt I owed you this note.
Best wishes,
Nik
“What did I ever see in this woman?” I stuffed the letter back in the envelope and looked at Nik. “Oh yeah, short skirts, smoldering eyes, and a great kisser.” I shook my head. “Lesson learned. Find a woman with substance.” I immediately thought of Tess. A woman with substance and so much more. “I’m an idiot.”
***
Two weeks after the Nikkolynn incident, she was charged with attempted murder and admitted to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation, after getting twenty-seven stitches in her head. I could get around a little better with my cane, and for short walks I didn’t need it at all.
I ached for Tess. Seth and Cole tried to distract me by taking me bowling and skeet shooting. I will admit, watching clumsy Cole try and shoot skeet made me laugh quite a bit—and fear for my life not a little.
Tonight we were going to a new action movie that neither Lilah nor Magpie wanted to see. “We’re in the family room, Garfield,” Maggie called as I came in. I set my cane on the counter and walked into the adjoining family room unassisted. I was met with applause. I bowed.
Sofia rushed me, grabbing my hand. “Hurray, Uncle Book. No more cane.” I quickly sat in a nearby chair to keep from falling over. Still a work in progress.
“What are you girls up to while we’re gone tonight?” I asked. Lilah signaled for Sofia to come change into her pink princess jammies.
“Tess’s coming over and we’re watching a bunch of chick flicks.” Magpie pointed to a pile of DVD’s on the mantel.
“Tess is coming over? When?” I asked coolly.
“Any minute.” Lilah smoothed the static electricity out of Sofia’s hair, or she tried to. “Tess is leaving for San Diego. We’re having a little farewell party for her, just us girls.”
My heart leapt. “Tess is leaving?
“Yup. I thought you should know,” she said boldly. “Maybe now you’ll pull your head out and beg her on bended knee to forgive you for being an idiot. Then you can beg her to marry you before she wises up. Maybe, if you’re lucky, Tess will take you back.”
“Lilah, it’s complicated,” I said.
“It’s complicated? Cole forgave me for lying to everyone. That was complicated, Booker,” she said, waving a hand in the air, something she did when she got excited, or angry, apparently. “What you have is a person, a really great person who, for some unknown reason, loves you. And you toss her aside because you want an uncomplicated life.” She grabbed Sofia’s hand. “If you want an uncomplicated life, join a monastery.” Leave it to Lilah to not sugarcoat it. “Tell Uncle Book goodnight, sweetheart.”
Sofia climbed on my lap. “I’ll marry you, Uncle Book.” She patted my cheeks.
“I’m too old for you, angel.” I gave her a kiss on the head and a hug.
“When I get bigger we can get married. How about when I’m ten?”
“Yeah, that won’t land me in jail,” I muttered. Seth and Mags laughed.
“You won’t be in jail,” Cole said, scooping Sofia up onto his shoulders and heading up the stairs with Lilah. “Because I’d kill you first.”
“When’s Tess leaving?” I asked Magpie.
“Tuesday morning.” Mags squeezed my hand. “She said there’s nothing to keep her here now and she’s sick of the snow.”
Seth sat on the couch and Maggie joined him. “Did you hear the good news about Jack Mahoney?” he asked. I shook my head. Jack was the lone survivor in a shootout that killed three of my men this past summer in an undercover operation. Another reason I left the MET. “I had lunch with him yesterday. He got a job offer to be a deputy sheriff in Sugar Maple, West Virginia. That’s where he’s originally from. He still has a few months of rehab, but he’s thinking about taking the job.”
“Good for him. Take it and get out. Move to a nice, quiet little town. Away from all the death and decay around here,” I grumbled.
“Come on, Booker. There’s no such place anymore. Life’s a crapshoot. Sometimes you win . . . other times, not so much.” He sat back. “Tell me. What’s really going on inside that head of yours?”
I drew in a long deep breath and began spilling my innermost thoughts like a schoolgirl at a pajama party. Yeah, real dignified of me. “I can’t take it. I keep seeing her face splattered with blood and . . .”
“You’re sixteen, watching your mother and sister all over again.” Seth finished my sentence. “It’s over, Booker. Not to sound heartless, but you need to bury them, emotionally, stop carrying them around. You know your mother would say I’m right if she were here, as would your father.”
“You don’t know what all happened to them,” I said. “I can’t forget.”
“I do know. I overheard my dad talking about it with my mom right before they died,” he said gently. “It made me sick to know you had to witness that.”
“You never told me.”
“I didn’t think you wanted me to know,” he said simply. “But now it’s time to let it all go. Tess is a great girl. You’d be a fool to let her slip away.” He laced his hands through Maggie’s hair.
“So you think if she’s not here and she dies, you’ll be okay?” Mags asked. “Or what about one of us? There are no guarantees something tragic won’t happen to us. Are you going to cut us out of your life, too?”
I leaned back in the chair and rubbed my jaw. She just didn’t get it.
“I know you think I don’t understand, but you’re wrong.” She wrapped her hands around Seth’s. “Remember, I spent my first eighteen years unloved, not knowing what it meant or how it felt. And I can tell you that if Seth were to die tomorrow, as devastated as I’d be, I wouldn’t regret having loved him. Loving and being loved is worth the pain. Not being loved is the real tragedy, Booker.” Seth squeezed her hand.
I dipped my head and wiped my eyes. Maggie came over next to me and gave me a hug. “You bark like a junkyard dog sometimes, but you’re really just a big old pussycat.”
I chuckled. “You’re never going to stop with the cat jokes, are you?”
“Not as long as there’s breath left in my body,” she vowed, then added bluntly, “You’re an idiot if you don’t stop her. You of all people know how hard it is to find real love. Tess is worth the risk. Love is always worth the risk.”
Seth stood and helped me out of the chair, embracing me as we stood. “Think about what we said.” I nodded. “Okay, enough crying. Let’s go watch people blow things up and boost our testosterone levels. What do you say?”
“Have fun,” Mags said. “I love you,” she added to Seth as he turned and winked at her.
“Wait for me.” Cole charged down the stairs. For once he didn’t stumble.
With a heavy heart, I walked out to Seth’s car, lost in thought.
***
I spent the weekend fighting with myself. One minute I planned on begging Tess to forgive me, the next I fought nightmares. We all spent the day at Seth’s Sunday—well, minus Tess. Being around Seth and Cole and their wives was like pouring acid on an open wound. The stolen lover’s glances, the hand holding, watching Seth rub Magpie’s aching legs made me miss Tess and what we could have if I’d just stop carrying the past with me everywhere I went.
By Monday I decided to take Seth and Mags advice and beg Tess for forgiveness. Knowing she was getting on the plane in the morning and I’d probably never see her again terrified me almost more than the thought of Garen getting out of prison and coming after her.
I got to my office, completely forgetting that I’d ordered a new elevator and lift system to be installed. Four times the creaky old thing had gotten stuck between floors last week. It was time to update it, though I’d miss its old charm.
Knowing that it was being replaced seemed to instill a sense of nostalgia in everyone and they all wanted to ride the antique thing one last time. I’d have taken the stairs, but with my legs I never would have made it. I piled on with a dozen other people, two being Tess and Devin. I stood in the front corner near the control panel and pressed the buttons for everyone, like some elevator doorman. The poor thing rumbled to life and creaked its way to the first floor. Two people got off. After the doors closed, I chanced a look at Tess. Devin stood next to her, much too close in my opinion, and they were talking. Tess giggled, she actually giggled at something he said. She never giggles. He then fingered a strand of her hair. I wanted to crush his hand. Which was stupid really because I’m the one that threw her out.
I faced the number panel again, rethinking my plan. Maybe I waited too long and she’d moved on. Maybe I’d lost her for good . . . Maybe it’s for the best.
The elevator ground to a halt on the second floor and two more people got off. The third floor was next. Everyone but me would be getting off this time. That’s when I was going to do it. I’d take Tess’s arm and hold her inside with me. I’d ask her if I could talk to her for a moment, we would go up into my office, and I’d commence my begging.
As the elevator stopped on the third floor, panic took over. I turned and faced the number panel, and everyone got off but me. The doors slowly creaked shut. I rapped my head on the wall and spit out a string of curse words that would have my mother washing my mouth with soap for a week over.
“I do believe that’s a dollar seventy-five for the curse jar, Gatto.”
“Augh!” I wheeled around so fast I lost my balance and fell into the corner of the elevator. Tess walked toward me, looking way too sexy in a narrow skirt and black high heels. The outfit had Lilah written all over it. I made a mental note to yell at her for it.
“I thought you’d get off on the last floor,” I said, righting myself.
“You thought wrong.” Tess slammed her hand into the red emergency break button. The elevator shuddered to a halt. It did not sound good.
“The owner’s going to be pretty upset with you if this thing breaks,” I teased lightly as she planted her hands on either side of my head, trapping me in the corner.
“Some things are worth the risks. Isn’t that what you once said?” she asked, leaning in. My words were coming back to haunt me once again. This time, I didn’t mind so much.
“Okay, Gatto, I’m making this offer once and once only, and if you don’t accept it, I’m out of here,” she said. Her face was so close to me I could kiss her if I moved forward just the smallest amount. “I’m getting on a plane and leaving this God-forsaken, frozen wasteland and going home to warm beaches and constant sunshine.”
Not going to lie, loved the new aggressive sassiness. A lot. I reached for her and she brushed my hands away. “Nope. I’m in charge. You keep your hands off until I say so.”
I smiled wide. Yeah, lovin’ this.
“Here’s the deal. For some unexplainable reason, I’m still madly in love with you. Maybe Nik was right. Maybe loving you is a disease. But unlike her, I can and will move on. Never again will I allow a man to dictate how I feel. Never. I’ll think, feel, and do what I want. Got it?” I nodded as my hands reached for her again. She looked down at them, then back into my eyes, glaring. I dropped them to the side again.
“As I was saying, I guarantee that we’ll have tough times, but I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine,” her eyes softened, “I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know in my heart you’re the only one for me.”
“You guys watched Runaway Bride last night, didn’t you?”
“Maybe,” she said. Her mouth ticked up on one side as she fought a smile. “Wait, you know the lines from Runaway Bride?”
“Seriously? It’s Maggie’s favorite movie. Do you know how many times I watched that thing while she lived with me? I have half the movie memorized. I have nightmares about it. And you misquoted it, by the way. She says something like I guarantee that at one point one or both of us will want out.”
“No, I didn’t misquote it. You see, unlike . . . Hmm. I forgot the main character’s name.”
“Maggie Carpenter,” I said. Tess’s lip twitched. I shrugged.
“Unlike Maggie Carpenter, I’ll never want out. I will spend the rest of my life working on this marriage. I’ll fight tooth and nail to make it successful, and if it fails, it won’t be because I gave up. I love you, Booker Gatto. I want to spend forever with you. Will you please let the past go and marry me?” She blinked back tears.
Suddenly, all my confidence evaporated. All my fears were clawing at me again. All the pain, choking me.
“Booker, if you don’t say something, I’m giving up on us.” She swallowed. “I can’t take this anymore.”
“I’m scared.” I forced it out softly, surprised at my own raw emotion.
“Me, too,” she replied. “You and me, we’re a mess.”
I nodded. “Big time.”
“But who’s better for each other than us? Who can understand the pain, the heartache we’ve suffered than us? Who better to help each other heal? To mend our bro
“You don’t understand.” I touched her cheek, pulling my hand back immediately, as if it’d been burned. Feeling her soft skin overwhelmed me, and I needed to stay strong. “Tess, I’ve never loved anyone like this before. It’s consuming. The feelings I have for you are so overwhelming it frightens me. You’re the air I breathe.” I dropped my head back against the elevator wall. “Oh man, I sound like one of Magpie’s cheesy movies. I’m messing this up.” I couldn’t put into words the overwhelming feelings I had for her.
“Let me try. When you go to sleep at night, I’m the last thing on your mind. I’m front and center again when you wake up. You hear a funny joke and can’t wait to share it with me. When we’re together, you lose track of time,” she said, as if reading my mind. “I walk into a room and your heart quickens.” She took a deep breath. “And you feel if anything were to happen to me, you have no idea how you’d go on. In fact, you’re not even sure you could.”
“Exactly, and more. You have no idea what it was like for me to see your face splattered in blood that day.” I shivered at the memory.
“I imagine you felt the same way I felt watching the man I loved being shot, several times, by my ex, no less,” Tess pointed out. “Booker, all those feelings I described are exactly how I feel about you. Why do you think I’m here giving you one last chance to pull it together before I walk away?” Of course she felt the same way. For a smart guy, I could be quite dense at times.
Tess put her hands on my chest. “I want to share forever with you. I love you, all of you. The good and the stupid.” She thumped my chest.
I gazed into those beautiful Caribbean blue eyes of hers, so deep I could see into her soul. She was right. How did I think for one minute I could let her go? Impossible, even if something horrible . . . I refused to let my mind go there. Time to put the demons to rest. No, time to kick ’em out and lock the door.
“Okay, enough talk.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll give you to the count of three to answer or I’m starting the elevator, getting off at the next floor, and you will never see me again.” She blinked back tears. “One—”