`Warrior Girls' by Bill Etem
Chapter 2. `And in the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job' - Job 42. 15
`Do you see that group of beautiful female warriors coming this way?' asked Seraphinaria
`Yes,' said Al.
`Those are my subalterns, all 7 of them, and as Mirabrasantes has told you we're going up to the north country to take back a walled town that was stolen from Her Majesty Queen Brittany Cohen-Schwartz. You might meet her some day. Just address as her Rabbi Brittany, or just Queen Brittany - she's both a monarch and a rabbi, though not every sect in Judaism has given their stamp of approval to Rabbi Brittany's version of Judaism. She is not insulted if you address her as "Your Majesty" should you insist on formality, but she prefers you stand on informality. The honorifics "the Beautiful" and the "Benevolent" and "the Most Merciful" in her formal title are twisted by our enemies into foul sarcasm, but you just have to consider the source, her enemies will hate her as long as she refuses to kowtow to their platforms and policies. I'm saying all this because, as you say, you look like the young Rock Hudson - whoever that is – I suppose someone who is tall, dark and handsome - and I suspect she'll want to meet you. But we got you for now and we'll try to keep you with us and away from Her Majesty Queen Brittany Cohen-Swartz. We don't want her to take you from us. I suppose you would be far better off with her than with us, as she lives in a sumptuous palace, and we are struggling single moms having a tough time finding fame and fortune in this world. Anyway, to get to the first thing on the agenda - the second thing on the agenda is the conquest of a fortified city, which will be executed by subterfuge and cunning - but the first thing on the agenda is simply getting to this walled city - and this involves hiking across 500 miles of lowland country, and then crossing 50 miles of high mountains. If we need some brute strength to aid us then we might ask you for some help. You might win your freedom and some gold if you help us. I can't promise anything. So you're invited to come along with Mirabrasantes, and me, and my troop of female warriors. Not that you can refuse our offer! As I believe Mirabrasantes and that shopkeeper have explained to you, it will be good for company morale to have you with us. Everyone knows a healthy girl likes to share her blankets with a tall, dark and handsome man once in awhile! You'll do. And a word to the wise - my soldiers and I want some affection from you - especially now that you're smelling all fresh and perfumed with that bath oil you got into. It's driving me crazy! I want to cuddle up with you so bad! So it would be a big waste of my time, a big waste of my money and my patience if you turned out to be unfriendly. That wouldn't be good for company morale, so you better not be unfriendly, Al Mancini.'
`How's their breath?' asked Al. Then he thought that he probably ought to add a few words as the custom seemed to give speeches when conversing. `Have you people invented the toothbrush yet? I don't like bad breath.'
`Let's not get off on the wrong foot,' said Seraphinaria.
`Yes, let's not get off on the wrong foot,' said Al.
`But let's get on with the introductions,' said Seraphinaria. `You and Mirabrasantes are old friends by now, and over here we have…'
`Wait,' said Mirabrasantes. `I'll give Al the Company Roster.'
`Righto,' said Seraphinaria.
Mirabrasantes handed Al a few sheets of paper which read: