Dork Diaries Book 8: Tales From a Not-So-Happily Ever After! by Rachel Renée Russell
“Okeydokey! Let’s try this again!” Brianna said. “Blah, blah, blah, we want a dress that’s totally glam!”
“That’s more like it! Not to brag, but this dress is MAGNIFICENT!” Brianna bragged. “So, what do you think of your new look? Oh, wait. You need a mirror!”
POOF!
Brianna zapped up a mirror.
I gazed at myself and gasped.
“Wow! I look gorgeous!”
I twirled around in my dress. “Thank you!”
“No prob. But we have to hurry! I still have to whip up your horse and carriage!”
Outside the back door of the stable was a small mouse nibbling on a pumpkin.
“PERFECT!” Brianna exclaimed. “Now stand back and be amazed at my awesome power!”
POOF!!
That spell did NOT go so well! . . .
ME, TOTALLY NOT IMPRESSED WITH MY NEW HORSE AND CARRIAGE!
OMG! Brianna was SO embarrassed!
“Don’t worry, Brianna!” I said, trying to make her feel better. “Actually, the castle is just around the corner. I really don’t need a horse and carriage.”
“Are you sure? I probably just need to make a few minor adjustments to my wand.”
“Actually, I can just walk. I need the exercise!”
“Great idea!” Brianna said, and tossed the pumpkin pie and mouse over her shoulder. “Besides, one can never get too much exercise!”
I grabbed Brianna and gave her a big hug! “I really, really appreciate all of this. I’m going to find the Wizard of Odd, and he’ll have me back home in no time!” I said excitedly.
“Say hello to the king and queen for me! Oh! And remember, the enchantment wears off at midnight, when the clock strikes—”
“Twelve! Yeah! I know the story!” I interrupted. “Thanks again, and good-bye!”
Then I ran toward the castle entrance as fast as my glass slippers would carry me. !!
AT THE ROYAL BALL
I could hardly believe that I was actually going to a ball at the Charming Castle!
Even though my main goal was to find the Wizard of Odd, the thought of hanging out with royalty was SUPERexciting.
As I approached the main entrance, all the guards snapped to attention.
That’s when I suddenly remembered that I DIDN’T have an invitation. Which meant there was still a chance I’d be arrested on the spot for trespassing on royal property. Just great !!
I took a deep breath and quickly walked past the guards stationed at the huge doors, all while Mr. Sir Grumpy eyed me suspiciously.
As I entered the ballroom, approximately three hundred guests, dressed in the finest attire, stared at me, pointed, and whispered. . . .
ME, MAKING MY GRAND ENTRANCE INTO THE BALLROOM
The gigantic ballroom was even more beautiful than I had imagined. It had a towering staircase with white marble floors.
Beautiful tapestries lined the walls, and two huge chandeliers hung in the center of the room, lit with dozens of candles. The royal orchestra played a waltz.
I had been wandering around the room for ten minutes, trying to find a middle-aged guy who could possibly be the wizard, when a young man approached me.
“Excuse me, miss. But I would be most honored if I could have this dance!”
OMG! I almost fainted right there on the spot!
I was gazing into the beautiful brown eyes of a dashing, princely version of BRANDON ROBERTS!
As he reached for my hand, I smiled nervously and blushed profusely. Just like I ALWAYS do when I’m around my crush, Brandon. . . .
ME, FREAKING OUT THAT BRANDON ASKED ME TO DANCE!!
“I’m Prince Brandon. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Hello, I—I’m, um . . . Nikki,” I stammered.
“Welcome to the Charming Castle, Princess Nikki.” He smiled. “So, where are you from?”
I could NOT believe Brandon had just called me Princess Nikki! It was like I was in a fairy tale or something.
Wait! I WAS in a real fairy tale! SQUEEEE !!
“Well, I’m not from your world . . . er, I mean, your kingdom,” I answered.
“So, what brings you here, Your Highness? Are you visiting family or friends?”
“Actually, I’m looking for someone. It’s a very important personal matter. Maybe you know him?”
Disappointment flashed across Brandon’s face. “So, have your parents arranged your marriage? If so, I wish you both the best. He’s a very lucky guy.”
“NO! It’s NOT like that at all!” I giggled. “I’m looking for the Wizard of Odd.”
“Really! The Wizard of Odd? May I ask why?”
“It’s regarding, um . . . my travel arrangements. Back to my . . . kingdom. I was told he would be here tonight,” I said, glancing around the room again.
“Actually, he’s an acquaintance of my parents. I think they said he was called away on an important matter for the Queen of Hearts.”
“So the wizard ISN’T here?” I asked, trying to hide my disappointment.
“No. But if it’s important for you to see him, perhaps I could escort you to the Queen of Hearts’ castle. I’ll have the royal guards arrange a carriage whenever you’re ready. It’s just two miles west of here,” Brandon said, staring at me intently.
I really appreciated Prince Brandon’s offer. But if/when Sir Grumpy figured out who I really was, HE’D escort me, all right . . . straight to the royal dungeon for trespassing!
The last thing I wanted was for Prince Brandon to get into trouble trying to help ME.
“Thank you! I really appreciate your generous offer, but that won’t be necessary,” I said. “If it’s just a few miles, I can walk.”
Brandon narrowed his eyes at me. “WALK?! Alone?! In the forest?! Are you sure? Most princesses would never consider doing such a thing.”
“Hanging out in the forest can be pretty exciting!” I smiled. “Well, during the daytime, anyway!”
“Well, if you change your mind, just let me know. I could use a little excitement in MY life.” He sighed. “There’s so much to explore outside these palace walls. But that’s impossible to do when I’m always escorted by eight royal guards. My parents insist on it! I’m bored silly of my mundane princely duties!”
“What? No white horse, shining armor, epic quests, or damsels in distress?!” I teased.
“Only Renegades have the freedom to be real heroes. I’d give anything to be one for just a day. Instead, I’m CHASED by screaming fangirls and STALKED by prince-obsessed witches wanting to turn me into a frog!”
“A FROG?!” I snickered. “So, is that where the saying ‘You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince’ comes from?!”
BRANDON, AS AN ADORABLE FROG?!!
“Hey, that’s NOT funny!” Brandon deadpanned. “And to make matters worse, the only things my friends like to do are hang out at my castle, play polo, and party.”
“Well, Prince Brandon, it sounds to me like you need to find some NEW friends!” I joked.
“That’s great advice. Then it’s settled. YOU, Princess Nikki, shall be my NEW best friend!” Brandon winked.
“Well, your new best friend thinks you’d make an AWESOME hero!” I gushed. “You should follow your dreams!”
“I really want to,” he said, with a worried look on his face. “But what will my parents say?”
“They’ll say they’re proud of you! Just go for it!”
The apprehension on his face melted into an encouraged smile.
“I think you’re the first person who totally understands me, Princess Nikki! Even though we’ve just met, you feel like a trusted friend. It’s as if I’ve known you in another life.”
“You do! Er . . . I mean, you do . . . seem like a nice guy!”
That’s when he smiled and stared at me, and I smiled and stared back at him.
All of this smiling and staring went on for what seemed like FOREVER!
The music started up again, and Brandon took my
OMG!
Dancing with him was SO romantic. . . .
Practically everyone in the room was staring at us and probably wondering who I was.
PRINCE BRANDON AND ME, DANCING!
We danced and laughed and talked. I wanted the night to last forever.
“I’ve never met anyone quite like you, Princess Nikki. You’re VERY . . . different!” Brandon said.
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked.
“You’re smart, funny, and adventurous! I really like you! So, can I see you again? I’ll travel to your kingdom, no matter how far away it is.”
“I’d love to see you again too!” I gushed. “But, unfortunately, I don’t think that’s possible!”
“ANYTHING is possible, Your Highness!”
That’s when Prince Brandon gazed so deeply into my eyes that my heart skipped a beat!
Squeee!!
Then he leaned in for the perfect fairy tale KISS and . . .
BONG!! BONG!! BONG!! . . .
ME, TOTALLY FREAKING OUT BECAUSE IT’S MIDNIGHT!!
Our perfect fairy tale kiss was rudely interrupted!
“OMG! It’s midnight already?” I cried.
I needed to get out of there quick, before I turned back into . . . well, MYSELF!
“Is something wrong?” Brandon asked, concerned.
“Um . . . YES!! I mean, NO?! It’s just that . . . I really need to be going!”
“WHAT?! But the ball isn’t over yet!”
“I know! But I have to go now! It’s kind of an . . . emergency!”
Prince Brandon looked surprised and hurt. “I don’t understand. Did I say something wrong?”
“No! I wish I could explain, but I can’t! I’m really sorry!”
“Princess Nikki! Please! Don’t go!”
“It was nice meeting you! Good-bye!!”
“But when will I see you again? I NEED to see you again!” Brandon pleaded. “Please! Will you at least tell me where you live?”
It seems like whenever things are perfect in my life, disaster swoops in like a pigeon with a bad case of diarrhea and poops on my head!
Even though I knew the “Cinderella” story line, I was still pretty upset at the turn of events.
Hey! It wasn’t just ANY prince I was DITCHING at the ball!
It was my crush, BRANDON! Right in the middle of a KISS !!
BONG! BONG! BONG! The clock continued to chime.
I turned and hurried across the dance floor and up the grand staircase. . . .
ME, VERY RUDELY DITCHING PRINCE BRANDON AT THE BALL!!
If you’ve ever worn heels before, you know that running in those things will almost always guarantee a TRIP to the hospital.
No pun intended!
Lucky for me, I only lost a shoe. Just like in the fairy tale.
As I rushed toward the door, once again the entire ballroom was staring at me, pointing, and whispering.
I was like, JUST GREAT !!
I felt horrible about leaving Prince Brandon at the ball like that! But I didn’t have a choice. Or did I?
What girl wouldn’t want to be a princess, marry a handsome prince, and live happily ever after?!
I hesitated at the door just for a second and took one final glance over my shoulder. . . .
I felt so sorry for Brandon. And SO confused!!
But he deserved a REAL princess.
Not a FAKE, wannabe princess like ME!
I sighed deeply and was suddenly overcome by a wave of sadness. Then I turned and rushed out the door.
I barely made it past the royal guards as the magical enchantment started to wear off.
Now back in my own clothing, I ducked into the royal stables and made my way to my hiding place in the back stall. I was so mentally and physically exhausted from the night’s adventures that I didn’t even mind sleeping on the scratchy, smelly hay.
Tomorrow I was going to make the journey to the Queen of Hearts’ castle. And once there, I’d convince the Wizard of Odd to help me get back home.
I tried to sleep, but all I could think of was Prince Brandon and the crushed look on his face. I was the CRUELEST person ever!!
Overwhelmed by guilt and remorse, I cried myself to sleep.
!!
AT THE QUEEN OF HEARTS’ CASTLE
I got up bright and early and began my journey to the Queen of Hearts’ castle. I was desperately praying that the wizard would still be there.
I still feel pretty awful about ditching Prince Brandon at the ball. He’s such a nice guy.
But the perfect girl for him is out there somewhere. And I’m pretty sure she isn’t ME.
Right now my major goal in life is to find my way back home. So starting a relationship with a very cute prince in Fairy Tale Land would only complicate things.
Besides, most of the time I’m totally overwhelmed dealing with just ONE Brandon!
HOW would I ever handle TWO of him?!
Anyway, before I knew it, I found myself standing right outside the Queen of Hearts’ castle. . . .
THE QUEEN OF HEARTS’ CASTLE!!
It was quite obvious that the queen was totally OBSESSED with hearts! I saw dozens of them! She even had heart-shaped doors and windows. A group of guards marched back and forth in formation at the main entrance. After a few minutes I finally summoned up the courage to approach one of them.
“Excuse me, sir. But I was wondering if it would be possible for me to speak with the—”
“What are you doing out here, missy? Haven’t you heard? The Queen of Hearts has decreed a state of emergency! A very dangerous and powerful magic user is terrorizing our citizenry and plans to overthrow Her Royal Highness the Queen. The entire kingdom is on high alert!”
“Wow! I wasn’t aware of that! Is the magic user named MacKenzie?” I asked, mostly out of curiosity. “I heard the Munchkins complaining that she’d been harrassing them for quite a while.”
“You actually KNOW this diabolical perpetrator?!” he practically shouted as he excitedly summoned the other guards.
“Um . . . no! Actually, I DON’T know for sure WHO the person is. I was j-just asking,” I stammered.
“Well, the queen is offering a handsome reward for any information leading to the capture of this heinous criminal. And she’s ordered the most powerful magic user in the land to apprehend the person. I think it would be a good idea for you to speak with him. Now come along, please.”
“I really wish I could help you. But I’m supposed to be leaving the kingdom very soon. Like, any minute now. I’m really sorry!” I said as I tried to walk away.
But the guards quickly surrounded me.
“It’s urgent that you report to the Wizard of Odd for questioning. Please follow me, young lady! GUARDS! FALL IN! FORWARD, MARCH!”
I could not believe my ears! I was being escorted into the castle to see the wizard!! SQUEEEEE !!!
My dream had come true! Because standing inside the great hall was the man himself. . . .
THE GREAT WIZARD OF ODD!!!
I have to admit, I was a little shocked and surprised to see that he looked just like Principal Winston from my middle school.
But hey!
I didn’t care if he looked like a two-headed lizard with three eyes, a mustache, and a bad hair weave!!
I was finally going HOME! SQUEEEEE !
I was SO happy, I wanted to cry!
“Hello, Mr. Wizard, sir! I’ve been searching for you for FOREVER! My name is Nikki Maxwell! And I was wondering if you would PLEASE, PLEASE help me go ho—”
That’s when his smile immediately vanished. He narrowed his eyes at me and scowled.
“Did you just say your name is Nikki Maxwell?!” he bellowed.
“Um, y-yes?” I squeaked nervously. The wizard quickly pulled a large scroll from his robe pocket and opened it.
Then he started reading overdramatically in a booming voice, “Nikki Maxwell, Most Wicked Witch of the U
I didn’t have the slightest idea what that guy was talking about. I WASN’T a wicked witch! This had to be some kind of mistake.
“My accusers?! What accusers?!” I sputtered.
“Guards! Bring in the accusers!” the wizard ordered.
A small group was ushered in and stood there GLARING at me. . . .
I FINALLY MEET MY ACCUSERS!
I was a little freaked out when I first saw the Queen of Hearts. She looked suspiciously like the celebrity figure skater Victoria Steel from my Holiday on Ice charity show back in December.
A cold shiver went down my spine. That lady was VAIN, MEAN, and CRAZY!!
The rest of the group included:
1. MacKenzie—Okay, so she was probably still VERY ticked off about the fact that I’d landed on her upon my arrival in Fairy Tale Land. And yes! I was STILL wearing HER magical sneakers (which she hopefully didn’t realize because they had changed into a cute pair of black Mary Janes).
2. The Wolf—He was STILL dressed in a granny gown and obviously STILL had an attitude about the whole broken tail thing. Which, BTW, was TOTALLY an accident!
3. The Bear Family—Yes, my friend Goldilocks had pretty much trashed their house AND eaten their porridge. So I completely understood why they were still a little upset. But I had left them a very yummy snack of nuts and berries. Didn’t I get any credit for THAT good deed?!
Suddenly MacKenzie walked up to me, stuck her finger right in my face, and screeched, “YES! That’s HER! She tried to brutally murder me! And I think she stole my designer sneakers and is hiding them! She’s a very powerful and evil magic user with plans to dispose of the wizard and take over the Queen of Hearts’ castle and kingdom. I overheard her bragging about it to the Munchkins! Although she looks innocent and stupid, don’t trust her for one second!”