Finding You by Kelly Elliott
Noah opened the door and stared at me as if he was dreaming.
“Please tell me you’re standing on my porch and I’m not dreaming.”
Letting out a chuckle, I set my duffle bag down and nodded my head. “I’m standing on your porch, and you are certainly not dreaming.”
Noah smiled and I slammed my body into his as he held me. Somehow I managed to keep my tears at bay. I swore to myself I wasn’t going to be weak any longer. I needed to be strong for Noah. For us.
Pulling back, Noah looked into my eyes as he searched for answers.
“It’s only an hour and a half drive. I’m going to commute for the rest of the year. Besides, Alex is so damn horny all the time, I can’t stomach to see her and Will all over each other. It’s enough to make me want to rip my eyes out.”
Noah smiled a brilliant smile as he shook his head. “Grace, that’s a lot of driving.”
Placing my hand on the side of his face, I gave him a gentle smile. “You’re worth it. We’ve been apart for far too long. I want to be here for you as much as I can. Besides, school is almost over.”
Taking me into his arms again, Noah held me close to him as he spoke softly. “I love you so much. Somehow you show up when I need you the most.”
Dropping his embrace, I grinned and gave him a wink. “I could say the same thing about you.”
Noah gave me a quick kiss on the lips and then grabbed my bag. “Mom will be so happy to see you.”
My stomach dropped slightly and I wasn’t really sure why. Nerves maybe? Seeing his mother again and fearing she’d gotten worse? I wasn’t sure. All I was really sure of was that I was where I needed to be.
After my mother and father had left College Station and headed back to Mason, I packed a small bag and headed for Austin. My heart was telling me where I needed to be. For once in my life, I was listening to it loud and clear.
“Do your parents know you’re staying here?” Noah asked.
Glancing over to him, I wanted to ask if my parents had stopped by here. I wouldn’t have put it past my father at this point to check up on my story.
Giving Noah a nod, I said, “Yes. I sent my mother a text to let her know.”
Noah raised an eyebrow and said, “A text? Really?”
“Yep,” I said as I let out a quick breath. “Is Lisa sleeping?”
Noah stared at me for a few moments before snapping out of it and shaking his head. “No, I was just reading to her.”
My heart melted. The love Noah had for his mother was amazing. The way he had given everything up to care for her had me wanting to throw myself at him again and beg him to make love to me.
“What were you reading?” I asked as I followed Noah upstairs to his room.
“Emma,” Noah said barely above a whisper.
Grinning like a fool, I said, “Ah, Jane Austen. A true classic.”
Noah let out a chuckle. “Jane Austen is one of my mother’s favorite authors.”
“Mine too,” I said as I made my way into Noah’s room. Taking in a deep breath, I let the smell of the man I love invade my senses. My body quickly came to life as I took everything in. It wasn’t the first time I’d been in this room. I’d stayed in here one night alone, two nights with Noah. Two glorious romantic nights.
“I’m sure she’d love to have you read it to her. I’m afraid I don’t put much emotion into it. Or at least that’s what she told me earlier.”
Setting my purse on the bed, my eyes moved to the side table. Three bottles of pills where sitting there. Noah had walked into the bathroom that was attached to his room. Looking over my shoulder back at him, I walked toward the side table as I said, “I’d love to read to her.”
Picking up the first bottle, I read the name of the prescription. Ativan. Noah started to tell me how Emily thought she’d be back down for Thanksgiving, but her new job wasn’t going to let her off.
Setting the sleeping pills down, I picked up the next bottle. Valium. My heart began beating slightly faster. The third bottle was Klonopin. Setting the two other bottles down, I quickly walked away and headed toward the bathroom as I attempted not to over react. Noah had every reason to have each of those. I knew Ativan was a sleeping pill and the Klonopin was for panic attacks. The Valium must have also been for anxiety. Was he taking all three of them? How often did he take them?
Noah had started a bath and was filling it up with lavender. “You looked like you needed to relax.”
My stomach fluttered. This man was incredible. Here had been attending his mother non-stop and yet he was drawing me a bath. Smiling, I wrapped my arms around him and looked into his eyes. “Why don’t you soak in the tub and I’ll go say hi to your mom. Maybe even read a few chapters of Emma.”
Noah pinched his eyebrows and went to protest. Lifting my finger, I placed it on his lips. “Nope, no arguing. You soak; I’ll go let your mother know I’m here.”
Noah closed his eyes. It looked like he was attempting to control his emotions. He did it often and I was pretty sure he counted to ten or something. Opening his eyes, he gave me a sexy grin. “A hot bath does sound pretty relaxing.”
“Then strip yourself out of those clothes and climb your sexy ass into the bathtub. I’ll be back in a little bit and we will have a small reunion celebration.”
Wiggling my eyebrows, Noah laughed and quickly undressed. Watching him strip out of his clothes had my lower stomach tugging. Deciding I needed to leave before I changed my mind, I spun on my heels and called over my shoulder, “See you in a few.”
As I made my way down the stairs, I pulled out my phone and texted Meagan. I wasn’t going to be able to put the thoughts to rest until I talked to someone.
Me: Hey, I have a question.
It didn’t take Meagan long before she texted back.
Meg: Shoot!
Stopping outside the master bedroom, I asked the one question I was scared to death to know the answer to.
Me: Is it safe to take Ativan, Klonopin and Valium all together?
Meg: I think if you’re following your doctor’s advice. Valium though can become additive. Same with the Ativan and shouldn’t be taken for long periods of time. It is highly addictive.
Dropping my head back against the wall, I said a quick prayer Noah wasn’t taking either of them on a daily basis.
Me: Thanks, Meg. Are you still coming home for Thanksgiving?
Meg: Considering my father lectured the hell out of me the last time I was home. No.
My heart broke for Meagan. Her father was so tough on her and we had begged her to talk to her parents about the stress she had been facing. Not only with the high expectations from her dad, Brad, but also with the bullying she’d faced at Baylor. I admired Meagan. She pushed through and didn’t let it defeat her. It inspired her to pursue a career in helping people.
Me: Well I just moved in with Noah. In Austin. My father is going to blow a gasket. You could always come here and stay with us. There is plenty of room and I’m sure Noah won’t mind.
Meg: That might actually be a great idea. Talk to Noah and let me know. Got to run. Late for a study group! Just a few more weeks and this shit will be over!
Letting out a soft giggle, I smiled as I typed my response back.
Me: Hell yes! Then we are getting trashed!
Meg: And I’m having hot sex with a guy I don’t know!
Laughing, I shook my head. Lisa coughed and called out for Noah. Quickly pushing the phone into my back pocket, I made my way into her room. Glancing up, Lisa’s smile spread across her face as she covered her mouth and coughed again.
“Grace, what a wonderful surprise. Are you here visiting?”
Pushing a loose curl behind my ear, I walked over to Lisa. Sitting on the chair next to the bed, I saw the book Noah had been reading. “Actually, with just a few weeks of school left, I decided to come and stay with you and Noah.”
Relief washed over Lisa’s face as she closed her eyes and whispered something.
&n
Shaking her head slowly, she said, “Nothing. I’m just very happy to know you’ll be here.”
Reaching her hand out for mine, I took it. She’d lost so much weight since the last time I’d seen her. She was much weaker. It was as if it took all her might to hold her hand out for me.
Sitting, I smiled sweetly. “I have a few more weeks of school before I graduate, but I’m not that far from College Station.”
Lisa’s smile vanished. “You’re driving back and forth?”
Giving her a look of reassurance, I said, “I’ve only got a few classes and I don’t have to drive back and forth each day. Just a few. Besides, Thanksgiving will be coming up in a few weeks. I plan on whipping up a huge meal for us. You’ll have to be sure to tell me what some of your favorites are as well as Noah’s.”
Lisa let out a soft chuckle before her smile faded and sadness filled her eyes. “Noah told me Em can’t make it for Thanksgiving. I’m trying not to let him know how sad that makes me feel. I can only imagine how it’s tearing Em up inside.”
Taking my other hand and softly placing it over Lisa’s hand, I nodded in agreement. “I’m sure it is, but Noah did mention Christmas.”
A spark came back to Lisa’s eyes as she nodded her head. “Yes. Em would never miss Christmas.”
Pulling her eyes from me, Lisa stared up at the ceiling. Not really knowing what to do, I peeked over at the book. “Would you like me to read to you, Lisa?”
Turning to look at me, Lisa grinned and said, “Oh yes, please. Noah tries, but that boy puts zero emotion into reading.”
Laughing, I let go of Lisa’s hand, picked up the book, and settled into the chair as I opened it to the last page that Noah was reading from.
Before I knew it, Lisa had fallen asleep and there was a light tap on the door. Looking up, I saw a woman standing in the doorway.
Smiling, I placed the bookmark in the book and stood up as she walked in. Glancing at Lisa, she nodded and then turned back to me. “She looks comfortable.” Picking up a chart, she glanced over it. “Noah gave her some pain med’s about an hour ago. Good.” Her eyes looked up and met mine. “The idea is to keep her comfortable. If she requests more, give it to her.”
Swallowing hard, I nodded my head. “Of course.” Glancing at her name tag, it read Angela and her scrubs said hospice.
It was then I wondered how the nurse got in. “Um, do you mind if I ask how you got in?”
She went about her business and didn’t answer me. I studied her as she moved about the room, never taking my eyes off of her.
After checking on a few things, Angela motioned for me to leave the room with her. Following her, I peeked back at Lisa. She looked peaceful. If I hadn’t known any better, I’d have thought she was simply taking a nap.
Angela made her way into the kitchen and turned back to face me. Coming to a stop, I smiled and looked around awkwardly. I wasn’t sure why this woman made me feel so nervous. All I knew was is I didn’t like the way she made me feel and I took note of it.
“I’m the hospice nurse assigned to Mrs. Bennet. I have a house key that Noah had made for me. Sometimes Noah is sleeping and doesn’t hear the doorbell.”
Narrowing my eye, I tilted my head and said, “If he can’t hear the doorbell, how does he hear his mother?”
She gave me a displeased look. “He’s usually in the master bedroom, sleeping on the sofa.”
Giving her a slight nod, I asked, “Do you stop by every day?”
Turning away from me, Angela grabbed the coffee pot and filled it up with water. “Now I do. Mrs. Bennet’s condition is starting to worsen. She has requested no life-saving intervention. So, now all we do is keep her heavily medicated to ease the pain.”
Placing my hand on my stomach, I fought to hold the bile down.
“I see,” I softly said as I sat.
Leaning against the counter, Angela narrowed her eye at me. “May I ask who you are?”
Sucking in a deep breath, I let it out as I gave her a weak smile. “I’m so sorry. Grace Johnson. I’m Noah’s girlfriend.”
Lifting her eyebrows ever so slightly, she said, “Noah never mentioned you.”
The feeling of someone slapping me across the face caused me to sit up a bit straighter. My eyes moved across Angela’s body, and for the first time since she walked into this house, I noticed how beautiful she was. “Why would he?”
Angela gave me a smirk and shrugged her shoulders before turning and reaching into the cabinet for a coffee mug. She sure as shit has made herself at home here. “Want a cup?” she asked.
I watched as she moved about the kitchen, almost as if she had been coming here for years and was a part of the family. Jealousy raced through my veins and I tried to like hell to push it away.
For Christ’s sakes Grace. It’s the hospice nurse. Calm your ass down.
I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I quickly stood up and gave Angela a smile. “Well, I’ve moved in and will be staying here. Considering how the situation has changed, I think it would be awkward with you having a key to the house.”
Taking a sip of her coffee, Angela asked, “How so?”
My eyes widened as I let out a chuckle. Okay sister. You want to play, let’s play.
Tilting my head, I gave her a warning look before I continued to speak. “Well imagine if you had a key and walked in here to the kitchen and Noah was fucking me from behind. I’m thinking that would be pretty awkward.”
Angela’s mouth dropped open as she stood there stunned.
Going to say something again, I thought about Noah.
Shit! Noah was in the bathtub. Turning, I quickly ran into the living room and up the stairs.
Oh my God. What if he took a sleeping pill and fell asleep in the tub. Rushing into the master bedroom, I stopped dead in my tracks.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I dropped my head and took in a few deep breaths as Noah lay across his bed in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Lifting my head, I glanced over to the side table. I couldn’t help but wonder if he took anything.
Pushing my fears away, I walked over to Noah. Smiling, I reached down and kissed him gently on the lips. Moaning out my name, I felt my heart squeeze in my chest.
Reaching for the blanket that was on the chair in the corner, I covered Noah up and kissed him again, as I brushed my lips gently over his, “I love you.”
Taking a step back, I turned and let out a gasp. Angela was standing in the doorway. “Did he take an Ativan?”
Not really sure what to say or do, I stood there. What in the hell was she doing up in his room, and more importantly, how does she know about his prescription pills?
“I-I don’t know. He took a hot bath, so I’m hoping that relaxed him.”
Angela quickly glanced at Noah and then back to me. Pressing her lips together, she shook her head. “I doubt it.”
Turning, she quickly headed back downstairs, leaving me standing in the middle of Noah’s room a confused mess.
Noah
Stretching my arms over my head, I let out a soft moan. My eyes sprung open and I quickly looked around. I was in my bedroom. In my bed. And I felt like I’d slept for a week. Sitting up, I looked around before a moment of panic set in.
My mother. Fuck!
Jumping up, I looked down to see I had no clothes on. I raced over to my dresser as I felt my heart pounding practically out of my chest. I opened a drawer and pulled on a pair of sweats and an old T-shirt.
Son-of-a-bitch I can’t believe I left her alone. Quickly making my way downstairs, I headed to my mother’s room. The closer I got, I heard her voice.
Grace.
Everything came flooding back. Grace was here. My heart felt light as a feeling of happiness swept over my body.
Grace was here.
Stopping right outside the door, I heard Grace talking. It sounded as if she was reading something. I k
Pushing the door open, I peeked in. Grace’s back was faced toward the door. My mother was looking out the window as Grace read.
“To be sure you have a successful winter garden, you need to prepare it ahead of time. This means work.”
Smiling, I shook my head. Grace was reading something to my mother about gardening.
Clearing my voice, the two loves of my life both turned and looked at me. My mother gave me a huge smile, as Grace jumped up and headed over to me. “Hey, sleepyhead. You must have needed the sleep.”
My smile faded some. “How long was I sleeping for?”
Grace looked back over her shoulder and then back to me. Glancing down to her ever-present watch on her wrist, she said, “Two days.”
Taking a step back, I said, “Impossible.”
Giving me a slight grin, Grace said, “Like I said, you must have needed the rest.”
Narrowing my eyes at her, I asked, “What day is it?”
Grace’s smile faded some as the look in her eyes changed. “It’s Sunday.”
Pushing my hands through my hair, I walked past Grace and up to my mother. “Mom, I’m so sorry. I had no idea I’d sleep like that.”
My mother’s face constricted as she looked at me. “Noah, sweetheart, you needed the sleep. I’m glad you got it. Everything was fine. Grace was here for me if I needed anything.”
“I’m supposed to be here for you, Mom. Not Grace.”
Hearing Grace’s intake of air caused a pain in my chest.
“Excuse me,” Grace whispered as she quickly left the room.
Closing my eyes, I shook the guilt away and looked back at my mother. “I’m sorry, Mom. I swear to you I won’t leave you alone like that again.”
Hurt washed over my mother’s face. “Noah Pete Bennet. I wasn’t alone. Grace was here and I might add, she was a breath of fresh air. Besides, Angela was here as well.”
“What if . . . what if something had happened to you and I was passed out upstairs?”
“You were sleeping, Noah. If anything had happened, Grace would have woken you up.”