Hold the Dream by Barbara Taylor Bradford
‘Anthony’s decent enough, but my father’s not so happy about Sally’s involvement with him, mostly because of Edwina. If Sally does marry him, we’re going to have that old battleaxe slap bang in our midst. Not a very pleasing prospect. She hates the Hartes for some reason.’
‘It’s because Grandma is a Harte!’ Emily exclaimed. ‘Edwina has always looked down her nose at her mother. What a stupid woman she is, I really can’t bear her.’ Emily looked away, pondering. After a short silence, she said in a casual tone, ‘You don’t like Jim Fairley, do you?’
Winston shook his head vehemently. ‘No, no, you’re wrong there. I do like him, and I certainly have a high regard for his professional abilities. It’s just that –’ Winston shrugged, made a face, ‘ – well, I know Paula better than most people. Despite that quiet facade, she’s very strong, as you know. She’s also ambitious, driven, a work horse, and a brilliant businesswoman to boot. She’s quite extraordinary for her age, and the older she gets the more like Emma she’ll become, you mark my words. Actually she’s been brought up and groomed to be exactly that – the next Emma Harte. By Emma Harte herself. So, because of this, and the differences in their personalities, I can’t help thinking she and Jim are ill suited. But then I’m prejudiced I suppose…in Shane’s favour. He’s my best friend, and one hell of a man. But then – ’
Emily broke in peremptorily, ‘There’s something I want to tell you about Jim, Winston. I believe he’s got a lot more depth and strength than some people realize. Paula told me that he used to have the most terrible and agonizing fear of flying, because his parents were killed in a plane crash when he was a small boy. And that’s why he took up flying and bought his own plane. He became a pilot to conquer his fear. I know Gran hates him tootling around in his little tin bird, as she calls it, but it’s obviously important for him to do so, perhaps even essential to his well being.’
Winston looked surprised. He said, ‘Then I’ve got to hand it to him, it takes guts and courage to overcome that kind of paralysing fear. I’m glad you told me, Emily. Anyway, I was about to say that I could be wrong about Paula and Jim. I’m not infallible. Maybe those two will make it together. I certainly don’t wish any unhappiness on Paula, of whom I’m very fond. Or on Jim for that matter.’
He paused, gave Emily a cheeky grin, and finished, ‘Besides, nobody knows what really goes on between two people, or what happens in the privacy of the bedroom. Jim could have hidden charms, you know.’ He winked at her suggestively.
Emily could not help laughing. ‘You are wicked, Winston. ’ Her eyes filled with mischief. ‘You should have seen Grandy’s face when you were rattling on about Shane and his hit-and-run affairs and sexual entanglements. It was a picture. And she kept giving me the most surreptitious and concerned glances, as if I wasn’t supposed to know about sex.’
‘And of course you are the lady of great experience, eh, Tiddler?’
Emily adopted a haughty expression and drew herself up on the bench. ‘Have you forgotten that I’m now twenty-two years of age? I know exactly how many beans make five.’
They grinned at each other. She saw that Winston was highly amused.
Emily went on, ‘Do you know, you haven’t called me Tiddler since I was just that – a very little girl.’
‘And you were, too. The tiniest of little tots for your age.’
‘But I did sprout suddenly. I’ll have you know I’m now five foot five inches tall, Winston Harte!’
‘And a very grown up young woman, I’ll wager,’ he teased. ‘We had fun as kids, though, didn’t we, Tiddler? Do you remember that day we decided to play at being Early Britons, and I dubbed you Queen Boadicea?’
‘How could I forget!’ Emily shrieked. Her face flooded with merriment. ‘You painted me blue. All over.’
‘Not quite, since you insisted on keeping your knickers on, and your liberty bodice. You were a modest little thing, as I recall.’
‘No, I wasn’t! It was the dead of winter, and freezing in Grandy’s garage. Besides, why would I be bashful then? I didn’t have anything to show off when I was five years old.’
Winston gave her an appraising look, one full of speculation, seeing her through the eyes of a grown man. ‘But you do now – ’ He left the rest of his sentence unfinished, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. Then he became intensely aware of her close proximity as he breathed in the scent of her floral perfume, the lemony tang of her newlywashed hair. Her face, at this moment upturned to his, was trusting, and it had lost its earlier pallor. She looked more like herself, so very pretty and delicate, and as sweet as a summer rose, dewy and fresh and innocent.
Winston cleared his throat, and could not resist drawing her closer to him, wanting and needing that closeness. He said tenderly, in a newly-gentle voice, ‘It’s a good thing you were a modest child, Emily. If you hadn’t kept some of your clothes on, I would have painted you all over, and probably killed you in the process.’
‘How were we to know, at our ages, that skin can’t breathe through paint. It wasn’t really your fault, Winston. I was just as bad, and after all I painted parts of you.’ Emily relaxed against him. She was as conscious of Winston as he was of her, and she longed to prolong this unanticipated and unexpected moment of real physical contact.
He let out a deep chuckle. ‘I’ll never forget Aunt Emma’s terrible fury when she found us in the garage. I thought she was going to give me the whipping of my life. Do you know, every time I smell turpentine I think of that day, of those gruesome turpentine baths she and Hilda gave us. I swear to God she scrubbed me twice as hard as she did you. Extra punishment for me, of course, the irresponsible ten-year-old boy, who should have known better. I was raw for days.’
Emily squeezed his arm. ‘We were always getting into trouble, weren’t we? You were the ring leader, I the devoted follower, faithfully trailing after you, doing your bidding. I did adore you so, Winston.’
He nodded, looking down into a pair of sparkling eyes that were extraordinary reflections of his own.
Winston caught his breath. He saw something flashing in those green depths, an intensity of feeling, the self-same adoration she had had for him when she had been a child. Unexpectedly his heart began to clatter, and before he could stop himself he bent forward and kissed her on the mouth.
Instantly Emily’s arms went around his neck, and she returned his kiss so fervently he was momentarily taken aback. He gripped her tighter, and kissed her again, and then again, and with increasing passion. He felt an overwhelming desire for her flowing through him, rising in him. My God, he was suddenly as hard as a rock. He wanted Emily, and with every part of himself. His whole body was throbbing for her, and he was stunned, thrown off balance by this discovery.
Eventually they loosened their grip on each other and pulled apart breathlessly.
They stared at each other in amazement.
Emily’s face was flushed, her eyes startlingly bright, and he saw, with sudden clarity, the love burning in them. Love for him. He touched her cheek and found it was red hot under his caress, burning like her eyes burned. Impatiently he dragged her into his arms again, and his mouth sought hers roughly. They kissed with mounting passion. Their tongues met tantalizingly. He probed her mouth, devoured it. They pressed closer, their bodies cleaving.
Vaguely, dimly, at the back of his swimming mind, Winston remembered how he had always had the urge to undress her when they had been children. In a rush he recalled the long-forgotten games they had played in the attics here…secret, intimate, exciting games when he had experienced his first arousals. He thought of how his clumsy boy’s hands had explored her little girl’s body…he wanted to explore it again with the sure hands of the experienced man he now was, to touch every part of her, woman that she now was, to plunge into her, to possess her completely. His erection was enormous and he thought he was going to explode. He struggled for control, knowing he ought to curtail their lovemaking at once, but he found he was unwilling t
It was Emily who finally broke the spell which held them enraptured with each other. She extricated herself from his forceful embrace, but ever so gently and with reluctance. She gazed up at him. Her expression was one of stupefaction.
‘Oh Winston,’ she whispered, and reached out to touch his sensual, trembling mouth with two fingers. She let them rest there for a moment, as if gentling him.
Winston was speechless.
He sat rigidly on the bench, waiting for his excitement to subside. Emily was motionless at his side, looking up into his face. His eyes bored into her, telegraphing so much to her.
At last he managed, in a strangled voice thick with emotion, ‘Emily, I…’
‘Please,’ she whispered quaveringly, ‘don’t say anything. At least not now.’ She glanced away, biting her inner lip, giving him a few moments to steady himself, to regain his composure. Then she stood up, held out her hand. ‘Come on,’ she said, ‘we’d better go inside. It’s getting ever so late.’
He said nothing, simply rose; and they walked up the steps in silence, holding hands tightly, each conscious of the other, whilst lost within themselves.
Emily was filled with euphoria.
He has noticed me again, she thought, her heart soaring. At last. Since I was sixteen I’ve been waiting for him to see me as a woman. I want him. I’ve never stopped wanting him since we were children. Oh Winston, please feel the same way as I do. Take me for yourself. I’ve always belonged to you. You made sure of that when I was a child.
Winston, for his part, was awash with all manner of conflicting emotions and turbulent feelings.
He was not only astonished at himself, but at Emily as well – staggered really. They had fallen into each other’s arms a moment ago with such ardour and passion he knew that if they had been in more suitable surroundings they would have made love. Nothing would have stopped them. And they had come together without premeditation.
Self-analysis and self-appraisal now edged into his whirling thoughts, cooling him down considerably. He came to his senses, asking himself how this could have happened. She was his cousin, after all. Well, his third cousin. And he had known her for his entire life, although he had paid little attention to her over the past ten years. And inevitably he asked himself finally how he could feel so strongly about Emily when he was in love with Allison Ridley.
This thought nagged at him, and maddeningly so as they mounted the long flight of steps. But when they stepped out on to the circular driveway he let the thought go free as he saw Shane’s red Ferrari hurtling around the corner. It slowed to a standstill with a screeching of brakes.
Shane rolled down the window and poked his head out, grinning at them. ‘Where have you two been?’ he asked. ‘I’ve been looking all over for you, to say goodbye.’
‘Emily was feeling a bit bilious in that packed room, so we came out for a breath of fresh air,’ Winston ad-libbed quickly. ‘Where are you off to in such a tearing hurry, and at this early hour?’
‘Like Emily, I was beginning to feel oppressed indoors. I thought I’d take a drive. To Harrogate. I have to say a few farewells…to a couple of chums.’
Winston’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly. He’s going to see Dorothea Mallet, he thought. Some good that’ll do him. He said, ‘Don’t be late for Allison’s dinner party. Eight sharp.’
‘I’ll be there on time, don’t worry.’
Emily asked, ‘Will you be around tomorrow, Shane?’
‘I don’t think so, Emily.’ He opened the car door and got out. He took hold of her, hugged her tightly. ‘I’ll see you in six months, or so. Unless you come to New York first.’ He smiled at her fondly. ‘Aunt Emma just told me you’re going to work for Genret. Congratulations, little one.’
‘Thank you, Shane, I’m excited about it.’ She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. ‘And perhaps I will get over to the States on my travels for Genret. You’ll have to show me the town, you know!’
‘That’s a date,’ he laughed. ‘Take care of yourself, Emily.’
‘And you too, Shane.’
‘See you later, Winston,’ Shane said, and got back into the car.
‘Yes,’ Winston answered laconically. He looked at Emily oddly as Shane drove off. ‘You didn’t tell me about Genret.’ This was said fretfully, and he felt so unexpectedly gloomy that he was surprised at himself.
She said, ‘I haven’t had a chance, Winston.’
‘Does it mean you’ll be doing a great deal of travelling?’ he probed, scowling at her.
‘Eventually. Why?’ Emily lifted a brow quizzically, secretly delighted by his reaction.
‘Oh, I just wondered,’ he muttered. He realized, with a small shock, that he did not relish the idea of her roaming the world by herself, trotting off on buying trips for Genret.
They fell silent again as they continued up the drive to the house, but just before they went inside, Emily ventured, in a hesitant voice, ‘Is it serious? With you and Allison, I mean?’
‘No, of course not,’ Winston exclaimed swiftly, then asked himself why he had told such a bare-faced lie. He was on the verge of proposing to Allison.
Emily’s face brightened. She said, ‘I’m sorry you’re busy tonight. I’d hoped you’d stay and have dinner with us.’
‘I’m afraid I’m stuck.’ Winston grimaced to himself, discovering, to his further astonishment, that he was no longer looking forward to the dinner party. He smiled with some wryness, then took hold of Emily’s arm as she pushed open the back door, and swung her to face him. ‘What are you doing tomorrow?’
‘I have to take the girls back to Harrogate College after Sunday lunch here. I’m free in the evening,’ she volunteered, and returned his steady gaze unblinkingly. Expectancy illuminated her face.
‘How would you like to cook supper for a lonely bachelor? I could come over to your flat in Headingley, Emily,’ he suggested.
The smile slipped off her face and she shook her head. ‘It’s not possible, Winston. I’ve just moved in here with Grandy. Yesterday, actually. I’m getting rid of the flat. Otherwise I’d have loved to cook for you.’
Winston stood staring down at her, his hands resting on her shoulders. He was swamped with mixed emotions. He was positive she wanted him. He certainly wanted her. Urgently. Allison loomed up between them. Oh what the hell, he thought, making a decision he hoped he would have no reason to regret later.
Tilting her chin, he kissed her quickly on the mouth. He said, with a wide grin, ‘Then we’re neighbours. Come over to Beck House tomorrow night, and I’ll cook for you. We’ll have a nice evening, I promise. What do you say?’
‘I think it’s a super idea, Winston,’ she said, filling with happiness and excitement. ‘What time shall I come over?’
‘As soon as you possibly can, darling.’
CHAPTER 13
The room was in total darkness.
Not even the merest sliver of light penetrated the tightly drawn curtains, and the lamps had been doused. He craved the darkness. It was like a balm to him. The darkness brought anonymity. He liked it that way. He could not bear to make love in the light any more.
He lay absolutely still, with his eyes closed, flat on his back, his long legs stretched out in front of him, his arms resting by his sides inertly. His shoulder barely touched hers. He could hear her breathing softly, in unison with himself.
It was not working between the two of them.
And it would not work, he knew that, and he wondered why he was here at all. He really ought to leave. Make a graceful exit. Immediately. He swallowed, fighting back the nausea, wishing he had not downed two glasses of whiskey on top of all that champagne. His head was swimming and he was dizzy, but he was not drunk. In a way, he regretted he was not.
She murmured his name, meltingly, pleadingly, repeating it several times, her fingers
He was motionless, saying nothing, endeavouring to find the energy to get up and dress and leave. He felt enervated, lethargic. The ghastly afternoon, with its extreme tensions and painful moments, plus the effort he had exerted to conceal his raw emotions, had vitiated him, undermined his stamina.
Now he felt an imperceptible movement close to him, but still he did not open his eyes.
She touched one of his nipples, tentatively at first, then more insistently, pinching it between her fingertips. Absently, he moved her hand away, without bothering to explain that his nipples were not as sensitive as she obviously believed they were. But he had told her that before, hadn’t he? Her hand rested on his chest for a moment, then fluttered on to his stomach, making gentle circular movements, creeping down in the direction of his crotch. He knew what she had in mind, what she was about to do next, but he lacked the will to stop her, or to tell her he was leaving in a moment.
She began to stroke him. He hardly paid attention, drifting off into his thoughts. Vaguely he heard the rustle of sheets. She had slithered down the bed and was crouched over him. Her long hair brushed his thighs, and then her warm lips encircled him, enclosed him fully. She was a versatile lover. Despite his buzzing head, his queasy stomach and his lack of interest in her, slowly, steadily, with infinite care, and painstaking deliberation, she managed to arouse him. And in doing so she took him by surprise. When finally she lifted her head and moved her lips higher, on to his stomach, trailed them up over his chest to settle on his mouth, he found himself responding automatically. He returned her fervent kisses, his excitement mounting. With suddenness, abruptness, he moved rapidly, holding her tightly against him, rolling them both over so that he was lying on top of her. His hands went into the cloud of dark hair and he held her head in his hands, kissing her more deeply and thoroughly, their tongues grazing. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, not wanting to look into her face pressed so close to his. His fingers left her hair, moved down to fondle her full, voluptuous breasts, her hardening nipples; he pushed his hands under her shoulder blades, then her buttocks, lifting her body, fitting it into the curve of his. He was hard enough to slide into her swiftly, easily, expertly. Together they found a rhythm, rising and falling, their movements growing swifter, more frenzied, gaining in momentum. Her legs went high around his back so that he could shaft deeper and deeper into the warmth of her.