Hold the Dream by Barbara Taylor Bradford
Emily’s face sobered instantly. ‘Yes.’
Winston leaned back against the cushions, put his feet up on the coffee table, and let himself drift into his thoughts. The evening at Long Meadow had been a disaster and he had been relieved to escape with Emily relatively early, to come back here to the comfort and tranquillity of Beck House. But one dreary dinner party was meaningless, of no consequence. What troubled him was Paula’s physical appearance and her state of mind. For some weeks now, since his return from Vancouver via New York, he had been vaguely conscious of her misery. The last few hours had confirmed his feelings. She was an unhappy woman. He was convinced her marriage to Jim was at the root of her pain.
Emily said, ‘You’re very quiet, Winston, you’re worrying about Paula, aren’t you?’
‘I’m afraid so, darling. Apart from the fact that she looked so dreadful tonight, she spoke in monosyllables. I know she’s a bit reserved at times, not a chatterbox like you, but she’s normally much more communicative, especially with the family group.’
‘It’s not the work that’s getting her down,’ Emily exclaimed, ‘she’s used to pressure, long hours, carrying tremendous responsibilities. Anyway, she has the stamina of a bull – like Grandma.’
‘I’m aware of that, Emily. I know Paula almost as well as you do. I meant it just now when I said she looks as if she’s at death’s door; however I realize she’s not actually physically ill. She’s emotionally disturbed at the moment.’ He swung his feet to the floor, searched the pocket of his robe for the packet of cigarettes. ‘There are a lot of problems in that marriage. Want to bet?’ he asked, lighting a cigarette.
‘Oh you’re so right, Winston. I’ve tried to bring the subject up several times lately, but she just gives me funny looks and retreats into herself, or talks about something else.’
‘But you two have always been so close. Hasn’t she said anything at all?’ he asked, his voice rising an octave, registering his surprise.
‘No, not really. I told you before, she was upset on that awful Sunday in September. You know, because of Jim’s attitude, the way he spoke to her in regard to her problems with Sam Fellowes. And I knew she’d been crying when I got back from Pennistone Royal. The weekend Jim returned from Ireland, when the three of us were in London, she murmured something about Jim being irritable, even irascible with her. I started to probe a bit, and she sort of…shrugged it off, became as uncommunicative as she was tonight. But I’ve noticed that tendency a lot in the last few months, and she is burying herself in work. That’s all she does actually, except for spending any free time she has with the babies. She adores the twins. Actually, I think they’ve become her whole life, aside from business of course.’
‘That’s no good. Aunt Emma’s going to be miffed, not too thrilled, when she gets back next month – seeing Paula like this.’ Winston shifted his position on the sofa, immediately saw the concern ringing Emily’s face. He took her hand, ‘Hey, poppet, come on, don’t look so miserable. It’ll all work out. Life has a funny way of taking care of itself.’
‘I suppose so,’ Emily murmured, wondering if it would, deciding that it wouldn’t, because of Paula’s basic nature. She would cling to her marriage no matter what, because of the children and her extraordinary sense of duty to them, as well as her determination not to be defeated.
‘Would you like me to talk to Paula,’ Winston ventured. ‘I could –’
‘God no!’ Emily cried fiercely, sitting up with a jerk. ‘She’d resent it, consider it an intrusion into her privacy, and anyway, you’d only get a flea in your ear for your trouble.’
Winston sighed. ‘I suspect that’s true. Listen, if you want my opinion, I think she and Jim ought to get a divorce.’
‘She’d never do that! She thinks as I do about divorce.’
‘Oh. And how’s that?’ he asked, pricking up his ears. He gave her a long hard stare.
‘Well,’ Emily said slowly, ‘we sort of disapprove really. I mean after all, we’ve had a lovely example with my mother. She’s had so many husbands and so many divorces I’ve lost count.’
‘Your mother’s the exception to the rule, Emily.’
Ignoring this comment, Emily hurried on, ‘Paula believes that if there are problems in a marriage they’ve got to be worked out. She says that people can’t keep getting divorced at the drop of a hat, just because they meet a few snags along the way, that this is no solution. She thinks marriage requires a great deal of effort –’
‘It takes two to tango, you know.’
A reflective look washed over Emily’s face as she nodded, said, ‘You’re implying Jim might not make the effort…Is that actually what you mean?’
Winston hesitated. ‘Perhaps. But I could be wrong, and anyway who really knows about other people’s private lives. That’s why this conversation should be terminated right now. It’s rather futile, Dumpling.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Winston, don’t call me Dumpling. I’m very svelte these days.’
He laughed. ‘I meant it affectionately, not critically, you silly goose.’ He put down his drink, moved over to her side of the sofa. Putting his arm around her, he whispered against her cheek, ‘So I’m stuck with you for the rest of my life it seems, in view of your opinions about divorce.’
‘Yes,’ she whispered back, ‘we’re stuck with each other. Thank God!’
‘I second that.’ He pulled away slightly, looked down into Emily’s innocent young face. How pretty she was, and there was an innocence about her and she was very young, and yet she had a depth of wisdom that at times took him by surprise. He said softly, ‘I could never be happy with anyone else, Dumpling, not now after I’ve had you.’
‘Why?’ She returned his gaze through flirtatious eyes.
‘Always fishing, aren’t you?’
‘Tell me why…’
‘Because I know you so thoroughly and understand you, my love, and because we’re so compatible sexually.’
‘Are you really sure we are?’ she teased.
‘Now that you mention it…well, perhaps we ought to give it another try.’ He smiled, loving her with his eyes. Standing up, he held out his hand. ‘Let’s go to bed, darling, and experiment some more, just to make quite certain.’ He led her upstairs.
‘It’s a good thing you put central heating in this house, otherwise we’d be freezing. It’s very cold tonight,’ Emily said half an hour later, wrapping part of the sheet around herself.
‘Oh, I don’t know about that, I think we’re pretty hot stuff together.’ Winston winked, pushing a pillow behind his head and reached for the glass of brandy he had brought upstairs with him. He offered it to Emily. ‘Like a sip?’
‘No thanks, I don’t want any more. It gives me heart palpitations.’
‘Oh damn! And I thought I was the one who caused those.’ He grinned, asked, ‘Shall I light the fire anyway?’
‘Aren’t we going to sleep?’
‘That wasn’t part of my present plan,’ he said, leering at her. ‘Are you tired already?’
She shook her head, laughing, and her gaze followed him as he leaped out of bed, pulled on his dressing gown and strode to the fireplace directly opposite the old-fashioned four poster. He struck a match, ignited the paper and wood already arranged in the grate, then worked the pair of old bellows to get the blaze properly going. Emily liked watching Winston doing things. He was so clever and competent with his hands, forever repairing things in the house and on the grounds. She thought of the little bridge he had built across the pond at Heron’s Nest when they were children. It had been charming, and a masterpiece of intricate design and clever engineering. Yes, he had been excellent at carpentry. She still had the small jewellery box he had made for her tenth birthday, so prettily painted and lined inside with red velvet. But he had given up his woodworking for music when he and Shane had formed The Herons.
Smiling to herself, she said suddenly, ‘Winston, whatever happened to your trumpet?’
‘I was lying here remembering…you know, remembering bits of our childhood.’
‘Funnily enough, Sally came across it a few weeks ago, when she was poking around in one of the cupboards at Heron’s Nest.’ He returned to the bed, threw off his robe and climbed in next to her. ‘Wasn’t I awful in those days? Really fancied myself on the old horn, thought I was the bee’s knees.’
‘I thought you were wonderful. Not the trumpet though…you did stink. Gosh, I bet it was you who put the dead fish in my bed!’ She thumped him on the arm. ‘You rotten thing. I’ll never forget that fishy smell. Ugh!’ He grabbed her, wrestled her back against the pillows, pinned her down with his hands. ‘You deserved it, you were a precocious little wretch.’ He bent into her, kissed her on the mouth, let his tongue linger on hers. As he drew away finally, he whispered, ‘If I’d had any sense I should have put myself in your bed –’
‘You’d never have dared, Winston Harte, so don’t pretend you would! Grandma had eyes in the back of her head.’
‘She still does,’ he quipped. He moved away from her, amusement dancing in his eyes. He picked up the brandy balloon, nursed it in both hands, then savoured a mouthful. He felt so good, was enjoying this friendly bit of idle banter with Emily, this relaxed break in their arduous but exciting lovemaking. He always did with her. She was so easy to be with afterwards. There was never any tension between them when their passion was spent, only during their loving. Then her intensity, her endless desire for him inflamed and thrilled him. He reached for her hand lying on top of the sheet, held on to it tightly, thinking of his narrow escape. He knew now that it would never have worked with Allison Ridley. He hadn’t loved her, not really, not in the way he loved Emily.
Winston closed his eyes, reliving that special Sunday night in April, when she had driven over to have the supper he was supposedly going to cook. He never did cook it. The moment Emily had arrived they had looked knowingly and longingly into each other’s eyes. And they had ended up, a fast ten minutes later, in the middle of this bed, where he had proceeded to surprise himself by making love to her three times in quick succession. His cousin, third cousin he corrected himself, had astonished him with her lack of inhibitions, her willingness to give pleasure and receive it, her unstinting generosity and joyousness in bed. At eleven-thirty, wrapped in bath towels, sitting in front of the living room fire, they had made an al fresco picnic of the odds and ends in his bachelor refrigerator, washing everything down with a bottle of Shane’s vintage champagne. It had been the most wonderful evening…
Emily said, ‘Winston, please don’t get cross with me, but there’s something I want to tell you. It’s really important.’
Dragging himself away from his erotic meanderings about her, he lifted his lids, glanced out of the corner of his eye. ‘Why should I get angry. Go on, tell me, Dumps.’
‘That’s even worse than Dumpling,’ she groused, pulling a face, pretending to be annoyed. ‘Why is it that the English have this ridiculous predilection for silly nicknames?’
‘Because nicknames are pet names, and they express warmth, affection, familiarity, intimacy, caring. Are you going to tell me this really important thing, or not, Dumps?’
‘Yes, I am.’ She pushed herself up and half turned to face him, propping herself on her elbow, staring into his face intently. ‘It’s about Min’s death…the inquest.’
‘Oh no, Emily, not again!’ He groaned and rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. ‘You’ve driven Paula crazy, now you’re starting on me.’
‘Please listen to me, just for a minute.’
‘Okay, but you’d better make it quick. I think I’ve got myself into quite a state again.’
‘Winston, you’re insatiable.’
‘Only with you, my sweet seductive passionate little thing.’
‘I’m not so little,’ she countered. ‘Listen – Sally told me Anthony is still unconvinced that Min killed herself. He thinks it was an accident, and I –’
‘This is a terrible waste of time, darling,’ Winston interjected impatiently, wanting her desperately. ‘Aunt Daisy and Jim have each given us detailed accounts of the inquest. It couldn’t have been an accident from what I understand. No chance.’
‘I agree. I mean about it not being an accident. However, I don’t believe it was suicide either.’
Winston laughed disbelievingly. ‘Are you trying to tell me you think it was murder? Oh come on, Emily.’
‘I’m afraid I do think so, Winston.’
‘Then who did it? Certainly you can’t possibly harbour the idea that it was poor old Anthony, who wouldn’t say boo to a goose?’
‘No. And I don’t know who. But her death bothers me a lot…I can’t seem to forget it. You see Winston, it’s those five hours. They’ve always seemed odd to me, and even that Irish policeman called them mysterious, Aunty Daisy told me so. I happen to agree with him, they are, and they’re also most peculiar.’
‘You’ve missed your calling, poppet. You should have been a mystery writer,’ he retorted, chortling. ‘Maybe she just passed out from the booze.’
‘Laugh if you want, Winston, but I bet it’ll come out one day, you wait and see,’ Emily shot back. Her voice was grave.
Winston sat up, paying attention. For as long as he could remember he had always thought Emily was exceptional – bright, smart, clever, and a lot shrewder than some of the family realized. This belief had been considerably reinforced since he had become seriously involved with her. She made sense in so many ways, and he had grown accustomed to listening to her, trusting her judgement. Certainly it was she who had pushed him to go after the Canadian paper mill, insisted he persist when the talks had faltered. Lately, even some of her drive and ambition had washed off on him, and she had convinced him it was his duty to make a bigger contribution to the newspaper chain. So much so, he had actually abandoned the idea of leading the life of a country gentleman.
For all these reasons he had to take her seriously now. Slowly, he said, ‘You say you don’t know who could have killed her, and that is a tough nut, I admit. On the other hand, you’ve obviously thought a great deal about Min’s death, so you must have some theories about what might have happened. Tell me, I’m all ears. Honestly, Dumps, I’m not laughing at you any more.’
Emily gave him a small gratified smile. ‘Nothing will ever convince me that Min hung around the lake for all that length of time. I think she left, went to see someone, where she proceeded to get horribly drunk. Whoever she was with probably helped her along, might also have given her the pills – you know, Winston, to dull her senses. Then, once she was out cold, unconscious, she was put in the lake to make it look like suicide or an accident.’
‘Look, I’m not ridiculing you, honestly I’m not, but this is a bit far-fetched. Besides, from all the accounts we’ve heard, she never left the estate.’
‘I know, but that’s a presumption. And she might have. She could have walked somewhere, left her Mini at the lake.’
‘Oh Emily, Emily.’ He shook his head, looking at her helplessly. ‘This doesn’t make any sense. Who would want to kill Min? And why? What was the motive? I have lots of questions, and I could shoot lots of holes in your theory. I’m sure Paula did. What did she say?’
‘She more or less said the same thing as you…then she told me to forget it, that the case was closed, that everyone had come out of it relatively unscathed. She used some terrible cliché like “let sleeping dogs lie”, and brushed me off. But what about Anthony and Sally having to live with the knowledge that Min killed herself because of them? And there’s another thing, Winston, think of Min. If she was murdered in cold blood, which I think she was, the person who did it should be brought to justice.’
Winston was silent, mulling over her words. He said quietl
Emily bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up tonight.’
‘Well, let’s face it, darling, you did pick a most inopportune time.’ He touched her cheek lightly with one finger, traced a line down on to her neck, ran it diagonally across her bare chest to the edge of the sheet tucked around her. ‘Emily, in case you didn’t realize it, I do have other things on my mind.’
She smiled winningly, shoving aside her worry about the inquest. ‘I said I was sorry. Let’s drop it.’
‘Your wish is my command.’ He turned, put the brandy glass on the side table, then swivelled his head quickly, ‘I’d prefer you not to mention any of this…your theory…to Sally.’
‘Of course I won’t. I’m not a dunce.’
‘Far from it. Come here. I want you.’ He switched off the lamp.
Emily did the same, slithered across the bed, nestled into his arms opened to her, wrapped her legs around his body, fitting herself into him.
He said, ‘See what’s happened. Your lurid murder theory has rendered me incapable of performing my duty as a devoted fiancé.’ He stroked her hair which simmered brightly gold in the firelight blazing up the chimney.
‘Not for long, if I know you,’ she murmured, pulling his head down to hers, seeking his mouth, kissing him passionately.
Responding to her ardent kisses, he ran his hand over her body, touching her breasts, her stomach, her inner thigh, enjoying the feel of her silky skin. He brought his hand up swiftly, cupped one breast, lowered his mouth, let it linger around the nipple. Her hand went into his hair and he felt her strong fingers on the nape of his neck, heard the faint moan in her throat as the tip of his tongue touched the tip of her hardened nipple.