I Am an Emotional Creature by Eve Ensler
I wouldn’t hurt it,
just put it someplace else.
It is not a person really.
It’s a problem
getting bigger and bigger.
My girlfriend Juicy told me to do the right thing.
Just imagine, she said, if your mama had done that to you.
Well, then I wouldn’t have a problem growing inside me
and I wouldn’t want to kill myself.
I like school.
I want to be an important person.
I told Juicy, it’s not a baby.
It’s a maybe.
I dreamed the other night that I took it
out to look at it.
It was really cute and the size of my thumbnail.
It looked like one of those stickers I put on my notebook
with the smiley face.
I tried to put it back in
but this nurse was there.
She looked just like J Lo
except she had really bad hair
like me.
She was all nasty and told me it
was too late
and why’d I take it out ‘cause
it was none of my business.
Maybe it means the baby’s dead.
That makes me sad
and a little relieved.
I mean I would like to meet her.
I think she might have my face.
I hope she doesn’t have my hair and thighs.
I don’t really even know Carlos so well.
I mean he’s got great clothes
and knows all the rappers—
songs that is.
But he could have craziness in his family
and then this problem would turn into a crazy person
and then I would have to spend my whole life
taking care and worrying that he didn’t end up in jail
or paying rent while he was just staring off into space eating Big Macs all day.
My mother says
if you take a life you go to hell.
But I am already in hell.
I don’t even know if I like babies.
I like the baby clothes.
They’re all soft and shit, and the little baby shoes
and hats.
I could dress her all nice
but then she would be crying
and not stop crying
and I really wouldn’t like that.
WHAT’S A GOOD GIRL?
She doesn’t speak to a boy at all
Has morals
Tells the truth even if she pisses people off
Respectable
Doesn’t argue
Polite
Quiet
She brings her homework with her
Doesn’t step out of the line
Follows her parents in everything
Even if she disagrees
Goes to church every Sunday
Stays in on the weekends
Doesn’t know more than she should
Asks questions even if she knows the answers
GIRL FACT
In Africa, about three million girls a year are
at risk for female genital mutilation—
more than 8,000 per day.
DON’T
Cairo, Egypt
Don’t look from the window
Don’t talk to other girls
Don’t go out
Don’t wear tight pants
Don’t wear pants at all
My father kicks me out of the nest
My mother keeps me in
Don’t shout
Don’t talk
Clean. Scrub. Arrange.
Don’t expect praise
Don’t fool around
Don’t go out
Don’t meet Rania
Rania’s brother tried to propose to you
Don’t talk to any girls while you’re selling biscuits
Don’t be long
Don’t say no
It’s time to get engaged
Don’t stand on the balcony
Don’t go to the dreams program
Don’t go late by yourself to the pharmacy
even if you’re sick
Don’t talk to your friends
Don’t worry it’s a regular visit
Don’t fight it, the razor
Wake up
Don’t cry, he needed to cut it off
Don’t look for it
It would have made you crazy
and out of control.
My father hates girls
He says they used to bury them
when they were born.
No value
No personality
This is not your house
You can’t go out
Clean. Scrub. Arrange.
Don’t imagine more
Don’t stand on the balcony
Don’t lose your virginity
Don’t look from the window
My mother keeps me in
My father kicks me out
My brother beats me up
The doctor cuts me off
Don’t. Don’t.
I want to read
so I can read the Koran
read the signs in the street
know the number of the bus
I’m supposed to take
when I one day leave this house.
WOULD YOU RATHER (I)
(Darkness. Two girls lying on the floor, only a flashlight.)
GIRL 1
Would you rather be alone or be with a guy who stutters?
GIRL 2
Why do you always want to do this?
GIRL 1
Just answer. Would you rather be with someone famous who dumps you or never be with someone famous at all? Would you rather be called a slut or fat?
GIRL 2
This is a stupid game.
GIRL 1
Just answer.
GIRL 2
They’re stupid questions.
GIRL 1
Would you rather be blind, deaf, or dumb?
GIRL 2
None of the above.
GIRL 1
Would you rather get pregnant accidentally or get dumped?
GIRL 2
Usually they happen at the same time.
GIRL 1
Would you rather be called a dyke or a bitch?
GIRL 2
Dyke, definitely.
GIRL 1
Okay, I’ll give you a nice one ’cause you answered. Would you rather be the most brilliant or most beautiful?
GIRL 2
Both.
GIRL 1
Pick one.
GIRL 2
Most sarcastic.
GIRL 1
Would you rather get HPV or give HPV?
GIRL 2
Ew!
GIRL 1
Answer!
STEPHANIED
I was raised Catholic
I found Christ
Then I found Stephanie
I always find a good thing
Then I find something better.
I’m not gay
I’m not straight
I’m Stephanied.
I didn’t do anything if she didn’t do it
I played house with her
I held her hand all the time
Everyone disappeared from my world
She wore jelly sandals
She had long black hair
She hated kickball
I hated kickball
She loved super-cinnamon gum
I loved it too
Once when I was in her bedroom
I snuck into her drawers
I stole her T-shirt
It was soft and it smelled like her
Nothing was good unless she liked it
Nothing was fun unless she wanted to do it with me
She said you have to give your money to anyone who needs it
She said it was
We used to lie still and hold our breath
She said we should practice kissing
She told me to put my tongue in her mouth
It tastes better when you take your time
She said you can only love someone
if they’re your friend.
I’m not gay
I’m not straight
I’m Stephanied.
GIRL FACT
Research has shown that girls involved with sports in
high school are less likely to engage in risky sexual
behaviors such as high numbers of partners, inconsistent
or no use of birth control, or engaging in sex while
under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
The decrease in girls’ participation in risky sexual behavior
associated with sports involvement is partly due to a delay
in sexual initiation and partly to social-psychological
dynamics such as enhanced self-confidence, a less
stereotypically feminine gender role identity, and/or a
stronger desire to avoid teenage pregnancy.
MOVING TOWARD THE HOOP
There is a whistle
and I know I am supposed
to move go begin dribble
Whistle
The ball hot in my hands
burns
The clock is on
I begin my journey down the court
down this alley in my brain
Each game
I weave from end to end
It’s not the other girls
who are in my way
I am fast
I have the moves
There are far more deadly obstacles
that keep me from the hoop
Blind pass
She passes back
Crossover dribble
They are double-teaming me at the intersection
Color
Girl
Girl
Color
Ganging up on my consciousness
Not sure in which court I stand
or if I’m either one
or both
or something else
like poor
or maybe all
or maybe none
or maybe
just ball burning in my hands
just weaving darting dribbling
down the court
Each basket defies what is expected
because nothing is
even though they expect us to play ball
but not me
not girl
even if I’m tall
Which part of me do I ally myself with?
Which part do I ignore?
At what moment?
Which part doesn’t belong?
Which group will it piss off?
Which group do I represent?
I am an athlete
A girl with strong legs
and arms
I train
I am also the child
of a Dominican mother
and a black father
so I am black
well brown
brown and black
Canela
Morena
Indian and girl
Weave cross
What goes between
What stories
What past
What ropes around my neck
What scholarship
What affirmative action plan
What resentful boys in my hood
What champions
What being best
What talk show hosts
What Spanish French U.S. invaders
of our land
What ho
What manly arms
What nappy-eadedness
What muscled ugly lesbian
What never get a man
What postracial
biracial
nonracial
multiracial
I almost trip and stumble over ball
What land they stole
What bodies in chains
What indigenous Taino people they killed with their
white diseases
What Indians
What Africans
What women bound and raped
What legs
What race have I been running
What identity have I been ducking or too defiantly embracing
What president
What civil rights leaders dead
What country
What team
What right do I have?
Who do I think I am?
What legacy that never ends?
What Katrina
What Jena Six
What Detroit, Watts, Lower Ninth, South Bronx,
Soweto, Kibera, Eastland, favela, Dharavi, barrio
What eastern Congo
What prisons
What brothers who could have been dribbling
Who am I girl to take their place?
Pass now
Weave
Think
What future
What opportunities
Must win
Must get control
Fake
Duck
Lay up
Overcome
Break open
Free of guards
In possession
Dunk Score
SOPHIE ET APOLLINE
or, Why French Girls Smoke
SOPHIE
I started at a party
I wanted to join in
I wanted to do what everyone was doing
At the beginning I didn’t want to smoke
all the time
APOLLINE
I am anxious about the future
My studies
Work
It is very expensive
How will I ever live in Paris?
How will I find something I like to do?
I smoke to avoid the future
SOPHIE
I smoke when I’m not happy
I smoke when I’m sad about my friends
and family
When they lie, when they betray me
APOLLINE
Sophie is my best friend
We share a lot of things
We are supporting each other
We don’t like the same people
We don’t like the same girls
The ones who are really self-confident
and put the other girls down
One group totally popular the other not
SOPHIE
We are not popular
You have to talk loud
You have to be the center of attention
Popular girls smoke for style
APOLLINE
Unpopular girls smoke for stress
SOPHIE
My mother is a closet smoker
She hides like me
She thinks I don’t see her.
APOLLINE
My father thinks his daughter is the perfect girl
That means good results at school
No boyfriends
No sex
No smoking
No drugs
First time I had sex I was sixteen
It was very bad
The boy wasn’t my boyfriend
Just a friend I didn’t want to have sex
I was a little drunk
I regret that he wasn’t the boy I liked
I am with my boyfriend now
He is gentle. He pays attention to me.
We have sex one or two times a week.
SOPHIE
The first time I was with a boy I didn’t know
It was very good
He cared about me
He said he wasn’t a virgin but I think he was
He was shy and didn’t know what he was doing
He was kind with me
I talk to my
He asks me questions
He asks if it is good for me and what we did.
Sometimes I don’t answer
He says I have to be careful
Don’t get pregnant and diseases
APOLLINE
I wish my parents knew I had a boyfriend
They wouldn’t approve so I don’t tell them
SOPHIE
I like the way I look, the way my hand moves when I smoke. I feel more confident and grown up.
APOLLINE
The good future:
A wonderful job
A family, three children, two boys and a girl
I always wanted two brothers, one older, one younger
I wanted to take care of the younger and wanted the older to take care of me.
SOPHIE
The good future:
I want to have money
I want to play in the theater
I want a girl because she’s cute. She will be a princess.
Beautiful clothes. No problems.
APOLLINE
Bad future:
People don’t care about other people
They only care about themselves
People sleep in the streets
A lot of poor
SOPHIE
Teenagers do bad things.
Drugs and fight
They don’t realize reality
They are in a dream
They only care about themselves and no one else
APOLLINE
I can talk to Sophie
She is my best friend
I can laugh with her
When I’m sad I know she will be there for me
SOPHIE
I can be myself with Apolline
She won’t judge me
I know it’s bad to smoke but I don’t think I’m an addict
APOLLINE
I know I’m an addict
I will stop when my studies finish
Peut-être
THINGS I HEARD ABOUT SEX
It’s loud and scary
My mother and father were doing it once
in the next room
I thought my mother was dying
It can kill you
It can free you
Just say no
You can say no
You won’t want to say no
It’s natural
It’s healthy
It’s evil
Boys want it more than girls
Girls want it more than boys
Guys don’t know what they’re doing
Only allowed to do it when you are making babies
My mother says it’s spiritual