Destiny Be Damned by Rebecca Royce
“I saw you in a dream, in a memory. You were a raven, dancing through the sky. I couldn’t follow you where you flew. It was a game we played. You’d just take off, and I’d watch you up there.”
He shifted to look at me. “I must have not understood.”
I didn’t follow him. “Understood?”
“That there would be this huge gap of time when I would not have you, when I wouldn’t even know what it was I ached for so badly. The hole the absence of you in my life would be. I would never have taken off and flown away from you for even a minute if I’d understood. I’d have soaked in every second by your side.”
I pushed his hair back from his face. “We were supposed to always be together.”
When he didn’t, I looked down at him and realized what I never should have forgotten—we had just co-joined. He was out cold, taken under by the need for sleep whether he liked it or not. And we were up on a hill in the middle of nowhere. Alone. It was fine right now, I was warm against him, but the night was going to get cold, and some of the weather on the ocean could come and soak us. I had no ability to protect him.
Oh this had been dumb, dumb, dumb.
What was the matter with me?
Minutes passed slowly, and I jumped at every sound around us. What kind of animals were here? Would I be able to keep them away from Ren? I needed a stick.
“Mika.” I looked up as Lennon and Gordon approached. “You’re here. Okay. We were right. We felt that you needed us. Ren’s out cold.” Lennon looked at Gordon. “You got him?”
Gordon nodded. “Hey, Mika, glad this is all it is. He must have been out of his mind not thinking.”
“My parents have a tendency to do that to people. They’re gone now. They went home. When next you see them, they’ll pretend none of that happened at all. They’re good at that.”
Gordon picked Ren off the ground, swinging him over his shoulder. “I got this. Don’t worry. I’ve hauled Ren around a lot of times, particularly when he’s drunk.”
Lennon groaned. “We were young. It was a long time ago. All of us used to get into the liquor supply when it would come on the island. Rite of passage.”
I let Lennon lead me behind Gordon, who carried Ren. I’d needed them—they’d felt it—and they’d come. Perhaps that should have been obvious. The co-joining had many facets, but I was blown away by the idea.
“Thank you for coming, guys.”
Lennon kissed my temple. “Of course. Wayne walked his dad home, or he’d have been here, too. He’s coming back tonight.”
“Anyone heard from Neil?”
It was so nice to be sure of this, it was such a gift to not have to question. Neil had said he would come, so he would. I just wanted all of them with me, where I knew they were okay.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t get back until morning,” Gordon answered. “It’s a hike back and forth.”
I hadn’t thought about it, but from the place on the hill where Ren had taken me I could see the entire island. “How had you guys known where we were?”
“That’s Ren’s spot.” Lennon pointed at a rock he didn’t want me to trip on, and I made sure to step around it. “That is where he always goes when he has to get away from everyone. We leave him alone up there. It just made sense that’s where he would bring you.”
Ren could be alone if he needed to be, everyone was entitled to that, but he knew now that I’d always be there the second he wanted me. For as long as I lived.
21
We were all sleeping together in Gordon’s basement. There were beds down there. I’d checked on the girls, who slept soundly upstairs, then joined my guys in the basement. Ren slept in one of the smaller beds, his head rolled to the side, his eyes glued closed. He breathed. The guys were so still in the co-joined sleep that it never ceased to scare me, just a little.
What if he didn’t wake up?
Lennon touched my cheek. “We all woke up. He will, too. Wanting you like he can’t breathe, but that will pass—or at least become manageable.”
Wayne came down the stairs, he looked around the room, his gaze stopping on Ren. “Lucky bastard.” He grinned. “Save the best for last, Mika.”
He was so cute. “I haven’t had an order I’m following. It’s just happening as it’s happening.”
“You’ve had no alone time with her,” Gordon pointed out. “And unfortunately, you’re not getting it now either. She needs sleep. We all do. Tomorrow, there are things to do.”
Wayne kicked off his shoes. “Tomorrow she is going with me to Peachtree.”
What was Peachtree? “Which is what?”
Lennon smiled. “A beautiful place by the water.”
“And why are we going there?” I asked as Wayne yawned and crawled into bed next to me. Gordon took the spot on my other side. That was right. As much as possible, I had to sleep with two of them with me. Technically, it would be four of them tonight. Lennon plopped down across the room in a smaller bed.
Wayne finally answered. “To my mother’s grave. If that’s not too… depressing. I actually kind of like it there. I thought I would introduce you.”
I touched the side of his face. “If you’d like to bring me, I’d be happy to go.”
He nodded. “Thanks.”
Gordon tapped on my hip. “Close those brown eyes, and get some sleep. No emergency tonight. We used to hang out here when we were kids. Sometimes I wouldn’t even know they were all here. I’d go to bed and wake up in the morning to all four of them climbing up the stairs. Then Ren moved in. We started sleeping down here more than upstairs. Dad just rolled with it. Neil sometimes didn’t want to make the long walk to school. So he’d stay. Lennon well…”
Across the room, he laughed. “Needed long breaks from my family.”
Wayne nodded. “And sometimes I just wanted to give my parents some time alone. They had little of that, mom being so sick. Then afterward, sometimes he just wanted to be alone. He’d never have said that. I knew anyway. Gordon lost his mom, but he was so young it wasn’t as sad here.”
“Dad did the best he could. He loved everyone here.” Gordon’s voice was low. They were all tired. Just because I was wired from everything being new, the co-joining, and the choices I had to make didn’t mean that they weren’t overwrought from coming home from years away.
I checked on Neil. He was awake, tired too, happy but lonely. He missed us.
I sent him some love, hoping he received it. When he did, his energy increased a little bit. I smiled. Gordon closed his eyes. I watched him for a second then looked away, letting him have his rest undisturbed. Wayne put an arm over me, holding me tightly.
“Kick me if I snore.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m never going to kick you. I might gently encourage you to roll over. I doubt it will bother me. I like being close. I was alone for so long. On that dark road.”
He touched the slope of my nose. “What was it like?”
“Awful.” I shook my head. I didn’t want to bring it here. “But this is better.”
Behind me, Gordon breathed deeply, and across the room Lennon did the same. I could feel their contentment. Sleep was what they needed. Neil was wide awake. How far could I push through the link? I’d sent him love, could I suggest he go to sleep? No, it didn’t work like that.
Wayne’s gaze caressed my face with its warmth. “Is there a place for me in there? In your mind?”
“A big gaping hole where you are supposed to be.”
As though speaking the words made them true, I was deep inside Wayne’s mind, in his memory. He watched me, from behind the bars of the back gate at the Sisterhood. I was fighting the chaos demon. Dead bodies were rising up. His heart was in his throat. He wanted to do something even as he understood there was nothing he could manage that would assist me in that moment.
He thought I was so beautiful. My mind stuttered. Really? Then? When my hair was standing on edge and I looked like something out of a nightmare, my eyes glow
I was thrown back into my body. His eyes were white. My last link. I sighed. My mind was full. I’d needed him there.
“Wayne.”
He pulled my hand. “Come.”
I scooted out of the bed. Gordon muttered something but didn’t stir. I followed Wayne from the room. Where were we going? He took me around the corner and down the hall to a large washroom. I hadn’t known this was here. I’d cleaned up earlier upstairs in the one where the girls slept.
A huge bath was displayed in the center of the room. Wayne turned a lever, and I realized it was a bigger version of the machine that Gordon had made me in the Sisterhood. It would heat the bath quickly.
“This was the first one Gordon ever made. He destroyed this bathroom five times before he got it right. Javier has patience beyond which I can imagine.”
I grinned at him. “You want to take a bath.”
“I know how you feel about hot water.”
He was right. I loved nothing more than a warm bath. Wayne filled the tub then pulled off his shirt. I stood back, admiring the outline of abdomen muscles and the way a splash of dark hair traveled just up to his belly button. He was a beautiful man.
“I felt that.” He rocked back on his feet. “You admiring me.”
I turned off my link to the others. This was just for us. “Easy to admire, Wayne. You’re incredible, inside and out. I know this wasn’t the life you would have chosen. Thank you for doing this with me.”
“What are you talking about?” He extended his hand, and I took it, letting him draw me to him.
“You told me back at the Sisterhood you couldn’t spend your life in violence, that you couldn’t choose this.”
He winced. “That was just after the chaos demon. I was stunned. You were so beautiful, you saw that, and I felt so useless. Do I wish I could keep you safe? Stay here? Hold your hand? Make love to you? Draw you hot baths? Never see another demon? Sure. I think all of us feel that way. That doesn’t mean I would do anything any differently. I’m sorry if you thought I didn’t want this. I want to be with you, however that comes.”
His sadness and worry hit me hard. “Wayne…”
He kissed me, gently. “Did you not bond with me because you thought I didn’t want you?”
“What?” I took his cheeks in my hand. “I bonded with you the second we were alone together, and we weren’t really alone. I love you. I fell in love with you first, if you want to know the truth. That night when you took care of me after the chaos demon. You were so sweet, so gentle. I… just fell head over heels for you. I didn’t blame you for not wanting this. Who would? I…”
“Mika.” His voice shook. “I want this. All of it. I want to be on this journey with you. Every second of it. Please don’t ever think otherwise.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, starting at his chin and moving up to his mouth. He sighed against the caress. The hair on the back of his neck was soft, and I ran my hands through it. He pulled back just a bit. “How about that bath?”
I stepped away from him just enough to pull my clothes off. His eyes widened, and his cheeks tinged pink. “By divinity, Mika, you’re so beautiful.”
“Did I embarrass you? I guess I thought you wanted me naked since we were getting in the water…” I let my voice trail off. Was there more to say?
He shook his head. “No, I want you very, very naked. I mean this naked. There isn’t more naked than this. I… I don’t have all that much experience with this. I was waiting for you, I think, in my heart. I’ll probably never stop getting a thrill when I see you undressed. I’m not smooth. I can’t help it. I’m sincere.”
“I wouldn’t want you any other way. I want you as you are, by my side, always.”
He stepped out of his pants and picked me up, carrying me into the hot water with him. It was almost too heated, but I adjusted, my muscles relaxing. The tub was huge, we both fit in it, although snugly. Too much moving around and one of us, probably me because he was going to co-join into dreamland, would have to clean up the water.
“Wayne, it occurs to me that if you pass out into co-joined sleep in the tub, you might drown.”
He nodded. “I’ll get out the second I’m tired. I promise.” He was quiet for a second. “I want to give you pleasure, Mika. Is there a way you really like it?”
I’d never really thought about it. I was new to this, too. The others had promised me I would enjoy it and I had. I lay against his chest, my rear end pressed against his hardening groin. I took his hand in mine, guiding it toward my entrance and to that spot of nerves that loved to be rubbed so much during penetration.
I did love to have it touched. I wanted Wayne’s fingers to touch me there. “Feel that?”
“Hmm.” His noise was affirmative, so I leaned further against him, letting my neck go slack. At first, he stroked it gently but the more he touched me the more friction he gave me. The water made it harder but Wayne’s steady touches compensated. I stopped analyzing it after that. Jolts of pleasure traveled up and down my spine and before long I was moaning with each circular movement he made. Yes, this was exactly what I liked, exactly what I wanted.
My body moved without me consciously thinking about it. I rubbed my ass against his cock, and he moaned in time with me. He almost sounded pained, and I understood the sentiment. There was a mix of pain with this pleasure. By divinity, I needed completion. This was the sweetest of torture.
I pushed back against him harder, and he moaned even louder. His noises were hot, and they made me want this even more. Water splashed. I didn’t care, not even a bit. Wayne bit down on my shoulder, and I exploded against his fingers. It was fantastic, but it wasn’t enough.
I turned fast, feeling energetic not languid. I straddled him, sliding him inside of me. He cried out as I took him in, balls deep. He threw his head back against the tub. “Fuck. Sorry. Mika, I’m not going to last long. Oh wow. I…”
I kissed him. I didn’t need anything else, just him. He had nothing he needed to do except come deep inside of me. My body buzzed from what we’d just done, and it didn’t take long until my muscles clenched against him. I wanted more. Oh, yes. Please. I came a second time without realizing I was going to. My body trembled. Wayne followed after me, emptying himself until he panted from it. We stared at each other, and he finally beamed at me.
“I love you, Wayne.”
I really, really did.
I woke up later in bed, tucked between the now quite unconscious Wayne and Gordon who had rolled, still asleep, to embrace me when I’d climbed back into the bed. Wayne had been alert enough to clean up the water in the bathroom, and then we’d both fallen asleep back in the darkness of the bedroom Javier had made for these guys when they’d been young.
I was glad to get to share it with them now.
Neil’s arrival was what woke me up. He came down the stairs quietly in the dark and stopped at the end of my bed, touching my foot. I leaned back on my elbows. “Hi there. Missed you.”
He squeezed me again. “I’m going to take the bed in the corner. Couldn’t sleep so far away from you. My parents will come by in the morning or maybe mid-day. I needed to be here.”
“I’m so glad that you are.” I really meant that. Now that he was here, everything was just better. “Ren and Wayne are knocked out for a while.”
Gordon grumbled next to me. “But Lennon and I are not.” He stood, getting off the bed. “Crawl in with Mika. That kind of walk in the dark means you get her the rest of the night. Glad you didn’t fall in the dark.”
Neil kicked off his shoes and crawled in next to me. He smelled like the woods and felt a little cool from being outside. I listened as Gordon readjusted across the room and closed my eyes. They were all here. I needed them. I would never let them go.
I dreamed of the fire. A drumbeat filled the night, and I whirled around. My guards were there but they weren’t statues. They stood wa
“Mika?” Neil called out my name. “What is happening?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. You’re really here with me. That’s different.”
“We’re always here,” Wayne answered. “Just most of the time, we can’t communicate with you. Did you all go here when you co-joined?”
“No.” Gordon turned to him. “Or maybe. I have no memory of that dream state.”
Ren walked toward me, his eyebrows coming up when he did. “I can actually move.”
Lennon spun around, staring in all directions. “What is going on?”
“The drum beats for all of us, Sister Mika.” I knew the voice of the woman speaking to me. The true Sister Superior, the voice of the divine, the one who chose all of us. I’d not seen her in so long. The spirits rarely spoke to me, and the Sister herself never made an appearance. “You made quite a proclamation when you declared you would keep your vision. You were heard. What now, Mika? Teagan cannot see you anymore. What you do now will turn everything. Choose wisely, but choose.”
Neil’s arms came around me, and soon I was surrounded by my five. The Sister raised her eyebrows. “They would defend you from me?”
“They would defend me from anything.”
The smallest smile crossed her mouth. “Then we chose wisely. I knew we had. Reed makes grand mistakes, and then he turns around and makes the absolute right decisions. You speak for divinity now, you, Anne, Teagan. The others. We’re all counting on you to be the women we know you to be.”
I sat up in bed, looking wildly around. Neil’s eyes flew open, and he grabbed my hand bringing it to his mouth. Feet hit the floor in the room, and soon Lennon and Gordon were surrounding the bed. We all breathed hard. Wayne and Ren hadn’t stirred, so whatever that was it hadn’t interrupted their needed rest from the co-joining.
“What do you suppose that meant?” I looked between the three of them.
“It felt sort of…” Neil cleared his throat. “Like she was proud of you. At first, the whole scene was threatening. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Then it changed.”