Government Men by Gary J. Davies
PARTY!”
The audience erupted into cheers as men with Pizzas and beer kegs followed Hank into the auditorium. The situation had finally registered in their minds. No more Barns! No more Twig! And best of all to top it all off: free food and beer!
"Bates," asked Oscar over the noise of the crowd, "how much beer did you order?”
"Two kegs," replied Bates, grinning.
"Well, my friend, then we should have enough, because I ordered three, plus hoagies!” Oscar pointed to the door, where still more food and drink were entering.
Bates smiled. His friends hadn't forgotten him after all!
From that point on, the party developed rapidly. Most of the Base staff weren't regular drinkers, but they were regular eaters and all DOD Civil Servants, and as such, were always ready to accept hand-outs. After all, as DOD workers they hadn't had a pay raise in over a decade, and it had been a very long time since they experienced a party of this magnitude. While a few of the staff predictably celebrated by sneaking out and taking the rest of the day off, it wasn't golf weather anyway, so most stayed and gave a good account of themselves with the free pizza, hoagies, and beer.
Bates was a hero, and his friends were ecstatic. At several points during the party, Oscar erupted into opera. Mel was his usual cheerful self again, and then some. Norma tore up the Nitro requisition form and threw it over Bates as confetti!
A story circulated that when Bates found out that morning that Barns was firing him, the two of them had a big showdown, with absolutely incredible results. The story continued to evolve during the course of the party, until it was well established that Bates had strong Mafia connections, and that as a further humiliation, in addition to Barns having to resign and give Bates his job, the poor man was also forced to marry Twig.
Bates overheard the Mafia story, but didn't bother to deny it. Besides being a much more plausible rationale for the day's events than anything he could come up with himself, the rumor led to his being treated with a great deal of respect and deference by his fellow employees; including even the power brokers. Joe Wigims for example, assured Bates that he would actually have reliable heat in his office in the winter when it was cold and air conditioning in the summer, when the hot weather actually occurred. Bates would only believe that miracle when he felt it.
One of the engineers was polling the partygoers on the question of which was preferable, a quick death or marriage to Twig. The statistical results, which were not very complementary to the new bride, were displayed on the big auditorium view screen in both bar-graph and pie-graph form.
Bates noticed that very early on Barns and Lamby Pie had apparently split, unnoticed and without fanfare. Bates had meant to say good-bye to them, but didn't get the chance. By the time he noticed they were gone he was past caring anyway.
The party lasted late into the night and early morning. When they ran out of beer they sent out for more. The following day Bates would have a well-deserved hangover, a sore back from dozing in auditorium seats, and foggy, surreal memories of dancing an Irish jig with Norma and flinging an extra cheese pizza Frisbee-like across the auditorium as part of some sort of experiment.
This day was his, and he had a hell-of-a good time closing it out!
****
The audience erupted into cheers as men with Pizzas and beer kegs followed Hank into the auditorium. The situation had finally registered in their minds. No more Barns! No more Twig! And best of all to top it all off: free food and beer!
"Bates," asked Oscar over the noise of the crowd, "how much beer did you order?”
"Two kegs," replied Bates, grinning.
"Well, my friend, then we should have enough, because I ordered three, plus hoagies!” Oscar pointed to the door, where still more food and drink were entering.
Bates smiled. His friends hadn't forgotten him after all!
From that point on, the party developed rapidly. Most of the Base staff weren't regular drinkers, but they were regular eaters and all DOD Civil Servants, and as such, were always ready to accept hand-outs. After all, as DOD workers they hadn't had a pay raise in over a decade, and it had been a very long time since they experienced a party of this magnitude. While a few of the staff predictably celebrated by sneaking out and taking the rest of the day off, it wasn't golf weather anyway, so most stayed and gave a good account of themselves with the free pizza, hoagies, and beer.
Bates was a hero, and his friends were ecstatic. At several points during the party, Oscar erupted into opera. Mel was his usual cheerful self again, and then some. Norma tore up the Nitro requisition form and threw it over Bates as confetti!
A story circulated that when Bates found out that morning that Barns was firing him, the two of them had a big showdown, with absolutely incredible results. The story continued to evolve during the course of the party, until it was well established that Bates had strong Mafia connections, and that as a further humiliation, in addition to Barns having to resign and give Bates his job, the poor man was also forced to marry Twig.
Bates overheard the Mafia story, but didn't bother to deny it. Besides being a much more plausible rationale for the day's events than anything he could come up with himself, the rumor led to his being treated with a great deal of respect and deference by his fellow employees; including even the power brokers. Joe Wigims for example, assured Bates that he would actually have reliable heat in his office in the winter when it was cold and air conditioning in the summer, when the hot weather actually occurred. Bates would only believe that miracle when he felt it.
One of the engineers was polling the partygoers on the question of which was preferable, a quick death or marriage to Twig. The statistical results, which were not very complementary to the new bride, were displayed on the big auditorium view screen in both bar-graph and pie-graph form.
Bates noticed that very early on Barns and Lamby Pie had apparently split, unnoticed and without fanfare. Bates had meant to say good-bye to them, but didn't get the chance. By the time he noticed they were gone he was past caring anyway.
The party lasted late into the night and early morning. When they ran out of beer they sent out for more. The following day Bates would have a well-deserved hangover, a sore back from dozing in auditorium seats, and foggy, surreal memories of dancing an Irish jig with Norma and flinging an extra cheese pizza Frisbee-like across the auditorium as part of some sort of experiment.
This day was his, and he had a hell-of-a good time closing it out!
****