Magic and Other Misdemeanors by Michael Buckley
“And maybe all of our pasts,” Sabrina interrupted. “We saw a band of Indians attack Baba Yaga this afternoon. I mean, fifteen years ago.”
“Now, I know that never happened,” the older Daphne said.
“So this is worse than I suspected,” Granny Relda replied.
“When the two of you vanished, did you see a storm come out of nowhere?” Charming asked.
Sabrina nodded. “And there was one when I saw Uncle Jake die.”
“And when the Indians appeared and attacked Baba Yaga,” Daphne added. “By the way, where is she?”
“The witch was one of the first of the resistance to die,” Granny Relda said. “She made a foolish error when she destroyed her guardians. She never took time to replace them and it left her vulnerable. The Scarlet Hand cornered her in the forest and killed her, but not before she took out nearly forty of them.”
“The house ran off,” Puck said. “We found it cowering at the top of Mount Taurus and we’ve been using it ever since.”
“Maybe all this has something to do with the case we’re working on,” Sabrina said, watching the older version of her sister standing cold and distant, away from the group. She shuddered to think what had happened to steal the happiness from Daphne, or what had caused the horrible mark on her face.
“What case?” Granny Relda asked.
“Someone’s been stealing magic items. The Wand of Merlin, the Wonder Clock, and some water from the Fountain of Youth have all been ripped off.”
“I remember that case,” Granny Relda said. “We never solved it.”
“Unbelievable! Relda Grimm would never let a mystery go unsolved,” Charming said with a hint of disdain.
“There were other things, urgent things that needed our attention,” the old woman said.
“The taxes,” Sabrina asked.
Her older self nodded in agreement. “Yes, among others. Uncle Jake had his hands full with Baba Yaga. After that, things got even worse and we just never had time to do any more investigating.”
“What got worse?” Sabrina asked, suspiciously.
The adults were silent for a long, heartbreaking moment. They looked at one another with strained expressions, as if weighing how much pain their next words might cause.
“They should see the house,” the older Daphne said.
“Don’t you think that’s a little harsh?” Granny Relda asked.
“If we don’t show them the truth, they will go and discover it for themselves. You remember how we used to be. We were always running off in the middle of the night. We can’t allow them to do that. They wouldn’t survive. It’s best if we feed their curiosity, no matter how painful it may be.”
“She’s right, Relda,” Charming said. “They’ll sneak out, and this time, they might not come back.”
“If they were to be killed, we would die with them. They’re us,” the grown-up Daphne added.
The older Sabrina shrugged. “I guess it’s for the best.”
Sabrina and Daphne stared into each other’s eyes. Silently, they shared their fear for what they were about to see. What could be so bad?
“Show us,” Sabrina said.
Sabrina felt the house make another abrupt turn. She glanced out the window and saw abandoned homes and a forest charred with black smoke. Roads were ripped in half and littered with abandoned cars.
After a while, the creepy shack came to a lumbering stop.
“We’re here,” the future Daphne said as she glanced through the window. “We can’t stay long.”
“The dragons circle the area in fifteen-minute cycles and we don’t know when the last one started,” Granny Relda explained.
Sabrina felt the house lower. The older Puck came from the other room with his crossbow and arrows in hand. He kicked open the door, took a peek outside, and then gestured for everyone to follow. Sabrina and Daphne shuffled outside with Charming close behind.
And then they saw it, the plot of land that had been their grandmother’s home. Their house and any sign that it had ever existed was gone. Not even the trees had been left behind. Instead, an enormous castle made from black stones sat on the property. It had two high towers and a drawbridge over a moat dug around the perimeter of the building. On top of one of the towers, a black flag with a bloodred handprint in its center fluttered in the wind. The air smelled of sulfur.
Sabrina could feel tears run down her face, and for the first time in her life she didn’t try to hide them.
“I haven’t been here in fifteen years,” the old Sabrina said. “Never thought I’d be strong enough to look out at it—”
“How do we fix this?” Sabrina interrupted.
“Fix it?” her older self said. “I don’t know if you can fix it.”
“You have to send us back,” Daphne said, her own face wet with tears. “Now that we know what is going to happen, we can change it.”
Charming nodded. “My plan exactly, and we’re working on a way to do just that. The tears in time pop up all over the place, but by the time I get to one, it has already closed.”
“Then we’re stuck here?” Sabrina exclaimed.
“No,” the future Daphne said. “We may have a way to predict when they come.”
Sabrina noticed something unspoken pass between Charming and Daphne’s future self. Whatever it was, it made the older Daphne tense.
“People, get back into the house! NOW!” Puck shouted as he pointed toward the sky.
Sabrina looked up and gasped. High in the charcoal sky another dragon sailed overhead. It was green, black, and red, and puffs of smoke drifted out of its wide, reptilian snout. Its roar shook the earth with a boom, and from its gruesome jaws came a torrent of liquid flames that turned a nearby stump into black ash.
The older Sabrina helped Granny wheel her chair into Baba Yaga’s house. The rest of the group followed and slammed the door behind them.
“House! Let’s move it!” the older Sabrina shouted, and the building once again rose to its feet and raced into the woods.
“Can we outrun that?” Sabrina asked as she watched the dragon blast another nearby tree.
“No,” the older Daphne said, rushing to the window and shoving the girls aside. She threw it open and pointed a long thin wand outside. “All we can do is fight. Gimme some water!” she cried. Water blasted out of the wand like it was a firefighter’s hose. Unfortunately, the woman’s aim was off and it hit the beast in the chest. She cursed herself and shook the wand angrily.
“Not feeling well today, marshmallow?” Puck said. “‘Cause if so, I could go out and fight it myself.”
“I’m tempted to let you,” she replied. “And don’t call me that ridiculous nickname.”
Daphne stuck her tongue out at her older self. “Hey, cranky. I like my nickname!”
The future Daphne looked at her younger self and a small, almost imperceptible smile crept onto her face. Then she turned back to the open window. “Give me some water.”
A torrent of water exploded into the sky like a geyser, and this time it hit the dragon squarely in the mouth. The beast tried to roar, but only a breathy squeak came out. The loss of its most deadly weapon seemed to hinder the dragon’s ability to fly as well. It fell to the ground hard and disappeared from view.
“Nice shooting, old me,” Daphne said.
“Unfortunately, it’s only temporary,” Granny Relda said. “Let’s hope that we can put some distance between us and it before it reignites its pilot light.”
Sabrina and Daphne were given two cots to sleep in. Without Daphne by her side, Sabrina felt strange and lonely, but most of all concerned that her little sister was feeling the same way. She was about to ask Daphne if she wanted to talk, but a low, rumbling snore came from the little girl. Apparently, the shock of their current situation wasn’t causing Daphne any loss of sleep.
“Child,” Charming said softly from his cot across the room.
Sabrina sat up and rubbed her eyes. “I’m awake.”
“Have you seen Snow?”
Sabrina nodded. “She’s worried about you.”
Charming nodded as if he shared her feelings.
“I need to know something. How did Daphne get hurt? I mean, the older Daphne. How did she get that scar?”
“It was my fault. I asked her to help me find something. It was dangerous and we ran into trouble,” Charming said.
“What kind of trouble?”
“Nottingham.”
Sabrina shuddered, imagining the wicked sheriff’s serpentine dagger.
“She was helping me recover something,” Charming said. “Something that will help us go home. But Nottingham was guarding it, and he . . . well . . .”
Just then, the older Daphne entered the tent. “It appears our little mission has paid off,” she said to Charming. “I may have found another tear in time.”
“Can you tell us when and where it will be?” Sabrina asked eagerly.
“The Ferryport Landing Cemetery. We need to leave now.”
The adults led the children through the cemetery. There were headstones as far as the eye could see, and a crumbling mausoleum leaning precariously across the path. Weeds had grown over most of the burial plots. None of the cemetery’s lamps were working, so the group had to rely on the bluish light of the full moon. It gave everything and everyone a ghostly quality.
“I cannot guarantee the tear will take you back home,” the older Daphne said. “In fact, it could put you into an even more dangerous situation.”
“What could be more dangerous than running from dragons all day long?” Sabrina said.
“Appearing in the past during the witch trials, for one. Imagine popping up in a Puritan camp and being burned at the stake. Or you could be sent further into the future, when my sister and I are dead and there is no one to protect you from the Scarlet Hand.”
“So, we could step through the tear only to find a hungry Tyrannosaurus rex on the other side?” Sabrina asked.
“No, T-rexes weren’t native to North America,” her older self explained. “But you could step through and find yourself in an ice age thousands of years in the past, or far into the future on the day the sun goes supernova. This isn’t a ticket on the MetroNorth train. We don’t know where you’ll end up.”
“Then this is too dangerous,” Granny Relda said.
“Relda, we know we can’t stay here,” Charming said. “If there’s a chance to get back and make things right, I’ll take it. I can’t speak for the girls, but I’m going through.”
“We’ll take our chances too,” Daphne said.
Sabrina looked to her sister, surprised by her assertiveness but nodding in agreement. Little chance was better than no chance at all.
“The event should take place within moments,” the future Daphne said. “Are you ready?” Everyone nodded.
“So where is it going to happen?” Charming said impatiently.
The future Daphne took a small black orb out of one of her pockets. It shimmered and soon Daphne was shimmering as well. “Directly above that grave,” she said, pointing at a tombstone.
Charming’s face blanched. He walked to the grave reluctantly, as if it pained him to stand near it. Sabrina and Daphne joined him, unsure of what had caused the change. Then Sabrina saw the name on the granite headstone: Snow White.
Daphne gasped.
“They killed her,” Charming said. “The Scarlet Hand killed her.”
“Why?”
Charming shook his head miserably, then grabbed Sabrina and Daphne by the arms. “If we get back, we have to change this. We have to change everything we can.”
“We will!” Sabrina said, surprised by his impassioned demand. Just then, a black cloud covered the sky. It churned like an angry whirlpool, quickly forming a tornado. The abrupt change in the sky was startling.
“That’s it!” the older Daphne shouted. “It’s coming.”
Charming knelt down and caressed the granite as if it were Snow White’s delicate face.
“Take care of yourselves, girls,” the older Granny Relda said as the cloud got wider and uglier.
“And take care of each other!” the grown-up Sabrina said.
“You too!” Daphne shouted over the wind roaring in their ears.
“Well, Relda! Am I interrupting another tender moment?” a voice said in a loud growl. The group turned to find the Wolf rushing at them. “I hope you don’t mind. I brought some friends.”
From the horizon Sabrina spotted what appeared to be a small army. They marched toward the group, holding spears, bows and arrows, and swords. On each of their chests was a horrible mark the girls had seen many times: a bloodred handprint. It was the army of the Scarlet Hand.
The future Daphne reached into her overcoat and took out a wand. She turned it on the Wolf and a shock wave came out so powerfully it sent the beast flailing backward over the high trees. Unfortunately, it did nothing to stop the approaching soldiers.
“Sister . . . ,” the future Daphne started, but the blond woman was already leaping into action.
“I’m on it,” the older Sabrina said. Puck swooped down, scooped her up, and flew her straight toward the approaching soldiers. The two disappeared into the throng, and moments later Sabrina could hear the sounds of clanging swords, groaning men, and Puck’s cheers and laughter.
Sabrina heard something zip through the air and saw an arrow land only inches away from her foot. Another arrow whizzed past and hit a nearby tree. She pulled her sister close and looked at Charming and the future Daphne. “I hope this is going to happen soon.”
The future Daphne raced to Charming’s side and pointed to her face. “Make sure that Nottingham pays for this.”
Sabrina looked at the jagged scar on the woman’s cheek. She hoped that the rough winds had prevented young Daphne from hearing the terrible conversation.
“I will!” Charming shouted.
Sabrina had a million questions, but she never got a chance to ask them. At that moment the world dissolved right before her eyes.
abrina scanned her surroundings. She was lying in the suddenly well-manicured Ferryport Landing Cemetery. The moon was in the sky and her sister and Charming were next to her. She took a deep breath and waited for the sound of an approaching army to break the silence. After a few moments, all she could hear were crickets chirping in the grass. She sat up and took a deep breath, enjoying the clean, crisp air in her lungs. She knew they were home.
Charming sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked up at the sky then turned and looked behind him. Snow White’s gravestone was gone. In fact, the trio was lying in an unused portion of the cemetery.
“I think we’re back,” Daphne said.
“It appears so,” Charming replied. “Though what day it is still presents a problem.”
Sabrina smiled and scanned the horizon. She spotted a thin trail of smoke rising into the clouds. “Well, let’s go ask someone,” she said as she scrambled to her feet. She helped Daphne and Charming up and then marched in the direction of the fire. They walked through the forest until they found an old-fashioned log cabin with a thick stream of smoke drifting out of its chimney. Sabrina’s heart froze, convinced that they had returned to the days of the American frontier, but then Charming pointed out the fancy new sports car parked in the driveway.
“We’re back where we’re supposed to be,” he said. “That’s the latest model. I had one on reserve before I lost my job.”
Charming pounded on the cabin’s door, demanding a ride to town, but he only managed to terrorize the homeowner who hid and swore he’d call the police if the filthy man and his “ragamuffin children” didn’t get off his property. Sabrina was so angry she could have kicked the prince. If he’d just knocked like a normal person and asked nicely, the three of them might have already been on their way back home. Apparently three months in a doomsday future hadn’t stripped Charming of his sense of entitlement.
“Then at least tell me what day it i
“I’m calling the cops right now, you lunatic!” the man shouted back.
So they were forced to walk. Sabrina’s feet were already killing her from her previous trek into town. As for Charming, he was mostly quiet, though he spent much of the trip attempting to make his tattered clothing and ratty hair presentable.
Several hours later, the trio arrived at Granny Relda’s. The house was a very welcome sight, but Charming stopped the girls before they could run inside.
“We should get our story straight,” he said.
Sabrina was stunned. “What story? We went into the future. We need to warn everyone about what is going to happen.”
“Child, are you really going to go in there and tell everyone you love that they are going to have tragic futures? Your uncle murdered, Canis a savage beast?”
“It is kind of a downer,” Daphne said. “But what choice do we have?”
“You have the choice to say nothing,” Charming said. “Listen, you have to trust me on this, because I’ve had a lot longer to think about what I’d do when I got back than you two. The three of us know things. I know exactly how Snow dies. I know who kills her. If I tell her, and word gets out that she knows, I can’t prevent the killer from changing his plan. But if I can stop the murderer on the day it occurs, I can stop it from ever happening. You can do the same thing. Do you understand?”
“I don’t know,” Sabrina said. “We need to tell them. Together we can all work on it.”
“Sabrina, it’s best if we keep this to ourselves. We can work in the shadows. We can fix things without anyone knowing.”
Sabrina looked into Charming’s eyes. They were filled with worry, but she could tell he truly believed that sharing what they had seen could lead to bigger problems. Should she trust him? Charming had always been a bit underhanded, and it was no secret that he disliked her family. But he had always been honest.
“Daphne and I can’t fix the things that happen to our family on our own,” Sabrina said.