Magic and Other Misdemeanors by Michael Buckley
“You won’t have to,” Charming replied. “I’m going to help. Together we’re going to fix everything we can, including waking up your parents. I have resources that can help make that happen. I can also give the two of you all the time in the world to find those stolen items. We have to fix everything, girls. Everything! But we can’t let anyone get in our way, even if they mean well. Sabrina, you have to trust me.”
“I don’t know if I can,” Sabrina said.
“Then fine! Go in there and tell that fairy boy of yours that you are married to him in the future,” Charming said. “Or I can for you if you’re so set on sharing.”
Sabrina stopped in her tracks and turned to the former mayor. “You wouldn’t.”
“If we tell, we tell everything,” the former mayor said.
She could already feel her face turning red with embarrassment.
Charming laughed. “How does that song go? Sabrina and Puck, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love—”
Sabrina watched as her sister started to join the song.
“Shut your traps!” she shouted at both of them. “Fine! We’ll do it your way, for now.”
Charming nodded. “Very good! It’s rare to meet a Grimm that is so reasonable, and I’ve known quite a number of you.”
Just then, the door flew open and Granny and Uncle Jake rushed outside. They huffed across the lawn and wrapped Sabrina and Daphne in bearlike hugs. Elvis followed, knocking Daphne to the ground and covering her in sloppy kisses.
“Lieblings! Oh, thank goodness!” their grandmother cried. “We’ve been looking for you for hours.”
The happy reunion didn’t last long. Mr. Canis raced across the lawn and snatched Charming off the ground with one of his clawed hands. “If you have touched a hair on their heads, so help me . . .”
“Mr. Canis, he didn’t hurt us!” Sabrina shouted. “Put him down.”
Canis ignored Sabrina’s plea. “Where did you go?”
“We got lost.”
Canis scowled. “If you had gotten lost, I would have found you.”
“Well, I found them,” Charming added as he fought to free himself. “Rather, they found me wandering in the woods, and I helped them get back. Now, put me down, you filthy mongrel.”
Canis turned to Granny Relda. The old woman nodded and he set the prince back down on his feet.
“And where have you been?” Granny asked Charming. “You’ve been missing for three months. My family has torn this town apart looking for you. Snow is out of her mind with worry. You should call her right away.”
Charming shook his head. “I wanted to get the girls home safely. I must be going.”
“Where?” Sabrina said.
“She’s right, pal,” Uncle Jake added. “You lost your house when you lost the election. The Queen of Hearts lives there now. Technically you’re homeless.”
“Oh,” Charming said as he stared off at the horizon.
Sabrina couldn’t believe what she said next. “You can stay with us.”
Granny gasped, but forced a smile. Then she put her hand on Sabrina’s forehead. “Are you feeling well?”
“I’m feeling fine, Granny,” Sabrina said. If the girls were going to help Charming change the future, it was probably best if he was close by. Sure, he was an arrogant jerk, especially when it came to her family, but she could tolerate a barrage of insults if it would help avert disaster. “Mr. Charming could use some time to get on his feet. He’d do the same for us.”
“Don’t bet on it,” Uncle Jake said.
“Uh . . . Sabrina is right,” Granny stammered. “We . . . uh . . . don’t have a lot of room, Billy, but you’re welcome to it. The sofa is very comfortable.”
“What?” Canis growled.
Charming turned to the family. “I couldn’t.”
“He’s right,” Mr. Canis said. “He couldn’t.”
“We insist,” Granny said, and she took Charming by the arm and led him into the house.
Canis turned to Sabrina and gave her a look that was both bewildered and betrayed. Sabrina blushed, realizing that she had just invited her friend’s bitterest enemy to live with them. He might never forgive her.
“Relda, may I have a word with you?” Canis asked.
Granny turned and approached her oldest friend. “Yes.”
“You cannot be serious,” Canis said. “He can’t be trusted. Don’t you recall that he has threatened to destroy this family?”
“I may be old, but my memory is still intact,” the old woman said defensively. “Everyone deserves a second chance.”
“This man will stab you in the back the first chance he gets. Don’t be such a fool!”
“There was a time when people said the same thing about you,” Relda said angrily. After a moment she took a deep breath. “Mr. Canis, the decision has been made.”
Granny Relda escorted Charming into the house, leaving Canis standing in the yard. He looked angrier than Sabrina had ever seen him, and worse, his anger was directed at her grandmother. Sabrina had never seen Granny Relda and Mr. Canis bicker before, let alone yell at each other. It made her nervous, especially now that she knew the destiny that lay ahead for the old man. Who knew what would make Canis snap and finally surrender to the Wolf? When Canis stomped off into the woods and disappeared, she recalled the secret weapon held under lock and key at the bank. Was it time to retrieve it?
“Nice suggestion, ‘Brina,” Uncle Jake said as he headed for the house. “You sure you didn’t fall and hit your head out in those woods?”
Sabrina and Daphne followed Jake inside, where they found Charming eyeing the couch disdainfully. He turned toward the window and looked outside, as if weighing his alternatives, then turned back and fluffed up one of the couch cushions. “You are very kind. I’ll try to stay out of the way.”
Puck came down the steps and looked at the girls. “I heard you two were missing,” he said to Sabrina.
“We’re back,” Sabrina replied. She knew her face was bright red. How would she ever forget that she and this smelly, rude, grime-covered boy were destined to be married?
“Darn,” he grumbled, then turned and walked back up the steps.
“There goes your future husband,” Daphne whispered into her ear.
Yeah, he’s a real sweetheart, Sabrina thought.
Sabrina lay still in her father’s old bed. Daphne tossed and turned next to her.
“I’m afraid to go to sleep,” the little girl whispered.
Sabrina got out of bed, flipped on the light, and crossed the room to her father’s desk. She opened a drawer and took out a hairbrush. Daphne’s eyes lit up when she saw it. Brushing Sabrina’s hair always seemed to calm Daphne’s fears.
“We’re back,” Sabrina whispered as she sat back down on the bed in front of her sister. “That’s what matters. We’re back and we can make a difference.”
“What if we can’t?” Daphne asked as she started to brush her sister’s long hair.
Sabrina forced the doubt from her mind. “We have to. The first thing to do is solve the case.”
“Do you think Charming can really help us wake up Mom and Dad?” Daphne asked.
“I don’t know,” Sabrina whispered.
Suddenly, there was a soft tapping at their door. It creaked open and the prince popped his head inside.
“Get dressed and meet me downstairs,” he hissed. “We’ve got work to do.”
He closed the door and the girls tiptoed around the room, pulling on jeans and sweaters and shoving their feet into shoes. Then they crept down the stairs, where they found Charming waiting by the door. He had borrowed a pair of Uncle Jake’s jeans and a white shirt and had wrapped himself in an old coat, presumably one their late grandfather Basil had owned.
“What’s the plan, Stan?” Daphne asked.
Charming gestured for her to be silent and then ushered them outside into the cool spring air. He closed the door tightly, and Sabrina told the house they wou
“I have a few items I need to collect, and I could use the extra hands,” Charming said.
“Items? What kind of items?”
“The kind that will change the future,” he said. “Unfortunately, they happen to be at the mansion.”
Sabrina was shocked. “The mansion! We can’t go there. Mayor Heart lives there now. She’s got guards!”
“Guards with swords!” Daphne added. “Sharp, pointy swords.”
“Yes, I suppose she does,” the prince said as if that were a tiny detail.
“Besides, what makes you think she still has these items? From what I hear, she’s broken the bank redecorating the mansion. Anything you left behind is probably at the town dump by now.”
“Not these things,” he said. “If I know Heart like I think I do, she would never throw these out. Oh, here’s our ride.”
Just then, two headlights pulled into the driveway. When Sabrina’s eyes adjusted, she realized she was looking at a long white limousine. The driver’s side door opened and a dwarf in a black tuxedo stepped out.
“Good evening, Seven,” Charming said.
The dwarf nodded. “Good evening.”
“Thank you for taking my call,” Charming said, looking down at the ground. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably. In the future, Charming seemed to have respect for Mr. Seven. But in the present, the little man was still Charming’s former assistant, and the ex-mayor hadn’t been a very nice boss. As Charming’s assistant, Seven had been subjected to a steady onslaught of insults and criticisms. Still, the dwarf had been incredibly loyal to the prince, even up to the moment he lost the election and Mr. Seven lost his job. Charming shuffled back and forth as if deciding on whether to apologize for all his abuse. In the end, he simply patted the dwarf on the back.
“Well, as they say in the fairy tales, ‘Your chariot awaits,’” Mr. Seven said as if he realized that was as close to an apology as he would ever receive. He rushed to open the door and helped the girls and Charming into the car. Moments later they were pulling away from the house and zipping through the backroads of Ferryport Landing.
“So, what’s so important that we have to risk life and limb to sneak into the mansion?” Sabrina asked.
“Amongst other things, a magic detector,” Charming said. “A what?” Daphne asked.
“A device that finds magic,” Charming repeated. “Your older self was using it in the future to track the time tears. It is an incredibly powerful magical item. I’m giving it to you tonight.”
Daphne smiled. “Thanks!”
“And you think giving it to her is going to change the future?” Sabrina asked.
Charming nodded. “I know it is. See, in the future Daphne and I tracked it down. Giving it to you now alters the time line. It will also allow you to find the devices that were stolen, which obviously never happened in the future.”
“Turn the car around,” Sabrina said to Mr. Seven. The little man raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“What are you doing?” Charming said.
“I know what happened in the future, when you faced Nottingham,” she replied, flashing her eyes toward Daphne. In her mind, she could still see the jagged scar that ran down the future Daphne’s face. “I won’t let that happen.”
“Grimm, neither will I,” Charming said, seeming to understand her concern. “I made a promise . . .”
“Absolutely not!”
“Uh, don’t I get a say in this?” Daphne said.
“This has nothing to do with you,” Sabrina lied.
“You don’t have to be a genius to know that I get hurt in the future trying to get this magic detector,” the little girl said. “But we have to do this. Solving this case might make a huge difference. I’d rather have a scar than let the world turn out the way it does, or did, or whatever.”
“Daphne, I—”
“It’s my choice,” the little girl interrupted.
“Sabrina, it will make a difference,” Charming said, “which is the basis for my plan. I’m going to do everything I can to alter the future by making as many changes as I can now.” The prince turned his attention back to his diminutive driver. “What do you know about security?”
“She’s got guards at all the doors and windows,” Seven said. “Then a few roaming around the house.”
“That’s not good.”
“It gets worse. Nottingham is living in the house. The mayor’s a little on the paranoid side and is convinced someone is going to come in and kill her in the night.”
“The mayor is smarter than she looks,” Charming said. “Good work, Seven. I’m sure the general will give you a medal for this.”
“I’m sorry, sir?”
Charming smiled sheepishly, then flipped the switch that raised the divider between the front and backseat.
The limousine snaked its way through the farmlands of the town until it reached the street in front of the mayor’s mansion. Seven stopped the car and helped everyone out, then strolled around to the trunk and opened it. Charming scooped up a pile of rope and some flashlights, then closed the trunk.
“This could get dangerous,” Charming said to his former assistant.
“Danger is my middle name,” Mr. Seven replied as he got back into the car.
“I thought your middle name was Albert,” Charming said.
“It is, sir. I was making a joke.”
“Oh,” Charming said. “Could you stop that?”
Seven nodded.
“Maybe Charming could get a sense of humor,” Sabrina whispered to her sister. “That would totally change the future.”
Seven started up the limo and pulled into the mansion’s driveway. While he drove, Charming led the girls onto the property. They darted from tree to tree, waiting in the shadows as they got closer and closer to the house. It wasn’t long before they spotted some of the mayor’s guards: men with arms, heads, and legs like people but torsos that were nothing more than extra-large playing cards. Sabrina fought back the dizzy feeling she often got when faced with something that should have been impossible.
Seven parked the limousine by the front door, next to a fountain that had once featured a statue of Charming at its center. Now it contained a marble sculpture of the Queen of Hearts, though substantially thinner and more attractive than the real person. The moment the little man opened the limo door, an obnoxious dance song blasted through the car’s brutally loud speakers.
“What’s he doing?” Sabrina said.
“Just wait,” Charming snapped, as if irritated that she would question the details of his plan.
“Here they come,” Daphne said, pointing at a half a dozen of the playing-card guards as they raced to the limo. Shouting over the music, they quickly leveled their swords at Mr. Seven’s head. Sabrina couldn’t make out what they said, or what he said back, but they seemed to be arguing. A moment later, the front door flew open and Nottingham stormed out, dressed in a robe and slippers, his crooked dagger in his hand.
“Let’s go,” the prince whispered. He led the girls around the back of the house, where they found a door. Charming tried the handle, but it was locked tight.
“I was hoping this was going to be easy,” he said, pulling the rope off his shoulder. One end had a grappling hook attached to it. He tossed it onto the roof and it caught on something. He yanked it hard to test it and gestured to Sabrina.
“You want me to climb this?” Sabrina said.
“Looking at it is not going to get you onto the roof.” Charming sneered.
Sabrina shrugged, grabbed onto the rope, and pulled with all her might. She had learned to climb ropes in gym class. The trick wasn’t in the shoulders or the arms, it was in the feet. Wrapping the rope around her heels kept her from sliding down and made the whole effort much easier. Soon she was on the roof, looking down at her sister and the prince. Charming had Daphne leap onto
Charming darted over to the chimney. He peered down into it and felt the bricks. “Good, she hasn’t built a fire.”
Meanwhile, Sabrina was quickly pulling up the rope. Her heart nearly stopped when one of the guards rushed around the house below her. He ran right by the rope, and though he didn’t seem to see it in the darkness, it flicked against the back of his neck. He threw up his hand as if he were shooing a mosquito, and he would have certainly discovered the rope by his ear if Sabrina hadn’t been pulling as quickly as she possibly could.
“Bring it over here,” Charming whispered.
The girls pulled the heavy rope across the roof the best they could. The prince took it and attached the grappling hook to a rain gutter, giving it a good yank. The gutter creaked but seemed to be stable. Then he tossed the loose end of the rope down into the chimney and hoisted Daphne onto his back.
“We’ll go first,” he said. “If there happens to be someone waiting for us at the bottom, then climb back down to the lawn and run for your grandmother.”
“But you have the rope,” Sabrina reminded him.
“Well, then, I guess we’re all in deep trouble if there’s someone down there.”
He climbed into the chimney and Sabrina watched Charming and her sister descend into the darkness below. After several moments, she decided it was her turn. She scaled the chimney side, grabbed the rope tightly, and lowered herself down.
In no time at all her nose and mouth were filled with soot. All the dust made breathing impossible. She leaned against the chimney wall with her back and used her feet to lock herself into place. Then she reached into a coat pocket for a handkerchief, put it up to her nose and mouth, and took shallow breaths until the itching in her throat stopped. Then she shoved the handkerchief back into her pocket and continued on.
Unfortunately, climbing down in the narrow space was extremely difficult. She kept knocking her knees and knuckles against the rough bricks of the chimney. She scraped her back so hard she cried out, and before she knew it, Sabrina hit the floor with a thud. Luckily it wasn’t a long drop and she wasn’t injured. She looked around to get her bearings and saw the opening of the fireplace before her. If she craned her neck, she could see into the mansion’s grand hall. She was just about to crawl out and find Charming and Daphne when she saw two sets of unfamiliar feet.