Sweet Hope by Tillie Cole
“Lay down,” he said through gritted teeth and I shook my head.
“No! Look at the pain you’re in.”
“Ally, I was shot and could’ve died. Please, just lay the fuck down… I need you.”
I stood there debating what to do, but when I glimpsed vulnerability in his gaze, I gave in and carefully lay down beside him.
As I rested my head on his pillow, I reached down and threaded my hand through his. Axel squeezed my hand real tight, and when I looked up, I could see worry lines creasing his forehead.
“Hey,” I asked. “What’s wrong?”
Axel stayed quiet and I was sure I wasn’t gonna get an answer from him. But on a ragged breath, he looked up and pulled my hand to lie under his cheek. “Last night, for the first time ever, I was fucking scared.”
My heart sank as I saw how much that cost him to divulge. “Baby…” I whispered and, with my other hand, I stroked down his cheek. “It’s understandable. You were shot.”
Axel leaned into my touch and kissed my palm. “I wasn’t scared of getting shot, Ally, I was fucking terrified I would never get to see you again.”
My breath seized. I leaned in to kiss at his pale bruised lips. “Axel,” I cried, “I was so scared too. Austin and Levi told me they had thrown you out and you’d ran away. I felt like my soul had been ripped out. I couldn’t believe you would leave me like that… without even saying goodbye.”
“I was gonna leave,” he said sadly. His hand tightened around mine. “And I was gonna take you with me.”
“Axel—”
“But then Remo followed me.” Axel breathed through his nose as though he was reliving the entire thing in his head. “He’d been following me for days… I knew I wouldn’t be walking away from him alive. He was there for revenge, and all I could think of was that Austin and Levi would never see me again after leaving on a misunderstanding… and that you… that I’d never see this fucking beautiful face ever again… that I would never get to live the life I couldn’t believe I’d finally been gifted.”
Tears ran down his stubbled cheek into his beard. “Shh…” I soothed, “You’re alive. You survived and Remo’s dead… all the threats to you and your brothers are gone... once and for all.”
Axel inhaled deeply as though he couldn’t comprehend that fact. Shuffling even closer to him on the bed, being careful of his injuries, I added, “And you have me… all of me… forever, if that’s what you want.”
Axel’s eyes widened and releasing a long sigh, he nodded his head. “Fuck, Ally, that’s all I want. You’re everything to me. You’re my forever.”
“And you’re my forever too,” I replied. The image of my sculpture suddenly came to my mind, and I said, “Axel… your new sculpture…” I trailed off unable to find the words to express how I felt.
“Did you... like it?” he asked hesitantly, his rugged face for a moment racked with a nervous innocence.
“Did I like it?” I asked with a single laugh, “I can’t… I can’t believe that’s how you see me… your hope… your wish come true…”
“You are my hope, Ally. You’re every hope I’ve ever dared to have… la mia luce.”
“Axel,” I murmured. Carefully leaning down to his bruised mouth, I gently melded my lips to his. The kiss was everything I wanted to convey, but was unable to say with words.
As we broke away, I smiled. “Your show was a hit, baby. Vin’s already had offers for it to go on tour. Just think, your exhibition in the biggest art museums in the world… the entire world will stand witness to your genius.”
Axel glanced away, then looked back to me, a nervous expression on his face. “Axel? What is it?” I questioned, “Aren’t you happy? This is life changing. It’s a dream come true.”
“I don’t know,” he replied and I frowned. “My happiness all depends…”
Rearing back, I asked, “On what?”
Rolling his lips, wincing at the painful cuts, he said, “On whether you’re gonna be the official tour curator.”
I blinked, then blinked again, before a wide elated smile pulled on my lips. “Axel, are you asking me to go around the world with you?”
Axel smirked at me in that devastating way that only he had mastered and said, “I ain’t fucking going nowhere without you, carina. I know what I want… and it’s you. You’re the only one who’s ever got me. Fuck, baby, you really have got me in every possible way.”
Feeling like I could die from happiness, I tilted my head and said, “Lo giuri?”
He huffed a laugh back and nodded his head. “I fucking swear it on everything I am.”
“And where would we live?” I asked, the surreal turn of this conversation was becoming difficult to track.
“Wherever you want, but—”
“But what?”
“But I’d kinda like to be near my brothers here in Seattle. Weirdly, I'm getting used to the gray clouds and rain.”
I relaxed in relief. “Good, ‘cause I wanna be here too. I wanna be here when Molls has my nephew or niece in a few months’ time.”
“Then you’re gonna be living with me,” Axel firmly instructed.
Warmth flooded my body and I nodded my head. “Of course. Te amo,” I said in a state of perfect contentment, and curled into Axel’s arms.
Hearing a peaceful sigh from Axel too, he whispered back, “Ti amo, carina. You’ve got all the love I have.”
As I closed my eyes, safe with the man whose soul was forever fused to mine, I sent a silent prayer to Axel’s Mamma…
I have him now, Chiara. Your lost son is found. You can finally rest in peace.
Epilogue
Axel
Seattle, Washington
Three years later…
“It’s okay, carina, you can do it.”
“I’m so tired,” Ally whispered, her beautifully tanned face pale and her body exhausted.
I ran my hands down her cheek. “One more push, baby. One more push and she’ll be here.”
Love sparkled in Ally’s Spanish eyes. She nodded her head. The doctor looked up at my wife. “This is it, Ally, one more push and you’ll meet your daughter.”
Clutching her hand in mine, Ally squeezed my fingers tight and pushed as hard as she could. My heart beat so fast I thought it would burst from my chest. Ally gasped for breath, and the most amazing sound hit my ears—the sound of high-pitched crying.
My legs turned to jelly as I caught sight of the doctor holding a tiny baby. The nurses wiped her clean, just before they lifted her and placed her on Ally’s bare chest.
Ally’s face was streaming with tears as she looked down at our newborn daughter, a jet-black crop of hair already on her head. As I moved to the head of the bed, looking down at my two beautiful girls, I couldn’t describe the overwhelming sense of home that hit me with the force of a Mack truck.
Ally’s glowing face looked up at me and broke into a disbelieving smile. “Axel… we have a daughter,” she said, her voice hoarse from all the hours of labor.
Unable to speak, I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head, then, nervously leaned down and kissed my daughter on her cheek. As I pulled away, she squirmed in Ally’s arms, and opened her eyes to stare straight up at me… her dark brown eyes meeting mine… and floored me where I stood.
Gasping, I stared down at her and a sudden fear rippled through me. Was I fucking worthy of being her papa? Did I deserve something this good to happen to me?
“She’ll adore you, Axe,” Ally assured me, catching my eye, immediately stopping the crippling thoughts slamming into my mind. “She’ll adore you as much as I do.”
Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I made myself relax and sat down on the bed. I wrapped my arms around my two reasons for living.
“Ti amo, carina. Sempre,” I said brokenly and turned Ally’s head for a kiss.
“I love you too, querido,” she whispered back and ran her finger down our sleeping daughter's red face.
“She needs a
We sat there for an hour before Ally squeezed my hand. “You’d better go and tell everyone the good news, my mama and daddy will be climbing the walls.”
Smirking at the thought of Ally’s Spanish mother wreaking havoc on the ward, demanding to be let in here ran through my mind.
“Okay, baby,” I said, and kissing my wife and daughter one last time, I walked out of the room and into the wait area, where all our family was gathered.
As I opened the door, Ally’s mama was on her feet in seconds and rushed my way. “Axel,” she said in relief, her strong Spanish accent as thick as ever, “How are my girls?” Her pretty face was just an older version of Ally’s. I could see the worried apprehension in her brown eyes.
Unable to keep from smiling, I replied, “They’re perfect… fucking perfect.”
Mama Alita broke down into tears and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, laughing at her relieved response. Alita and Gabe had become my parents. They’d never judged me, just accepted me as the man Ally loved and welcomed me as their son. They were as perfect as in-laws as their daughter was the perfect wife… and they adored Austin and Levi too.
“She’s waiting for you,” I said. In a heartbeat, Alita was off down the hallway, practically running into the delivery room. I could hear her happy shriek all the way from in here.
Gabe, Ally’s papa approached me and shook my hand. “Congratulations, son. Welcome to the daddy of a daughter club.” He laughed like it was an inside joke. Pulling me to his chest, he patted me on the back and whispered, “Good luck.”
As he left, two little people suddenly ran under my legs and I reached down to pick them both up. “Zio Axe!” Dante called, his chubby cheeks red and his green eyes huge.
“Hey buddy,” I said and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He giggled, but just as he did, Taylor hit at my face wanting attention too. “Me too, Uncy Axe. Me want kiss too!”
Laughing, I pressed a kiss to her cheek and she pushed on Dante’s arm making him scowl.
“Okay, okay, missy, enough,” Molly said sternly and lifted her daughter from my arms, but not before pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Congrats, sweetie. I can’t wait to meet her.”
Lexi moved forward next and took her son from my arms who was still glaring at Taylor. Lexi shook her head at her son and beamed up a smile at me. Leaning down I kissed her on her cheek. “I’m so happy for you, Axe,” she said.
Rome came over next and put out his hand, “Congrats, Axe,” he said and squeezed my hand. “Make sure you look after them both, yeah?”
I nodded my head and he moved away. I would never be fully okay with that guy, and him me, but at least we’d moved past the wanting to kill each other stage and we could at least be in the same room… even get on, in some circumstances.
My eyes searched out Levi and Austin. As one, they barreled over and both wrapped their arms around my neck. Laughing, I held them tightly too.
“Auguri, fratello!” they each said and moved back with happy proud smiles. I saw Levi’s girlfriend Elsie over his shoulder. She got up and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Happy for you, Axe,” she said and I laughed at the blonde’s cute face.
“Thanks, Elsie.”
“So?” I asked, “Who wants to meet my daughter?”
All my friends and family headed for the delivery room, Dante and Taylor once again finding their way into my arms.
My beautiful daughter won them all over in seconds.
*****
As night hit, I stared at my sleeping wife on the hospital bed and moved to press a kiss onto her cheek. Ally stirred, her eyelids cracking open. I held my daughter in my arms, her brown eyes unable to stop watching me.
Ally lifted her hand and wrapped it in my long hair. “You okay, papa?”
I smiled and looked down at our daughter. “I’m perfect, carina. Fucking perfect,” I whispered.
I glanced at the door, feeling the need for fresh air. Ally must have seen it in my face. “Go, baby, show her the night sky.”
I tilted my head to the side, and said, “I love you, Aliyana Carillo.”
Smiling sleepily, she murmured, “I love you too, Axel Carillo. You’re all of my heart.”
Pressing a final kiss on her head, I headed to the door. Just as I was about to leave, Ally whispered, “You need to pick a name, Papa. Your daughter can’t be Baby Carillo forever… and I think I know what you want it to be. You just haven’t worked up the nerve to ask them, have you?”
I briefly closed my eyes. As always, my wife knew me too well.
Looking at my daughter swaddled in a pink blanket, I took a deep breath and headed out of the door. The hallway was quiet and I headed for the OB unit’s private garden. Walking to the nurse’s station, the older nurse who’d been looking after my little family looked up and her face melted into a grin.
I held up the band around my arm that was electronically linked to the tag on my daughter’s ankle. It told the nurses I was her father. “This ain’t gonna go off if I go into that garden just there is it?” I nudged my chin to the garden entrance.
The nurse shook her head. “No, you can go out there. It’s all fenced in and secure. So unless you can sprout wings and fly away, no alarms will go off.”
“Nah, no wings,” I said as I walked forward. Feeling all kinds of surreal as I held my child in my arms, Ally’s child and mine, I kept looking down at my daughter to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Dreaming that all of this, my life, wasn’t just one real fucking good dream that I didn’t wanna wake from.
How the hell a sinner like me deserved all of this I had no damn idea.
As I opened the door to the roof garden, the summer night wrapped around me, the warm air seeping into my skin. The small private garden was deserted at this hour, so I moved to the patch of grass and sat down leaning against a wall, holding my daughter in my arms as I stared up at the clear night sky. All the stars were out tonight and a nostalgic smile pulled on my lips.
Looking back down, my daughter's nose scrunched up in her sleep. Running a finger down her cheek, I opened my mouth and sang, “Dormi, Dormi, O Bel Bambin…” I sang the Italian lullaby softly, rocking back and forth just as I’d done all those years ago with Levi. As I sang each word, I couldn’t stop the tear that escaped the corner of my eye.
She was mine. This sleeping perfection was the best thing I’d ever done in my life.
Hearing the door to the garden open, I sat up straight, wiping my eyes, only to see Austin and Levi walking through, Dante sitting happily in Austin’s arms.
“What the hell are you two still doing here?” I asked in a graveled voice. It must have been at least two in the morning. I flicked my chin to Dante. “And how the hell is he still awake?”
“He refused to leave, kicked up a storm when Lexi tried to take him away from us. I didn’t mind, he never sleeps anyway. He’s the damn energizer bunny,” Austin joked, shaking his head, but holding his son tighter in his arms.
Dante slapped his hands on Austin’s cheeks. “En-er bun… bun-ee,” he tried to repeat, sounding too fucking cute.
Austin playfully nodded at his son. “Yeah, you are. The energizer bunny.”
Dante squealed in laughter, throwing his head back, making us all laugh too.
Austin sat beside me on the dry grass, Dante perching on his knee, staring down at my daughter in fascination. Levi dropped to my other side and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “You didn’t think we’d leave, did you?”
Feeling my chest tighten, I went to answer, when Austin said, “We’re your brothers, we leave when you do. You know that, Axe.”
Clearing the emotion from my throat, I glanced to my sleeping daughter, holding her in my arms and I asked, “How did you know I’d be out here?”
“You walked right past us, Axe. You were staring at your
Dante leaned over to look at my daughter and he then looked up at me, his pink lips pursed. “What her name?” he asked in his cute ass baby talk. He was so fucking adorable.
“Yeah, Axe,” Levi said, “What’re you calling our niece?”
As I stared down at my daughter, I got lost in her pretty sleeping rosy face and said, “I wanna call her Chiara.”
Silence met my words and I tensed. I wasn’t sure if my brothers would be okay with my daughter being named after our mamma.
That’s until I looked up and both of them were watching me with tears in their eyes. “Axe,” Levi said, his voice breaking. “Mamma would be so damn proud that your daughter shared her name. I can just imagine how happy she’d be if she was here right now.”
“Yeah,” Austin said, equally as choked up. “Mamma’s looking down at her now and she’s fucking smiling, Axe. Smiling so big.” Austin looked at my daughter. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Chiara,” he said lovingly then Levi followed suit. “Little Chiara Carillo.”
My heart was so full as the five of us sat here in silence. All three of us brothers unable to speak until Dante suddenly pointed up at the sky and said, “Papa... big star!”
Austin laughed at his son shattering our poignant moment and squeezed him to his chest, ruffling his dark hair. “Si, Dante. A big star. Le stelle grande,” he said in Italian.
Dante watched Austin’s lips and said, “Lee stel ee gan de.”
We all laughed as Dante tried to speak Italian. “Bene!” Austin told his son, and tickled Dante until he burst into fits of giggles. “Molto bene!”
Turning to Levi, I watched him squinting up at the stars and realized he never got to remember stargazing with Austin and me all those years ago, he was too young. But it should be something he got to share with us now.