The Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens

  CHAPTER XXVI. WHICH CONTAINS A BRIEF ACCOUNT OF THE PROGRESS OF THEACTION OF BARDELL AGAINST PICKWICK

  Having accomplished the main end and object of his journey, by theexposure of Jingle, Mr. Pickwick resolved on immediately returning toLondon, with the view of becoming acquainted with the proceedings whichhad been taken against him, in the meantime, by Messrs. Dodson and Fogg.Acting upon this resolution with all the energy and decision of hischaracter, he mounted to the back seat of the first coach which leftIpswich on the morning after the memorable occurrences detailed atlength in the two preceding chapters; and accompanied by his threefriends, and Mr. Samuel Weller, arrived in the metropolis, in perfecthealth and safety, the same evening.

  Here the friends, for a short time, separated. Messrs. Tupman, Winkle,and Snodgrass repaired to their several homes to make such preparationsas might be requisite for their forthcoming visit to Dingley Dell; andMr. Pickwick and Sam took up their present abode in very good, old-fashioned, and comfortable quarters, to wit, the George and VultureTavern and Hotel, George Yard, Lombard Street.

  Mr. Pickwick had dined, finished his second pint of particular port,pulled his silk handkerchief over his head, put his feet on the fender,and thrown himself back in an easy-chair, when the entrance of Mr.Weller with his carpet-bag, aroused him from his tranquil meditation.

  'Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick.

  'Sir,' said Mr. Weller.

  'I have just been thinking, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'that having left agood many things at Mrs. Bardell's, in Goswell Street, I ought toarrange for taking them away, before I leave town again.'

  'Wery good, sir,' replied Mr. Weller.

  'I could send them to Mr. Tupman's, for the present, Sam,' continued Mr.Pickwick, 'but before we take them away, it is necessary that theyshould be looked up, and put together. I wish you would step up toGoswell Street, Sam, and arrange about it.'

  'At once, Sir?' inquired Mr. Weller.

  'At once,' replied Mr. Pickwick. 'And stay, Sam,' added Mr. Pickwick,pulling out his purse, 'there is some rent to pay. The quarter is notdue till Christmas, but you may pay it, and have done with it. A month'snotice terminates my tenancy. Here it is, written out. Give it, and tellMrs. Bardell she may put a bill up, as soon as she likes.'

  'Wery good, sir,' replied Mr. Weller; 'anythin' more, sir?'

  'Nothing more, Sam.'

  Mr. Weller stepped slowly to the door, as if he expected something more;slowly opened it, slowly stepped out, and had slowly closed it within acouple of inches, when Mr. Pickwick called out--

  'Sam.'

  'Yes, sir,' said Mr. Weller, stepping quickly back, and closing the doorbehind him.

  'I have no objection, Sam, to your endeavouring to ascertain how Mrs.Bardell herself seems disposed towards me, and whether it is reallyprobable that this vile and groundless action is to be carried toextremity. I say I do not object to you doing this, if you wish it,Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick.

  Sam gave a short nod of intelligence, and left the room. Mr. Pickwickdrew the silk handkerchief once more over his head, And composed himselffor a nap. Mr. Weller promptly walked forth, to execute his commission.

  It was nearly nine o'clock when he reached Goswell Street. A couple ofcandles were burning in the little front parlour, and a couple of capswere reflected on the window-blind. Mrs. Bardell had got company.

  Mr. Weller knocked at the door, and after a pretty long interval--occupied by the party without, in whistling a tune, and by the partywithin, in persuading a refractory flat candle to allow itself to belighted--a pair of small boots pattered over the floor-cloth, and MasterBardell presented himself.

  'Well, young townskip,' said Sam, 'how's mother?'

  'She's pretty well,' replied Master Bardell, 'so am I.'

  'Well, that's a mercy,' said Sam; 'tell her I want to speak to her, willyou, my hinfant fernomenon?'

  Master Bardell, thus adjured, placed the refractory flat candle on thebottom stair, and vanished into the front parlour with his message.

  The two caps, reflected on the window-blind, were the respective head-dresses of a couple of Mrs. Bardell's most particular acquaintance, whohad just stepped in, to have a quiet cup of tea, and a little warmsupper of a couple of sets of pettitoes and some toasted cheese. Thecheese was simmering and browning away, most delightfully, in a littleDutch oven before the fire; the pettitoes were getting on deliciously ina little tin saucepan on the hob; and Mrs. Bardell and her two friendswere getting on very well, also, in a little quiet conversation aboutand concerning all their particular friends and acquaintance; whenMaster Bardell came back from answering the door, and delivered themessage intrusted to him by Mr. Samuel Weller.

  'Mr. Pickwick's servant!' said Mrs. Bardell, turning pale.

  'Bless my soul!' said Mrs. Cluppins.

  'Well, I raly would not ha' believed it, unless I had ha' happened toha' been here!' said Mrs. Sanders.

  Mrs. Cluppins was a little, brisk, busy-looking woman; Mrs. Sanders wasa big, fat, heavy-faced personage; and the two were the company.

  Mrs. Bardell felt it proper to be agitated; and as none of the threeexactly knew whether under existing circumstances, any communication,otherwise than through Dodson & Fogg, ought to be held with Mr.Pickwick's servant, they were all rather taken by surprise. In thisstate of indecision, obviously the first thing to be done, was to thumpthe boy for finding Mr. Weller at the door. So his mother thumped him,and he cried melodiously.

  'Hold your noise--do--you naughty creetur!' said Mrs. Bardell.

  'Yes; don't worrit your poor mother,' said Mrs. Sanders.

  'She's quite enough to worrit her, as it is, without you, Tommy,' saidMrs. Cluppins, with sympathising resignation.

  'Ah! worse luck, poor lamb!' said Mrs. Sanders.

  At all which moral reflections, Master Bardell howled the louder.

  'Now, what shall I do?' said Mrs. Bardell to Mrs. Cluppins.

  'I think you ought to see him,' replied Mrs. Cluppins. 'But on noaccount without a witness.'

  'I think two witnesses would be more lawful,' said Mrs. Sanders, who,like the other friend, was bursting with curiosity.

  'Perhaps he'd better come in here,' said Mrs. Bardell.

  'To be sure,' replied Mrs. Cluppins, eagerly catching at the idea; 'walkin, young man; and shut the street door first, please.'

  Mr. Weller immediately took the hint; and presenting himself in theparlour, explained his business to Mrs. Bardell thus--

  'Wery sorry to 'casion any personal inconwenience, ma'am, as thehousebreaker said to the old lady when he put her on the fire; but as meand my governor 's only jest come to town, and is jest going away agin,it can't be helped, you see.'

  'Of course, the young man can't help the faults of his master,' saidMrs. Cluppins, much struck by Mr. Weller's appearance and conversation.

  'Certainly not,' chimed in Mrs. Sanders, who, from certain wistfulglances at the little tin saucepan, seemed to be engaged in a mentalcalculation of the probable extent of the pettitoes, in the event ofSam's being asked to stop to supper.

  'So all I've come about, is jest this here,' said Sam, disregarding theinterruption; 'first, to give my governor's notice--there it is.Secondly, to pay the rent--here it is. Thirdly, to say as all his thingsis to be put together, and give to anybody as we sends for 'em.Fourthly, that you may let the place as soon as you like--and that'sall.'

  'Whatever has happened,' said Mrs. Bardell, 'I always have said, andalways will say, that in every respect but one, Mr. Pickwick has alwaysbehaved himself like a perfect gentleman. His money always as good asthe bank--always.'

  As Mrs. Bardell said this, she applied her handkerchief to her eyes, andwent out of the room to get the receipt.

  Sam well knew that he had only to remain quiet, and the women were sureto talk; so he looked alternately at the tin saucepan, the toastedcheese, the wall, and the ceiling, in profound silence.

  'Poor dear!' said Mrs. Cluppins.

  'Ah, poor thing!' replied Mrs. Sander
s.

  Sam said nothing. He saw they were coming to the subject.

  'I raly cannot contain myself,' said Mrs. Cluppins, 'when I think ofsuch perjury. I don't wish to say anything to make you uncomfortable,young man, but your master's an old brute, and I wish I had him here totell him so.'

  I wish you had,' said Sam.

  'To see how dreadful she takes on, going moping about, and taking nopleasure in nothing, except when her friends comes in, out of charity,to sit with her, and make her comfortable,' resumed Mrs. Cluppins,glancing at the tin saucepan and the Dutch oven, 'it's shocking!'

  'Barbareous,' said Mrs. Sanders.

  'And your master, young man! A gentleman with money, as could never feelthe expense of a wife, no more than nothing,' continued Mrs. Cluppins,with great volubility; 'why there ain't the faintest shade of an excusefor his behaviour! Why don't he marry her?'

  'Ah,' said Sam, 'to be sure; that's the question.'

  'Question, indeed,' retorted Mrs. Cluppins, 'she'd question him, ifshe'd my spirit. Hows'ever, there is law for us women, mis'rablecreeturs as they'd make us, if they could; and that your master willfind out, young man, to his cost, afore he's six months older.'

  At this consolatory reflection, Mrs. Cluppins bridled up, and smiled atMrs. Sanders, who smiled back again.

  'The action's going on, and no mistake,' thought Sam, as Mrs. Bardellre-entered with the receipt.

  'Here's the receipt, Mr. Weller,' said Mrs. Bardell, 'and here's thechange, and I hope you'll take a little drop of something to keep thecold out, if it's only for old acquaintance' sake, Mr. Weller.'

  Sam saw the advantage he should gain, and at once acquiesced; whereuponMrs. Bardell produced, from a small closet, a black bottle and a wine-glass; and so great was her abstraction, in her deep mental affliction,that, after filling Mr. Weller's glass, she brought out three more wine-glasses, and filled them too.

  'Lauk, Mrs. Bardell,' said Mrs. Cluppins, 'see what you've been anddone!'

  'Well, that is a good one!' ejaculated Mrs. Sanders.

  'Ah, my poor head!' said Mrs. Bardell, with a faint smile.

  Sam understood all this, of course, so he said at once, that he nevercould drink before supper, unless a lady drank with him. A great deal oflaughter ensued, and Mrs. Sanders volunteered to humour him, so she tooka slight sip out of her glass. Then Sam said it must go all round, sothey all took a slight sip. Then little Mrs. Cluppins proposed as atoast, 'Success to Bardell agin Pickwick'; and then the ladies emptiedtheir glasses in honour of the sentiment, and got very talkativedirectly.

  'I suppose you've heard what's going forward, Mr. Weller?' said Mrs.Bardell.

  'I've heerd somethin' on it,' replied Sam.

  'It's a terrible thing to be dragged before the public, in that way, Mr.Weller,' said Mrs. Bardell; 'but I see now, that it's the only thing Iought to do, and my lawyers, Mr. Dodson and Fogg, tell me that, with theevidence as we shall call, we must succeed. I don't know what I shoulddo, Mr. Weller, if I didn't.'

  The mere idea of Mrs. Bardell's failing in her action, affected Mrs.Sanders so deeply, that she was under the necessity of refilling and re-emptying her glass immediately; feeling, as she said afterwards, that ifshe hadn't had the presence of mind to do so, she must have dropped.

  'Ven is it expected to come on?' inquired Sam.

  'Either in February or March,' replied Mrs. Bardell.

  'What a number of witnesses there'll be, won't there?' said Mrs.Cluppins.

  'Ah! won't there!' replied Mrs. Sanders.

  'And won't Mr. Dodson and Fogg be wild if the plaintiff shouldn't getit?' added Mrs. Cluppins, 'when they do it all on speculation!'

  'Ah! won't they!' said Mrs. Sanders.

  'But the plaintiff must get it,' resumed Mrs. Cluppins.

  'I hope so,' said Mrs. Bardell.

  'Oh, there can't be any doubt about it,' rejoined Mrs. Sanders.

  'Vell,' said Sam, rising and setting down his glass, 'all I can say is,that I vish you _may _get it.'

  'Thank'ee, Mr. Weller,' said Mrs. Bardell fervently.

  'And of them Dodson and Foggs, as does these sort o' things on spec,'continued Mr. Weller, 'as vell as for the other kind and gen'rous peopleo' the same purfession, as sets people by the ears, free gratis fornothin', and sets their clerks to work to find out little disputes amongtheir neighbours and acquaintances as vants settlin' by means oflawsuits--all I can say o' them is, that I vish they had the reward I'dgive 'em.'

  'Ah, I wish they had the reward that every kind and generous heart wouldbe inclined to bestow upon them!' said the gratified Mrs. Bardell.

  'Amen to that,' replied Sam, 'and a fat and happy liven' they'd get outof it! Wish you good-night, ladies.'

  To the great relief of Mrs. Sanders, Sam was allowed to depart withoutany reference, on the part of the hostess, to the pettitoes and toastedcheese; to which the ladies, with such juvenile assistance as MasterBardell could afford, soon afterwards rendered the amplest justice--indeed they wholly vanished before their strenuous exertions.

  Mr. Weller wended his way back to the George and Vulture, and faithfullyrecounted to his master, such indications of the sharp practice ofDodson & Fogg, as he had contrived to pick up in his visit to Mrs.Bardell's. An interview with Mr. Perker, next day, more than confirmedMr. Weller's statement; and Mr. Pickwick was fain to prepare for hisChristmas visit to Dingley Dell, with the pleasant anticipation thatsome two or three months afterwards, an action brought against him fordamages sustained by reason of a breach of promise of marriage, would bepublicly tried in the Court of Common Pleas; the plaintiff having allthe advantages derivable, not only from the force of circumstances, butfrom the sharp practice of Dodson & Fogg to boot.