The Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens

  CHAPTER XLVIII. RELATES HOW MR. PICKWICK, WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF SAMUELWELLER, ESSAYED TO SOFTEN THE HEART OF MR. BENJAMIN ALLEN, AND TOMOLLIFY THE WRATH OF MR. ROBERT SAWYER

  Mr. Ben Allen and Mr. Bob Sawyer sat together in the little surgerybehind the shop, discussing minced veal and future prospects, when thediscourse, not unnaturally, turned upon the practice acquired by Bob theaforesaid, and his present chances of deriving a competent independencefrom the honourable profession to which he had devoted himself.

  'Which, I think,' observed Mr. Bob Sawyer, pursuing the thread of thesubject--'which, I think, Ben, are rather dubious.'

  'What's rather dubious?' inquired Mr. Ben Allen, at the same timesharpening his intellect with a draught of beer. 'What's dubious?'

  'Why, the chances,' responded Mr. Bob Sawyer.

  'I forgot,' said Mr. Ben Allen. 'The beer has reminded me that I forgot,Bob--yes; they _are _dubious.'

  'It's wonderful how the poor people patronise me,' said Mr. Bob Sawyerreflectively. 'They knock me up, at all hours of the night; they takemedicine to an extent which I should have conceived impossible; they puton blisters and leeches with a perseverance worthy of a better cause;they make additions to their families, in a manner which is quite awful.Six of those last-named little promissory notes, all due on the sameday, Ben, and all intrusted to me!'

  'It's very gratifying, isn't it?' said Mr. Ben Allen, holding his platefor some more minced veal.

  'Oh, very,' replied Bob; 'only not quite so much so as the confidence ofpatients with a shilling or two to spare would be. This business wascapitally described in the advertisement, Ben. It is a practice, a veryextensive practice--and that's all.'

  'Bob,' said Mr. Ben Allen, laying down his knife and fork, and fixinghis eyes on the visage of his friend, 'Bob, I'll tell you what it is.'

  'What is it?' inquired Mr. Bob Sawyer.

  'You must make yourself, with as little delay as possible, master ofArabella's one thousand pounds.'

  'Three per cent. consolidated bank annuities, now standing in her namein the book or books of the governor and company of the Bank ofEngland,' added Bob Sawyer, in legal phraseology.

  'Exactly so,' said Ben. 'She has it when she comes of age, or marries.She wants a year of coming of age, and if you plucked up a spirit sheneedn't want a month of being married.'

  'She's a very charming and delightful creature,' quoth Mr. RobertSawyer, in reply; 'and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. Ithappens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. Shedon't like me.'

  'It's my opinion that she don't know what she does like,' said Mr. BenAllen contemptuously.

  'Perhaps not,' remarked Mr. Bob Sawyer. 'But it's my opinion that shedoes know what she doesn't like, and that's of more importance.'

  'I wish,' said Mr. Ben Allen, setting his teeth together, and speakingmore like a savage warrior who fed on raw wolf's flesh which he carvedwith his fingers, than a peaceable young gentleman who ate minced vealwith a knife and fork--'I wish I knew whether any rascal really has beentampering with her, and attempting to engage her affections. I think Ishould assassinate him, Bob.'

  'I'd put a bullet in him, if I found him out,' said Mr. Sawyer, stoppingin the course of a long draught of beer, and looking malignantly out ofthe porter pot. 'If that didn't do his business, I'd extract itafterwards, and kill him that way.'

  Mr. Benjamin Allen gazed abstractedly on his friend for some minutes insilence, and then said--

  'You have never proposed to her, point-blank, Bob?'

  'No. Because I saw it would be of no use,' replied Mr. Robert Sawyer.

  'You shall do it, before you are twenty-four hours older,' retorted Ben,with desperate calmness. 'She shall have you, or I'll know the reasonwhy. I'll exert my authority.'

  'Well,' said Mr. Bob Sawyer, 'we shall see.'

  'We shall see, my friend,' replied Mr. Ben Allen fiercely. He paused fora few seconds, and added in a voice broken by emotion, 'You have lovedher from a child, my friend. You loved her when we were boys at schooltogether, and, even then, she was wayward and slighted your youngfeelings. Do you recollect, with all the eagerness of a child's love,one day pressing upon her acceptance, two small caraway-seed biscuitsand one sweet apple, neatly folded into a circular parcel with the leafof a copy-book?'

  'I do,' replied Bob Sawyer.

  'She slighted that, I think?' said Ben Allen.

  'She did,' rejoined Bob. 'She said I had kept the parcel so long in thepockets of my corduroys, that the apple was unpleasantly warm.'

  'I remember,' said Mr. Allen gloomily. 'Upon which we ate it ourselves,in alternate bites.'

  Bob Sawyer intimated his recollection of the circumstance last alludedto, by a melancholy frown; and the two friends remained for some timeabsorbed, each in his own meditations.

  While these observations were being exchanged between Mr. Bob Sawyer andMr. Benjamin Allen; and while the boy in the gray livery, marvelling atthe unwonted prolongation of the dinner, cast an anxious look, from timeto time, towards the glass door, distracted by inward misgivingsregarding the amount of minced veal which would be ultimately reservedfor his individual cravings; there rolled soberly on through the streetsof Bristol, a private fly, painted of a sad green colour, drawn by achubby sort of brown horse, and driven by a surly-looking man with hislegs dressed like the legs of a groom, and his body attired in the coatof a coachman. Such appearances are common to many vehicles belongingto, and maintained by, old ladies of economic habits; and in thisvehicle sat an old lady who was its mistress and proprietor.

  'Martin!' said the old lady, calling to the surly man, out of the frontwindow.

  'Well?' said the surly man, touching his hat to the old lady.

  'Mr. Sawyer's,' said the old lady.

  'I was going there,' said the surly man.

  The old lady nodded the satisfaction which this proof of the surly man'sforesight imparted to her feelings; and the surly man giving a smartlash to the chubby horse, they all repaired to Mr. Bob Sawyer'stogether.

  'Martin!' said the old lady, when the fly stopped at the door of Mr.Robert Sawyer, late Nockemorf.

  'Well?' said Martin.

  'Ask the lad to step out, and mind the horse.'

  'I'm going to mind the horse myself,' said Martin, laying his whip onthe roof of the fly.

  'I can't permit it, on any account,' said the old lady; 'your testimonywill be very important, and I must take you into the house with me. Youmust not stir from my side during the whole interview. Do you hear?'

  'I hear,' replied Martin.

  'Well; what are you stopping for?'

  'Nothing,' replied Martin. So saying, the surly man leisurely descendedfrom the wheel, on which he had been poising himself on the tops of thetoes of his right foot, and having summoned the boy in the gray livery,opened the coach door, flung down the steps, and thrusting in a handenveloped in a dark wash-leather glove, pulled out the old lady with asmuch unconcern in his manner as if she were a bandbox.

  'Dear me!' exclaimed the old lady. 'I am so flurried, now I have gothere, Martin, that I'm all in a tremble.'

  Mr. Martin coughed behind the dark wash-leather gloves, but expressed nosympathy; so the old lady, composing herself, trotted up Mr. BobSawyer's steps, and Mr. Martin followed. Immediately on the old lady'sentering the shop, Mr. Benjamin Allen and Mr. Bob Sawyer, who had beenputting the spirits-and-water out of sight, and upsetting nauseous drugsto take off the smell of the tobacco smoke, issued hastily forth in atransport of pleasure and affection.

  'My dear aunt,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen, 'how kind of you to look inupon us! Mr. Sawyer, aunt; my friend Mr. Bob Sawyer whom I have spokento you about, regarding--you know, aunt.' And here Mr. Ben Allen, whowas not at the moment extraordinarily sober, added the word 'Arabella,'in what was meant to be a whisper, but which was an especially audibleand distinct tone of speech which nobody could avoid hearing, if anybodywere so disposed.

  'My dear Benjamin,' said the old lady, strug
gling with a great shortnessof breath, and trembling from head to foot, 'don't be alarmed, my dear,but I think I had better speak to Mr. Sawyer, alone, for a moment. Onlyfor one moment.'

  'Bob,' said Mr. Allen, 'will you take my aunt into the surgery?'

  'Certainly,' responded Bob, in a most professional voice. 'Step thisway, my dear ma'am. Don't be frightened, ma'am. We shall be able to setyou to rights in a very short time, I have no doubt, ma'am. Here, mydear ma'am. Now then!' With this, Mr. Bob Sawyer having handed the oldlady to a chair, shut the door, drew another chair close to her, andwaited to hear detailed the symptoms of some disorder from which he sawin perspective a long train of profits and advantages.

  The first thing the old lady did, was to shake her head a great manytimes, and began to cry.

  'Nervous,' said Bob Sawyer complacently. 'Camphor-julep and water threetimes a day, and composing draught at night.'

  'I don't know how to begin, Mr. Sawyer,' said the old lady. 'It is sovery painful and distressing.'

  'You need not begin, ma'am,' rejoined Mr. Bob Sawyer. 'I can anticipateall you would say. The head is in fault.'

  'I should be very sorry to think it was the heart,' said the old lady,with a slight groan.

  'Not the slightest danger of that, ma'am,' replied Bob Sawyer. 'Thestomach is the primary cause.'

  'Mr. Sawyer!' exclaimed the old lady, starting.

  'Not the least doubt of it, ma'am,' rejoined Bob, looking wondrous wise.'Medicine, in time, my dear ma'am, would have prevented it all.'

  'Mr. Sawyer,' said the old lady, more flurried than before, 'thisconduct is either great impertinence to one in my situation, Sir, or itarises from your not understanding the object of my visit. If it hadbeen in the power of medicine, or any foresight I could have used, toprevent what has occurred, I should certainly have done so. I had bettersee my nephew at once,' said the old lady, twirling her reticuleindignantly, and rising as she spoke.

  'Stop a moment, ma'am,' said Bob Sawyer; 'I'm afraid I have notunderstood you. What _is_ the matter, ma'am?'

  'My niece, Mr. Sawyer,' said the old lady: 'your friend's sister.'

  'Yes, ma'am,' said Bob, all impatience; for the old lady, although muchagitated, spoke with the most tantalising deliberation, as old ladiesoften do. 'Yes, ma'am.'

  'Left my home, Mr. Sawyer, three days ago, on a pretended visit to mysister, another aunt of hers, who keeps the large boarding-school, justbeyond the third mile-stone, where there is a very large laburnum-treeand an oak gate,' said the old lady, stopping in this place to dry hereyes.

  'Oh, devil take the laburnum-tree, ma'am!' said Bob, quite forgettinghis professional dignity in his anxiety. 'Get on a little faster; put alittle more steam on, ma'am, pray.'

  'This morning,' said the old lady slowly--'this morning, she--'

  'She came back, ma'am, I suppose,' said Bob, with great animation. 'Didshe come back?'

  'No, she did not; she wrote,' replied the old lady.

  'What did she say?' inquired Bob eagerly.

  'She said, Mr. Sawyer,' replied the old lady--'and it is this I want toprepare Benjamin's mind for, gently and by degrees; she said that shewas--I have got the letter in my pocket, Mr. Sawyer, but my glasses arein the carriage, and I should only waste your time if I attempted topoint out the passage to you, without them; she said, in short, Mr.Sawyer, that she was married.'

  What!' said, or rather shouted, Mr. Bob Sawyer.

  'Married,' repeated the old lady.

  Mr. Bob Sawyer stopped to hear no more; but darting from the surgeryinto the outer shop, cried in a stentorian voice, 'Ben, my boy, she'sbolted!'

  Mr. Ben Allen, who had been slumbering behind the counter, with his headhalf a foot or so below his knees, no sooner heard this appallingcommunication, than he made a precipitate rush at Mr. Martin, and,twisting his hand in the neck-cloth of that taciturn servitor, expressedan obliging intention of choking him where he stood. This intention,with a promptitude often the effect of desperation, he at once commencedcarrying into execution, with much vigour and surgical skill.

  Mr. Martin, who was a man of few words and possessed but little power ofeloquence or persuasion, submitted to this operation with a very calmand agreeable expression of countenance, for some seconds; finding,however, that it threatened speedily to lead to a result which wouldplace it beyond his power to claim any wages, board or otherwise, in alltime to come, he muttered an inarticulate remonstrance and felled Mr.Benjamin Allen to the ground. As that gentleman had his hands entangledin his cravat, he had no alternative but to follow him to the floor.There they both lay struggling, when the shop door opened, and the partywas increased by the arrival of two most unexpected visitors, to wit,Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Samuel Weller.

  The impression at once produced on Mr. Weller's mind by what he saw,was, that Mr. Martin was hired by the establishment of Sawyer, lateNockemorf, to take strong medicine, or to go into fits and beexperimentalised upon, or to swallow poison now and then with the viewof testing the efficacy of some new antidotes, or to do something orother to promote the great science of medicine, and gratify the ardentspirit of inquiry burning in the bosoms of its two young professors. So,without presuming to interfere, Sam stood perfectly still, and lookedon, as if he were mightily interested in the result of the then pendingexperiment. Not so, Mr. Pickwick. He at once threw himself on theastonished combatants, with his accustomed energy, and loudly calledupon the bystanders to interpose.

  This roused Mr. Bob Sawyer, who had been hitherto quite paralysed by thefrenzy of his companion. With that gentleman's assistance, Mr. Pickwickraised Ben Allen to his feet. Mr. Martin finding himself alone on thefloor, got up, and looked about him.

  'Mr. Allen,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'what is the matter, Sir?'

  'Never mind, Sir!' replied Mr. Allen, with haughty defiance.

  'What is it?' inquired Mr. Pickwick, looking at Bob Sawyer. 'Is heunwell?'

  Before Bob could reply, Mr. Ben Allen seized Mr. Pickwick by the hand,and murmured, in sorrowful accents, 'My sister, my dear Sir; my sister.'

  'Oh, is that all!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'We shall easily arrange thatmatter, I hope. Your sister is safe and well, and I am here, my dearSir, to--'

  'Sorry to do anythin' as may cause an interruption to such wery pleasantproceedin's, as the king said wen he dissolved the parliament,'interposed Mr. Weller, who had been peeping through the glass door; 'butthere's another experiment here, sir. Here's a wenerable old lady a--lyin' on the carpet waitin' for dissection, or galwinism, or some otherrewivin' and scientific inwention.'

  'I forgot,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen. 'It is my aunt.'

  'Dear me!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Poor lady! Gently Sam, gently.'

  'Strange sitivation for one o' the family,' observed Sam Weller,hoisting the aunt into a chair. 'Now depitty sawbones, bring out thewollatilly!'

  The latter observation was addressed to the boy in gray, who, havinghanded over the fly to the care of the street-keeper, had come back tosee what all the noise was about. Between the boy in gray, and Mr. BobSawyer, and Mr. Benjamin Allen (who having frightened his aunt into afainting fit, was affectionately solicitous for her recovery) the oldlady was at length restored to consciousness; then Mr. Ben Allen,turning with a puzzled countenance to Mr. Pickwick, asked him what hewas about to say, when he had been so alarmingly interrupted.

  'We are all friends here, I presume?' said Mr. Pickwick, clearing hisvoice, and looking towards the man of few words with the surlycountenance, who drove the fly with the chubby horse.

  This reminded Mr. Bob Sawyer that the boy in gray was looking on, witheyes wide open, and greedy ears. The incipient chemist having beenlifted up by his coat collar, and dropped outside the door, Bob Sawyerassured Mr. Pickwick that he might speak without reserve.

  'Your sister, my dear Sir,' said Mr. Pickwick, turning to BenjaminAllen, 'is in London; well and happy.'

  'Her happiness is no object to me, sir,' said Benjamin Allen, with aflourish of the hand.

  'Her hu
sband _is_ an object to _me_, Sir,' said Bob Sawyer. 'He shall bean object to me, sir, at twelve paces, and a pretty object I'll make ofhim, sir--a mean-spirited scoundrel!' This, as it stood, was a verypretty denunciation, and magnanimous withal; but Mr. Bob Sawyer ratherweakened its effect, by winding up with some general observationsconcerning the punching of heads and knocking out of eyes, which werecommonplace by comparison.

  'Stay, sir,' said Mr. Pickwick; 'before you apply those epithets to thegentleman in question, consider, dispassionately, the extent of hisfault, and above all remember that he is a friend of mine.'

  'What!' said Mr. Bob Sawyer. 'His name!' cried Ben Allen. 'His name!'

  'Mr. Nathaniel Winkle,' said Mr. Pickwick.

  Mr. Benjamin Allen deliberately crushed his spectacles beneath the heelof his boot, and having picked up the pieces, and put them into threeseparate pockets, folded his arms, bit his lips, and looked in athreatening manner at the bland features of Mr. Pickwick.

  'Then it's you, is it, Sir, who have encouraged and brought about thismatch?' inquired Mr. Benjamin Allen at length.

  'And it's this gentleman's servant, I suppose,' interrupted the oldlady, 'who has been skulking about my house, and endeavouring to entrapmy servants to conspire against their mistress.--Martin!'

  'Well?' said the surly man, coming forward.

  'Is that the young man you saw in the lane, whom you told me about, thismorning?'

  Mr. Martin, who, as it has already appeared, was a man of few words,looked at Sam Weller, nodded his head, and growled forth, 'That's theman.' Mr. Weller, who was never proud, gave a smile of friendlyrecognition as his eyes encountered those of the surly groom, andadmitted in courteous terms, that he had 'knowed him afore.'

  'And this is the faithful creature,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen, 'whom Ihad nearly suffocated!--Mr. Pickwick, how dare you allow your fellow tobe employed in the abduction of my sister? I demand that you explainthis matter, sir.'

  'Explain it, sir!' cried Bob Sawyer fiercely.

  'It's a conspiracy,' said Ben Allen.

  'A regular plant,' added Mr. Bob Sawyer.

  'A disgraceful imposition,' observed the old lady.

  'Nothing but a do,' remarked Martin.

  'Pray hear me,' urged Mr. Pickwick, as Mr. Ben Allen fell into a chairthat patients were bled in, and gave way to his pocket-handkerchief. 'Ihave rendered no assistance in this matter, beyond being present at oneinterview between the young people which I could not prevent, and fromwhich I conceived my presence would remove any slight colouring ofimpropriety that it might otherwise have had; this is the whole share Ihave had in the transaction, and I had no suspicion that an immediatemarriage was even contemplated. Though, mind,' added Mr. Pickwick,hastily checking himself--'mind, I do not say I should have preventedit, if I had known that it was intended.'

  'You hear that, all of you; you hear that?' said Mr. Benjamin Allen.

  'I hope they do,' mildly observed Mr. Pickwick, looking round, 'and,'added that gentleman, his colour mounting as he spoke, 'I hope they hearthis, Sir, also. That from what has been stated to me, sir, I assertthat you were by no means justified in attempting to force your sister'sinclinations as you did, and that you should rather have endeavoured byyour kindness and forbearance to have supplied the place of other nearerrelations whom she had never known, from a child. As regards my youngfriend, I must beg to add, that in every point of worldly advantage heis, at least, on an equal footing with yourself, if not on a much betterone, and that unless I hear this question discussed with becoming temperand moderation, I decline hearing any more said upon the subject.'

  'I wish to make a wery few remarks in addition to wot has been putfor'ard by the honourable gen'l'm'n as has jist give over,' said Mr.Weller, stepping forth, 'wich is this here: a indiwidual in company hascalled me a feller.'

  'That has nothing whatever to do with the matter, Sam,' interposed Mr.Pickwick. 'Pray hold your tongue.'

  'I ain't a-goin' to say nothin' on that 'ere pint, sir,' replied Sam,'but merely this here. P'raps that gen'l'm'n may think as there wos apriory 'tachment; but there worn't nothin' o' the sort, for the younglady said in the wery beginnin' o' the keepin' company, that shecouldn't abide him. Nobody's cut him out, and it 'ud ha' been jist thewery same for him if the young lady had never seen Mr. Vinkle. That'swhat I wished to say, sir, and I hope I've now made that 'eregen'l'm'n's mind easy.

  A short pause followed these consolatory remarks of Mr. Weller. Then Mr.Ben Allen rising from his chair, protested that he would never seeArabella's face again; while Mr. Bob Sawyer, despite Sam's flatteringassurance, vowed dreadful vengeance on the happy bridegroom.

  But, just when matters were at their height, and threatening to remainso, Mr. Pickwick found a powerful assistant in the old lady, who,evidently much struck by the mode in which he had advocated her niece'scause, ventured to approach Mr. Benjamin Allen with a few comfortingreflections, of which the chief were, that after all, perhaps, it waswell it was no worse; the least said the soonest mended, and upon herword she did not know that it was so very bad after all; what was overcouldn't be begun, and what couldn't be cured must be endured; withvarious other assurances of the like novel and strengtheningdescription. To all of these, Mr. Benjamin Allen replied that he meantno disrespect to his aunt, or anybody there, but if it were all the sameto them, and they would allow him to have his own way, he would ratherhave the pleasure of hating his sister till death, and after it.

  At length, when this determination had been announced half a hundredtimes, the old lady suddenly bridling up and looking very majestic,wished to know what she had done that no respect was to be paid to heryears or station, and that she should be obliged to beg and pray, inthat way, of her own nephew, whom she remembered about five-and-twentyyears before he was born, and whom she had known, personally, when hehadn't a tooth in his head; to say nothing of her presence on the firstoccasion of his having his hair cut, and assistance at numerous othertimes and ceremonies during his babyhood, of sufficient importance tofound a claim upon his affection, obedience, and sympathies, for ever.

  While the good lady was bestowing this objurgation on Mr. Ben Allen, BobSawyer and Mr. Pickwick had retired in close conversation to the innerroom, where Mr. Sawyer was observed to apply himself several times tothe mouth of a black bottle, under the influence of which, his featuresgradually assumed a cheerful and even jovial expression. And at last heemerged from the room, bottle in hand, and, remarking that he was verysorry to say he had been making a fool of himself, begged to propose thehealth and happiness of Mr. and Mrs. Winkle, whose felicity, so far fromenvying, he would be the first to congratulate them upon. Hearing this,Mr. Ben Allen suddenly arose from his chair, and, seizing the blackbottle, drank the toast so heartily, that, the liquor being strong, hebecame nearly as black in the face as the bottle. Finally, the blackbottle went round till it was empty, and there was so much shaking ofhands and interchanging of compliments, that even the metal-visaged Mr.Martin condescended to smile.

  'And now,' said Bob Sawyer, rubbing his hands, 'we'll have a jollynight.'

  'I am sorry,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'that I must return to my inn. I havenot been accustomed to fatigue lately, and my journey has tired meexceedingly.'

  'You'll take some tea, Mr. Pickwick?' said the old lady, withirresistible sweetness.

  'Thank you, I would rather not,' replied that gentleman. The truth is,that the old lady's evidently increasing admiration was Mr. Pickwick'sprincipal inducement for going away. He thought of Mrs. Bardell; andevery glance of the old lady's eyes threw him into a cold perspiration.

  As Mr. Pickwick could by no means be prevailed upon to stay, it wasarranged at once, on his own proposition, that Mr. Benjamin Allen shouldaccompany him on his journey to the elder Mr. Winkle's, and that thecoach should be at the door, at nine o'clock next morning. He then tookhis leave, and, followed by Samuel Weller, repaired to the Bush. It isworthy of remark, that Mr. Martin's face was horribly convulsed as heshook hands with Sam
at parting, and that he gave vent to a smile and anoath simultaneously; from which tokens it has been inferred by those whowere best acquainted with that gentleman's peculiarities, that heexpressed himself much pleased with Mr. Weller's society, and requestedthe honour of his further acquaintance.

  'Shall I order a private room, Sir?' inquired Sam, when they reached theBush.

  'Why, no, Sam,' replied Mr. Pickwick; 'as I dined in the coffee-room,and shall go to bed soon, it is hardly worth while. See who there is inthe travellers' room, Sam.'

  Mr. Weller departed on his errand, and presently returned to say thatthere was only a gentleman with one eye; and that he and the landlordwere drinking a bowl of bishop together.

  'I will join them,' said Mr. Pickwick.

  'He's a queer customer, the vun-eyed vun, sir,' observed Mr. Weller, ashe led the way. 'He's a-gammonin' that 'ere landlord, he is, sir, tillhe don't rightly know wether he's a-standing on the soles of his bootsor the crown of his hat.'

  The individual to whom this observation referred, was sitting at theupper end of the room when Mr. Pickwick entered, and was smoking a largeDutch pipe, with his eye intently fixed on the round face of thelandlord; a jolly-looking old personage, to whom he had recently beenrelating some tale of wonder, as was testified by sundry disjointedexclamations of, 'Well, I wouldn't have believed it! The strangest thingI ever heard! Couldn't have supposed it possible!' and other expressionsof astonishment which burst spontaneously from his lips, as he returnedthe fixed gaze of the one-eyed man.

  'Servant, sir,' said the one-eyed man to Mr. Pickwick. 'Fine night,sir.'

  'Very much so indeed,' replied Mr. Pickwick, as the waiter placed asmall decanter of brandy, and some hot water before him.

  While Mr. Pickwick was mixing his brandy-and-water, the one-eyed manlooked round at him earnestly, from time to time, and at length said--

  'I think I've seen you before.'

  'I don't recollect you,' rejoined Mr. Pickwick.

  'I dare say not,' said the one-eyed man. 'You didn't know me, but I knewtwo friends of yours that were stopping at the Peacock at Eatanswill, atthe time of the election.'

  'Oh, indeed!' exclaimed Mr. Pickwick.

  'Yes,' rejoined the one-eyed man. 'I mentioned a little circumstance tothem about a friend of mine of the name of Tom Smart. Perhaps you'veheard them speak of it.'

  'Often,' rejoined Mr. Pickwick, smiling. 'He was your uncle, I think?'

  'No, no; only a friend of my uncle's,' replied the one-eyed man.

  'He was a wonderful man, that uncle of yours, though,' remarked thelandlord shaking his head.

  'Well, I think he was; I think I may say he was,' answered the one-eyedman. 'I could tell you a story about that same uncle, gentlemen, thatwould rather surprise you.'

  'Could you?' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Let us hear it, by all means.'

  The one-eyed bagman ladled out a glass of negus from the bowl, and drankit; smoked a long whiff out of the Dutch pipe; and then, calling to SamWeller who was lingering near the door, that he needn't go away unlesshe wanted to, because the story was no secret, fixed his eye upon thelandlord's, and proceeded, in the words of the next chapter.