The Rainbow Maker's Tale by Melanie Cusick-Jones
* * *
The large canteen opposite The Clinic was virtually empty as I sauntered casually through the door. Who would have thought from my calm and collected exterior I’d just been stealing restricted medication? Perhaps there was something wrong with me…a psychological flaw that made me not feel guilty about doing something I knew was highly dubious… I shrugged and smiled to myself. I most definitely didn’t care about breaking rules at this point in time, but that wasn’t a huge change for me. What was new was my motivation for doing it: it wasn’t about finding out how something worked, I simply wanted to help Cassie.
Who would have thought that being the crazy person would have benefits?
Heading towards the servery, I was about to get breakfast – with my multi-vitamin complex, of course – when I glimpsed Cassie sitting alone at a table in the corner of the canteen. She was as far away from the entrance as it was possible to be, as though she was trying to hide in plain sight.
“Hey!” I called across to her. My breakfast plans entirely forgotten.
Cassie’s gaze jerked towards my voice and even though I could see from this distance that she looked tired, when she saw me, the most wonderful smile spread across her face. With an explosion of excited nerves wriggling inside my stomach, I began weaving through the empty tables making my way towards her. I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face as I moved.
“What are you doing here so early?” I asked, as I arrived at Cassie’s table.
When she turned in my direction I realised just how tired she looked. Beautiful as ever, but…drained. I felt my previous happiness deflate in my chest. “You look tired,” I said.
“I’m fine,” Cassie shrugged off my observation.
I knew that “I’m fine” should be translated to mean: yes I am, but don’t focus attention on me, please. Her gaze fell away from mine and she turned towards the canteen serving area, as though she had suddenly become very interested in food.
Without waiting for an invitation, I pulled out the nearest chair and sat down, we were not quite facing one another. “Was your shoulder hurting? Is that why you’ve not slept?” I didn’t mean to sound as cross as I did, but Cassie could be so infuriatingly dismissive.
“No, my shoulder’s fine.”
My head tipped to the side, eyebrows quirking at her obvious denial.
“Alright!” She huffed. “It was hurting quite a bit, but felt much better after I’d taken some of the tablets you brought for me.”
I didn’t hear a thank you in her grumbling.
“And once I’d found a comfortable position I was able to get some sleep. Are you happy now?”
Her words made me frown: how could she think it would make me happy? “No, not happy. I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but I can see you’ve barely slept. You should have let me take you to The Clinic straight away.” My words faltered, and I corrected myself. “I should have just taken you, and not let you persuade me to do what we did.”
“Hey!” Cassie reached across the table and wrapped her fingers around my arm. “You did the right thing and I wouldn’t have let you do anything else than what we did.”
I couldn’t look at her. Right now I was too angry with myself. I had been so caught up with feeling clever about sneaking around The Clinic and beating the systems, I hadn’t stopped to think about the damage this could be doing to someone I supposedly cared about.
Squeezing my arm with warm fingers, Cassie made me glance up. “My shoulder is fixed now. It will just take a few days for the swelling to come down that’s all.” A soft smile lifted her cheeks, as she promised me there was no lasting damage.
I shook my head, mainly at myself. “That’s not true. When you’ve had a dislocated shoulder once you’re more likely to suffer a similar injury in the future due to damage caused to the joint during dislocation.”
“Fine,” Cassie snapped back, eyes rolling at my stubbornness. “There may be some minor lasting damage, but once the accident happened we did everything they would have done in The Clinic if we’d gone there –”
“Except for scans and heat therapy and anaesthetic…” I couldn’t help myself, although the real fire had gone out of my argument. Cassie was probably right anyway, I couldn’t turn back time, could I?
Cassie ignored my interruption. “Now I’m feeling pretty good overall.”
“OK, OK, you win!” I smiled. But, when my eyes met hers, I saw how tired she looked again. “So, if your shoulder wasn’t bothering you so much – as you say – then why do you look so tired this morning?”
“Is that a tactless way of saying I look bad?”
Cassie was teasing me, but I wasn’t ready to brush this off just yet. “No. It’s a concerned friend’s way of saying they are worried about why you might not be sleeping. That is, if you’re adamant it’s not because of your shoulder…”
“It isn’t my shoulder.”
“What is it, then?”
Cassie’s lips parted, as if she might answer. But, then her stomach gurgled loudly, interrupting whatever she had been about to say. She gave a little, self-conscious giggle.
“Have you eaten yet?” she asked.
I could tell she was forcing at least some of the brightness into her voice, if not all of it. But, I also knew she was doing it for me – to ease my guilt about her getting hurt – and so I let it go. I hadn’t eaten, and so I answered honestly. “No.”
“Me either and we’ll have to leave for placement soon, so I could really do with getting something now. But, you know, with my arm, I don’t know if I can carry the tray…”
“Ha! Nice try!” I laughed. She was the worse actress ever, with the tiny shoulder shrug, elbow waggling and comic grimacing. “How about this: I’ll pretend that wasn’t the worse diversion I’ve ever heard, and will get you some breakfast.” Cassie grinned at me as I pushed my chair back, she could sense victory in the air. Unfortunately for Cassie, it wasn’t going to be her victory. “After all,” I continued. “I am a gentleman, and wouldn’t want to see you suffer. If it makes you feel any better, you can pretend that I’m going to forget about this.” I was on my feet now and staring down into her face. “But, I’ll make you tell me later. Even if I have to dangle you from a cliff to get it out of you!”
Cassie stuck her tongue out at me, but I could tell from the set of her jaw that she knew I meant what I said. And she didn’t like it. Turning away from the table, I began weaving through the empty chairs in the direction of the service line. Whether she liked it or not, I wouldn’t stand by and watch her suffer – whether I was the cause or not.
I was at the counter for a matter of two minutes. No time at all, but somehow it was enough for Joel to appear! When I turned back towards the table he was there: long limbs dangled all over, the chair barely big enough to contain him.
I let out an irritated breath, before adjusting my features into a relaxed smile. “Give the girl some room,” I muttered. It was hard to ignore Joel’s arm thrown casually across the back of Cassie’s chair, bringing him closer to her.
Was it really necessary to sit that close at breakfast?
I had double standards, I know, but I couldn’t help it. Cassie was smirking at whatever he was saying to her just then, and it made my insides burn. A second later Cassie pointed towards me, and I busied myself with gathering utensils to go with our meals, so that I didn’t have to look at them.
Fully stocked up on knives, forks and napkins, I began my journey back to the table. I was obviously living by the motto that you can never have too many napkins today: in my haste I’d managed to take a pile that was almost as high as my water tumbler. Excellent.
Cassie smiled warmly at me as I drew closer. I managed a brief lip twitch.
“Hi Joel. You’re up early.” I set the trays on the table as I spoke. It was good to have something to do, and dropping them on Joel’s head wasn’t a viable option, even if it was inviting.
“
I just nodded.
Untangling his limbs from beneath the table, he bounded off towards the serving area; providing us with the unnecessary announcement of “I’m starving!” as he went.
Cassie sighed just after he left. I was just taking my seat at the time.
“Do you miss Joel that much?” I didn’t mean to pounce on her, but I couldn’t help it. I felt angry and resentful, for no real reason other than that I didn’t want Joel to be there. I didn’t want him making Cassie laugh and smile. I just wanted it to be us. And now she sounded like she wanted him around, and not me.
Paranoid much?
Internal sarcasm was no help either.
“Are you teasing me?” Cassie asked sounding bemused.
I was immediately sorry for what I’d said, but also unable to pull my emotions back completely. I still sounded testy when I replied. “Yes, I’m kidding.”
Avoiding Cassie’s enquiring gaze, I became very interested in my cutlery. Maybe I could present her with some of my many napkins, as a peace offering?
“I was sighing because I was thinking about spending another day at The Clinic,” she said, picking up her own utensils.
Her voice was soft, and sounded tired. That made me feel much better about behaving like a jerk.
“Oh,” I replied, going with the most charming and engaging answer I could think of. If I could have kicked myself at that moment in time I would have, but my legs just weren’t long enough.
Joel’s pretty tall – I bet he can kick himself.
So, now I had to feel inferior about my height?
Cassie’s voice interrupted my deranged musings. “Do you know where you are today?”
“I’m not sure.” I replied, snatching a quick glance at her, before looking back at my food. She didn’t look angry – maybe she was getting used to ignoring me when I was stupid. “They mentioned something about a change to the rotation yesterday, but I wasn’t sure what they were referring to. I suppose we’ll find out soon enough won’t we.”
“Yep.”
Cassie nodded along with my words. That was when I connected her earlier sighs and comment about a day at The Clinic. I leaned my fork on the side of the plate and turned my full attention on her now. “Are you not looking forward to today?”
Cassie looked up, her eyes locking on mine. It made everything a little fuzzy, if I’m honest. It was hard not to get lost in her gaze when she looked at me like that. It was as if she only saw me – that everything around us ceased to exist in that one moment – it was just us.
She cleared her throat quietly, and it broke the spell. “Why would you think that?”
“You said you were sighing at the thought of going to The Clinic today. For most normal people, that is not a good sign.”
“Oh, that…” She nodded at my reminder of her own words. “I’m just tired and a bit stiff: ignore me, I’m being grumpy. Sorry.”
“Hey,” I reached across to touch her hand, demanding that she look at me again. “You don’t have to apologise to me.” I told her, adding silently that I was the one who should be apologising. The only person who had been unnecessarily grumpy that morning was me; I was an idiot. I sighed, frustrated with myself, as usual. “I’m just sorry that you’re in pain, I wish I could do something about it.”
“Thanks. More drugs would be good,” she joked.
I could have kicked myself. Again. But, I’d already analysed why that wasn’t possible, hadn’t I? I wasn’t just an idiot; I was the biggest idiot. After all the effort I had gone to this morning to get more tablets, I couldn’t believe I’d neglected to actually give them to the person that needed them!
In my bag I’d hidden a pretty big stash of the tablets, along with some other interesting stuff I’d found in the storeroom and thought it might be helpful to have to hand in the future. After a quick jog to Park 42 to bury most of what I’d taken, I had held back a full packet for Cassie this morning. It should be enough to last her a couple of days.
“Already sorted,” I grinned. Releasing her hand I delved into my pocket, producing a full packet of the painkillers a moment later.
“Thanks.”
Smiling gratefully, Cassie immediately popped two pills from the wrapper. She swallowed them both with a single gulp of breakfast juice.
“No problem.” I guessed she hadn’t taken anything that morning, from the speed with which she took the new tablets. “Just make sure your partner looks after you today,” I nodded towards Joel as he sauntered back towards the table. “I don’t want to find you’ve been doing anything stupid and not resting your shoulder as much as you can.”
“Yes boss!”
Cassie suppressed a smile, ignoring my bossiness. I smiled back and squeezed her hand, before starting on my food again. “I’ll wait for you outside The Clinic when you’re finished for the day if you want?”
“Sure. Why not,” she shrugged.
The casual gesture was completely at odds with the grin I could see tugging at Cassie’s lips. She seemed happy at the prospect of spending time with me. I didn’t want to say what I did next, but I couldn’t help myself. Serious Balik was back.
“Good.” I nodded, reaffirming myself. “I think another stroll in the park is called for and you can tell me why you were up all night.”
Cassie’s faced dropped, but Joel’s reappearance at the table quashed any further discussion on the matter. Joel happily filled the silence with some cheerful chatter about one of his friends, and didn’t appear to notice that Cassie and I stayed quiet. Before long, it was time to go.
We were inside The Clinic and at the orientation reception doors before I was really aware of it. My head was busy wondering what other reasons Cassie might have for not sleeping. I suspected it might have something to do with what had happened in the park after she blacked out. Despite her denials, I just knew there was something more to the strange coincidence of her answering what I thought and not what I had said.
The door slid open automatically, and I stood aside the let Cassie pass through first. Joel paused, completing the very same movement. We were like a reflection of one another, with Cassie in the middle. It might have been comical, except for the look that passed between Joel and myself, when we realised what we were doing.
In that moment, I think Joel and I saw each other – really saw each other – for the first time. Cassie ducked between us into the orientation reception. Our eyes moved slowly off one another, to stare instead at the girl in front of us. It wasn’t jealousy exactly, that hollowed out my stomach. It was the realisation that Joel was looking at Cassie, the way I knew I looked at her.
Cassie headed straight into the girl’s room to change. Joel and I walked side-by-side across the reception to the male changing room, in an odd silence. Then there was an even worse, more uncomfortable moment, when we both moved to go through the single door at the same time.
“Sorry,” we muttered simultaneously. It took a few attempts, and several seconds, for us to navigate the short distance into the room without bumping into one another again.
A clean, fresh clinic-suit was waiting on my peg as usual, once I made it inside. I noticed that it had long sleeves, but nothing more. I was more interested in dressing as quickly as possible and getting out, before Joel decided to engage me in conversation. I was still new to this stuff – what the hell would I say if he asked me outright what was going on with Cassie?
Not much really, Joel. I’ve kind of stalked Cassie over the last few years – in secret, obviously. But now her friends think she likes me, so that’s worked out well. Except, I nearly got her killed yesterday. Oh, and when I was eight, I think I got my friend killed, but then she came back to life.
No. I had no answers for Joel. I didn’t even have good ones for myself. I changed my c
“Hello again.”
My heart leaped in my chest. But, not in the good way that normally happened when Cassie spoke to me. It was more like what I guessed a heart attack might feel like: all sharp pain and contracting muscles.
I was so caught up distracting myself with squares, I hadn’t heard her approach and so I was caught completely off guard. Spinning on the spot, I turned towards the voice. As my eyes fell on her, my heart did one of the nicer contractions. Cassie looked lovely in white. I smiled. Then noticed a second later that the long sleeves of her suit were like mine, and helpfully covered up the bruising, cuts and goodness knows what else on her arms.
“You look better than you did last night,” she offered.
“Right back at you,” I replied. The compliment she’d paid me made me bolder and I moved closer, dropping my lips to her ear. “Although I was rather hoping you would need some help getting into your suit again…”
I stepped back in time to see her cheeks flush pink. It made me laugh. “That colour suits you, you know?” She blushed even more and I laughed again.
“Ah, speaking of colour. Do you remember the rainbow machine you made for that science fair when we were younger?”
My laughter cut off abruptly. Where had this come from?
I nodded. “I remember. What brought that to mind?”
“Something I saw in the changing room made me think of rainbows and it just popped into my head.”
I tried to imagine what Cassie might have seen that was rainbow-like in their changing room, but couldn’t. Surely the room was as white and bland as everywhere else in The Clinic?
Regardless of what had prompted Cassie’s sudden interest in my school science project, it probably wasn’t the best time to reveal my long-term interest in her. I wasn’t about to admit that I’d built the rainbow maker purely to try and get her to talk to me.
“Oh. It never really worked that well,” I shrugged one shoulder, throwing in a quick hair flick to generate the perfect picture of nonchalance. “There were some design kinks that I didn’t iron out.”
“I wish I’d seen it. I always wanted to see a real rainbow.”
I know.
Cassie looked wistful, her eyes clouding a little and I thought she might be picturing herself somewhere else, away from the Space Station Hope, where real rainbows were possible.
“I wanted to see one ever since we learned about Earth’s weather systems as children. But, I was too nervous to come over and have a look at what you had made when we were at the fair… how silly is that?”
Very silly! Why would she be scared to speak to me, or look at my project? Then, I remembered a vague image of some sort of flying contraption that she’d made for the same fair. It had flopped to the ground on its inaugural flight and never recovered. Perhaps that was the problem.
I shook my head, marvelling at how self-conscious someone like Cassie could be. There was no need for it, but for some reason, she didn’t see that. “It’s not silly.” I told her, adding honestly: “it would have been nice if you’d seen it…even with its technical problems.”
“You still won the fair,” Cassie pointed out.
Her words convinced me even more that it was the failure of her work, and not the success of mine that had made her too nervous to even look at what I had made for her. “Sometimes it’s about getting someone to see something differently, rather than winning.” My words were loud enough for Cassie to hear, but I think they were more for me than her. I found myself wishing, once again, that I could work out how to tell Cassie the full truth: just enough, so that she could see what was happening around us. So that it wasn’t just me.
Cassie obviously wanted to change the subject, because she went straight to generic small talk with her next question.
“So, what do you think you’ll be doing today with Olivia?”
Nothing, hopefully.
I wasn’t interested in making small talk, especially about Olivia, and so I shrugged and replied “who knows”. In the moment after I’d done it, I realised I was definitely picking up on some of Cassie’s more obvious traits. I’d heard that happened with friends, but hadn’t had enough time with anyone to notice that before. It was interesting.
A wisp of hair sticking on Cassie’s cheek distracted me. Without thinking, I reached out and caught the strands in my fingers, intending to tuck them behind her ear, where I guessed they were supposed to be. I paused as her hair caught the light. Bright, natural highlights appeared from within the normal brown colour as the light moved across the hairs. From a coppery-gold to a darker bronze-red, it was as if her hair had suddenly become metal in my fingers the moment I touched it. I moved the strands one way, and then another, tilting them to watch the colours merge and change. It was beautiful.
A flash of green caught my attention and I realised Cassie was staring at me. Quickly – and guiltily – I tucked the hairs into their proper place and offered her a swift smile of apology. Cassie stepped away from me, just as I heard the reception door slide open behind me. I guessed my stalker-scrutiny had freaked her out. Well done, Balik.
“Hi Balik! How are you this morning?”
Olivia suddenly appeared by my elbow, standing too close to me, and as loud as ever. I took a breath, potentially preparing to answer, but of course, this was Olivia, and so there was no need for my input to the conversation.
“I wonder what we’re doing today? Did you have a nice afternoon yesterday when we finished early? I ended up at Park 14 with a group of people from school, you should have come too, you would have loved it!”
Automatically I slipped into my usual role: nodding and offering smiles at regular intervals. It was easy enough to let Olivia’s questions just wash over me.
“Hi Joel!”
Olivia’s greeting brought my attention back to the group. Joel was ambling towards us, and nodded at Olivia’s welcome.
“I saw you this morning from my bedroom window – where were you going at that time?” She demanded.
“Just running. Then, I saw Cassie and Balik at the canteen and we had breakfast together.” Joel replied.
At the mention of my name, I looked across at him. I couldn’t help but notice that Joel had chosen to stand opposite me, on Cassie’s other side. She looked quite small sandwiched between us, especially as Joel towered a good four or five inches over my own head. Olivia passed between Cassie and I, moving towards the changing room when Medic Karlina appeared in the reception.
At first, I welcomed the silence following Olivia’s brief appearance. Then I realised that with only Cassie, Joel and myself stood there, the silence was stretching from awkward to excrutiating at a rapid pace. For once I felt concerned about falling into an uncomfortable silence. Perhaps I didn’t want Cassie to think I was rude…? Whatever the reason, in a move completely out of character, I started a conversation with Joel.
“So, you were out running this morning – anywhere nice?”
This single question was enough to start things going. After initially looking surprised by my interest, Joel fell into a comfortable recollection of where he’d been running and which parks he preferred for different reasons. I offered a few observations of my own and, before I knew it, everyone was back in the room.
Medic Karlina stepped forwards – making sure she had everyone’s attention – and with a glance at her viewing screen started our daily briefing. “You’ve now completed six weeks of the placement with us here at The Clinic, and feedback on all of you has been generally positive so far.”
Cassie sighed at my shoulder. I caught her gaze and flicked my eyes at her shoulder, asking silently if she was in pain. A slight shake of the head told me she wasn’t, and we both turned o
“To help you get a wider range of experience here we’re going to reorganise you into new pairs for the next few days and see how well you can share the knowledge you’ve already picked up.”
New pairs?
I snuck a hopeful peek at Cassie and found she was already looking at me. I stretched out my arm, showing off the long-sleeved suit that only Cassie and I were wearing. Surely, that meant we would be partnered together.
Reading from the viewing screen, Medic Karlina announced the new pairings. “Balik and Cassie will be working in research and records for the next few days.”
She looked up at the group, not focusing on us directly, which made me think she didn’t actually know who Cassie and I were. That was probably an even worse compliment than the generally positive feedback. It had been nearly two months and she spoke to us five days a week. How difficult was it to memorise a few names and faces?
Medic Karlina read out the next pairings swiftly, not that I was interested.
“Does anyone have any questions?” she asked.
Silence.
“Excellent, let’s get going then.”
She turned away from us and began tapping on her viewing screen again. It was obviously our cue to leave. Cassie and I nudged towards each other – sharing a brief grin – and waited for one of the Medics to identify themselves as our mentor for the new placement. We got Medic Jones, who I’d met a couple of times already. Without preamble he escorted us out of the reception.
I looked down at Cassie as we passed through the orientation reception doors and smiled to myself. Today was already turning out to be even better than I’d hoped.