Thirteen Senses by Victor Villaseñor
“Yaaa, I’m sure that may be true,” said Hans with his heavy German accent. “But we got to first figure out an angle on how to sell ’em, or we’re just going to lose our pants and shoes like those men did with all those eucalyptus trees east of town. Tell me,” he said, turning to Salvador, “how do you people eat these avocados back in Mexico?”
“Well,” said Salvador, feeling good to be included in this conversation with two such educated men, “we put them in our tortillas. But also we mash them up and mix ’em with salsa, and they’re muy tasty!”
“How? Show us,” said Hans. “I’m a cook. I love learning new recipes.”
“You got any tomatoes and chile?’’’’ asked Salvador.
“Is the Pope Catholic?” said Palmer. “Hell, I grow my own chiles and tomatoes just for this very reason. I love salsa!”
So Salvador cut open three big avocados and mashed them up in a big bowl, then added lots of freshly-chopped tomatoes, onions, and chile. then salt and pepper and squeezed in one big juicy lemon. Hans’s and Palmer’s mouths were watering when they finally tasted it.
“Hey, this is delicious!” said Hans. “What’s it called?”
“Guacamole,” said Salvador, “but we need a little cilantro.”
“Guac-a-what?” said Hans.
“Guacamole,” repeated Salvador.
“Gua-qua-hell!” said Hans.
“Here, take a few more shots of whiskey,” said Palmer, laughing. “You have to loosen your lips to get hold of Spanish. That’s why the Mexican señoritas always make the best damn kissers in all the world. They got loose, fast-moving lips and tongues. My wife learned that from her Mexican girlfriends. They’d practice kissing in the mirror for hours!”
The Father Sun was going down into the sea and Hans kept drinking more and more whiskey, trying to loosen his German tongue so he could say guacamole, but he could just never get hold of the word.
Salvador and Palmer laughed and laughed, matching him drink for drink. Then Salvador suggested that they go to the barrio and get a couple kilos of corn tortillas, carne asada, then they could really see what guacamole was all about!
Coming back, they almost ran head-on into old man Kenny White and the truck he’d found for Salvador. Kenny could see that they were half drunk and up to no good. He loved it and followed them in Salvador’s new truck back to Palmer’s place.
Walking into Palmer’s house, Kenny put his arm around Salvador and whispered to him that his brother-in-law was looking for him. Salvador nodded, but said nothing. He was still pissed. Then Kenny told Salvador to be careful because every time Palmer’s family left town, Fred Palmer got Mexican Wild.
“Mexican Wild?” said Salvador. “What’s that?”
“You just watch and you’ll find out,” said Kenny, “a few more shots and he’ll start barking and howling to the Moon! Hell, he’s the best coyote-howler in the region! Even the chickens run from him once he gets going. You see, originally, Palmer’s people came from Tucson, Arizona. They were in the mining business on both sides of the border and made tons of money. All his people speak Spanish like natives. But his wife, hell, she’s even richer than him, but she don’t think her shit stinks.”
“I’ll be damn,” said Salvador, laughing, “then this is what you call Mexican Wild, eh? A man howling and being happy?” And he thought of all the money that Archie’s nephew was making, acting wild. Also, he wondered what it could mean that Victoriano was looking for him. He hoped to God that Lupe and the baby were okay.
In Palmer’s huge kitchen, Kenny and Salvador put the carne asada in a pan, then they cut up a dozen big, juicy avocados and made a huge bowl of guacamole. Kenny and Salvador had become even better friends since the old man had started driving liquor-runs for him. Salvador just couldn’t believe it—here he was with three Anglos—educated men, men who could read and write—and he was having one of the best times of his whole life!
Then Kenny and Salvador heated up the corn tortillas, and the four of them now pigged out with tacos de carne asada and the whole bowl of guacamole. Hans and Palmer were sure that they’d come upon the best damn appetizer that any drinking man would ever want!
“We’ve struck gold!” said Palmer, giving a coyote howl!
“I agree, this guaca-hell and tortillas is the best!” said Hans, kissing his fingertips, then giving a howl, too. “But you know, I’m still gonna have trouble selling it to my relatives in New Jersey. Because, well, fruit just don’t sound like it’d go well with drinking whiskey or beer, eh?”
“Well, then, hell,” said Kenny, laughing, “just call these avocados a damn vegetable! What the hell would they know back in New Jersey?! Hell, myself, I’d call it the Mexican vegetable especially grown for the drinking man so he don’t get a hangover! A cure, I’d call it, una cura para tu cruda, as they say in Mexican. Eh, Sal?”
“That’s right,” said Salvador. “Una cura para la cruda!”
“Yaaa, that I can sell if we just say it in good English like I speak,” said Hans, butchering each word as he spoke. “We really could call it a vegietable!
You know, like the potato that you can eat baked or mashed and goes so well with beer, wine, or whiskey.”
“So that’s it,” said Palmer, “from now on the avocado will be known as a vegetable, as the miracle vegetable from old Mexico that helps with bowel movements, arthritis, hangovers, and everything else,” added Palmer, howling to the Heavens again. He was getting more Mexican Wild by the moment. “And its natural oiliness gives longevity, too!”
“Yaaa, that’s it!” said Hans, taking Palmer’s suggestion seriously. “But Sal, do you really know any people in Mexico who drink whiskey, and eat avocados and have lived a long time?”
“Well, yeah, sure,” said Salvador. “My mother, she eats lots of avocados, because, well, they’re soft and easy on her gums and stomach.”
“Then old people do eat them for their health,” said Hans. “By God, we’re all going to become millionaires!”
“Sounds good to me,” said Kenny. “And I’ll fix your trucks and farm machinery and get rich, too!”
“And I’ll sell lots of whiskey!” said Salvador.
And so the four of them got shit-face drunk, drinking to the avocado, the new miracle vegetable from Mexico that gave people a long, healthy life.
Soon they were all HOWLING to the Mother Moon, while all around them, the whole country was going to pieces. Nobody had money. Entire communities were going under.
PARKING, Salvador could see Lupe through the kitchen window with her brother. His whole heart came leaping up into his throat! His truelove was home, and their child was in her arms. He breathed and breathed again, sitting in his car, just looking in the window. Then he got out of his Moon, thanked the stars above, and approached the front door.
He was trembling, he was so happy. Lupe and Hortensia looked so beautiful, inside their well-lit kitchen, visiting with Victoriano.
“Lupe!” he called, coming inside. “When did you get home?”
“This afternoon,” she said. Her face was still having trouble when she spoke, but at least she could form her words pretty well now. “Where have you been? My brother searched for you everywhere!”
“Up at Palmer’s ranch on the hill,” he said. “Hi, Victoriano. I grafted avocado trees with Hans and old man Palmer all day long. I’m becoming an ‘avocado doctor,’ “ he added.
“A doctor?” said Lupe.
“Yes, that’s what they call the men who know how to graft avocado trees,” said Salvador. “You know, someday I want us, Lupe, to buy a ranch and raise avocados. They’re the future, Victoriano. They’re going to be the number-one crop in all the area.” He glanced at their child. “How’s Hortensia?” he asked.
“I’m glad you finally remembered to ask,” said Lupe.
“Lupe,” he said, “don’t do that. I’m not the one who forgot. It was you. Eh, how could you have done the baptism without me, querida? Our first child, and y
“But I didn’t do it,” said Lupe. Suddenly, she was having a lot of trouble speaking once again. “I was sound asleep when Maria came and took our baby.”
Salvador could hardly understand her now. She had to say the whole thing over again and much slower.
“Oh, then you didn’t know, either?”
“No, how could I, Salvador? I was sick and half out of my head. I would never have permitted them to do what they did if I’d been well,” she added, having difficulty with each word.
Victoriano, who’d been sitting down watching this whole exchange, now got to his feet. “Well, I’ll be going now,” he said. “I can see you two are now acting like a real married couple and have a lot to talk about. And the doctor said not to worry about her, Salvador; within a few days she’ll be fine.”
“Why don’t you stay the night,” said Salvador, really wanting him to go. “It’s late.”
“No, I need to get back. Whitehead and I are meeting with old man Irvine tomorrow morning. The old goat-man has an idea.”
“Well, then, I’ll see you out,” said Salvador, walking his brother-in-law outside to his truck. He was really glad that Victoriano was going. He wanted to be alone with Lupe and their baby. “Here,” he said, slipping Victoriano a five-dollar bill. “For your gas. Thank you for bringing Lupe home.”
“You don’t need to pay me, Salvador. She’s my sister. I did it for her.”
“I know. I know. But here, gas is expensive. We can’t get gas free from the farmers.”
“By the way, talking about farmers,” said Victoriano, smiling, “was it you, Salvador, who got that farmer to come apologizing to our house?”
“Me? Oh, no,” said Salvador. “God just works in mysterious ways.”
“I see. I see. But you didn’t give God a little help, did you?”
“Well, maybe my prayers did reach the man.”
“Your prayers, eh?” said Victoriano, laughing. “Yeah, I think I’ve heard about your prayers. They can be very convincing.”
Salvador nodded. “Yes, I agree, I do pray a very convincing prayer sometimes, Victoriano.”
They said nothing more. They both just stood looking at each other with a twinkle in their eyes. They, too, had come a long ways in their relationship as brothers-in-love.
“Take good care of her, Salvador,” Victoriano finally said. “The doctor, he told Lupe that she was still too weak to come down today, but she insisted once she heard how you’d come and left so angry. She loves you very much, Salvador.”
“I know, and I love her very much, too. Here, take the five. I know that you’re using your gas to bring food to the barrio.”
“No, Salvador,” said Victoriano. “I don’t want to be one of these people who always keeps taking from you. You helped me to buy my truck, that was more than enough. I’m just glad that I was able to pay you back a little.”
“All right,” said Salvador, putting his money back in his pocket. “See you, compadre. Buenas noches. You’re a good man, Victoriano, a very good man.”
“You, too,” said Victoriano, “and I’ll tell my family that you send them your best.”
Salvador breathed. “Yeah, sure, please do say that.”
Victoriano drove off. Salvador took another deep breath, glanced up at the Heavens, and then went back inside their casita. Lupe was in the kitchen. Their baby was nowhere in sight. Lupe had put their child down for the night.
“Your brother is a good man,” said Salvador.
“What did he tell you?” asked Lupe. “That I’m still sick? That the doctor told me not to come? Well, I’m not sick, Salvador. I can, well, almost talk straight again.” She took a big breath. “I just don’t know what got into everyone. I guess they were afraid because of my condition, so they didn’t know what to do when Maria came in saying that our baby had to be baptized immediately.”
“Oh, so then it really was Maria who did it? I had guessed it was Carlota.”
“Well, you guessed wrong. Carlota defended you, Salvador. Both she and Sophia told Maria that you should be there and they’d have no part of it.”
“I’ll be damn,” said Salvador. “Carlota defended me. That’s incredible. Then who exactly was at our child’s baptism?”
Lupe hated to tell him, but she came forward. “My mother and Maria and Andres. Maria made my mother and Andres our child’s godparents.”
“I see,” said Salvador, trying to not get upset again. “And so this is why they named our daughter Maria Hortensia, instead of Lupe Hortensia, for your sister Maria.”
“No, the priest, I was told, added the name Maria to Hortensia, for Our Holy Lady.”
“Oh, I see,” said Salvador, pacing around the room. “My God, our first child, and we didn’t even get to name her! The Devil sure is playing some wild games with us!”
Tears came to Lupe’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Salvador. I’m really sorry, but it’s hard arguing with people’s dreams. No one knew what to say to Maria.”
“But why not? Is your family superstitious? Don’t they know there is no evil on the other side, except that which we carry in our own hearts? My God, mi mama would’ve stopped Maria in a second!”
“Salvador,” said Lupe, “I’m every bit as upset as you, but there’s no need to insult my family.”
“I’m not insulting them,” he said. “I’m just saying that when it comes to matters of the spirit or confrontation, your family runs or doesn’t want to discuss matters. Look how your father treats me ever since Carlota told them of our situation in Escondido with the sheriff.”
“Salvador, I didn’t come home to fight with you,” said Lupe, starting to have trouble speaking again. It seemed that every time she became upset she began having trouble forming her words. “Look, when I found out what had happened and that you’d come and left in a hurry, I had the doctor come and give me a—a—a shot to make me—” She had to stop speaking and take several deep breaths before she could go on. “Salvador,” she said with tears of frustration, “I wanted to come and be ... be with you. I’m your wife, Salvador, and you’re my husband, and I . . . I . . . I swear to you, no matter how sick I am next time, this . . . this will never happen again,” she added with tears streaming down her face. “I’m sorry. I was sick and out of my mind. I didn’t know, Salvador, I just didn’t know!”
Salvador’s whole heart came up to his throat. He came close, taking Lupe in his arms. “I’m sorry, too, querida. I did wrong to drive off. I was just, well, so disappointed. I wanted to be there. I’d missed the birthing, too, and so I was planning a big celebration for Hortensia’s baptism.”
“Me, too,” said Lupe. “Me, too. Now hold me, please. I’ve missed you so much!”
“You have? Really?”
“Of course,” she said, “you are my husband ’til death do we part,” she added, taking a big breath.
“Yes,” he said, taking a big breath also, “ ’til death do we part. Oh, I Love you so much, Lupe. You are my life, my love, my wife!”
They now kissed and kissed again, holding each other in a big abrazo de corazón!
And in the next room was their child, and even though Hortensia was sound asleep, in her heart, she, too, could feel the Love of the Home she’d picked to be hers when she’d been up in Papito’s arms, looking down from Heaven.
16
The DEVIL was Whirling, Swirling, Dancing—he was so HAPPY! He was still working the Earth, giving choice between Good and Evil, but Now each Night he, too, went to be with PAPITO DIOS!
IT WAS EARLY Sunday morning when Archie came wheeling down the long gunbarrel driveway between the avocado trees to Lupe and Salvador’s little rented house in Carlsbad. Salvador was in the back, but he was ready. He’d been expecting Archie ever since he’d gone over to old man Palmer’s home and confronted him about those two hundred dollars.
“Hello, Lupe,” said Archie, sweet as honey when she opened the front door for him. “How are you and the littl
“Much better, thank you,” said Lupe. Her speech was almost back to normal again. Taking herbs and feeling so good to be alone with Salvador and Hortensia in their own home had helped Lupe heal immensely.
“That’s wonderful,” he said. “Is Salvador home?”
“Yes,” said Lupe, “he’s in the back. We’re just getting ready to go out the door.”
“I see,” said Archie.
“I’m over here,” said Salvador, coming in the front door.
“Hi, friend,” said Archie, with that same wonderful smile that he’d used on Lupe. “I drove down ’cause I need to talk to you, Sal,” he added, still smiling.
“Sure,” said Salvador, almost laughing. He’d been in enough poker games to know what was really going on. Archie was mad as hell because he’d gone to see Palmer without him and now he was trying to set him up by acting friendly. “I’ll be right back, Lupe,” Salvador said to Lupe. “You go ahead and get things ready. I’ll only be gone a couple of minutes.”
Now that Lupe was feeling better, Salvador wanted them to drive over to Corona to show off Hortensia to his mother and sister, Luisa, and her boys.
“It might be more than a few minutes,” said Archie.
“I don’t think so,” said Salvador, putting the spurs to Archie’s ribs.
Then Salvador led Archie out of the house and around to the back.
Suddenly, when they’d no more than turned the corner and were out of sight, Archie grabbed hold of Salvador by the shoulder and whirled him about, screaming into his face like a mad bull. But being ready, Salvador kept as calm as a reptile in the noonday Sun, refusing to be provoked.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, going over to see Palmer behind my back, you son-of-a-bitch?! You think you’re the only deal I got cooking with him?! I do business with him all the time! And I’m not going to let you screw that up for just a few lousy dollars, damnit!”