Yolo by Lauren Myracle
SnowAngel:
Maddie, let’s review:
SnowAngel:
Reid’s an engineering major. his favorite class is optics, which I don’t even know what that is, and he thinks it’s a crime against the universe that I haven’t seen all the “Star Wars” movies. (and he has slightly acne-scarred skin, and it’s not terrible, but . . . yeah.)
mad maddie:
ahhhh. so you’re just using him to lug around your crutches and watch you text ppl.
SnowAngel:
stop trying to make me feel bad!
SnowAngel:
I like him—as a FRIEND—but he’s not in a fraternity. I know you won’t understand, but at UGA, Greeks are expected to date Greeks.
mad maddie:
I think I’m going to vomit
SnowAngel:
wow. thx. vomit away, Mads. vomit all over yr stupid hot dog donut!!!
Sun, Oct 6, 11:28 PM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
as it turns out, I did not spend my night vomiting all over my donut.
mad maddie:
I rescued a tiger instead. *blows casually on fingernails*
mad maddie:
not a fully grown tiger, obviously. a cub. a cub named Chewy.
mad maddie:
I won’t bore you with all the deets, but a friend of Zara’s named Tom was keeping Chewy in his apartment, only he wasn’t supposed to be, cuz, ya know, tigers aren’t allowed in apartments, and also Tom wasn’t Chewy’s real owner.
mad maddie:
point is, Tom had to return Chewy to the real owner dude, so we volunteered to help.
mad maddie:
you’re thinking, “why is Maddie telling me all this,” right?
mad maddie:
I have to tell someone, cuz I got the piss scared out of me.
mad maddie:
Chewy was just a cub, sure. BUT HE WAS STILL A TIGER. and rescuing a tiger—even being that close to a tiger—made me re-realize how much I want my time on earth to *mean* something.
mad maddie:
there’s this dead guy we’re learning about in my philosophy class, and he describes life as “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” now there’s a Hallmark card slogan, huh?
mad maddie:
but I think he’s full of it. I think life could be any of those things, but it’s up to us to make sure it isn’t.
mad maddie:
meaning, I didn’t go out tonight expecting any kind of danger. at all. but say something had gone wrong—melodramatic, I know—but what if something *did* happen to me, and the last convo you and I ever had ended in a fight?
mad maddie:
(a DUMB fight, and I was a jerk, and I’m sorry.)
mad maddie:
Angela, you and Zoe mean the world to me. Santa Cruz is AWESOME, der, but y’all are awesomer.
mad maddie:
anyway . . .
mad maddie:
I’ll probably keep giving you a hard time about stuff, but I won’t threaten to vomit on you anymore.
mad maddie:
forgive?
Mon, Oct 7, 7:35 AM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
holy fuck, Maddie! YOU ARE INSANE!
SnowAngel:
not that I’m surprised, but oh. my. god. your life is like a movie, you crazy girl.
SnowAngel:
call me the second you wake up! I am ordering you to!
SnowAngel:
and I’m going to let you tell Zo, not me. if you haven’t already. it’ll mean more that way, esp the part about how we’re the ones responsible for how our lives turn out. like maybe it’ll help with her Doug sadness?
SnowAngel:
or not.
SnowAngel:
but, eek
SnowAngel:
chills
SnowAngel:
I don’t know if you’re my hero or just my dumbass BFF, but yes, all is forgiven. GAH!!!!!
Mon, Oct 7, 1:01 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
college so far:
zoegirl:
you: parties, parties, parties. hole in foot. emergency room. business class that you don’t hate, much to your surprise. cute geeky boy who adores you, even if you don’t adore him back.
SnowAngel:
it’s not that I don’t adore him. just not as a boyfriend.
zoegirl:
Maddie: adventure-time city including exotic animals.
SnowAngel:
hahahaha, I know!
zoegirl:
me? pathetic and lonely and can’t stop thinking about Doug. I’m a broken heart collecting dust.
SnowAngel:
you don’t have to be. you cld have adventures too, and it wld take your mind off stupid Doug.
SnowAngel:
you cld liberate a boa constrictor! hahahaha!
zoegirl:
bye, Angela
SnowAngel:
you cld at least try
SnowAngel:
YOU CLD AT LEAST LIBERATE A GERBIL!!!!
Mon, Oct 7, 5:55 PM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
hey, girl. just checking in on you like I said I wld. doing any better?
zoegirl:
no
zoegirl:
all day I kept expecting Doug to call and say what a terrible mistake he’d made, but guess what? he didn’t.
mad maddie:
cuz he’s an idiot. we’ve gone over this.
zoegirl:
how can I still love him when he doesn’t love me? how is it possible for me to feel SO MUCH and for him to feel nothing?
mad maddie:
he’s not feeling “nothing.” he’s being a dumbshit and I want to punch him in the face, but I’m sure he’s struggling too.
zoegirl:
riiiight. that’s why his FB status was all about how he bought an electric guitar and is going to be the next Les Paul.
mad maddie:
oh, gag
mad maddie:
what guy doesn’t want to play the electric guitar and become crazy famous?
mad maddie:
and who the hell is Les Paul?
zoegirl:
he’s the guy who invented the electric guitar, back in the fifties. I Googled him.
mad maddie:
double gag. what a show-off.
zoegirl:
I know. I’m sure he’s trying to impress his fancy friends at Oberlin.
mad maddie:
like Canyon?
zoegirl:
fuck Canyon. no doubt Doug is.
mad maddie:
ouch
mad maddie:
I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that word before.
zoegirl:
people change (obviously)
zoegirl:
I skipped all my classes today too.
mad maddie:
whoa. the universe is imploding. THIS GOES AGAINST ALL NATURAL LAWS.
mad maddie:
what next? are you going to drop out, live in the woods, and start growing your own food?
zoegirl:
maybe
mad maddie:
oh, plz
mad maddie:
college is overrated, I’ll give u that. but Zoe, you were *made* for college and you know it!
Tues, Oct 8, 2:22 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
Zone bars have 19 vitamins and minerals, 14 grams of protein, and 7 grams of fat. did you know that?
SnowAngel:
that’s a lot of fat . . .
SnowAngel:
then again, a Zone bar is supposed to be an entire meal, isn’t it? that’s one of the marketing strategies for nutrition/energy bars. learned that in my business class.
SnowAngel:
(for me, however, that strategy is a fail. I don’t want an energy bar for a meal. I want a MEAL for a meal.)
zoegirl:
also, one bar provides 35% of the daily recomme
SnowAngel:
well, duh
zoegirl:
so if I eat three a day, I’m all set. I don’t ever have to leave my room again.
SnowAngel:
Zoe. dearest. you know I love you, but you can’t stay holed up in yr room just because Doug broke up with you.
zoegirl:
for what it’s worth, I *think* about leaving my room. I visualize myself getting up and doing it, but . . . I don’t know. something fizzles out and I stay stuck on my bed.
zoegirl:
I just keep wondering what I did wrong to make Doug stop loving me. what did I do wrong, Angela?
SnowAngel:
remember the guy my Aunt Sadie dated over the summer? the guy she met on match.com?
zoegirl:
the architect?
SnowAngel:
yeah. his name was Bill, and she really liked him, and she *thought* he really liked her, and then out of the blue, he totally broke things off.
zoegirl:
does this story have a happy ending?
SnowAngel:
Aunt Sadie was really sad, so her friends came over with wine, and she let me have a glass, and it was yummy.
SnowAngel:
BUT. one of her friends said that women believe that if they love someone as hard as they can, they’ll get back love in the same degree. only it doesn’t work that way, cuz love isn’t like a math equation where two plus two always equals four.
zoegirl:
but two plus two does equal four.
SnowAngel:
in Math Land, but not in Love Land.
SnowAngel:
like, Aunt Sadie assumed that Bill really really liked her because she really really liked him. only he didn’t. it wasn’t anyone’s fault. he just didn’t.
zoegirl:
but Doug . . .
SnowAngel:
what you two had was real. I’m not saying it wasn’t.
SnowAngel:
but things changed. it wasn’t anybody’s fault, and god, Zoe, you didn’t do anything *wrong*. things just . . . changed. and I don’t want to sound harsh, but hiding out in your room isn’t going to change them back.
SnowAngel:
does that sound awful? am I being a terrible friend?
zoegirl:
no
zoegirl:
I’m sure you’re right. I just don’t like it.
SnowAngel:
oh, sweetie. I know.
SnowAngel:
but will you plz get up and leave yr room? and take a shower, and eat, and be around ppl? it’ll make u feel so much better, I promise.
zoegirl:
I’ll think about it.
zoegirl:
but I’d rather two plus two go back to equaling four.
Wed, Oct 9, 6:01 PM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
I told Zoe that she has till the end of the week to feel sorry for herself, but after that she has to get off her butt and get back in the game.
mad maddie:
that’s what I do when I’m depressed. I let myself sulk for an hour or a day or whatever, and then I say, “ok, enough.”
SnowAngel:
an hour or a day? hahaha. or a week or a month or a year . . .
mad maddie:
don’t be mean. c’mon, even you get depressed sometimes.
SnowAngel:
hmm. I’m not happy every minute of every day, true. but most of the time I kind of am.
SnowAngel:
also, I think I get grumpy instead of depressed—and instead of moping, I share my grumpy feelings with y’all! because I love you!
mad maddie:
whereas I just shove my unwanted feelings under the rug and pretend everything’s hunky-dory.
SnowAngel:
silly Maddie. everying IS hunky-dory!
SnowAngel:
wanna hear a cute story about Reid that made me think of you?
mad maddie:
why does Reid make you think of me?
SnowAngel:
he doesn’t. shush and listen.
mad maddie:
yes ma’am
SnowAngel:
earlier tonight, I had an insane craving for an almond croissant, which doesn’t sound like me, I know. but college changes a girl.
mad maddie:
ah. such wisdom.
SnowAngel:
I know, right?
SnowAngel:
so Reid said he’d go get me one. only he doesn’t have a car, so he had to bike to the bakery that sells them, only he got there just after they closed. boo!
SnowAngel:
soooooo, Reid biked to Dunkin’ Donuts, which is on the completely opposite side of town from the bakery, and he bought me a dozen donuts. wasn’t that sweet? and do you understand now why it made me think of you? cuz of the donuts!
mad maddie:
what flave
SnowAngel:
an assortment, since he didn’t know what my favorite was. he brought them to me at the Zeta house, and I shared them with my sorority sisters, and everyone was like, “awww, what a cutie-pie. he shld be our mascot.” and . . . yeah.
mad maddie:
wow. that must have made him feel manly.
SnowAngel:
I hear that tone you’re using! you are judging me and assuming I’m using Reid or whatever, when really what you shld be noticing is that I invited him TO THE ZETA HOUSE, which shows that I wasn’t embarrassed of him. isn’t that good?
mad maddie:
you permitted him to come to your sorority house bearing fried delicacies. you’re a peach, all right.
mad maddie:
did you give him a blow job to express your gratitude?
SnowAngel:
gross!!!!
SnowAngel:
no, I did not, and you’re missing the point. I am simply admitting that YES, I LIKE REID. I’m not saying he’s boyfriend material, but the little fella’s growing on me.
mad maddie:
Angela? if one person mentions a blow job, and the other person responds by saying, “the little fella’s growing on me . . .”
SnowAngel:
omg
mad maddie:
hot tip: if you stroke the little fella, the little fella will grow and grow until—hopefully—he’s a big, firm fella. then wld he be boyfriend material?
SnowAngel:
SO inappro-pro. zero donuts for you, missy!!!
Wed, Oct 9, 6:38 PM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
omg, lightning bolt: is Reid your new Logan? aka Boy Who Adores You Unquestioningly and Thus You Tolerate Him and Secretly Give Him Unwarranted Hope?
SnowAngel:
what? NO!
SnowAngel:
Logan was a high school boy. I was a high school girl.
SnowAngel:
NO, Reid is not a new Logan. and Maddie. ouch.
mad maddie:
but he does adore you unquestioningly
SnowAngel:
actually, for the record, he doesn’t. hmmph.
mad maddie:
not to be skeptical, but really?
SnowAngel:
well, he does adore me, yes. *blushes modestly*
SnowAngel:
but unlike Logan, he also gives me crap about stuff—like not going to my geology lab and how there’s no reason for me to wear hard-to-walk-in skirts if I don’t want to (I happened to mention one day how tricky miniskirts cld be) and things like that.
SnowAngel:
also, he is very supportive of my business acumen (yes, acumen!) and makes me feel like I *could* be a businesswoman if I wanted to. one day. like, that I’m smart enough.
mad maddie:
of course you’re smart enough, dum-dum. jeebus.
SnowAngel:
I’m just saying HE’S NOT LOGAN, cuz he sees *me* and not just silly cute giggly me. so there!
Thu, Oct 10, 8:4
SnowAngel:
hi! *waves broadly*
SnowAngel:
have you set yr reset button yet?
zoegirl:
no comment
SnowAngel:
well that’s stupid
SnowAngel:
wanna hear something else stupid?
SnowAngel:
yesterday Maddie and I were talking about blow jobs (don’t ask), and then tonight when I went to the Zeta house for dinner, the topic came up again.
zoegirl:
don’t really want to talk about blow jobs, Angela.
SnowAngel: