Yolo by Lauren Myracle
zoegirl:
I would not want to see anyone put on a pantyliner.
zoegirl:
I definitely would not want anyone to see ME put on a pantyliner.
mad maddie:
yes, and I’m right there with you. but I feel like I’m judging Zara, and I don’t want to be a judging sort of person.
mad maddie:
for what it’s worth, she *did* offer me a pantyliner too.
zoegirl:
please tell me you’re kidding.
mad maddie:
I’m kidding—altho, ha. that wld have been funny.
zoegirl:
yeah, hilarious. that sounds like something YOU would do.
mad maddie:
except minus the pantyliner part, which means I wldn’t.
zoegirl:
Maddie, I think you’re judging yourself more harshly than you’re judging Zara. and guess what? you are *totally* allowed to not want to see your roomie putting on a pantyliner.
mad maddie:
yeah, yeah, yeah. but aren’t I supposed to be the uninhibited one
zoegirl:
what do you mean?
mad maddie:
I don’t know. just that that’s my job. I’m the wild one, Angela’s the boy-crazy one, and you’re the good-girl one.
zoegirl:
the good-girl one? I don’t want to be the good-girl one!
mad maddie:
yes you do, cuz that’s who you are. and I *thought* I was the wild one, only now Zara’s flinging pantyliners around and telling me she’s “yeasty” and screaming from the tops of mountains.
zoegirl:
um, that was a lot of info all at once. head is spinning.
mad maddie:
what makes it worse is that she clearly thinks I’m shy and is always apologizing for “freaking me out.”
”zoegirl:
I am very hesitant to ask, but . . . yeasty?
mad maddie:
uh-huh. she shared that with me and the Esbees in the cafeteria line. said her groinal area was itching like a crackhead and asked Neesa if she would scratch it for her.
zoegirl:
ew!
zoegirl:
gross!
zoegirl:
ick!!!
mad maddie:
I know! that was my reaction! and then I started second-guessing myself, cuz if it had been ME who said that? if I said that to you and Angela, wld I have thought it was hysterical
zoegirl:
no thank you
mad maddie:
by Atlanta standards, I’m a badass, but in Atlanta, girls are taught to always be sweet and pretty and blah blah blah.
zoegirl:
meaning it’s easier to be a badass in Atlanta?
mad maddie:
meaning—aaarrghhh.
mad maddie:
I. Chose. To come here.
mad maddie:
I chose to on purpose, with the specific goal of getting away from everything safe and familiar. I just need to chill out and give myself time to adjust.
zoegirl:
yes. and if anyone can do it, you can.
zoegirl:
plus you JUST got there. I have complete and utter faith in you, Mads. you’re going to love Santa Cruz once you get used to it, I just know it.
mad maddie:
and with Zara . . . she is nice but, I mean, it’s ironic. I moved three thousand miles away in order to get away from high school, and somehow I ended up smack-dab in the middle of a group of high school besties.
zoegirl:
mad maddie:
but I’ll get to know them better, Zara and the Esbees. it’ll be fine.
mad maddie:
and now let’s talk about you. are you still thinking about Doug 24/7 or are you getting out there and making friends?
zoegirl:
um . . . well . . .
mad maddie:
Zoe. that is not a good answer.
mad maddie:
what about the peeps in yr creative writing class? you like them, don’t you?
zoegirl:
uh-huh
mad maddie:
so go up to one of them, stick out your hand, and say, “hello, my name is Zoe. wld you care to have a cup of coffee with me, new friend?”
zoegirl:
yeah, that’ll happen
mad maddie:
it will if you want it to.
mad maddie:
let’s make a deal: you find a way to hang out with the peeps from yr creative writing class, only OUTSIDE OF CLASS, and I’ll keep trying with Zara and Neesa and those girls.
mad maddie:
*fist thrust* yolo, baby! yeah!
zoegirl:
I’m rolling my eyes at you . . . but I know you’re right.
mad maddie:
so it’s a deal
zoegirl:
it’s a deal.
zoegirl:
at least neither of us has a Lucy to deal with, who has moved on from stealing Angela’s Q-tips to, ahem, stealing the raisins out of her Raisin Bran.
mad maddie:
and u say “ahem” because . . .
zoegirl:
because who steals raisins out of Raisin Bran?!!! it is beyond nutso!
mad maddie:
unless . . . maybe that’s Lucy’s way of getting closer to Angela? sniffing her Q-tips and savoring her raisins
zoegirl:
sniffing?
mad maddie:
maybe that’s what *you* shld do! Revised plan: go up to new friend, stick out hand, and say, “hello, my name is Zoe, and I am here to sniff your Q-tips.” and follow up with “All Your Base Are Belong To Us!”
zoegirl:
????????????????
zoegirl:
random random you are so random!!!!
mad maddie:
Google it. that’s my good girl.
mad maddie:
I’ll expect a full report by the end of the weekend!
Fri, Sept 27, 8:00 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
hey, lady. I’m getting ready for Zeta-Iota date party. it’s called a “date party” cuz, unlike a mixer, you HAVE to show up with a date.
SnowAngel:
anyway, how do you like my hair? *preens* *fluffs*
mad maddie:
Angela?
SnowAngel:
yeah, babe?
mad maddie:
I can’t see yr hair.
SnowAngel:
then answer my Skype, silly! why do you keep declining my call?
mad maddie:
cuz I’m on quad and Zara is two feet away. I’d be self-conscious.
SnowAngel:
you? self-conscious??? you’ve never been self-conscious in your life.
SnowAngel:
*I* think you’re too busy being hip and swoo-swoo to answer my calls. *sniffs*
mad maddie:
yeah, and that’s why I’m texting you, which takes the exact same amount of time. FAULTY LOGIC, SISTER.
mad maddie:
I do feel self-conscious around Zara. seriously. but I’m going out with her tonight anyway, so there.
mad maddie:
what the hell is swoo-swoo?
SnowAngel:
I am! I iz a sexy swoo-swoo bitch, that’s what I iz! I found a Pinterest board on how to create casual beach waves using a straight iron, and I nailed it. I am a mermaid goddess!
mad maddie:
when you say “I am a mermaid” . . .
mad maddie:
this isn’t another one of those dress-up parties, is it?
SnowAngel:
now, Maddie. does a date party sound to you like a “come as a mermaid” party?
mad maddie:
yes? no? I know not the ways of you crazy sorority girls!
SnowAngel:
you make me giggle, and no, I’m not dressing up as a mermaid, tho that’s a good one
SnowAngel:
*taps chin* hrrm, where to find a good clamshell bra . . . ?
SnowAngel:
tonight I’m wearing skinny jeans and my vintage vest with tassels, which sounds horrid in concept but is, in reality, extremely awesome and makes my boobs look fantastico.
mad maddie:
ah
SnowAngel:
wanna know who my date is?
mad maddie:
yes
mad maddie:
of course
mad maddie:
I am dying to know
SnowAngel:
yr saying that in a robot voice, aren’t u?
mad maddie:
why no I am not whatever in the world wld make u think that hashtag liarpants hashtag starwarsdroid hashtag geeksrule
SnowAngel:
*glares*
SnowAngel:
his name’s Todd, he’s hot, and he’s an Iota, duh, since the Iotas are hosting the party.
mad maddie:
oh, yeah, duh. absolutely.
SnowAngel:
a Zeta named Beth set me up with him. she was like, “He talks about football too much, but he’s a total catch. He’s good in bed and he LOVES oral—and I’m not talking about you going down on him. I’m talking him going down on you.”
mad maddie:
wow
mad maddie:
that’s, ah, a lot to take in. or—ha!—I guess it’s NOT a lot to take in, if what that Beth girl says is true.
SnowAngel:
heh?
SnowAngel:
oh. good lord, Maddie. u r just . . .
SnowAngel:
erggh! no taking in! not boy/girl OR girl/boy.
SnowAngel:
have u . . . er . . . taken in Ian?
mad maddie:
why did the Beth girl pass Todd off on you if he’s such a catch?
SnowAngel:
is that a yes? taking that as a yes unless you say otherwise . . .
mad maddie:
Angela, of course I’ve given Ian blow jobs. it’s no big deal, except that eventually yr jaw starts to hurt.
SnowAngel:
a tip to remember. gotcha.
mad maddie:
well, der! the tip’s the most sensitive part! licky like a lolly and give yr jaw a break!
SnowAngel:
Oh. My. God. so gross.
SnowAngel:
I’m off to pre-party. a bunch of us are meeting in the kitchen for tequila shots so that when we get to the party we’ll already have a buzz on.
mad maddie:
once upon a time, *I* was the one who was considered the wild child. seems hard to believe now, doesn’t it?
SnowAngel:
SnowAngel:
have fun with the Esbees!
Fri, Sept 27, 11:59 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
ohhhh, Zooooeeeeee!
SnowAngel:
I am drunkie. come play with meeeeeee!
zoegirl:
I would, but *I* am tucked snugly in my bed, reading “My Family and Other Animals.” it’s awesome.
SnowAngel:
is it about aniamals?
SnowAngel:
*animals
SnowAngel:
I like animals!
SnowAngel:
SnowAngel:
I’m a chicken! mooooooooo!
zoegirl:
it’s about a kid who lives in Greece and all of his adventures. makes me want to go.
SnowAngel:
zoegirl:
but earlier I made the bold move of going out to dinner WITH STRANGERS. well, not strangers, but a guy and a girl from my creative writing class. Holly and Gannon.
SnowAngel:
I did something with strangers too!!!!
SnowAngel:
well, ONE stranger.
SnowAngel:
my asshole date ditched me, so I got him back by kissing a verrrrrry cute boy named . . .
zoegirl:
. . . yes?
SnowAngel:
my goodness. it seems I do not know Cute Boy’s name.
SnowAngel:
I knew it once. I am almost positive I did.
zoegirl:
why did your date ditch you?
SnowAngel:
Todd? who knows, who cares. buh-bye, Todd! hello, cute new boy!
zoegirl:
it’s after midnight, Angela. I’m going back to bed.
SnowAngel:
because it’s after midnight? what kind of reason is that?
SnowAngel:
I’m still at party. I’m going to celebrate this after-midnight business by finding Cute Boy again. more kissing! me like kissing!!!
Sat, Sept 28, 11:52 AM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
you awake?
zoegirl:
it’s 9 o’clock in California land. it is NOT too early to be texting you.
zoegirl:
lame!!!
Sat, Sept 28, 10:05 AM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
u rang
zoegirl:
I did! cuz I wanted to tell you that I did it: I went out with Holly and Gannon from my creative writing class, and it was so fun!
mad maddie:
my ladyfriend! way to go!
zoegirl:
we laughed and talked, and Holly ate a jalapeno pepper because she will try ANYTHING at least once (that’s one of her mantras), and it was just . . . fun. and later I’m going to call Doug and have a good, normal conversation with him. I feel like I can, now that I’m more me-ish. does that make sense?
mad maddie:
what’d y’all do
zoegirl:
we went to dinner at a place called the Zooming Burrito.
zoegirl:
our waiter started off being totally aloof, but Holly is seriously the friendliest person I have EVER met, and she kept trying to draw him out. she said her theory is that most people who come across as rude are actually shy, but that everyone needs human interaction, so she doesn’t let their rudeness put her off. she just tries harder.
mad maddie:
huh. cld be awesome, cld be insanely annoying.
zoegirl:
eventually she said flat out, “So, Teddy, what’s your story?”
mad maddie:
Teddy = waiter
zoegirl:
Teddy equals waiter.
zoegirl:
Holly propped her chin on her hands and looked up at him, smiling and waiting, and finally he told us that he’d just moved to Ohio from Wyoming, and that everything was still new to him, and that he wanted to be a chef one day . . .
zoegirl:
he basically went on and on, and it was cool. it was obvious that he was happy to have someone take an interest in him, you know?
mad maddie:
Holly sounds like Angela
zoegirl:
yeah, kinda, but Holly is more . . .
zoegirl:
hmm. Angela is a people person for sure. but Holly takes it a step further. she, like, loves the whole world and not just people. she says she wants to experience every single thing she can. ooo—she’s like YOU in that way!
mad maddie:
hahahaha
zoegirl:
and speaking of, how is your end of the deal going?
mad maddie:
pretty well.
zoegirl:
spill
mad maddie:
um, I went out with Zara and the Esbees. I had a fun time too.
zoegirl:
did you really, or are you just saying that?
mad maddie:
how lame wld that be, to lie about my evening’s fun-ness? gee, thx, Zo.
zoegirl:
forgive me. details, please.
mad maddie:
well . . . you sure you can handle it
zoegirl:
I’m pretty sure I can
zoegirl:
yes?
mad maddie:
we went to a casino and played blackjack. it rocked.
zoegirl:
whoa. for reals?
mad maddie:
AND—pregnant pause—it turns out that yrs truly is a whiz at counting cards. (and apparently no one can read my puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-poker face.)
zoegirl: