Before I Ever Met You by Karina Halle
I sit on the couch, totally out of my element. I don’t spread my legs. Everything is so new and shocking, this side of him, how fast this is all moving.
As if he can read my thoughts, he stops in front of me and says. “I don’t know how long I have before you hate me all over again.”
There’s a gravity to his voice that wasn’t there before. The lust is put on the back burner and in his eyes I see a man who’s prepared to get hurt over me. A man who thinks tonight might be all he has left to lose.
I shake my head. “Logan…” I lick my lips. “I’m not going to hate you over this. I’ve…well, like you’ve been driving at these last few weeks, I’ve wanted this just as much as you. It’s just that—”
“Don’t say her name,” he says quickly. “Please. Just for the rest of the night. Don’t say her name. She doesn’t…this is about you and me right now and that’s it. That’s all there is. You and me. And if it’s not forever, then just for tonight.”
I nod. “I know.”
“So,” he goes on. “Spread your legs. Or I’ll do it for you.”
I raise my brow. This could get interesting.
14
And so here I am, lying fully naked on Logan’s couch and he’s dropping to his knees in front of me, like I had dropped to my knees earlier. I know he’s told me to spread my legs, but that’s just a little too far out of my comfort zone—I mean, I just walked across his damn living room naked and totally thought I was going to die of embarrassment—but I can tell the man is up for a challenge.
That’s a bit of an understatement, too. The man wants a challenge.
He comes to the edge of the couch and leans over, kissing me. After how thoroughly he just fucked me, I didn’t think I’d still have that raw need pulsing through my veins, the kind that made me throw nearly all inhibitions to the wind, but clearly I do and all I need for that extra push is to have his warm tongue in my mouth.
Fuck, he tastes amazing. Our kisses are nothing but supernatural, this easy rhythm that we both fall into, kisses that invade my bloodstream and make me burn for him. I could eat him, he’s that addicting.
“God, I want to fuck you with my mouth,” he whispers against my gaping lips. “Everywhere.”
Yes. Yes, please.
He brings his lips and tongue down the length of my body, caressing my collarbone, my breasts, sucking and biting at my nipples until I’m crazed, nearly mad with all the sensation. My fingers are desperate as they dig into the hard muscles of his back as he teasingly moves downward.
I shiver as his tongue skates over my stomach, my hips jerking as his beard brushes against my skin, contradicting the soft sweep of his lips. One of my hands makes a fist in his thick hair, the other grips the edge of the sofa. My body moves independent from me, a mind of its own. My hips rise again and again, desperately needing to feel his tongue between my legs.
Finally, his head settles between my thighs and I part them wider for him, thirsty with dire anticipation. He slowly parts me open with his hands, taking his time as he lets the rough pad of his fingertip brush over my sensitive, swollen flesh.
I’m groaning louder now. I don’t care. I have no shame.
Then his tongue snakes out, sliding along my clit and setting off the volcano inside me. My breath is shaking, unstable, my fingers clawing at him, at the couch. My hips lift up, wanting more of him. His tongue, inside me, deep as he can go. I want to know what it feels like for him to lap me up, uninhibited and wild, like I’m the world’s most decadent dessert.
Yes, yes, more, more.
More of this, from him.
Always.
He obliges, putting his mouth and lips into it and while I’m watching the beautiful sight of his head between my legs, he looks up. Those intense eyes are watching my every movement as he gives me more and more pleasure, his teeth razing over my clit, his tongue plunging deep inside.
It’s too intimate. He’s in too deep, into my deepest, darkest, most shameful parts, the ones I keep hidden. But I can’t look away. I can’t break his heated gaze. He’s seeing me, all of me, and I want him to. For once, I want him to see everything.
The wild, determined look in his eyes is enough to make me come. My body is doing everything it can to hold on, to prolong the pleasure, to never let the moment end. Yet at the same time I’m chasing my release, needing it like a drowning woman needs air. I need both and the duality is tearing me apart in the most delicious, torturous way.
Fuck, I’ve never felt like this before.
My head flops back onto the couch as he licks in long, hot lines, from taint to cunt to clit, before swirling around in a frenzy around where my nerves are ready to explode. The noises he’s making, wet, lush and unreserved, add to the insanity of the moment.
I can’t hang on any longer.
“Let go,” he murmurs into me and the vibrations are that extra push over the edge. “Let go for me.”
I arch my back and the world becomes warmer, hotter, tighter, as if I’m made of lava and it’s fighting its way to the surface. The feeling grows and spreads, this impossible force inside me, as primal as any mother nature has created, that gathers every single nerve and piece of my body until its wound over and over again like the tightest string.
The slide of his tongue makes me snap.
“Logan,” I cry out, and he groans into me, vibrating deep inside and kicking me over the edge. I’m going over, falling into a burning ocean and my fingers grab his hair, pulling at him in desperation, trying to hold on even though there’s no use. The orgasm never seems to end and I am pummeled over and over again.
I’m boneless, my muscles quivering as the orgasm still rolls through me, lying here with legs spread. My breath is hard to catch, my thoughts are hard to corral. I’m as high as I’ve ever been and I don’t ever want to come down.
Then Logan is on his knees, and grabbing hold of one thigh and lifting it high, positioning himself. His darkened cock is in his hands, the most lustful look in his eyes. He pushes inside me with ease, his dick even harder than he was before. I’m so wet it feels like fucking heaven, even as my body is still tingling with the last orgasm. He fills me like nothing else.
“I need you again,” his accent muddled with lust. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop needing you.” He grinds into me, his hips slowly circling, pinning me to the couch as he pistons himself in and out. But unlike earlier, when his thrusts were this relentless, merciless machine, now he’s in control and enjoying every teasing push. “I’ve waited so fucking long to enjoy you from the inside.”
I can’t think about the implications of his words. I can’t think of anything. He’s everything right now, the past, the present, the future. Each slow thrust, each decadent push inside me, time slows and the world stops and it’s just him and it’s just me and it’s the wool over our eyes, making us think it’s always been this way.
His eyes grab hold of mine, as tight of a grip as his hands on my thighs, and we’re locked together. I’m lost in their depths and somehow I’m found. There’s a new me, maybe the me he’s always seen.
And beneath the gaze, beneath the sex and the desire and the pleasure we’re bringing each other, there’s something else. Fear. He’d said you couldn’t have one without the other and here was our fear. It was alive and it was real and it was something that we both now shared.
I just don’t know what fear it is.
I close my eyes as he pushes in deeper, his fingers sliding over my clit until I’m gasping and breathless. He has a way of making me forget everything, a way of losing my thoughts. He’s always done this to me, just never in this way.
“I’m coming,” he groans out, his voice shaking as his pumps get quicker, the rhythm picking up. And for the third time tonight, I’m coming too. I just manage to hang on long enough to keep my eyes open, to watch him as he comes.
He doesn’t disappoint. His head goes back, mouth gaping, eyes pinched shut. The corded muscles of his neck stand out, h
I have that effect on him. The thought is unreal. He’s coming because of his desire for me.
But those thoughts only fuel my own flames. I’m ripped apart again, my bones becoming jelly, my world blooming with fire and heat and stars.
Logan collapses on top of me, just his elbow on the couch to keep his weight from crushing me. He rests his damp forehead against mine, our breaths deep, chests pressing against each other and creating their own heat.
His lips gently brush mine, kiss my chin, kiss the side of my mouth.
“All those things I said I wanted to do to you,” he whispers, voice hoarse. He stares at me tenderly as he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “I hope you don’t mind…I’m just getting started.”
I grin at him, my hand cupping the side of his face, marveling that I can do that, amazed by what we are now, if only for this moment.
“Good,” I whisper.
* * *
* * *
A rooster’s crow cuts into my dreams, the fragments of them thick and sticking inside my head. It was a sex dream again, I think, the vague feeling of Logan being inside me, his hands and mouth all over my body, the heady, drugged desire of…
Oh. No wait.
It wasn’t a dream. The truth comes sliding in like the sunrise.
I open my eyes to see a warm glow filling the white walls of the room. This unfamiliar room. Without meaning to, I hold my breath, like I’m afraid to breathe, and then turn my head.
Logan is asleep beside me, sprawled half out of the sheets, his muscled thigh and firm ass naked and on display.
Oh hell he’s gorgeous. I blink at the sight, taking it all in. This isn’t the seductive glow of night - this is the unfiltered reality. And it’s beautiful. His body really is a sight to behold, manly perfection in every way, and I’m in bed with him.
I lift up the sheet and look under. I’m completely naked. I think my clothes are somewhere on the living room floor. I think Logan owes me a new pair of underwear.
Did we really do that? The way he took me on the floor, my head pressed against the rug while he fucked me, raw and real, from behind, that moment was the moment I knew I was his, like I always should have been, a moment neither of us can escape from.
And do I want to escape? That’s the next question. Here I am, sleeping in Juliet’s own bed after I’ve been thoroughly fucked by her husband. What kind of person am I?
What kind of person was she? my conscious counters. For the first time it seems to be arguing against her. She cheated on him and then lied to me about it, covering her own ass.
“What are you doing?” Logan murmurs into his pillow, causing me to jolt in surprise.
“Um, staring at you?” I tell him. “Wondering what the hell just happened?”
He raises his head and looks at me. His dark hair is all rumpled and falling across his forehead, making him look way younger than he is. “Nothing just happened, Freckles. It happened three times. Last night. You’ve had hours of sleep since.”
I bite my lip, feeling bashful and out of my element. He couldn’t blame me. This was the last thing I saw coming.
“Hey,” he says, easing himself up on his side. He reaches for me, grabbing my hand. “I can’t tell you what to do, lord knows I’ve bloody well tried. But please believe me when I say you have nothing to worry about.”
I nod, though I know his words won’t reach as deep as he hopes. Because, I mean, how can they reach the reserves of guilt I seem to have an endless store of?
“Veronica,” he says and my eyes snap to his. “I mean it. Please don’t lose your mind over this.”
“What makes you think I’m losing my mind?”
“I know you enough to tell. You’re seconds from storming out of here and never looking back.” He sighs, frowning. “Look, neither of us planned on last night, but it happened and I’m glad it did. It was overdue.”
“You can’t…you can’t say things like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because of she who will not be named.”
He scrutinizes me for a moment. “Listen to me carefully. I don’t know about you, but last night wasn’t a one-off thing for me. It was the prelude to an ongoing thing. Meaning, I don’t just want to fuck you, Veronica. I never wanted just that. I want a lot more. So whatever is going on right now with us…I can’t have that be the bloody end of it.”
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to feel. I know he’s saying everything I ever wanted him to say and I know it’s doing something to my heart. It’s making it warm, it’s making it swell, it’s making it so it’s hard to breathe. But when I take a moment to look beyond the two of us being in bed together…how could this ever work?
“And then what?” I ask him, flipping onto my side, holding the sheet up to my chest and propping my head up with my elbow. “Then what happens?”
He stares at me and sighs. “I don’t think it’s rocket science.”
“Logan,” I tell him. “I’m not just some girl that you want to fuck and you’re not some guy I want to sleep with; there are layers here.”
“I know about the layers.”
“Well the layers are what can prevent us from ever…moving forward.”
“Tell me what you’re afraid of,” he says, adjusting himself against the pillow. “Tell me all your fears and I’ll carry them for you.”
That’s unbelievably sweet but…“Jeez, I don’t know, everything?”
His frown deepens, that line showing up between his eyes that I want to press my finger against and smooth. “Are you afraid of me? That I’ll hurt you? That I’ll leave you?”
I have to take a moment. Until, well, last night, I would have said yes. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That I knew from personal experience. If he cheated on Juliet, he would cheat on me. But after last night, now that I learned the truth…I don’t know. Of course the fear of having my heart broken is there but that would be true with anyone you’re falling for. Every time you have the chance to climb high, you also have that chance to fall.
But it’s not as much now. Because what kept me and Logan apart wasn’t just my own fear that he would humiliate me and break my heart. It was the fact that there wasn’t a person alive who would understand us and that our path seemed doomed from the start.
Look at it from any angle and this is what you get – a girl who betrayed her family, her dead sister. The man who betrayed his dead wife. Insert all those “keep it in the family jokes.” Only it’s not funny at all. None of this is.
“Veronica,” he says again, reaching out and cupping my face, his eyes searching mine imploringly. “Tell me that’s not what you think.”
I shake my head, closing my eyes to his touch. “No. It’s not. It’s everything else.”
He sighs and brushes a strand of hair behind my ears. I open my eyes to see him staring at me with such tenderness it makes my heart bleed.
“This isn’t going to be easy,” he says. “But I want to be with you and I can’t think of any other way. We can hide it from everyone for a while, if you want, but I’m not ashamed and I’m not afraid.”
“Really?” I can’t help but ask. “You know how bad this looks. For both of us.”
“I do. And I don’t care. What should it matter what people think? Those that know me, that know you, those that understand…those are the people you hang onto. Everyone else you discard.”
“It’s not that easy,” I blurt out. “Your family would never judge you but mine would. Mine would…they’d disown me. They’d disown you. They own most of your resort, Logan. Don’t you think they could and would do some real damage?”
He swallows and looks down at the sheets, his hand dropping away from my face. “I know this isn’t how you see me, but I like to see the best in people. Just like you usually do.”
“Not when it comes to my parents.”
“Maybe so.
I shake my head, my heart feeling like it’s in a rock tumbler, but instead of coming out smooth and polished, it’s stuck in this never-ending turmoil. “You don’t know them like I do.”
“Be that as it may,” he says, leaning forward to kiss me softly. When he pulls back, his eyes are deep and probing. “I know you. And I know you don’t want to upset them. So for now, they don’t have to know anything. They don’t know your life here. You’ve told me they barely keep in touch, and you know they don’t contact me anymore. Except when they want you out of their hair.” I roll my eyes at that. “So in the meantime, fuck them. And fuck anyone who cares.”
“How can you just throw yourself into this so fast?” I ask him. “We’ve been fighting since the day I arrived.”
“Maybe I’m tired of fighting. Ironically, now I’ve found something worth fighting for.”
I raise my brow. “I don’t know. You know what happened to me before.”
“As I said, people here don’t have to know,” he tells me. “It’s up to you. If you think it’s better for both of us to keep it a secret, I will keep it a secret. Look…I just want to be with you. That’s all.”
That’s all?
But that’s everything.
Logan has been doing nothing but telling me everything I’ve always wanted, needed, to hear. It’s to the point that I’m not even sure I’m awake and not dreaming. It’s one thing to have a sex dream, it’s another to hear that the man you’re in…well, that you’re obsessed with, feels the same about you.
“Do you want me to show you?” he asks and before I can answer he’s pulling me toward him. I let out a shriek, dissolving into nervous laughter. One hand disappears into my hair, the other hand trails up the inside of my leg, soft and teasing, inch-by-inch over my sensitive skin. Even though my body is still a bit sore from last night and drowsy from sleep, I’m already shivering at his touch, craving him all over again.
I’ve found something worth fighting for.