Before I Ever Met You by Karina Halle
He rolls his eyes.
The rest of the shift goes really well. The restaurant is full and everyone seems in a really good mood. I meet Daniel’s eyes every now and then as I pass the bar to the toilets, and I can tell that he’s afraid I’ve ratted on him to Logan. I try and tell him otherwise.
At the end of the night, when the last order has gone out, Logan clears his throat from behind us.
Johnny and I turn around to see him standing in front of the swinging doors of the kitchen.
“What’s up, Mr. Gruff?” Johnny says with a wave.
“Mr. Gruff?” Logan repeats, coming into the room and walking toward me. It seems my nickname for him has spread.
As always, Logan looks like a breath of fresh air. Even dressed simply, a black t-shirt that shows off his tanned muscles and olive green cargo shorts, he manages to skirt the line of being rugged and playful, manly and elegant. When he looks my way, he starts smiling, small at first, then spreading across his face, his perfect teeth white against his golden skin.
Obviously I can’t help but smile back.
And now Johnny is looking between the two of us. “You all right Shephard?” he asks warily. “I can see your teeth. Are you…smiling?”
“Fine, just fine,” he says. “Wanted to come in here and see how you guys were doing.”
“It was a great night,” Johnny says.
“Great night,” Jin agrees from the sink where he’s been working diligently and quietly, as usual. Then he speaks up. “Ronnie made a new dish. The Ohana Mahi Mahi.”
Logan stops right in front of me, raising his brow as his grin spreads. Good lord, his smile can bring me to my knees. Everything inside me feels like it’s blooming, warm, hot, fizzy, like champagne. I want nothing more than to just wrap my hands around his neck, feel his skin, kiss his smile. Feel the strength and warmth of his body against mine. I want to ride him to oblivion again. I want all the things that I never thought possible until last night.
“Uh, Ronnie,” Johnny speaks up. “You going to tell him or am I?”
I blink, my cheeks going hot as I look over at Johnny. “Huh?”
He’s scrutinizing me with a coy wariness, looking between the two of us. “Tell Shephard what you made.”
“Oh right,” I say, looking back to Logan and meeting his eye. “Um, well, actually I’m not sure if I should tell you or just make it for you.”
“I would be honored if you made it for me,” he says. “How about tonight?”
“Phhhfff,” Johnny says, waving his hand at Logan. “Tonight? Give the little wahine a break, aye. Her shift is over and you’re not a slave driver.”
“No, I honestly don’t mind,” I quickly say. “I could do it right now.”
Johnny makes a noise of disbelief. “Well I’ll be, hell is freezing over. Ronnie is volunteering to make the habut some food, overtime.”
“Not overtime,” I tell him. “Just for fun.”
“Okay, now you’ve really lost your mind.”
“I think we’re all allowed to lose our minds from time to time,” Logan says. His eyes are burning into mine, reaching into my core and stoking the flames I’ve been trying to ignore all night. “Here, let me help you clean up.”
“Okay,” Jin says, poking his head around the corner. “Who are you and what have you done with Logan Shephard?”
Logan laughs and even that seems to scare everyone. I can try and hide our relationship, or whatever this is, from everyone here, but with Logan acting like a whole new human being, it’s not going to be so easy. Thankfully Johnny and Jin aren’t the type to jump to conclusions. They’ll first assume that Logan’s been abducted by aliens and his body has been shuttled back to earth, controlled by a robot.
And though it’s an odd proposition, none of us usher Logan out of the kitchen because we can use the extra hand with Charlie being gone, plus I think the guys get a certain thrill of seeing their boss roll up his sleeves and get down to the dirty work.
As it happens, with Logan’s help, we’re done a bit early. Johnny and Jin leave the kitchen in a hurry, as if they think Logan will pull a 180 and haul them back into work.
It’s just him and me here now. Out in the restaurant we can hear Daniel talking in a low murmur to Johnny and I think Kate, serving them drinks.
I turn to Logan, clearing my throat.
“So,” I say, keeping my voice low.
“So,” he says, taking a step toward me until all the space between us disappears. He runs his fingers underneath my chin and raises it so I’m looking at him in the eye. He smells like my dreams, that musk that runs deep into my veins, a chemical reaction. “Is it that obvious if I go and bar the kitchen door?”
“Afraid so,” I tell him.
“You have no idea how long this day has been,” he whispers to me. “I can’t quite believe that last night even happened. I might need you to prove it did.”
I bite my lip, playing up the look of the coquette. “That can be arranged. Anywhere but in here.”
“We can go at any time,” he murmurs, leaning over until his mouth is at my ear. “I can go at any time.”
Jesus. Just his hot breath, his words, and I’m transported back to last night. I don’t blame him for thinking that last night – and this morning – was a dream. This man had tasted me, licked his fucking fingers. He told me he wanted to fuck me with his mouth and then he fucking did. Not only a dirty talker, but a man who follows through.
“I think they would suspect something,” I manage to say, “you know, when they walk in here and find us fucking on the floor.”
“God,” he says, licking up my neck, a slow, languid pace to my ear that makes me shiver. “Don’t talk like that.” His hand slips down the side of my waist, down to the front of my work pants and starts sliding underneath the waistband.
“I think I’m supposed to make you a famous meal,” I manage to say.
“I think you’re my meal.”
I put my hand at his chest and push him back an inch. “I’m serious. I made something tonight that you’re going to be proud of.”
He cocks his head, studying me. “I already am proud of you.”
“How so?”
He gives me a lopsided grin that makes him look boyish. “You don’t realize what you’ve done here. Or maybe you do. I don’t know. I know I’ve been giving you a hard time since you arrived.”
“You can say that again.”
Now he’s full on beaming. “I’ve been giving you a hard time,” he repeats. “And it’s about to get harder.”
I laugh. “Okay, you are the worst at innuendo.”
“I know. But I am serious. I’m proud of you.”
I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone tell me they were proud of me, not like this. I try and brush it off but the fact is, it hits deep. It hits in a place I never thought possible. Tears are springing to my fucking eyes. All those years, all those years of just needing someone to believe in me and having no one, no one in my corner at all. You grow up thinking that your family will be the ones to believe in you but that’s not the case at all. Your family might be the first ones rooting for you to fail.
“Hey,” Logan says softly, brushing away the tears from my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head, looking away.
“Ronnie,” he says and the sound of my nickname makes my heart soar. “Please.”
I take in a deep breath. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid.”
“Hey,” he warns, his eyes turning hard and glinting.
I sigh. “I’ve never had anyone tell me they were proud of me.”
He seems stunned. “Never?”
“Never,” I admit. “I mean, I never really thought about it until you told me. It didn’t seem to matter what I did, it’s just that no one seemed to care. And, contrary to popular belief, I did do things that were worthy. At least I thought so. But…no one noticed.”
He doesn’t say anything for a moment. “I’m sorry,” he sa
I know I should just take the compliment and move on but I can’t. I stare up at him. “Then why did you marry her? Why did she steal you away from me that day?”
He closes his eyes briefly, breathing out of his nose. “I was a fool.”
“It’s that simple?”
He nods, looking me dead in the eye, washed with regret. “Sometimes there isn’t some elaborate story why two people end up together. I was…dumb. Thinking with my dick.” I grimace. “Sorry. And I bloody hate talking about this, you know. Because…I was blind. I saw your sister and she was beautiful.”
“Thanks.”
“Veronica,” he whispers. “You know more than anyone the ability she had to blind people. You’re a million times more beautiful, gorgeous, real and everything, and I knew that. I knew that when I saw you and I knew that you would take me on a ride. I knew that if I had left that bloody party with you our lives would have been turned upside down. In the best possible way. And I wasn’t ready for that. I was so business-minded. I could only think about the hotel, about getting it off the ground. I was blind to everything else but my ambition. And I saw Juliet and that way she had, that way she tricks people. She made me believe that I would rise to the top with her. And I fell for it. Somehow she fell for me.”
I can’t help but look away.
“You know I don’t like talking about it,” he says. “But it’s the truth. By the time we were married, it was too late. I was in too deep. And little by little, day by day, I started realizing the woman I was married to wasn’t at all like I thought. It was like she was hiding every aspect of herself until she had me and only then she came out. You have no idea, Ronnie, no idea.” He pauses. “I don’t think she was trying to trick me. She wasn’t…duplicitous, like the plumeria flowers. It wasn’t like that. It was just a case of hiding your true colors. She was afraid to be real.”
“Well she was hiding from me too, if that helps.”
“I think she was hiding from everyone. You, me, your mother, your father. I don’t think anyone knew the real Juliet. I don’t even think that prick she was with knew either. She died a mystery. And that’s a shame. But that was on her. The sad thing is, no one ever knows when we’re going to die. So it’s best to live life as open as you can. Juliet thought she was invincible, like we all do sometimes. I’m sure if she knew she’d die young…she would have made amends.” He runs his hands through my hair. I close my eyes. “You want the truth about me and your sister?”
I nod, closing my eyes.
“I loved her.” His words are a fist to my gut. “But I didn’t like her. Does that make sense?”
“Perfect sense,” I whisper.
“Look,” he says to me, leaning in so his nose is brushing against mine. “Sometimes you love someone but you don’t actually like them as a person. Like family, right?”
“Right.”
“I know this is hard to hear…”
I give him a small smile. “It’s not hard to hear. I would just rather not hear it right now.”
“Fair enough,” he says. “How about we save your dish for tomorrow night?”
“Then what’s on the menu tonight?”
He grins. “Do you even have to ask?”
He grabs my hand and hauls me over to the door.
“Wait,” I say, taking my hand out of his and untying my apron. “We can’t just go out there holding hands. Remember? You’re supposed to be an asshole and you’re failing at that.”
He’s still smiling. “I can’t help it.” He clears his throat and slides his hand over his face, his expression changing to stone. He looks burly and wild and fuck I want this man more than anything.
“Better?” he asks, voice low and rough.
“Yeah. In many ways,” I tell him.
“I’m going to head out the door. You do what you need to do. Meet me on the beach.” He pushes open the doors and steps out.
A thrill runs through me as I wait a few moments, hearing him say goodbye to everyone. Who knew sneaking around could be so much fun? I mean, with Erik it was the same idea but it was his idea we keep it a secret, mainly so he could screw other chicks on the side. Thank god I was smart enough to always use a condom with him and then had myself tested a few times after, just to be safe. An STD would have been icing on the cake.
I step out of the doors to see Kate, Johnny and Daniel all staring at me from the bar.
“Hey, get your butt over here,” Kate says, waving me over.
I sigh. This isn’t going to be easy.
“What’s up?” I ask, trying to keep my smiling to a minimum.
“What’s up?” she repeats. She’s tucked a red hibiscus behind her ear that matches her Moonwater Inn tank top. Which reminds me, I need to get one of those. “First of all, where were you last night?”
I roll my eyes and avoid looking at Daniel. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? I turned in early.”
“Did you really?” she asks. Because the light was on in your room all night,” she says. “And I called out to you but you never answered.”
Shit.
“I passed out. I don’t know what Dan was serving but they were just as potent as that fucking luau punch.”
“You did look really tired,” Daniel says carefully. “Must have been the turkey.”
“That’s exactly what it was,” I say, giving him a grateful smile. “Anyway, I’m zonked right now as it is. Think I’m going to go for a walk on the beach and clear my head.”
Then I get out of there before they can grill me anymore.
The rain has moved in again, a light drizzle that makes the night come alive. Everything smells like the world is being born again, every flower perfumes the air, making it sweet and heady. The earthy loam of the wet grass and soil, the tang of the waves.
I try to inhale it all but my breath is shaking. I’m too nervous, too excited. My heart is dancing, skipping, spinning around inside me.
My feet sink into the damp sand and I walk along the shore, going around the large dark lava rocks that dot the beach. Then I see him, up by the plumeria bushes, his tall silhouette backlit by one of the beach houses.
“Hey,” I whisper to him. “Sorry to make you wait in the rain.”
“I’ve been waiting for you for seven years,” he says, “a little rain is nothing.”
He reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me to him. I breathe him in deeply, my nose to his chest. I can’t help but run my hands down his sides, kissing him, before I drop to my knees and sink into the wet sand.
He stares down at me with hooded lids. “I see.”
“The other night I couldn’t finish what I got started,” I tell him, unbuttoning his pants.
He grins, wicked, devious, and helps me out, unzipping and taking his cock out.
Even in the dim light from the houses in the background, I’m mesmerized by the hardness of his cock as it bobs in front of me, the rain as it falls on us, highlighting his length. I wrap my fingers around the thick base of his shaft, tentative at first. I’m eager for him, to have him come inside my mouth, to feel his desire, but it’s been such a long time since I have given someone a blow job, I don’t want to rush it.
I take in a deep breath and slowly, carefully slide his tip through my lips. My eyes fall closed at the sound of his moan. The taste of him hits my tongue and spurs something deep inside of me, making me crave him even more.
“Oh hell,” he murmurs as his voice breaks into a groan, grabbing my hair and tugging, which brings a moan out of me, the vibrations spreading outward. I slide my lips to the end then stroke along the underside of his shaft with my tongue, feeling how hot his skin is, smoothing over every vein and rock-hard ridge. Fuck, he feels beautiful.
“Look at me,” he says, voice hoarse. “I want you to watch me watc
I look up, rain in my eyes, slowly bringing his length out of my mouth, and our eyes meet in a torrent of lust. Slowly, so slowly, I slide him back into my wet lips.
It’s too much for him to handle. He pinches his eyes shut, forehead wrinkled, mouth dropping open as he sucks in air, a deep groan rattling through his chest. All because of me.
With my confidence up and this man in my hands, I want to take my time, watch him slowly succumb. The power I feel is incredible and while he may be getting his world rocked, I’m feeling on top of mine.
The moans that come out of his mouth now as I work him steadily with my hands, lips, and tongue, are becoming lower, like they’re rising from a deeper, more animalistic side of him. I want his complete surrender, here on this beach, in my mouth, all because of me. I want him to crave me to the point of insanity. The rain continues to fall, adding to the wildness of the moment.
His legs stiffen and his body becomes strained, the tension building inside him. I glance up and our eyes meet briefly and his glazed expression tells me that he’s in awe, that at least for now, he’s mine and at my mercy.
Then his mouth drops open, panting with lust, as the rain streams down his face and he groans. “I’m coming, oh fuck.” His voice is hoarse and broken and another rush of power rolls through me. His cock becomes hotter, his skin stretched under my lips, and I keep going as I feel him change in my grasp.
He stills, strained, almost like he’s being put on pause, and then he’s over the edge, shaking, groaning, wild. His cum is shooting into my mouth, almost to the back of my throat and I swallow almost immediately, wanting every part of him.
“Bloody hell,” he rasps, his hands still tangled in my wet hair. “Freckles…I had no idea you had that in you.”
I slowly get to my feet, the instability of the sand and the rush I’m feeling cause me to waver off-balance. I grin at him and the sated expression on his face, and work out the kinks in my mouth.
“There’s a lot more where that came from,” I tell him, wiping the rain from my eyes. “As soon as my mouth gets used to the size of your dick.”
He laughs, then shakes his head, droplets falling from his hair, and exhales loudly. “I’m still shaking inside,” he says. “Come on. We’re just getting started.”