A Broken Fate by Cat Mann
****
Out of the shower, I checked the weather on my phone. Sunny and 70! I love California. I threw on my jeans and a breezy, silky top and walked barefoot into the kitchen. Ari was leaning against the sink, peeling an orange and Max sat perched at the island on a stool eating some crackers. I moved him from the tall stool to the chair at the table, took a few grapes, cut them in half, and added them to Max’s plate along with a piece of fresh Swiss cheese. Then I took his cup of sugary apple juice and added some water.
“You’re a natural,” Ari grinned and I chose to ignore the comment.
Except for the three of us, the house was empty, which was a nice change of pace. August had gone up north with Collin to spend the holidays with Collin’s folks and Rory and Julia were out getting their holiday shopping done. Christmas was just a few days away. I had ordered Ari some gifts from my favorite London shop a week or so earlier and was expecting them to arrive any day, but we still had a few loose ends to tie up, and we needed to get some things for Max.
I joined Ari at the sink and he handed me half of his orange.
“So what do you want to do?” he asked.
“Mmm,” I shrugged. “We can go to that little playground up the beach from here. That’ll keep him busy for a while, I guess.”
“Great,” Ari’s shoulders dropped in relief.
I found Max’s tiny little Converse shoes that Aggie had left by the door. Ari threw Max up on his shoulders and we walked along the beach to the playground.
Max went nuts. The playground had slides of various lengths and curves. There were tunnels to explore and a large, wooden pretend pirate ship. He played for hours and outlasted Ari and myself by far. The two of us had to call it quits and take a breather at a bench until we finally convinced Max that the time to head back home had come. We walked home slowly and dodged the waves that were threatening to dampen our sandy feet. Ari taught Max how to comb the beach for white shells and black stones and we found a few of each to add to Ari’s collection. We got back home in the late afternoon a little before dinnertime.
In the kitchen, Ari and I discovered we had barely any food in the house. We hadn’t gone to the market in weeks. Usually on Saturdays, we head to the farmers market, but we had slept through it this morning.
“Dinner out?” Ari suggested.
“I don’t know what other choice we have,” I said as I walked out of the pantry empty handed.
“What are you hungry for, Ava?”
“I have to check something out in Newport. Let's drive up there and go to that pizza place you like, then maybe take Max to a movie?”
“Sounds great. What do you need to check out in Newport though?”
“I'll show you. It’s a project I've been working on for a bit. It was supposed to be finished as of yesterday.”
“A project for House to Home?”
“Nope, this one is personal.”
We packed Max up in the car and made our journey to Newport. I asked Ari to stop at a flower shop along the way and I bought three bouquets of various vibrant blooms.
“Where to now, Ava?”
I had been giving Ari directions and had gotten a bit turned around. “I think it’s just up here. Turn left.”
Ari turned up the drive to a large beach type resort.
“Pacific Recovery? Is this the place?” He raised his eyebrow at me.
“Yes. That must be Juan waiting for us.”
Ari unbuckled Max from his seat and followed me up to a man waiting by the front entry.
“Ava!”
“Juan?”
“That’s me. It is nice to finally meet you.”
“Likewise. Juan, this is my husband Ari and this little guy is Max. Ari, Juan is Pacific Recovery’s facility director. He runs the place and founded the center back in the early nineties.”
“1991 to be exact.”
Ari and Juan shook hands.
“You have a beautiful family, Ari. Your wife is an extraordinary person.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more.” Ari responded and wrapped his arm around my waist, still confused as to why we were even at the rehab center.
“Everyone here would like to thank you, Ava, for your generosity. Your kindness means so much.”
I blinked in response.
“Follow me. The memorial is all finished; just like I promised.”
“Great.” I handed Ari and Max both a bouquet of flowers and we followed Juan up a cobble stone path that led through a vast and colorful garden. The path wound its way lazily to a wooden, white gate that sat under an archway completely covered in flora. Juan opened the gate and ushered us forward onto a spacious seaside cliff.
“It’s just up here a ways.”
We moved forward along a sandy path edged in tall grass to where a simple, rustic bench sat overlooking the ocean. Near the bench was a freshly planted pink magnolia tree.
“We were able to construct the bench out of old driftwood. I think it turned it out nicely.”
“Oh, Juan, it's just perfect!” I ran my hand across the smooth, sun-bleached wood then turned to Ari. “I had the center put the bench and tree here in memory of Misha and the baby,” I told Ari as he studied the scene before him.
“We hold you in our heart as family. Misha Kline 1989-2012.”
Ari read the message aloud. “You did this?”
“Yeah.” I was still unsure if my gesture was the right thing to do or not and I felt a little uneasy as I waited for Ari to show some sort of emotion.
“Does anyone else know about it?”
“No.” I pulled at the hem on my shirt.
“Ava, you sweet, sweet girl, you are the nicest woman, person, human being I have ever known. I would like you tell the family that this memorial is here. They will want to come as well.”
“Won’t they be mad?”
“No, Ava. This is a wonderful gesture. I am so proud that you are my wife.”
I pushed back tears and Ari and I placed our flowers on the bench, Max chose to put his under the tree and then we walked back quietly towards the center.
“Thanks again, Juan. You have done a wonderful job. It was really nice working with you. I would like to collaborate with you again, do more for your center.”
“I look forward to it, Ava. It’s nice to have made a new friend.”
I smiled at him and Ari, Max and I waved goodbye as we drove off towards Ari’s favorite pizza place. After dinner, we took Max to a movie at the theater. Max had never experienced a movie theater before and was very excited; he never took his eyes away from the screen.
It was late and dark when we left the cinema. It had been a very long day and we had done a fair job of wearing out Max. He fell asleep in the car on the way home.
“So where is he sleeping tonight?” Ari asked, looking back at Max in the rear-view mirror. Max had been sucking his thumb before he fell asleep and now it was partially hanging out of his open mouth. I laughed, snapped a picture on my phone and texted it to Aggie. I found it odd that she hadn’t called either Ari or myself to check in on Max.
“I guess Max will stay with you in our room. I can go to the couch.”
“What? No way! Why?” Ari asked quickly.
I explained what had happened the last time Max and I had snuggled together and how he had woken up in a panic to my screams. Ari was a little bummed out, but he eventually agreed. “Okay,” he said, “but I will miss you. I hate sleeping without you.”
“It’s just for tonight,” I said, forcing a smile.
“OK, just tonight. This isn’t so bad, is it?”
I cocked my head to the side, unsure of what Ari was talking about.
“Max … kids … today was fun.”
I put my hand up to my mouth and began to chew on a fingernail. After a moment’s hesitation, I let out a breath.
“Ari, making room in our lives for a child is not why I don’t want kids and you know it.”
“We had a chanc
“I know. I’m sorry.”
I closed my eyes. I did not want to have this conversation.
“You do so much for so many. Why couldn’t you do this one thing for me; for Max? He would have been happy here with us as parents. Family is the most important thing to me, Ava. I want one of my own. I wanted to raise Max as our own child and you passed on the opportunity. Why did you do that to me?”
I hesitated again before responding. Longer this time.
“If you had known before you asked me to marry you that I didn’t want children would you still have asked?”
Ari scoffed at my question but he didn’t answer me. Instead, he pulled into the driveway and hit the button to open the garage.
Ari carried Max inside and tucked him away in bed. I wasn’t sure if we were on speaking terms or not. To my surprise, he came and joined me on the floor in the living room for a while to work through my pile of scribbled on post-its.
“So what is Margaux doing in Chicago?” I asked, setting down the journal to stretch. I was looking for any topic other than Max to fill the awkward silence.
“I don’t know, really. She was going to be gone for only a day or two. I try not to ask.”
His tone suggested that he was still upset with me.
“Oh, so she is back in town already?”
“Yeah, I think so,” he shrugged.
“What is she doing for the holidays?”
“I don’t know what she’s doing on Christmas. She mentioned that she would like to see you, but I kind of brushed her off, and then I felt really bad about it.”
I grinned at him and tried to lighten the mood.
“You can’t feel bad about brushing off a demon that is holding my grandmother’s body hostage. You are too nice, Ari.”
He shook his head back and forth. “No, it wasn’t No. 7; it was Margaux.”
“Oh,” I said sadly, “now that does make me feel bad.”
“Don’t feel bad, Ava. You’re right. You can’t be near her and Margaux knows that more than anyone. The best thing you can do is figure out how to save her.”
“Yeah, but I am beginning to think it is impossible. The more I work at this, the harder it becomes.”
“I agree. Maybe we should take a break from the decoding until after Christmas and then when we come back to the journal, our minds will be clearer.”
I didn’t agree. I couldn’t help but think that I was working on already borrowed time.
Suddenly we heard Max start to scream from the bedroom. Before I could respond, Ari jumped up and hurried down the hall.
I got up a few minutes later to check on them, but by the time I arrived, they were both curled up in a ball sound asleep.
I stood in the doorway gazing in at my bedroom. Max was curled up in Ari’s arms. Their heads shared a pillow and Max’s hand rested lightly on Ari’s stubbly cheek. Ari’s lips were softly touching Max’s forehead.
What have I done?
I tiptoed in and pulled the blanket up over the two of them, kissed them both softly and clicked the bedside light off and left, closing the door behind me. Of all of the horrible deeds I had done and bad decisions I had made and pain I had endured, choosing to place Max in Andy and Aggie’s care was by far my biggest regret. I love Max. Ari loves him.
I worked for a couple more hours and figured out one or two more words, but soon I couldn’t concentrate. The weight of my decision to place Max next door was bearing down on me. Eventually, I gave up, grabbed a throw blanket and made my nest on the couch. I hated not being able to wrap myself up in Ari’s arms, but the possibility of scaring Max again was too likely.
Choosing to sleep alone proved to have been a good idea, too, because my dreams were nasty. I kept dreaming horrible things about Aggie, Max, Margaux and Ari. Each of them took turns haunting my mind with worry and regret. I tossed and turned and ultimately I rolled right off the couch and came crashing down to the floor with a loud thump. An ominous pain lurked around my ribs but began to ease almost immediately.
I groaned and searched around on the hardwood for my cell. I found it resting under the couch next to a fluffy dust bunny. The time was just a few minutes after five a.m. According to Aggie, that was about the time Max had been waking up. I pulled myself up off the floor, folded my blanket, picked up all the stray papers that were strewn about and put them back in a nice pile in the study. I ventured down the hall to our bedroom and with the creaking of the door, Max’s head shot straight up from the blankets. He had a huge grin on his face. I put my pointer finger up to my lips to keep him from waking Ari, then scooped him up out of bed and carried him to the kitchen.
“Hungry?”
Max nodded his head up and down rapidly with his cute just-like-Ari smile.
“Ok, let me see what we have.”
I peeled him an orange and then sliced up my last banana and opened my last yogurt and sat him down at the kitchen table. While Max ate, I cleaned up the kitchen, wiped down the counter tops and put away all the clean dishes.
Max was a sticky mess by the time he finished his breakfast. I picked him up and carried him away to the guest bathroom that Julia had been using since she decided she would not share a bathroom with Rory.
I held Max at an arm’s length in an attempt to keep his sticky fingers out of my hair. I ran a tub, then stuck him in and scrubbed him down, cleaning all the yogurt and fruit goo from his hair and face. He splashed half the water out of the tub, soaking the tile floor and my stocking feet.
When I pulled him, clean again, out of the bath, I wrapped him in a big towel.
“Well, Max, you smell a little like Julia but you’re better than you were!”
I got him dressed in the outfit that Aggie packed, a pair of jeans and a Rolling Stones tee-shirt, and asked, “How do you feel about going to the market with me?”
I got no response so I took it that he agreed. I left Ari a note letting him know where we had gone, even though I was certain he would still be asleep when we got home. I fished around for Ari’s car keys, since his car had the car seat, and then I buckled Max up and we took off down the street.
The store was nice and quiet for seven in the morning. There was one sleepy looking cashier reading a tabloid magazine while tending her post and a man with a push broom slowly making his way down the bread isle. Other than those two, we were alone. Max and I loaded a cart with all of our favorites and a few of Ari’s. I picked up a couple of items for August and Collin and stocked up on the house necessities we were in danger of running out of. I picked up some bath toys, baby wash, and snacks for Max so that we would be prepared for his occasional visits and then we headed home.
Aggie hadn’t mentioned when she would be back for him, or maybe she did and I just hadn't been listening, but I was sure she was probably wondering where we were. I called her cell but she didn’t answer so I left a detailed message.
After our buying session, I remembered why I always waited for Ari to come shopping with me – he was the one who always loaded and unloaded the bags and having to do it by myself was seriously annoying.
Back at home, I carried Max in, set him down on the floor and turned on some PBS cartoons while I began the daunting task of unloading bags and putting the groceries away. Half way into the job, Aggie rapped on the back door. I waved her in with a smile and she slid open the door.
“Hello, Ava,” she said as her eyes swept across the room looking for the boys.
“Ari is still in bed. Max is in the living room.”
Aggie walked passed me to the living room and sat down to talk with Max.
“Nice to see you, too, Aggie!” I said joking.
She came back a few minutes later and sat down at the island in the kitchen.
“So what did you guys do?” she asked.
I recapped the eveni
After Aggie reminded us for the hundredth time that Christmas Eve was in a few short days and she expected our presence at her house all day long, she announced that she and Max were leaving. Max locked his arms around Ari’s neck and refused to go to Aggie. He began to throw a fit.
“Ok,” Ari said, trying to calm Max down, “I’ll go with you and I’ll take you to Andy.” He nodded reassuringly at Max and smiled.
“Ava, I’ll be back in a few.” Ari kissed me on the cheek and walked out the door with Max and Aggie.
I thought Ari would take longer than “a few” so I opted to use the alone time for a long shower. I turned my music on full blast and let the hot water run through my hair and down my back. I hadn’t realized how tense I was until I tried to relax.
My music was so loud that I didn’t hear any footsteps or even the opening of the bathroom door. I jumped and let out a yelp when I heard his voice.
“Do you want company?”
I let out a shaky breath as the door pulled open and Ari smiled at me.
“Did I startle you?”
“Very much so.”
“Well?”
“I always want your company, Ari. You know that.”
Ari took my shampoo bottle out of my hand and washed my hair with his dexterous fingers. He massaged my scalp with small circles and I closed my eyes and smiled.
Once dry and clothed, Ari and I made a quick trip to town to finish our Christmas shopping. We picked up toys for Max and a few last minute items for various family members along with a ton of festive wrapping paper, pretty ribbons and big sticky bows. We spent the rest of the day at home wrapping up our gifts and listening to Of Monsters and Men.
August and Collin returned from their visit while we were wrapping gifts and Collin went straight out the back door towards the pool house while August threw himself down on the couch in our living room.
“I thought you guys weren’t coming home until next week.”
“Change of plans,” he mumbled into the cushion.
“Oh?”
He grunted.
“Well, okay, August, don’t tell me what’s going on between you two. I don’t care. But if you aren’t going to dish on the details then go throw your pity party on someone else’s couch.” I sounded harsh even to my own ears, but I hadn’t said anything he wouldn’t have said to me had the situation been reversed.
August rolled over and faced the other direction and Ari coughed back a laugh. This caused a giggle to burst through my lips, which then irritated an already very angry August.
“So, what? Did you get caught sneaking into Collin’s bedroom in the middle of the night or something?” I asked, unable to help myself.
“Stop, Ava, everything is fine,” August turned back around to face us.
“Yeah, it sure seems that way, August. I guess I’ll just go outside and talk with Collin. He’ll tell me what went down.”
I started to pull myself up off the floor and his eyes grew great big and round.
“Do not go out there, Ava!” he panicked and jolted up into a sitting position.
“Okay, okay, fine, don’t get your panties in a bunch, August. I’ll leave Collin alone … for now.”
He shot me a nasty look.
“Sorry, Ava, our argument is just not something I want to discuss with you. So please, just drop the conversation.”
I relented and gave him an easy smile.
“Ok, ok. So … I take it that you guys will be here for Christmas then?”
“It does appear that way,” he said with an eye roll.
I got up, a little annoyed, and grabbed a handful of wrapped boxes and started out the door to take the gifts to Aggie’s and place them under her tree.
I stayed next door for a little while and tried to help Aggie wrap a huge box that was too heavy for just her to handle. Apparently, I wasn’t doing it the way she wanted me to do it and she finally yelled at me and told me to “just forget it!” She said she would have Andy help her when he got home. She was pretty grouchy and I thought to myself that Christmas has a way of making people tense, but I had never seen Aggie succumb to tension quite so easily.
Max was taking a nap and Luke and Lauren were at a movie. I stayed another hour or so trying to be of some help to Aggie by making pie crust for the next day and unloading her dishwasher. I had lost track of time when Ari came through the back door lugging more gifts. He called out a hello to his mother, who had just gone to the laundry room and was more than likely out of earshot.
“What did you do that for?” he asked with an irritated look.
“Do what? I didn’t do anything.”
“You left me alone with August.”
“So … ?”
“So, you left me alone with August when he was having guy problems.”
I laughed aloud. “Oh, please, Ari, I am sure his issue wasn’t that bad.”
“Ava, he made me blush.”
I was smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. “So, are you going to tell me what the conversation was all about?”
“Absolutely not, there is no way I can relive that talk.”
“That bad, huh? Well did you manage at least to help him out? He seemed really out of sorts.”
Ari sighed and sat down at on the stool next to me.
“I think so. Maybe. Heck, I don’t know. Just don’t ever do that to me again.”
I ran my fingers through his thick hair.
“I am so sorry, Ari. I promise to make it up to you.”
He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and a mischievous and salacious smile spread across his face.
“You promise?”
“Mmm, I promise.” I licked my lip, my stomach did a little flip and Ari picked me up off my stool and threw me over his shoulder. In true ‘me Tarzan, you Jane’ fashion, I screamed in fake protest, beating my softly closed fists against his back as he ran with me out the back door.
Aggie came through the kitchen in time to see our hasty departure. She held the laundry basket against her hip and looked less than pleased.