Numb (King's Harlots MC Book 5) by J. M. Walker
I threw my arms around his neck, holding him tight against me. “Never,” I hiccupped on a sob. “I could never forget you.” I kissed him hard, pouring everything I felt into that touch. All the pain, the heartache, the damn agony threatening to destroy us both, I unleashed it all into that kiss.
Dale fisted my hair in his hands, his hold on me tight for only a second before he loosened his touch.
“No,” I said against his mouth. “Don’t hold back. Give me all of you,” I said between my tears.
He grabbed hold of my hair, holding my head in place, and deepened the kiss. He kissed me until I could feel him all the way down to my toes. His tongue pushed along mine, prodding and kneading, begging me to give him everything I was.
Reaching between us, I cupped him over his pants.
He jumped, a low growl leaving the back of his throat.
I wrapped my hand around him, tugging and pulling until he grew so damn hard it took my own breath away.
Every time his tongue swept against mine, a hot shiver trembled down my body.
Our mouths were fused while I pleased his lower body to the point of no return. I needed him to snap and take control. I wanted him to fuck away all the pain we had both endured. I wanted him to say goodbye to me through the powerful thrusts of his body.
“Max,” he whispered against my mouth.
“Please, Dale.” I took several breaths, my heart racing. “I need you. One last time.”
“This won’t be the last time.” He hooked his fingers in the waistband of my shorts and pulled them down my legs. “No matter how long it takes.” He lifted me onto my knees. “We will find each other again.” He pulled out his straining cock and lowered me onto him.
We both let out a sigh at being connected once again.
“Forever, baby.” He linked our fingers, leaning his forehead against mine. “I’ll wait for you forever.”
***
(Dale)
It was late into the night, and I couldn’t sleep. Max’s touch was imbedded on my skin. Her moans of pleasure would forever be engrained inside my skull.
She shifted beside me, hooking my arm over her middle. She sniffed, a soft whimper leaving her.
We had said goodbye using our bodies but she wouldn’t let me leave. I wasn’t exactly sure why. I knew I would see her again but we hadn’t talked about what would happen when we did. If this was the final straw and all that shit.
I loved her, and when I finally told her those three powerful words, all the weight from the past several months lifted off my shoulders.
She didn’t trust me completely yet but she also didn’t want me to leave. It fucked with my head but it wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t blame her, although I tried.
I kissed her shoulder, squeezing her against me. I should leave before she woke up. It would be easier on both of us.
Placing a soft peck on the side of her head, I let her go and slid out of the bed. After getting dressed, I looked down at her sleeping form. My heart thumped. My chest tightened. This was it. This was goodbye. Not see you tomorrow or the next day. But fucking goodbye.
I made my way to the door, but before I could leave the room, I heard her shift in the bed.
“Dale,” she whispered.
Her soft voice stopped me in my tracks but I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t for fear I would end up back in bed with her and we would be right where we started.
We couldn’t move on if we didn’t talk.
“I love you, Max. I will always love you,” I croaked, opening the door.
“Dale,” she cried, a sob escaping her.
I closed the door behind me but not before I heard those three words I had craved since I told her how I felt. I took a breath, letting them slide over my skin.
“I love you too.”
And with that, I left Max’s house.
DEPRESSION SETTLED IN the moment Dale left my bedroom only a couple hours before. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest all over again and this time it was because we had issues talking. I could sense the pain tearing through him but we both knew it was for the best. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, we needed time apart but I also needed him with me just the same.
Going back and forth the way we had been for the past couple of weeks wasn’t healthy. Maybe time away from each other would do us some good.
Unable to sleep any longer, I made my way to my gallery and decided to get some painting done. Josee had set up another showing for me. I couldn’t be more grateful to her and her faith in me. I didn’t deserve it, but I appreciated it just the same.
After the last time and not showing up, I was surprised she still wanted to work with me. But it was in her nature to be nice and helpful where needed. Much like Jay. God, I was a sucky friend.
After an hour, I was finally able to get a painting done but it only broke my heart. I painted before I thought about it. The strokes of the brush gliding along the page like they had a mind of their very own. When I was done, an image of hands holding each other stared back at me. They belonged to Dale and me. I only knew because my heart told me so. I had memorized every inch of Dale. Every vein. Every breath. Every beat of his heart. I knew every curve, every hard agonizingly delicious muscle. The ripple of his body shaking beneath mine as I forced him to submit to the pleasure he allowed me to give him.
With the painting done and my heart still hanging in my chest by the thread of my despair, I went in search of coffee. It had been so long since I made it for myself, I almost forgot where everything was. Dale had been the one to prepare it for me in the morning, waking me up by the fresh scent of the beans.
A lump formed in my throat. I swallowed hard, giving my body a full shake. I could do this. I could be strong. But my hands itched to call him. They reached for the phone on their own accord and just as I was about to press his number, I hung up.
How long was I supposed to wait until I reached out to him? It had only been a couple hours, and already I missed him like I missed my next breath.
I didn’t know how. I didn’t know when. But I promised myself I would be happy again. With or without Dale, I would move on from this.
***
(Dale)
“Tell me why you left her.”
As soon as those words left Dr. Santos’ mouth, a headache started piercing my brain. I pinched the bridge of my nose, taking deep cleansing breaths before meeting the doctor’s gaze.
“I already told you why,” I muttered.
“No.” He pointed his pen in my direction. “You told me when. You never told me why.”
I huffed, shifting my body weight on the leather couch. “Our relationship wasn’t healthy. We both knew that. You can only base so much of it on sex before it destroys you.” I grunted. I was starting to sound like Coby.
“You love her.”
“Of course I fucking love her,” I snapped. “Who wouldn’t? She’s perfect. She’s … she’s everything I’m not. But after remembering what I’ve done …” I shook my head, the guilt eating away at my heart. “She deserves better.”
“She loves you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for pointing out the obvious. They pay you for this shit?” I shook my head. “Listen, there’s nothing more to say about this.” I went to rise from the couch when Dr. Santos’ next words stopped me.
“If you love her, no matter the shit you have both been through, you need to work through this or else it will end up making you both more miserable than you already are.” He raised an eyebrow.
I slumped back onto the couch. “And how the hell am I supposed to do that? I know she still loves me. She hasn’t told me because she doesn’t trust me. Not completely anyway.”
“Do you want her to trust you again?”
“Yes. Fuck.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her but … it’s been a month. I haven’t seen her.”
“Dale, it’s only been two weeks.”
Dr. Santos let out a slow breath. “Listen, I’m going to tell you this off the record and based on my own personal experience. No matter how much you’ve hurt her, you’re trying everything you can to make it up to her. All I can tell you is that time is the true healer in all this shit. Be there for her when you can. Do whatever it takes but don’t push her.”
“You sound like my best friend,” I grumbled.
Dr. Santos’ eyes twinkled in the dim lighting of his office. “Time, Dale. Give that to her.”
But I didn’t want to. I wanted her now.
I would spend the rest of my life regretting what I did. I just prayed Max could eventually forgive me. Or everything we had worked toward would have been for nothing.
DALE: I MISS you. I shouldn’t be texting you. Hell, I shouldn’t even be thinking about you. But I am. Every second that passes, I miss you more.
My eyes roamed over every word, every single text. I read Dale’s messages over and over but I couldn’t bring myself to respond for fear that I would beg he come back to me.
Dale: I know you’re reading my texts. You can’t go without checking your phone. That’s one of the many things I love about you.
I laughed, wiping the tears from under my eyes.
Dale: Just tell me you’re okay, baby. Please. That’s all I need to know.
I couldn’t tell him because it wouldn’t be true. Every time our friends asked me if I was okay, I lied. Every time I laughed, it was all a damn lie.
Me: I can’t.
My thumb hovered over the send button.
Dale: Tell me.
I took a breath and pressed send.
At that point, my phone rang. Dale’s handsome face showed up on the screen. Shit.
“I can’t do this,” I said, answering the phone.
“I need to know you’re okay,” came his smooth reply.
“Are you okay?” I asked, challenging him.
“Fuck no. I won’t be okay until I have you in my arms again.”
Dropping my head in my hands, I let the tears fall. They rolled down my cheeks like tiny reminders of the pain and heartache I had endured over the past couple of months. “I need you,” I whispered.
“What the hell are we doing?” he demanded, his voice raising. “Why aren’t we together?”
“Because it hurts too much,” I sobbed, my voice cracking.
“Max …” He took a breath. “Fuck this.”
“Dale?” I pulled the phone away from my ear, realizing he had hung up. Was he coming over?
A couple minutes later, a knock sounded on the door.
My head popped up, my heart jumping in my throat.
The knock sounded again.
Finding that courage from deep within, I pulled to my feet and headed to the door. “Dale, I—” My eyes widened when I saw who stood in front of me. It wasn’t Dale. It wasn’t the man who had invaded my dreams all of these weeks. It wasn’t the man I was in love with.
Tyler Bone smirked, rubbing the dark scruff on his jaw, and pushed me back into my house. He towered over me, keeping his hand wrapped around my arm.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded, attempting to shove out of his grip, but his hold only tightened. It had been months since I saw the guy. After everything that had happened with the baby, I shut myself in, only hearing about Tyler and his shit in passing. Besides causing problems for Dante’s Kings, he left us alone.
Tyler didn’t say anything, only pushing me further into the house. I didn’t know what he wanted or needed, but his silence drove my nerves on edge. He had always scared me but now I was absolutely terrified of him.
“What do you want?” I asked again. “Where’s Stone?” I knew he was supposed to be watching the house after Angel said he didn’t want any of us to be alone.
Tyler didn’t respond. He only licked his lips, his dark gaze roaming down the length of my body.
I shivered, glancing away. My stomach churned, bile rising in my throat.
“Tell him you don’t want to see him,” Tyler said, his deep voice scraping over my skin.
“What—” A knock sounded on the door.
“Tell him,” Tyler commanded, pushing me to the door. “Tell him you’re fine but you can’t see him.”
The knock sounded again.
“Baby, I know you’re in there.” Dale.
“No, just let me go,” I pleaded, shoving against Tyler. “Please.”
His hand gripped my jaw, digging his fingers into my cheeks. “Tell. Him.”
“Fuck you,” I said through clenched teeth.
A wicked grin spread across his face. He released me, slamming his fist against my cheek before fisting my hair. “Tell him.”
My head rang, spots dancing in my vision. “I’m fine,” I said, repeating his words.
“Louder,” Tyler pushed me against the door. “Say it.”
“Dale, I can’t see you. Go away.” My throat burned, my eyes brimming over with unshed tears.
“What the fuck, Max? Let me in,” Dale demanded, rattling the doorknob. “Let me the fuck in.”
“I’ll call you later but I need to be alone right now,” I told Dale, keeping my eyes on Tyler.
“You can’t get rid of me that easily, kitten.”
“Leave,” I screamed. “Get the hell out of here. I don’t want to see you.”
Tyler waited a beat before throwing me over his shoulder.
“Put me down, you bastard,” I yelled, beating my fists against his back.
He ignored me and carried me up the stairs.
My heart beat faster with each step he took. Each move he made only made me hate him more. I struggled against him, thrashing my body in his arms but he was too strong for me. He wouldn’t let me go—he carried me up the stairs to my impending nightmare.
Tyler charged forward, kicking open each door down the hallway until he found my bedroom. Only then did he pause.
“Please,” I pleaded. “I don’t know what you want. I haven’t done anything.”
He pushed his way into the room and threw me on the bed.
My stomach twisted at the thought of what was about to happen. “Tyler, we can talk about this.”
He stared down at me from the foot of the bed. “You think talking will end this?” His voice was rough, nothing like I had ever heard from him before. “You think talking will stop all of this?”
“What happened? Why are you doing this?” I never liked the guy or what he had done to Jay, but I always made sure to steer clear of him. I thought it was the smartest thing to do, but apparently, I was wrong.
“Jenny’s with him,” he said, his morphing with rage.
I heard the slight slur to his words.
“What does that have to do with me?” I asked, slowly inching my way up the bed. If I could only reach my nightstand, I could grab the pistol Jay made me keep in it.
“Nothing but I can’t do shit when it comes to them so you’re my last resort.” He started pacing back and forth. “She’s having his baby. Do you know how many times I’ve tried fucking a baby into her? But she had none of it. She demanded we use condoms.” Tyler laughed, the sound reverberating right into my soul.
“You don’t have to do this.” I wished I was Brogan and had her strength. “I can help you.”
Tyler grabbed my ankles and flipped me onto my stomach. “Damn right you’re going to help me.” His hot breath scorched the side of my face. “You’re going to help me feel good.”
I swallowed past the bile. The scent of stale beer wafted into my nose. I pushed and kicked, but I wasn’t strong enough.
Tyler bound my legs, wrapping something around my ankles. He pulled the restraint taught, the rope scratching into my skin. “I was kicked out of Dante’s King’s. They will regret it. Brian loves you like his own daughter.” He chuckled. “I’ll just use you as leverage.”
“Please, Tyler, I swear I know nothing. I haven’t been around
“Fuck.” Tyler wrapped his arms around my waist, throwing me back on the bed.
I screamed and thrashed beneath him.
Suddenly, a fist landed against the side of my head.
I whimpered, my vision fading in and out.
“I will hurt you, Max. I don’t want to.” He laughed, licking up the side of my face. “Actually, I’d love to make you scream out in pain.” He groaned, pulling my arms behind me, and tugged my head back as far as it could go.
I swallowed hard, my eyes watering from the added force of my neck being stretched. “Please.”
“Shut the fuck up. You can’t try and talk me out of this. I’ll make them pay. I’ll make them all fucking pay.”
Because Brian finally got the balls to kick this sick fuck out of his club, I would now pay for it. Life was funny, in a way. You do something right only for it to backfire on you. But no matter what Tyler did to me, nothing would be as hard as dealing with the loss of my baby.
***
(Dale)
She didn’t want to see me.
Something was wrong.
“You need to calm down,” Stone told me, leaning against my truck.
“Are you sure you didn’t see anything?” I asked him.
“I haven’t seen anything or anyone since Lian and Henley finished their rounds. I’ve been here since you left during the night.” Stone frowned. “Are you questioning my abilities?”
“If something happens to Max, then you bet your fucking ass I am.”
“Call her.” Stone handed me his phone. “Now.”
I did as he said.
“Hello?” came Max’s soft voice.
A breath left me on a whoosh. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I just need a moment. I’ll call you later.” Her voice was monotone. “I promise.”
My heart jumped, my stomach twisting. “Okay.” I hung up.