Numb (King's Harlots MC Book 5) by J. M. Walker
Angel’s head popped up next. “Dale, just in time.”
“Time for what?” For you to threaten me again?
His brows narrowed, his dark gaze focusing on me. His stare down became so intense, I had to look away.
“You get the shitty part of going up on the roof,” Asher joked, clapping his large hand on my shoulder.
Thankful for the interruption from Angel thinking up ways he could beat my ass, I grinned at Asher. “You’ve jumped out of a damn plane but you can’t go up on the roof?” I shook my head. “Pussy.”
Asher grunted, punching me in the arm. “That shit is unstable.”
“No, it’s because you’re a large fucker. The roof can’t hold your weight.” I climbed up the ladder. “Fatty.”
“Fuck you.” Asher laughed. “Just do as you’re told for once in your life.”
I rolled my eyes and climbed up the ladder leaning against the wall. We had been working on the club for the past couple of months. When multiple motorcycle clubs had been hit, this one was no exception. The girls had an even bigger target on their backs because they were women. They lived in a man’s world, and as fucked up as it was, I almost wished the explosion would have put an end to their club. It wasn’t right of me to think but I wanted Max safe. I wanted all of them safe. Too much shit had gone down in the short time we had known them.
“Hey, Dale,” Coby said when he reached the top of the ladder. “You just hanging out or are you going to do some work?” He sat beside me, handed me a beer, and took a swig from his water bottle.
“Still not drinking?” I asked, nodding toward the bottle in his hand.
“No. Good thing Brogan isn’t a drinker either.” He stretched out his legs, lifting his face toward the heat of the warm sun.
“How’s everything going?” As much as I hated talking about my own feelings, it never ceased to amaze me that I could talk to Coby about anything. It was like one look from him and all my feelings were sucked out of me. He should have been a psychologist.
Coby grunted.
“That good?”
“As each day passes, I love that woman more and more.” He turned to me. “I will say this until the day I take my last breath, I do not deserve her. Not one fucking bit.”
“What happened was not your fault, brother.” I took a long gulp of the cool liquid, the carbonated bubbles tickling my nose. Fuck me, it tasted good.
“Maybe not but it doesn’t mean I won’t stop feeling guilty.”
“True.” I nodded. “I get it. I may not have what you have but—”
“You will.”
My head snapped around. “What?”
“You will have what I have. Max loves you, and I know you love her.”
My mouth opened and closed. Well, that was new. For once in my life, I had no idea what to say.
“Listen.” Coby took a deep breath. “You both have been through a lot. Probably as much shit as Brogan and me. It may not be the same kind of shit but nonetheless, it’s shit.”
I chuckled.
His lips tugged at the corners but he kept his face impassive. “Love overrules all. Straight out. You don’t have to admit you love her. She doesn’t need that hearts and flowers shit. She needs you. Yes, you destroyed her heart but you have the rest of your lives to make up for it.”
“How the fuck do I do that?”
“Take it one day at a time. Be there for her. Spend every moment you can with her. Show her you’re not going anywhere. Have you talked? Have you actually had a conversation with her without it turning into a fight? Or something more?”
The back of my neck heated at our last fight turning into the hottest make out session I had ever experienced. “No,” I muttered.
“Exactly. Don’t push her, Dale. She may have been easy to control in the beginning but right now, she doesn’t need your domination. She needs you to be her equal.”
“We’ve always been fucking equal.”
“No,” he turned his body toward me. “Listen to me.” Rubbing a hand through his short dark hair, he took a breath before looking at me.
And that was when I saw it. Pain. The agony hidden behind his eyes made my heart skip a beat. Even though he had told me everything, I still couldn’t get over the guilt radiating off him. But I could also see it in Brogan. Whenever they were together, both of them were tentative around each other. I wasn’t an emotional guy but fuck me, their issues hurt my fucking heart.
“I know what it’s like to completely dominate someone,” Coby continued. “Call it kink. BDSM. Whatever the fuck you want. The need to control only became stronger after Leah died but now, I don’t need it as much. After what Brogan and I have been through, I realized it’s give and take. Control Max in bed, but don’t you dare start controlling her in her everyday life. Not unless she asks for it.”
“Why not?” I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.
“Because right now she needs a friend. She has her sisters but it’s different. Unless you’re us. I can talk to you about anything.” He frowned. “Which is odd as fuck.”
I grunted, shaking my head. “Well … I never asked for your lectures.”
“I’m not lecturing you,” he snapped. “See? You don’t listen.” He poked a finger in the side of my head. “Max needs you to listen to her. Have you asked her how she felt?”
I slapped his hand away. “How can I when she won’t even talk to me?”
“You’re not dumb, brother.”
“Are you telling me I should just not bother talking and wait for her to come to me first?”
“Ding, ding, motherfucker.”
“You have some serious issues.” I pulled back the rest of my beer.
“I do.” Coby winked. “It’s why my girl and I get along so well. We’re both sick in the head.”
I laughed. “Thank you for this and for not judging me.” God, I felt like a girl.
“No thanks needed, Dale. Just get your head out of your ass and be there for Max. That’s all she needs right now. The rest will fall into place. And stop acting like a woman.”
I opened my mouth to give him a smart remark when the tiny hairs on my body stood on end. They vibrated and hinted, begging for that single touch from the woman who invaded my thoughts and dreams since the first moment I met her. It was all I needed. And that was when I heard her voice.
Max and her sisters stood around the trailer while the guys continued mulling over the blueprints. Brogan had laughed at one point and shoved them aside. The woman could draw up a building in a matter of minutes.
I glanced over at Coby.
His gaze was warm as he stared down at the woman who stole his heart just like he stole hers.
She caught his gaze, giving him a wide smile and a little wave.
Never would I have imagined that Coby would find someone who completed him in every single way imaginable.
I want that.
“You’ll get it, brother,” Coby whispered.
The back of my neck heated, not realizing I had spoken aloud. Clearing my throat, I went back to working on the roof. But not before I caught Max staring up at me.
***
(Max)
I could feel him watching me. Every nerve ending on my body came alive just at the mere thought of Dale. It was enough to drive a sane person mad.
After I had shown Josee my current work inspired by the man who tore out my heart, I headed to the club in need of a break. But my fingers were itching to get back to the blank canvas sitting on my easel.
“He’s watching you,” Brogan said, sidling up beside me.
“Yup. He sure is.” Not like there was anything I could do about it.
“Have you both talked yet?” she asked, sticking her pencil behind her ear.
“If you mean by talk, did we yell and scream at each other and almost have sex? Then yes, we talked.”
She sighed, her gaze drifting back up to the roof. “Sex is a way of communicating in some cases.”
“No.” She waved it off. “Don’t be sorry. It’s hard to talk about. We have our moments but we’re getting by.” She pasted on a smile for reassurance. “Don’t worry about us.”
But I did. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me most.
“Don’t …” She shook her head. “Don’t look at me like that.”
My eyes burned. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. When everything happened, I mean.”
“It’s not your fault. God” —she threw her arms around my middle— “I wasn’t there for you,” she cried, squeezing me.
I leaned down, pulling her in for a proper hug. “You’re too damn short.”
She laughed, sniffling a moment later. “We need to hang out more. Just the two of us. I feel like we haven’t really gotten to know each other over the years.”
“I would like that. I have another art showing coming up.”
She pulled back, her smile widening. “We’ll be there. All of us.”
My back stiffened, my gaze shooting to the roof. When I saw that Dale was no longer working on top of the building, I frowned.
“Looking for me, kitten?”
I jumped at the smooth deep voice in my ear.
Dale chuckled, stepping in front of me. He leaned toward me, his mouth mere inches from mine. My heart fluttered. Just when I thought he was going to kiss me, he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear instead. That small touch sent a surge of heat racing through my body, forcing an ache between my legs.
I chewed my bottom lip, staring up into Dale’s bright blue eyes.
“Well …” Brogan cleared her throat. “I’ll leave you be.”
I took a step back, brushing a finger over my ear Dale just touched. “What do you want?”
His eyes twinkled. “To talk,” he finally said.
My mouth fell open. That was not what I was expecting him to say. No smart remark. No dirty comment. No sexual innuendo. My stomach twisted. The disappointment sitting on my heart bothered me.
“Please,” he added, his voice gentle.
I searched his face. For what, I wasn’t sure. To laugh at me maybe. To tell me the joke was always on me. But instead, I decided to do what my grandmother would want. “Okay.” I turned to walk away and stopped. “But not alone,” I told him over my shoulder.
He raised an eyebrow. “And why not?” His voice dripped with a hint for something more. Something I had always wanted from him. Something he had given me in the beginning when it still wasn’t enough.
“Because we fight and attack.” I turned back around and walked to the picnic bench across the driveway. “At least if we’re in the company of our friends, you can keep your hands to yourself.”
“I’m all for a public display of affection, baby.” He grabbed my hand, spinning me toward him. He leaned down to my ear, his hot breath brushing over my skin. “But I’ll do what you ask and be a gentleman. For now.”
Much to my surprise, he followed through on his promise and let me go.
“Dale,” I said when he headed toward the picnic table.
“Let’s talk,” he grumbled, thumping down on the table hard and scrubbed his hands over his face.
“Fine.” I sat beside him. “What’s going on?”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, staring straight ahead.
“You’re being cautious around me. I’m not fragile. I won’t break.” I knew I wouldn’t because it already happened.
Dale sighed, letting out a soft curse. “I’m trying to be patient. I don’t want to push you but fuck me, I love it when you push back.”
My cheeks burned. “You were never like this in the beginning. You weren’t controlling. Not in the way you are now.”
“I want you to be my equal,” he whispered.
My breath caught. “I don’t know what that means.”
“Neither do I.” He turned his body toward me. “I need you to take me to her.”
I jumped off the table. “I can’t.”
“Max.”
“No.” I spun on him. “You don’t understand. I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough.”
“Like fuck you aren’t.” He took a step toward me but stopped when he caught movement behind me. “We’re not done,” he said, walking away.
I watched him go. I didn’t stop him. I didn’t run after him. I didn’t demand answers and make him tell me he loved me. God, I was stupid.
“Max,” Angel’s booming voice came from behind me. “You good?”
“No.” And that was the most honest thing I had admitted to in months.
WHEN I SAW Angel approaching us, I hightailed it out of there as fast as I could. I didn’t need his shit. I respected the hell out of him but when it came to Max, it was none of his fucking business.
I would make her mine again. No matter what our friends said. I would make them see we belonged together. That I needed her. That she was the only reason I woke up from the damn coma in the first place.
My walk turned into a jog until I was running at full speed. My lungs ached. My muscles jumped and twitched, protesting each movement but that only made me run faster and harder. If I could run myself into the ground, I would. I needed to get away. To run back in time where Max and I weren’t fighting. I craved the day I could make her smile again. To see her look away shyly as I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. And when she chewed her bottom lip, I would kiss her and take her breath like it belonged to me. I would fall at her feet, kissing the very ground she walked on before I ever let her go again.
Running faster, I poured every emotion into the pavement beneath my feet. It took months, but I finally admitted to myself that I had made a mistake. Even in the beginning, I never showed any interest I wanted a relationship with Max. That was one of the only things I could remember. I was confused, not being able to remember what was fact or fantasy. But I knew I had been scared. No one wanted me as a child, how could I fathom that a woman wanted me as a man? But it had been too late. How could we ever come back from it?
After a couple miles into my run, I slowed down to a full stop, breathing through the pain piercing my lungs. Fuck me, it felt good. So damn good to feel something other than this confusion. Not remembering everything was driving me insane.
I needed to see Dr. Santos.
Placing my hands on my knees, I bent over at the middle, taking deep breaths.
“You can’t run away from your problems.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I took another breath before looking back at Coby standing behind me. I never heard him approach. The fucker was like a damn ninja.
“Maybe not but I’m determined to try,” I muttered.
“She’ll come around,” was all he said.
I laughed. “I can’t talk to her if I have Angel breathing down my neck. He’s determined to keep us apart.”
“That’s not true and you know it.” Coby took a step toward me. “He doesn’t want you to hurt her again. You have to understand where he’s coming from.”
“How the hell can I, Coby?” I snapped, my fists clenching at my sides. “Max and I can’t talk without fighting.”
“And that’s how some people get their points across but when you don’t listen to what she has to say, that’s why he steps in.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to listen to her when she doesn’t tell me shit?”
“Patience.” Coby rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t like talking about what happened but I’m telling you this because clearly you aren’t listening to me.”
I winced. “Coby.”
“No.” He raised a hand, stopping me. “I love Brogan. She loves me. But sometimes talking doesn’t do shit.”
“What are you saying?” I asked, frowning.
“Sex, Dale. That’s what I’m saying.”
“You want me to fuck Max in order to get her to talk to me
“I’m not saying …” Coby huffed, scrubbing a hand down his face. “What I’m trying to explain is that sex can be a way of communication.”
I thought about that a moment.
“Sex can also be when you are most vulnerable,” Coby continued. “And people who live the BDSM lifestyle need to communicate with each other. The Dom needs to know what his submissive likes. The sub needs to let their Dom know if they aren’t comfortable in the situation and so on. They give and take. But sometimes, words aren’t enough.”
“Why, Coby, are you trying to tell me you’re into bondage and sadism?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood.
Coby glanced my way. “That’s for Brogan to know only.”
“Touché.”
“I’m just trying to tell you that sometimes words aren’t always needed when speaking with your partner. Learn to listen to Max without hearing her voice.”
I did know her. Didn’t I?
But maybe Coby had a point. Although I didn’t like holding back. This new-found urge to demand for her to listen to me almost pushed me over the edge. Every time we were near each other, I couldn’t help but want to reach out and touch her. My body stirred, my cock growing at the mere thought of getting back inside her sweet body.
Fuck.
Clearing my throat, I started jogging in place and shook out my arms.
Coby chuckled. “Work it out, man. Before you lose your shit. You don’t need to scare her away.”
I didn’t respond but something told me there was more to Max then she was letting on.
***
(Max)
Seven days. Seven. Damn. Days.
Dale had actually left me alone. He came to the club, helped the guys with fixing up the place and doing the renovations instructed by Brogan, but other than that, nothing. Nada. Zilch. I was losing my ever-loving mind. I needed his touch. His mouth on mine again. I needed to feel him growing beneath me as I took us both over that edge of powerful bliss.