Numb (King's Harlots MC Book 5) by J. M. Walker
“I think I gave you a good head start,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.
He chuckled. “Yeah, you did, kitten. I just wish I could have been there to take care of you after.”
I shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”
He searched my face. “Yeah, it kind of is.”
The events of the past couple of hours came rushing back. Every time the hospital gown slid over my skin, the burning pain reminded me of what happened and what could have happened if Jay hadn’t shown up. My heart started racing, the air in my lungs shortening and coming out in small bursts of air.
Dale pulled me against him. “Let it out, baby.”
A sob escaped me. Gripping his hoodie, I cried against him, letting out all the emotions I had felt for the past several months. All the hurt, anguish, anger, fear … Every damn feeling I had tried hard not to feel. It all came out. Every single one of them rolled down my cheeks and dripped off my chin. My body ached, my muscles burning over the uncontrollable soul crushing cries.
“That’s it, kitten,” Dale coaxed. “Let it out.”
His soothing words only made me cry harder. I wasn’t my sisters. I wasn’t Brogan. I couldn’t do this and move on like nothing happened. I wasn’t as strong as her. “I’m not strong,” I whispered.
Dale cupped my face, pushing me back gently, and stared intently into my eyes. Wiping my tears away with his thumbs, he placed a soft peck on my mouth before pulling away suddenly. “I’m sorry. I know we’re not … together anymore.”
I gripped his arms. “No, I …” I let out a heavy sigh. “We can talk about that later. Right now, I just need you.”
“Okay.” He kissed my forehead. “You are the strongest person I know. My brothers and I have fought through hell. We’ve seen shit no human should ever have to see but even after that, you are still the strongest.”
“No.” I struggled out of his hold. “I’m not.”
“Yes,” his brows narrowed as he spoke, “you are.”
Just when I was about to argue with him again, a throat cleared from the doorway.
My head whipped around. “Jay.”
She smiled softly. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” I reached a hand out to her.
“I’ll be out in the hall.” Dale kissed my head and left the room.
When Jay sat on the bed beside me, she grabbed my hand and linked our fingers. We sat in silence, the words over what had happened floating above our heads.
“I’m sorry,” I eventually said, needing to break the silence.
“You’re sorry.” She turned to me. “What the hell for?”
“For …” I wasn’t even sure what I was apologizing for. It wasn’t my fault Tyler had attacked me. But why the hell did I feel so damn guilty?
“Listen,” Jay sighed, squeezing my hand. “Tyler has always been a dick. But I underestimated him. I should be apologizing to you.”
My eyes widened. “Why?”
She looked away, glancing down at our joined hands. “For years I tried convincing my father that Tyler had issues. He’s not all right in the head. The relationship I had with him proved that. But my dad said he was good for the crew, doing whatever he could to get the answers they were looking for. Tyler had said how he would …” She met my gaze. “How he would do anything to pay me back for leaving him.” A nervous laugh left her lips. “But I didn’t think he would stoop this low. But I need you to tell me something.”
“What?” I asked, my heart jumping against my ribs.
“Did he rape you?”
***
(Dale)
“You killed Charles,” Coby said, his voice low.
“I wish I could do it all over again,” I mumbled, closing my hand into a fist. I could still feel his blood spraying my skin. I could taste the metallic liquid on my lips and see the life leaving his eyes. I wanted to do it again. But this time, it would be Tyler.
“Tyler won’t get away with this shit.” Coby sat back in the chair beside me. “None of them will.”
“He’ll be in recovery for who the fuck knows how long.” I shook my head. “We need someone on the inside.”
Coby grinned. “I’m sure Jay’s father knows someone.”
“Really?” I mentally smacked myself. The guy was the president of a motorcycle club with some of the most dangerous men I have ever come across. They even made me nervous.
“Tyler won’t get out of prison. And if I have it my way, he won’t even make it out of the infirmary. If I have to do it myself” —Coby’s face hardened— “he will pay for what he did to your girl, brother.”
His words hit me square in the gut. “He didn’t rape her.” I had believed Max when she told me but I needed to say the words. I needed to hear them again for myself. Even though her body looked like it had been beaten down and broken, he didn’t force himself inside her. My muscles vibrated. He would still pay. I would make damn sure of it.
“Have you seen what he did to her?” Coby asked, rubbing his jaw.
“No.” My body tensed. “I don’t know what I’ll do when I see his marks on her skin.” I had never become so possessive in my damn life.
“Be gentle with her.” Coby clapped a hand on my shoulder. “She’s not like her sisters. She’s the good girl. Remember that.”
***
(Max)
“No, he didn’t rape me.” But I still felt dirty and stripped bare from where he touched me.
“I’m sorry for what he did to you,” Jay muttered.
“Why did you show up? I’ll be forever thankful but I don’t understand how you showed up at the perfect time.”
“You didn’t answer your phone,” she told me. “You always answer your phone. So, when I called and kept getting your voicemail, I went over to your place. The door was unlocked and I let myself in. That was when I heard your screams.”
“Do you always carry your gun on you?”
She searched my face. “Yes. Angel makes damn sure of it. I know you’re not like the rest of us. I get it. But I need you with me. You can step down from being the vice-president, I get that too, but I can’t do this without you.”
“I’m not strong enough.” My voice wavered. “I can’t do something like this and just move on like nothing happened.”
“And you think we can?” Jay shook her head. “Look at Brogan. Her and Coby are still dealing with this shit. They probably will be for the rest of their lives. And Asher and Meeka? You remember what happened there, right?”
I nodded slowly, memories of them going undercover after trying to bring Charles down flooding my mind.
“We’re human. We put on a good front but none of us do this and move on right away.” Jay wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Trust me. Tyler caused a lot of shit for Angel and me. I almost lost him. We’re not as strong as you think we are.”
“When will this stop?” I asked, leaning my head against hers.
“Whenever the Devil has his fill.”
“You sound like Coby.” I rose from the bed, stretching my arms up and over my head. The sudden onset of pain traveling down my back reminded me that Tyler was still nearby. I chewed my bottom lip, glancing at the doorway.
“He can’t come in here.” Jay winked. “Not like the fucker can walk anyway.”
“I’m not strong enough for this.” I wrapped my arms around myself for fear that I would finally once and for all lose it.
“That’s just it. You are strong enough, Max. You’re like the glue keeping us all together. You balance out the good and the bad. You’re the peanut to my butter.”
I laughed, wiping the lonely tear free-falling down my cheek. “I love you girls. So damn much but these past couple of months have been a right off. I think something happened though. With Dale and … Charles.”
“What do you mean?”
I swallowed hard, my heart racing. “Tyler is in on this human trafficking shit, Jay.”
She let out a soft sigh. “Yeah. I kind
“Really? How?”
“Tyler always needed to be in control. Not like Angel. Tyler forced me and hit me when I didn’t submit to him. He always talked about having someone who would bend to his demands and hated it when I wasn’t that person.”
“I think that’s the most you ever said about him,” I told her.
“Yeah.” She gave me a small smile.
“I wanted to kill him. I couldn’t stop myself,” I confessed, remembering Angel breaking the door to my bedroom down.
“But you did,” she reminded me, reaching for my hand.
“I did.” My shoulders slumped. I couldn’t get the sounds of his screams out of my head. But what would forever be burned into my nightmares was the vile grin on his face. The dark evil in his eyes. Although he had been writhing in pain, he still managed to scare me. He gave a look that promised his marks on my body would be there. Forever.
“Um …” Jay shifted beside me.
“What?” I asked, her movement pulling me from my thoughts.
She met my gaze, her eyes wide with excitement and fear. “I think my water just broke.”
“HOW THE FUCK I let you talk me into this shit is beyond me,” Jay groaned through gritted teeth and gripped her lower abdomen.
“Baby, it’s not like it was planned for.” Angel rubbed her lower back, a hint of amusement flashing in his gaze.
I smiled to myself, shaking my head. “Come get us when the baby is born.”
Jay met my gaze. “Thank you …” She winced. “Fuck me.” She let out a slow breath.
“Take care of her,” I told Angel and stepped out of the room when I ran right into a hard body. A flush of heat washed over me.
“You good?” Dale asked, steadying me on my feet.
My best friend was about to give birth when I had lost my own baby a couple months back. “Yup. I’m perfect. You?”
Dale grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. “I’m fucking perfect as well.”
My heart stuttered. “Let’s go back to my room and be perfect together.”
He kissed my forehead. “I like the sound of that.”
We headed back to my hospital room and sat there for what felt like hours. Maybe it was. We were silent, speaking through the small touches by just holding hands. I loved this man pouring his strength into me but I hadn’t told him yet. Not since the first time.
He remembered everything. All the women. Hurting me. Laughing in my face. But he still confessed his love for me anyway.
He didn’t push me when he knew how I felt. It was obvious in the way he took care of me. I knew that once everything was said and done, we would have to go our separate ways. Maybe for a little bit. Maybe for good.
My eyes burned, the lump lodged in my throat threatening to choke me.
Every now and again, Dale would lift our joined hands and kiss my knuckles. That small touch sent a flutter of happiness through me. But was I allowed that? Could I allow myself to have that reprieve after everything that had happened?
As if he could sense my thoughts, Dale’s brow crinkled. “Talk to me.”
“In a couple of days or so, I want to go back and see … and see our daughter.” I swallowed hard, breathing through the impending breakdown trying to control me.
“I’d like that, kitten.” His eyes warmed. “I would like that very much.”
***
(Dale)
Max wanted to run. She wanted to hide away from all the pain life had caused her. When she broke down in my arms earlier, I held her, but it wasn’t enough. She went on like everything was fine but it wasn’t. And she earned that right. She had every reason to feel the way she was feeling. I just wished she would open up to me.
“Let’s go see her now,” I suggested, the unnerving silence getting too heavy for me.
“Right now?” she sat back, staring at me through red rimmed eyes. “But what about Jay?”
“We’ll come back.” I sent Angel a quick text.
Max looked around the room. “Do you think they would mind?” she asked, chewing her bottom lip.
My body stirred. It wasn’t the right time or place but fuck me, I enjoyed when she did that. “No,” I said, my voice coming out more of a growl.
Her cheeks reddened. “Okay,” she breathed. “Take me to her.”
I dialed Coby’s number. “Coby,” I barked into the phone.
“Yeah, brother,” came his short reply.
“I need your—” Coby stepped into the room and placed his keys in my hand. “Thank you.” I rose from the bed, pulling Max with me.
“Wait,” she said. “I—”
The doctor took that moment to come into the room. “Oh.” He stopped suddenly when he saw me standing with her. “I was about to give you your discharge papers. You’re free and clear.” He placed a small jar in Max’s hand. “Rub this salve on the wounds. It will ease the pain and help with the healing process. But I’m sorry to tell you that there will be scars.”
Max jutted her chin out. “I’m aware,” she said, her voice firm. “Thank you.”
The doctor looked between us. “Okay …”
“Is there an issue?” I asked, my muscles tight.
The doctor flipped through his chart. “Tyler Bone.” He glanced at Max, shifting his weight from foot to foot.
“What about him?” Max rubbed a hand down her arm, clasping her fingers around her bicep to keep from shaking.
My stomach twisted over what that fuck did to her.
“He survived the surgeries.”
A forced laugh escaped Max’s mouth. “Of course he did. Thank you, doctor. We’ll be leaving now.”
“Max,” I said gently.
“I said we’re leaving,” she repeated, grabbing her clothes and headed to the bathroom. She came out a moment later completely dressed. “Now. Please.”
I nodded, thanked the doctor again and guided Max out of the hospital.
“You need to drive,” I told Max once we reached Coby’s SUV.
“Okay.” She didn’t argue and took the keys from my hand. “Still not allowed to drive?”
“No,” I grumbled. “After I drove the last time, I realized it was too soon. I have an appointment coming up and I swear if the doctor doesn’t give me a clean bill of health, I’m going to shit bricks.”
“Sounds painful.” Max smiled softly.
My mouth turned up into a grin. “No pain no gain, baby.”
Max’s smile grew. Moving to the driver’s side of the large SUV, she opened the door.
I did the same, standing on the passenger side.
With both of our doors opened, we stood there and stared at each other. Only a couple feet stood in our way of touching but it felt like we were miles apart. I prayed with everything in me that we could get through this. If we didn’t, I wasn’t sure what I would do.
***
(Max)
I love you.
Those three words were on the tip of my tongue but again, I couldn’t say them.
Dale stared at me from across the passenger side of the SUV, his big body filling the door frame.
“We …” I cleared my throat. “We should go.” Jay’s baby would hopefully be born soon and I didn’t want to miss being there for her.
He nodded once and slid into the vehicle.
I did the same and started it up. The big machine rumbling beneath me ignited that familiar ache. I missed riding my bike but it just hadn’t been the same without the other girls. I made a mental note to set something up for us to head to another town to see a sister club. Although I felt I was a crappy biker, I still enjoyed the wind whipping through my hair and the open road.
Once we reached the cemetery, my fingers tightened on the steering wheel. After I had brought Dale there weeks ago, a lot had changed in that short amount of time.
He loves me.
“Do you think we could have been happy?” Dale asked, cupping my inner thigh. “If she was born, I mean. Do you thin
My chest constricted. “I’d like to think so.”
“Do you think we could have been enough for each other?”
My breath hitched. “I think maybe she … she died so we could find each other again. Or at least be civil.” I met his gaze. “I know we need time apart. It’s only been two weeks and I …”
“What?” he asked, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.
“I miss your arms wrapped around me. I miss you, Dale.”
“I can’t be with you if you don’t trust me. It’s not fair to either of us.”
Chewing the inside of my cheek, I looked down at his hand wrapped around my inner thigh. His knuckles were torn from whatever beating he had given Charles. Black and blue bruises marred his wrists from being bound.
“I trust you,” I whispered. My tears were worth a thousand words but they still couldn’t speak. “I want to trust you with everything that I am.”
“Baby.” Dale’s voice took on a tone I didn’t like hearing. It became thick with emotion, rough with pain and deep with guilt. “I … fuck.”
Yeah. My thoughts exactly. I left the vehicle, waiting for him to follow, and when he did, only then did I head to our daughter’s grave.
Kneeling on the sun-kissed grass, my gaze landed on a single flower that had sprouted up from the grave. I wasn’t sure if someone had planted it there but, either way, I took it as a sign. A sob escaped me, crashing through my body and hitting me square in the chest.
Warm arms wrapped around me. A soft mouth kissed my head over and over. The small touch repeated itself until all I felt was the love Dale had for me.
“I love you,” I blurted, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “I love you so damn much, Dale.” I gripped his hoodie.
He cupped my face, tilting my head to meet his mouth. “I love you too, kitten. I promise to make up for what I’ve done but you know we can’t be together. Not yet.”
He was right which made me cry even harder. God, I hated it when he was right.
“All we can do is take it a day at a time,” I told him through my sobs, “but I need you to be patient with me. I trust you. I do. But when she died, a part of me died with her. Please don’t push me.”