Perfectly Imperfect by Harper Sloan
The rest of the night, we lie in the darkness and spend hours just enjoying our closeness as we continue to nurture the bond between us into something that feels unbreakable.
Strong, solid, and sure.
Safe.
One Month later
I'M JUST BARELY HOLDING MY temper back right now.
As I stare down this defiant woman in front of me, her posture is equally as annoyed as mine seeing as we've been having the same argument for the last thirty minutes.
"I'm not backing down from this, Kane."
"Why the fuck not? I don't understand what the big deal is."
Her temper flares again, and I have to fight my cock when her tits press against her shirt. She isn't wearing anything revealing; the long sleeve black shirt covers her completely, but I know what's under there. When she's mad, those tits heave, and I'm seconds away from coming in my pants like a little teenage shit.
"The big deal is that I feel like a whore!" she shouts.
My head snaps back at her heated scream, and I can feel my control slipping. A whore? How in the fuck she got that impression is beyond me.
For the last month, we've spent every second we weren't filming--and a few stolen while on set--getting to know each other. We've grown from testing the waters to what I had hoped she saw as a relationship. Sure, I haven't come right out and said the words, but how could she be clueless to how I feel?
She knows everything about me ... well, not everything, but this woman knows more about me than my own mother does. I've given a hundred percent of myself to her while I watch her become more and more confident. Left no word unsaid that wouldn't reassure her of my feelings. Fuck, did I ever straight up tell her I wanted a future with her? Now that she's standing in front of me claiming she feels like a whore, I doubt it.
After that night a few weeks ago, she's had no trouble letting me in. Just as I've shared all with her, she's done the same with me. We've managed to even sneak away for a few carefully executed dates without the media catching wind of our relationship, which I know is only a matter of time.
Which brings us to where we are now.
"A whore?" I repeat through thin lips.
She nods, crossing her arms over her chest and making her tits strain even more against their confinement.
"A whore!" She jumps at my outburst, but I ignore it. She knows I won't hurt her. "A fucking whore, Willow? When have I ever treated you like that?"
Heat rises to her cheeks, and for a fleeting second, she looks a little embarrassed. Something I haven't seen on her beautiful face since I broke through the last of her lingering fears about my intentions.
"Well, you haven't, but if I continue to be paid for a job I am most definitely not really needed for, well... then I'm going to be no better than a whore."
Is she fucking serious? "Because I'm paying you for a job that you're doing, you feel like a whore? How is there any logic in that?"
"You're exasperating!"
"I am?" Fuming now, I try to calm down before continuing. "You started freaking out the second I mentioned you coming to California with me when we finish here. Looking for a reason to run. I'm the exasperating one? Should I remind you that I'm not the one insinuating her boyfriend is making her feel like a whore!"
She had her mouth open to interrupt me before I stopped talking, but the protest she had been ready to throw back dies on her lips. With the color still high on her cheeks, her eyes are wide with shock. She stands before me now looking unable to form another word when for the last half an hour she's had no issues with that whatsoever.
"What is it now?" I ask with the anger still present in my tone. I ready myself for whatever ridiculous bullshit she's going to throw in my direction next and try to think of what could possibly be her next excuse for why she can't come to California when we wrap at the end of the week for our Georgia filming. Why is she trying to leave me?
I brought this up when we finished the filming at the school two weeks ago, but she easily brushed it off. She said we would talk when filming was over at the next few locations here in Georgia, which just so happens to be now.
"What did you just say?" she timidly asks.
I move from the kitchen counter I had been resting on and stalk toward her. She doesn't move, and her shocked expression doesn't dim.
If I didn't want her so desperately, I would throttle her right here.
"Which part? About you trying to think of anything you can to run?"
Her eyes heat. "I'm not running!" she yells.
"Then what do you call this bullshit about you going back to New York to 'find a job' and not coming to California like I asked when I offered you a job?"
"It's not bull, Kane! Let me paint a picture for you. I was brought here under the ruse of a job. One that you and I both know I really wasn't needed for. You did what you needed to do to be able to explore what you felt when you met me. I get that, and now, I'm thankful that you did, but you know Kirby doesn't need me. She might have had a demanding schedule, but between Grant and the other two artists you had come in last week, she doesn't need me. And, hello! I know nothing about makeup."
I move to explain myself, but she stops me. Her eyes still hold a little of that anger when she continues. "I'm here, Kane, but besides a few comments when you ask my opinion about a scene and helping out whenever I can find a place to help so I can pull my weight, the only thing I actually seem to be doing is sucking your dick and begging you to have sex with me! Which, I might add, you keep refusing me. So how do you figure that isn't me being a glorified whore when the paychecks you sign hit my bank?"
My anger drains from my body instantly when the real reason for her resistance becomes clear. "Willow," I breathe. "Come here, baby."
She lets out a loud sigh before she walks around the island she's been using as a physical barrier and stops in front of me. I reach out and lightly hold her biceps, holding her gaze so she can hopefully see the honesty I feel for her.
"First and foremost, you've been invaluable, Willow. You've spent every day for the almost whole month running between helping Kirby maintain her schedule and helping me keep my shit together. Don't you dare undervalue yourself and make light of just how much work you've put into this. You might not see the enormous help you are, but trust me, others do. Myself included."
"Kane, be reasonable."
I tighten my grasp, making her shut her mouth and see how serious I am.
"Let me paint you a picture now, Willow. You've been running the call sheet schedule, catering orders, production schedules, and at the same time you're doing all of that, you also make the time to see if Kirby needs help, and if she does, you do everything in your power to make it happen. When Alessandra was struggling to find the emotion she needed to hit the big breakthrough scene, the most important scene in the whole film, who helped her work through it? When we couldn't figure out what was missing in the scene from yesterday, who offered the one piece of advice that actually helped? You do a lot more than you can even imagine. Don't insult yourself and say you don't. I saw early on that you were effortlessly, and without direction, making my life easier. Why do you think I've been having you chat with Sam, syncing up with him and learning all you could? I had done that way before I offered you his job."
"If Sam's mother wasn't sick, then you wouldn't need me to do all of that. He would be here doing it for you," she weakly protests. I can tell she is finally starting to understand that her claims are ludicrous.
"Baby, Sam isn't coming back. I told you that a half-hour ago when I offered you his job. Those little phone chats and FaceTime calls have one hundred percent been about him slowly giving you the reins. I hadn't planned on bringing up the job offer quite yet. I wanted to wait for filming to officially wrap for Impenetrable, but clearly, your beautiful little mind is up to no good, which is why my offer came today. Not because we leave in two days, but because the second I asked you to come to California and not go back to New York, you started
I pull her closer to my body; her hands come up and rest on my chest, and I finish explaining myself. "Willow, I had a feeling back at the Logan Agency that you were much more powerful than just a secretary. My gut feeling is that Dominic was intimidated by you and put you in that position to make you feel the way you do now. Like you aren't capable of a job with huge responsibilities. But you also told me about your degree in business administration and how much fun you had when you interned during your final semester as a personal assistant. When Sam's situation made it clear I would need to find someone I trust to replace him, the only one I wanted was you. So, my love, you are most definitely not a whore. You're the woman who is becoming just as invaluable to my professional life as you have become to my personal life. You, Willow, have managed to weave yourself so firmly into my life that I don't really give a shit what excuse you come up with next. I'll fucking kidnap you if I have to."
"What did you just say?"
That shocked expression is back, and I play back my words, trying to figure out what tripped her up this time. I feel like I'm running in circles.
"Did you just say my love?" she says, awe apparent in not just her tone, but her expression as well.
I give her a smile I hope is reassuring, but I don't answer her question. I will, but not yet. "Willow, be honest with me. Do you not want to continue here? Have I given you reason to feel like you need to back off and run?"
"I'm not running, Kane! I'm just trying to figure out what's going on and at the same time letting you know how I feel. For the last month, I've had no official job title, yet a paycheck has hit my account twice. I help out around set because I want to feel like I'm earning the money. The only thing I can say with absolute certainty is that with no real job, I'm being paid to pleasure the man who pays me. Just like a whore."
"You aren't a fucking whore, Willow! I won't say it again."
"You're serious about the job?"
"Fuck yes, I am!"
She sighs and drops her head to my chest.
"Think about it, Willow, and you will see exactly what I'm saying and why I know you would be the best PA I've ever had. Not just because you're beyond capable of it, but also because I know you care about me. And trust me, that's important. You haven't been getting paid for nothing. You've been working your ass off. Twelve to fifteen hours a day while you make sure everything not nailed down got another slam from your efficient hammer. One mention from me in passing about our delayed schedule--time I couldn't afford to add to an already stretched budget--and you managed to find the solution. You not only took two days off production time, but in doing so, you saved me a couple million I had already been prepared to sink into this film. Now, we're finishing ahead of schedule and under budget. Things are running so smoothly, I don't know how I managed without you."
She starts shaking her head against my chest. I wrap my arms around her; I pull her toward me and give her no choice but to return my embrace.
"Willow, baby, look at me." I wait until she gives me her eyes--those always-expressive eyes--to show me that regardless of what she's saying, she scared. "I know I wasn't completely honest about why I brought you with Kirby. I won't apologize for that because, in the end, you came and I was able to confirm what my mind already knew. You belong with me. The fact that Sam's mother got sick and pulled him away, resulting in his resignation, was just more confirmation that I was on the right path. I have no hidden agenda here. I wanted to wait for Impenetrable to wrap so you could finish with the stride in which you've flourished, but now that you actually doubt things, I can't allow that."
"Kane, I know nothing about being your PA. My degree didn't set me up to be a mega hunk movie star's employee."
"Mega hunk movie star?" I smile. "Baby, you know everything about it. You know me better than anyone does, and for the last few weeks, you've seemed to understand more about my world than people who have lived it their whole lives. Think back, and I mean really think about everything we've gone through on the set. Everything that almost slipped and spilled into a massive pile of shit until you caught it and fixed everything."
She continues to look into my eyes, and I relax the tension from my body and open myself up so she can see my sincerity.
"Outside of that, Willow, the time we've spent learning each other's bodies, what makes the other person tick, the late-night chats while I feel your body naked against mine ... none of that was fake, and it damn sure doesn't deserve you trying to cheapen it by calling yourself a whore."
"Kane, honestly, I feel like I'm struggling right now. Where do we go from here? It just seems so big to pack up my whole life and move to California, and I don't want to have any doubts about why. I'm sorry for acting like a brat, but I'm not sorry I got that off my chest. I feel like, had I not, it would have become a bigger issue down the road."
"What's really bothering you, Willow?" Surely, this is bigger than I can see. I don't think she would have made such a big deal, grasping at straws, if there wasn't a bigger concern--doubt--on her mind. "Is it me, us, that you're questioning?"
She shakes her head. "No. Maybe. Heck, I don't know. I feel silly now." She looks away and worries her lip between her teeth. "Aside from the job, which I'm not sure I feel qualified for, I'll admit I've had so much fun stepping up and helping make sure you're taken care of, easing your stress. I know there isn't anything left in New York but Kirby and her family, and even she will be back and forth with her career starting with you. Eddie isn't there anymore with his travel and clients keeping him constantly jetting all over the globe. So I guess, deep down, I'm freaking out because I have no idea where we're going from here. Am I about to move across the country just for a job, or more?"
"So it is us that you're questioning. Have I not made it clear about where this is going?"
She looks up at me, and I can see that apparently, I have not.
"Baby, I'm too old to play games. I've spent thirty-five years looking for something I've felt was missing. Three times, I felt I had found it when I looked into the timid eyes of a beautiful woman I knew nothing about. That was enough for me to do what I needed to take a chance, and in order to do that, I had to be underhanded. But now we've had a chance to explore it, and I now look at those three times in the past as a missed opportunity. Because I know you are the something I've been missing." I reach up and swipe at the moisture that spills over her lid. "A month later and because my life makes dating challenging, we've spent more time together than normal couples just getting to know each other. That might seem early for the vast majority, but to me, it feels like I've known you for years. I wouldn't be weaving you tightly into my life if it wasn't where I wanted to have you for a long time coming."
She nods her head, and her arms wrap around me, embracing me before speaking. "I don't doubt you when it comes to us, but I guess I needed to hear it. When you look at it in time, it does seem quick, so it is a little daunting. I guess I was falling back on some old habits of doubt."
"You said you trusted me, Willow. I don't just mean with your body, I meant with all of you. I want you ... this, us. But our relationship will never be normal. We went at the speed of light because honestly, that is just how things are done in my life."
Her eyes continue to gaze into mine, the love I've felt coming from her in the last few days not even masked in the least. "And, to the public, will I be your employee or more?"
God, I want to kiss her. Just by her asking me that is a testament to how far she's come in the last few weeks. Going from being scared of me, her feelings, and whether she could open herself enough to give herself to me to the stunning woman standing up and asking for what she desires. She shows me daily that she's beyond brave. Overcoming the issues she had with herself was a huge hurdle. Everything else has just fallen into place since. She hasn't held back, not once all month, until today. And I know that with the enormity of what I'm asking of her, I should have expected it. I pull her closer; my lips brush against hers an
I'm asking her to leave the life she had been living. One where years of verbal abuse had made her afraid to really live because of the fear she had of others' judgment. She let that fear rule her completely. Their judgment had made her hate herself. I know she started to heal a year ago when her husband cheated and she left, but that healing didn't compound into completion until she started to let go of those fears, insecurities, and doubts. She was almost there before I came into the picture, but she crossed the finish line with me at her side. I know that. But I know my mention of not only a job, but also a future together is why some of that is trying to rear its ugly head.
And now, now I'm asking her to take a chance on a life that will thrust her into the public eye. Into a life full of nothing but the kind judgment that beat her down in the past. I'm asking her not to just be with me, but to face her fears head-on.
"I'm asking you to be mine. I'm too old for titles and shit, but if you need them, baby, then that's what you'll get. If you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, having that title to our relationship so you understand that what I'm building here is a future and not a fling, then it's yours. But, bottom line, I'm asking you to be mine and not to end what we're starting. I'm going to ask you to be strong, but if you can't or need help along the way, know I will never be far. I will not hide someone I care about from the world. I would notify the media right now if that's what it took for you to see I don't just want you as my employee, but my lover as well, but I want you to feel comfortable with our relationship before we let in the vultures."
Her silence is unnerving. I keep studying her face, trying to find a clue in her expression. My chest feels tight, my throat thick, while I wait.
"Lover?" Her lips tip, her smile widening until her eyes crinkle. She gives me a nod, and I watch her eyes water. "That's the second time you've hinted that word."