The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5) by Fanny Burney
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VOLUME II
CHAPTER XX
Ellis hastened to the house; but her weeping eyes, and disordered stateof mind, unfitted her for an immediate encounter with Elinor, and shewent straight to her own chamber; where, in severe meditation upon herposition, her duties, and her calls for exertion, she 'communed with herown heart.' Although unable, while involved in uncertainties, to arrangeany regular plan of general conduct, conscience, that unerring guide,where consulted with sincerity, pointed out to her, that, after what hadpassed, the first step demanded by honour, was to quit the house, thespot, and the connexions, in which she was liable to keep alive anyintercourse with Harleigh. What strikes me to be right, she internallycried, I must do; I may then have some chance for peace, ... howeverlittle for happiness!
Her troubled spirits thus appeased, she descended to inform Elinor ofthe result of her commission. She had received, indeed, no directmessage; but Harleigh meant to desire a conference, and that desirewould quiet, she hoped, and occupy the ideas of Elinor, so as to diverther from any minute investigation into the circumstances by which it hadbeen preceded.
The door of the dressing room was locked, and she tapped at it foradmission in vain; she concluded that Elinor was in her bed-chamber, towhich there was no separate entrance, and tapped louder, that she mightbe heard; but without any better success. She remained, most uneasily,in the landing-place, till the approaching footstep of Harleigh forcedher away.
Upon re-entering her own chamber, and taking up her needle-work, shefound a letter in its folds.
The direction was merely To Ellis. This assured her that it was fromElinor, and she broke the seal, and read the following lines.
'All that now remains for the ill-starred Elinor, is to fly the whole odious human race. What can it offer to me but disgust and aversion? Despoiled of the only scheme in which I ever gloried, that of sacrificing in death, to the man whom I adore, the existence I vainly wished to devote to him in life;--despoiled of this--By whom despoiled?--by you! Ellis,--by you!--Yet--Oh incomprehensible!--You, refuse Albert Harleigh!--Never, never could I have believed in so senseless an apathy, but for the changed countenance which shewed the belief in it of Harleigh.
'If your rejection, Ellis, is that you may marry Lord Melbury, which alone makes its truth probable--you have done what is natural and pardonable, though heartless and mercenary; and you will offer me an opportunity to see how Harleigh--Albert Harleigh, will conduct himself when--like me!--he lives without hope.
'If, on the contrary, you have uttered that rejection, from the weak folly of dreading to witness a sudden and a noble end, to a fragile being, sighing for extinction,--on your own head fall your perjury and its consequences!
'I go hence immediately. No matter whither.
'Should I be pursued, I am aware I may soon be traced: but to what purpose? I am independent alike in person, fortune, and mind; I cannot be brought back by force, and I will not be moved by idle persuasion, or hacknied remonstrance. No! blasted in all my worldly views, I will submit to worldly slavery no longer. My aunt, therefore, will do well not to demand one whom she cannot claim.
'Tell her this.
'Harleigh--
'But no,--Harleigh will not follow me! He would deem himself bound to me ever after, by all that men hold honourable amongst one another, if, through any voluntary measure of his own, the shadow of a censure could be cast upon Elinor.
'Oh, perfect Harleigh! I will not involve your generous delicacy--for not yours, not even yours would I be, by the foul constraint of worldly etiquette! I should disdain to owe your smallest care for me to any menace, or to any meanness.
'Let him, not, therefore, Ellis, follow me; and I here pledge myself to preserve my miserable existence, till I see him again, in defiance of every temptation to disburthen myself of its loathsome weight. By the love I bear to him, I pledge myself!
'Tell him this.
'ELINOR JODDREL.'
Ellis read this letter in speechless consternation. To be the confidentof so extraordinary a flight, seemed danger to her safety, while it washorrour to her mind.
The two commissions with which, so inconsiderately, she was charged, howcould she execute? To seek Harleigh again, she thought utterly wrong:and how deliver any message to Mrs Maple, without appearing to be anaccomplice in the elopement? She could only prove her innocence byshewing the letter itself, which, in clearing her from that charge, leftone equally heavy to fall upon her, of an apparently premeditated designto engage, or, as the world might deem it, inveigle, the young LordMelbury into marriage. It was evident that upon that idea alone, restedthe belief of Elinor in a faithful adherence to the promised rejection;and that the letter which she had addressed to Ellis, was but meant as amemorandum of terrour for its observance.
Not long afterwards, Selina came eagerly to relate, that the dinner-bellhaving been rung, and the family being assembled, and the butler havingrepeatedly tapt at the door of sister Elinor, to hurry her; Mrs Maple,not alarmed, because accustomed to her inexactitude, had made every bodydine: after which, Tomlinson was sent to ask whether sister Elinor choseto come down to the dessert; but he brought word that he could not makeeither her or Mrs Golding speak. Selina was then desired to enquire thereason of such strange taciturnity; but could not obtain any answer.
Mrs Maple, saying that there was no end to her vagaries, then returnedto the drawing-room; concluding, from former similar instances, that,dark, late, and cold as it was, Elinor had walked out with her maid, atthe very hour of dinner. But Mr Harleigh, who looked extremely uneasy,requested Selina to see if her sister were not with Miss Ellis.
To this Ellis, by being found alone, was spared any reply; and Selinaskipt down stairs to coffee.
How to avoid, or how to sustain the examination which she expected toensue, occupied the disturbed mind of Ellis, till Selina, in about twohours, returned, exclaiming, 'Sister Elinor grows odder and odder! doyou know she is gone out in the chariot? She ordered it herself,without saying a word to aunt, and got in, with Golding, close to thestables! Tomlinson has just owned it to Mr Harleigh, who was grown quitefrightened at her not coming home, now it's so pitch dark. Tomlinsonsays she went into the hall herself, and made him contrive it all. Butwe are no wiser still as to where she is gone.'
The distress of Ellis what course to take, increased every moment as itgrew later, and as the family became more seriously alarmed. Herconsciousness that there was no chance of the return of Elinor, made herfeel as if culpable in not putting an end to fruitless expectation; yethow produce a letter of which every word demanded secresy, when allavowal would be useless, since Elinor could not be forced back?
No one ascended again to her chamber till ten o'clock at night: theconfusion in the house was then redoubled, and a footman came hastily upstairs to summon her to Mrs Maple.
She descended with terrour, and found Mrs Maple in the parlour, withHarleigh, Ireton, and Mrs Fenn.
In a voice of the sharpest reprimand, Mrs Maple began to interrogateher: while Harleigh, who could not endure to witness a haughty rudenesswhich he did not dare combat, taking the arm of Ireton, whom he couldstill less bear to leave a spectator to a scene of humiliation to Ellis,quitted the room.
Vain, however, was either enquiry or menace; and Mrs Maple, when shefound that she could not obtain any information, though she had heard,from M
Ellis, courtseying in silence, retired.
In re-passing through the hall, she met Harleigh and Ireton; the formeronly bowed to her, impeded by his companion from speaking; but Ireton,stopping her, said, 'O! I have caught you at last! I thought, on myfaith, I was always to seek you where you were never to be found. If Ihad not wanted to do what was right, and proper, and all that, I shouldhave met with you a hundred times; for I never desired to do somethingthat I might just as well let alone, but opportunity offered itselfdirectly.'
Ellis tried to pass him, and he became more serious. 'It's an age that Ihave wanted to see you, and to tell you how prodigiously ashamed I am ofall that business. I don't know how the devil it was, but I went on,tumbling from blunder to blunder, till I got into such a bog, that Icould neither stand still, nor make my way out:--'
Ellis, gratified that he would offer any sort of apology, and by nomeans wishing that he would make it more explicit, readily assured him,that she would think no more upon the subject; and hurried to herchamber: while Harleigh, who stood aloof, thought he observed as much ofdignity as of good humour, in her flying any further explanation.
But Mrs Maple, who only meant, by her threat, to intimidate Ellis into aconfession of what she knew of the absence, and of the purposes, ofElinor, was so much enraged by her calmness, that she told Mrs Fenn tofollow her, with positive orders, that, unless she would own the truth,she should quit the house immediately, though it were in the dead of thenight.
Violence so inhuman rather inspired than destroyed fortitude in Ellis,who quietly answered, that she would seek an asylum, till day-light, atthe neighbouring farmer's.
Selina followed, and, embracing her, with many tears, vowed eternalfriendship to her; and asked whether she did not think that Lady Aurorawould be equally constant.
'I must hope so!' she answered, sighing, 'for what else have I to hope?'
She now made her preparations; yet decided not to depart, unless againcommanded; hoping that this gust of passion would pass away, and thatshe might remain till the morning.
While awaiting, with much inquietude, some new order, Selina, to hergreat surprise, came jumping into the room, to assure her that all waswell, and more than well; for that her aunt not only ceased to desire tosend her away directly, but had changed her whole plan, and was foremostnow in wishing her to stay.
Ellis, begging for an explanation, then heard, that Ireton had told MrsMaple, that there was just arrived at Brighton M. Vinstreigle, acelebrated professor, who taught the harp; and of whom he should becharmed that Selina should take some lessons.
Mrs Maple answered, that it would be the height of extravagance, to sendfor a man of whom they knew nothing, when they had so fine a performerunder their own roof. Ireton replied, that he should have mentioned thatfrom the first, but for the objections which then seemed to be in theway of trusting Miss Ellis with such a charge: but when he again namedthe professor, Mrs Maple hastily commissioned Selina to acquaint Ellis,that, to-morrow morning they were to begin a regular course of lessonstogether upon the harp.
Though relieved, by being spared the danger and disgrace of a nocturnalexpulsion, Ellis shrunk from the project of remaining longer in a housein which Harleigh was admitted at pleasure; and over which Elinor mightkeep a constant watch. It was consolatory, nevertheless, to herfeelings, that Ireton, hitherto her defamer, should acquiesce in thisoffer, which, at least, not to disoblige Mrs Maple, she would accept forthe moment. To give lessons, also, to a young lady of fashion, mightmake her own chosen scheme, of becoming a governess in some respectablefamily, more practicable.
About midnight, a horseman, whom Mrs Maple had sent with enquiries toBrighthelmstone, returned, and informed her, that he could there gatherno tidings; but that he had met with a friend of his own, who had toldhim that he had seen Miss Joddrel, in Mrs Maple's carriage, upon thePortsmouth road.
Mrs Maple, now, seeing all chance of her return, for the night, at anend, said, that if her niece had freaks of this inconsiderate andindecorous sort, she would not have the family disordered, by waitingfor her any longer; and, wishing the two gentlemen good night, gavedirections that all the servants should go to bed.
The next morning, during breakfast, the groom returned with the emptycarriage. Miss Joddrel, he said, had made him drive her and Mrs Goldingto an inn, about ten miles from Lewes, where she suddenly told him thatshe should pass the night; and bid him be ready for returning at eighto'clock the next morning. He obeyed her orders; but, the next morning,heard, that she had gone on, over night, in a hired chaise, towardsPortsmouth; charging no one to let him know it. This was all the accountthat he was able to give; except that, when he had asked whether hismistress would not be angry at his staying out all night, Miss Joddrelhad answered, 'O, Ellis will let her know that she must not expect meback.'
Selina, who related this, was told to fetch Ellis instantly.
Ellis descended with the severest pain, from the cruel want ofreflection in Elinor, which exposed her to an examination that, thoughshe felt herself bound to evade, it must seem inexcuseable not tosatisfy.
Mrs Maple and the two gentlemen were at the breakfast-table. Harleighwould not even try to command himself to sit still, when he found thatEllis was forced to stand: and even Ireton, though he did not move,kept not his place from any intentional disrespect; for he would havethought himself completely old-fashioned, had he put himself out of hisway, though for a person of the highest distinction.
'How comes it, Mistress Ellis,' said Mrs Maple, 'that you had a messagefor me last night, from my niece, and that you never delivered it?'
Ellis, confounded, tried vainly to offer some apology.
Mrs Maple rose still more peremptorily in her demands, mingling thehaughtiest menaces with the most imperious interrogations; attacking heras an accomplice in the clandestine scheme of Elinor; and accusing herof favouring disobedience and disorder, for some sinister purposes ofher own.
Ireton scrupled not to speak in her favour; and Selina eagerly echoedall that he advanced: but, Harleigh, though trembling with indignantimpatience to defend her, feared, in the present state of things, thatto become her advocate might rather injure than support her; andconstrained himself to be silent.
A succession of categorical enquiries, forced, at length, an avowal fromEllis, that her commission had been given to her in a letter. Mrs Maple,then, in the most authoritative manner, insisted upon reading itimmediately.
Against the justice of this desire there was no appeal; yet how complywith it? The secret of Harleigh, with regard to herself, was included inthat of Elinor; and honour and delicacy exacted the most rigid silencefrom her for both. Yet the difficulty of the refusal increased, from theincreased urgency, even to fury, of Mrs Maple; till, shamed andpersecuted beyond all power of resistance, she resolved upon committingthe letter to the hands of Harleigh himself; who, to an interest likeher own in its concealment, superadded courage and consequence forsustaining the refusal.
This, inevitably, must break into her design of avoiding him; but,hurried and harassed, she could devise no other expedient, to escapefrom an appearance of utter culpability to the whole house. When again,therefore, Mrs Maple, repeated, 'Will you please to let me see myniece's letter, or not?' She answered that there was a passage in itupon which Miss Joddrel had desired that Mr Harleigh might be consulted.
It would be difficult to say, whether this reference caused greatersurprise to Mrs Maple or to Harleigh; but the feelings which accompaniedit were as dissimilar as their characters: Mrs Maple was highlyoffended, that there should be any competition, between herself and anyother, relative to a communication that came from her niece; whileHarleigh felt an enchantment that glowed through every vein, in theprospect of some confidence. But when Mrs Maple found that allresistance was vain, and that through
This was as little what he wished, as what Ellis meant: his desire wasto speak with her upon the important subject open between them; andher's, was to make an apology for shewing him the letter, and to offersome explanation of a part of its contents. He approached her, however,to receive it, and she could not hold it back.
'If you will allow me,' said he, in taking it, 'to give you my plainopinion, when I have read it.... Where may I have the pleasure of seeingyou?'
Revived by this question, she eagerly answered, 'Wherever Mrs Maple willpermit.'
Harleigh, who, in the scowl upon Mrs Maple's face, read a direction thatthey should remain where they were, would not wait for her to give itutterance; but, taking the hand of Ellis, with a precipitation to whichshe yielded from surprise, though with blushing shame, said, 'In thisnext room we shall be nearest to give the answer to Mrs Maple;' and ledher to the adjoining apartment.
He did not dare shut the door, but he conducted her to the most distantwindow; and, having expressed, by his eyes, far stronger thanks for hertrust than he ventured to pronounce with his voice, was beginning toread the letter; but Ellis, gently stopping him, said, 'Before you lookat this, let me beg you, Sir, to believe, that the hard necessity of mystrange situation, could alone have induced me to suffer you to see whatis so every way unfit for your perusal. But Miss Joddrel has herselfmade known that she left a message with me for Mrs Maple; what right,then, have I to withhold it? Yet how--advise me, I entreat,--how can Ideliver it? And--with respect to what you will find relative to LordMelbury--I need not, I trust, mortify myself by disclaiming, orvindicating--'
He interrupted her with warmth: 'No!' he cried, 'with me you can havenothing to vindicate! Of whatever would not be perfectly right, Ibelieve you incapable.'
Ellis thanked him expressively, and begged that he would now read theletter, and favour her with his counsel.
He complied, meaning to hurry it rapidly over, to gain time for a yetmore interesting subject; but, struck, moved, and shocked by itscontents, he was drawn from himself, drawn even from Ellis, to itswriter. 'Unhappy Elinor!' he cried, 'this is yet more wild than I hadbelieved you! this flight, where you can expect no pursuit! thisconcealment, where you can fear no persecution! But her intellects areunder the controul of her feelings,--and judgment has no guide sodangerous.'
Ellis gently enquired what she must say to Mrs Maple.
He hastily put by the letter. 'Let me rather ask,' he cried, halfsmiling, 'what you will say to Me?--Will you not let me know somethingof your history,--your situation,--your family,--your name? The deepestinterest occasions my demand, my inquietude.--Can it offend you?'
Ellis, trembling, looking down, and involuntarily sighing, in afaltering voice, answered, 'Have I not besought you, Sir, to spare meupon this subject? Have I not conjured you, if you value my peace,--nay,my honour!--what can I say more solemn?--to drop it for ever more?'
'Why this dreadful language?' cried Harleigh, with mingled impatienceand grief: 'Can the impression of a cumpulsatory engagement--or whatother may be the mystery that it envelopes? Will you not be generousenough to relieve a perplexity that now tortures me? Is it too much fora man lost to himself for your sake,--lost he knows not how,--knows notto whom,--to be indulged with some little explanation, where, and how,he has placed all his hopes?--Is this too much to ask?'
'Too much?' repeated Ellis, with quickness: 'O no! no! Were myconfidence to depend upon my sense of what I owe to your generousesteem, your noble trust in a helpless Wanderer,--known to you solelythrough your benevolence,--were my opinion--and my gratitude myguides,--it would be difficult, indeed, to say what enquiries you couldmake, that I could refuse to satisfy;--what you could ask, that I oughtnot to answer! but alas!--'
She hesitated: heightened blushes dyed her cheeks; and she visiblystruggled to restrain herself from bursting into tears.
Touched, delighted, yet affrighted, Harleigh tenderly demanded, 'O, whyresist the generous impulse, that would plead for some little frankness,in favour of one who unreservedly devotes to you his whole existence?'
Suddenly now, as if self-alarmed, checking her sensibility, she gravelycried, 'What would it avail that I should enter into any particulars ofmy situation, when what has so recently passed, makes all that haspreceded immaterial? You have heard my promise to Miss Joddrel,--you seeby this letter how direfully she meditates to watch its performance;--'
'And can you suffer the wild flights of a revolutionary enthusiast,impelled by every extravagant new system of the moment;--however you maypity her feelings, respect her purity, and make allowance for her youth,to blight every fair prospect of a rational attachment? to supersedeevery right? and to annihilate all consideration, all humanity, but forherself?'
'Ah no!--if you believe me ungrateful for a partiality that contendswith all that appearances can offer against me, and all thatcircumstance can do to injure me; if you think me insensible to thehonour I receive from it, you do yet less justice to yourself than tome! But here, Sir, all ends!--We must utterly separate;--you must notany where seek me;--I must avoid you every where!--'
She stopt.--The sudden shock which every feature of Harleigh exhibitedat these last words, evidently and forcibly affected her; and the bigtears, till now forced back, rolled unrestrained, and almostunconsciously, down her cheeks, as she suffered herself, for a moment,in silence to look at him: she was then hastily retiring; but Harleigh,surprised and revived by the sight of her emotion, exclaimed, 'O whythis fatal sensibility, that captivates while it destroys? that givesfascination even to repulse?' He would have taken her hand; but, drawingback, and even shrinking from his touch, she emphatically cried,'Remember my engagement!--my solemn promise!'
'Was it extorted?' cried he, detaining her, 'or had it your heart'sapprobation?'
'From whatever motive it was uttered,' answered she, looking away fromhim, 'it has been pronounced, and must be adhered to religiously!' Shethen broke from him, and escaping by a door that led to the hall, soughtrefuge from any further conflict by hastening to her chamber: not once,till she arrived there, recollecting that her letter was left in hishands; while the hundred pounds, which she meant to return to him, werestill in her own.