The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5) by Fanny Burney
CHAPTER XXXVIII
The day now arrived which Ellis reluctantly, yet firmly, destined forher new and hazardous essay. Resolute in her plan, she felt the extremeimportance of attaining courage and calmness for its execution. She shutherself up in her apartment, and gave the most positive injunctions tothe milliners, that no one should be admitted. The looks of Harleigh, ashe had quitted her room, had told her that this precaution would not besuperfluous, and, accordingly, he came; but was refused entrance: hewrote; but his letters were returned unread. His efforts to break,served but to fix her purpose: she saw the expectations that he wouldfeed from any concession; and potent as had hitherto been her objectionto the scheme, they all subsided, in preference to exciting, orpassively permitting, any doubts of the steadiness of her rejection.
Still, however, she could not practise: her voice and her fingers wereinfected by the agitation of her mind, and she could neither sing norplay. She could only hope that, at the moment of performance, thepositive necessity of exertion, would bring with it, as so often is itseffect, the powers which it requires.
The tardiness of her resolution caused, however, such an accumulation ofbusiness, not only for her thoughts, but for her time, from theindispensable arrangements of her attire, that scarcely a momentremained either for the relief or the anxieties of rumination. She setoff, therefore, with tolerable though forced composure, for the rooms,in the carriage of Miss Arbe; that lady, once again, chusing to assumethe character of her patroness, since as such she could claim the meritof introducing her to the public, through an obligation to her own newfavourite, M Vinstreigle.
Upon stopping at the hotel, in which the concert was to be held, astrange figure, with something foreign in his appearance, twice crossedbefore the chariot, with a menacing air, as if purposing to impede herpassage. Easily startled, she feared descending from the carriage; whenHarleigh, who was watching, though dreading her arrival, came in sight,and offered her his hand. She declined it; but, seeing the intruderretreat abruptly, into the surrounding crowd of spectators, she alightedand entered the hotel.
Pained, at once, and charmed by the striking elegance of her appearance,and the air of gentle dignity which shewed such attire to be familiar toher, Harleigh felt irresistibly attracted to follow her, and once moreplead his cause. 'Hear, hear me!' he cried, in a low, but touchingvoice: 'One moment hear me, I supplicate, I conjure you! still it is nottoo late to avert this blow! Indisposition cannot be disputed, or, ifdoubted, of what moment would be the suspicion, if once, generously,trustingly, you relinquish this cruel plan?'
He spoke in a whisper, yet with an impetuosity that alarmed, as much ashis distress affected her; but, when she turned towards him, to callupon his forbearance, she perceived immediately at his side, the personwho had already disconcerted her. She drew hastily back, and he brushedquickly past, looking round, nevertheless, and evidently and anxiouslymarking her. Startled, uneasy, she involuntarily stopt; but was relievedby the approach of one of the door-keepers, to the person in question;who haughtily flung at him a ticket, and was passing on; but who wastold that he could not enter the concert-room in a slouched hat.
A sort of attendant, or humble friend, who accompanied him, then said,in broken English, that the poor gentleman only came to divert himself,by seeing the company, and would disturb nobody, for he was deaf anddumb, and very inoffensive.
Re-assured by this account, Ellis again advanced, and was met by MrVinstreigle; who had given instructions to be called upon her arrival,and who, now, telling her that it was late, and that the concert wasimmediately to be opened, handed her to the orchestra. She insisted uponseating herself behind a violencello-player, and as much out of sight aspossible, till necessity must, of course, bring her forward.
From her dislike to being seen, her eyes seemed rivetted upon themusic-paper which she held in her hand, but of which, far from studyingthe characters, she could not read a note. She received, with silentcivility, the compliments of M Vinstreigle; and those of his band, whocould approach her; but her calmness, and what she had thought herdetermined courage, had been so shaken by personal alarm, and by theagitated supplications of Harleigh, that she could recover them no more.His desponding look, when he found her inexorable, pursued her; and theforeign clothing, and foreign servant, of the man who, though deaf anddumb, had so marked and fixt her, rested upon her imagination, with athousand vague fears and conjectures.
In this shattered state of nerves, the sound of many instruments, loudhowever harmonious, so immediately close to her ears, made her start, asif electrified, when the full band struck up the overture, andinvoluntarily raise her eyes. The strong lights dazzled them; yetprevented her not from perceiving, that the deaf and dumb man hadplanted himself exactly opposite to the place, which, by the dispositionof the harp, was evidently prepared for her reception. Her alarmaugmented: was he watching her from mere common curiosity? or had he anylatent motive, or purpose? His dress and figure were equally remarkable.He was wrapt in a large scarlet coat, which hung loosely over hisshoulders, and was open at the breast, to display a brilliant waistcoatof coloured and spangled embroidery. He had a small, but slouched hat,which he had refused to take off, that covered his forehead andeye-brows, and shaded his eyes; and a cravat of enormous bulk encircledhis chin, and enveloped not alone his ears, but his mouth. Nothing wasvisible but his nose, which was singularly long and pointed. The wholeof his habiliment seemed of foreign manufacture; but his air hadsomething in it that was wild, and uncouth; and his head was continuallyin motion.
To the trembling Ellis, it now seemed but a moment before she wassummoned to her place, though four pieces were first performed. MVinstreigle would have handed her down the steps; she declined his aid,hoping to pass less observed alone; but the moment that she rose, andbecame visible, a violent clapping was begun by Sir Lyell Sycamore, andseconded by every man present.
What is new, of almost any description, is sure to be well received bythe public; but when novelty is united with peculiar attractions,admiration becomes enthusiasm, and applause is nearly clamour. Such,upon the beholders, was the effect produced by the beauty, the youth,the elegance, and the timidity of Ellis. Even her attire, which, fromthe bright pink sarsenet, purchased by Miss Arbe, she had changed intoplain white satin, with ornaments of which the simplicity shewed as muchtaste as modesty, contributed to the interest which she inspired. Itwas suited to the style of her beauty, which was Grecian; and it seemedequally to assimilate with the character of her mind, to those who,judging it from the fine expression of her countenance, conceived it tobe pure and noble. The assembly appeared with one opinion to admire her,and with one wish to give her encouragement.
But, unused to being an object of tumultuous delight, the effectproduced by such transports was the reverse of their intention; andEllis, ashamed, embarrassed, confused, lost the recollection, thatcustom demanded that she should postpone her acknowledgements till shearrived at her post. She stopt; but in raising her eyes, as sheattempted to courtesy, she was struck with the sight of her deaf anddumb tormentor; who, in agitated watchfulness, was standing up to seeher descend; and whose face, from the full light to which he wasexposed, she now saw to be masked; while she discerned in his hand, theglitter of steel. An horrible surmise occurred, that it was Elinordisguised, and Elinor come to perpetrate the bloody deed of suicide.Agonized with terror at the idea, she would have uttered a cry; but,shaken and dismayed, her voice refused to obey her; her eyes became dim;her tottering feet would no longer support her; her complexion wore thepallid hue of death, and she sunk motionless on the floor.
In an instant, all admiring acclamation subsided into tender pity, andnot a sound was heard in the assembly; while in the orchestra all wascommotion; for Harleigh no sooner saw the fall, and that the whole bandwas in movement, to offer aid, than, springing from his place, heovercame every obstacle, to force a passage to the spot where the paleEllis was lying. There, with an air of command, that seemed theoffspring of rightful author
'Turn, Harleigh, turn! and see thy willing martyr!--Behold, perfidiousEllis! behold thy victim!'
Instantly, though with agony, he quitted the sinking Ellis to dartforward.
The large wrapping coat, the half mask, the slouched hat, andembroidered waistcoat, had rapidly been thrown aside, and Elinorappeared in deep mourning; her long hair, wholly unornamented, hangingloosely down her shoulders. Her complexion was wan, her eyes were fiercerather than bright, and her hair was wild and menacing.
'Oh Harleigh!--adored Harleigh!--' she cried, as he flew to catch herdesperate hand;--but he was not in time; for, in uttering his name, sheplunged a dagger into her breast.
The blood gushed out in torrents, while, with a smile of triumph, andeyes of idolizing love, she dropt into his arms, and clinging round him,feebly articulated, 'Here let me end!--accept the oblation--the justtribute--of these dear, delicious, last moments!'
Almost petrified with horrour, he could with difficulty support eitherher or himself; yet his presence of mind was sooner useful than that ofany on the company; the ladies of which were hiding their faces, orrunning away; and the men, though all eagerly crowding to the spot ofthis tremendous event, approaching rather as spectators of some publicexhibition, than as actors in a scene of humanity. Harleigh called uponthem to fly instantly for a surgeon; demanded an arm-chair for thebleeding Elinor, and earnestly charged some of the ladies to come to heraid.
Selina, who had made one continued scream resound through the apartment,from the moment that her sister discovered herself, rapidly obeyed thesummons, with Ireton, who, being unable to detain, accompanied her. MrsMaple, thunderstruck by the apparition of her niece, scandalized by herdisguise, and wholly unsuspicious of her purpose, though sure of someextravagance, had pretended sudden indisposition, to escape the shame ofwitnessing her disgrace; but ere she could get away, the wound wasinflicted, and the public voice, which alone she valued, forced her toreturn.
A surgeon of eminence, who was accidentally in the assembly, desired thecompany to make way; declaring no removal to be practicable, till heshould have stopt the effusion of blood.
The concert was immediately broken up; the assembly, though curious andunwilling, dispersed; and the apparatus for dressing the wound, wasspeedily at hand:--but to no purpose. Elinor would not suffer theapproach of the surgeon; would not hear of any operation, orexamination; would not receive any assistance. Looks of fiery disdainwere the only answers that she bestowed to the pleadings of Mrs Maple,the shrieks of Selina, the remonstrances of the surgeon, and theentreaties of every other. Even to the supplications of Harleigh shewas immovable; though still she fondly clung to him, uttering from timeto time, 'Long--long wished for moment! welcome, thrice welcome to mywearied soul!'
The shock of Harleigh was unspeakable, and it was aggravated by almostindignant exhortations, ejaculated from nearly every person present,that he would snatch the self-devoted enthusiast from this untimely end,by returning her heroic tenderness.
Mrs Maple was now covered with shame, from apprehension that thisconduct might be imputed either to any precepts or any neglect of herown.
'My poor niece is quite light-headed, Mr Harleigh,' she cried, 'andknows not what she says.'
Fury started into the eyes of Elinor as she caught these words, andneither prayers nor supplications could silence or quiet her. 'No, MrsMaple, no!' she cried, 'I am not light-headed! I never so perfectly knewwhat I said, for I never so perfectly spoke what I thought. Is it nottime, even yet, to have done with the puerile trammels ofprejudice?--Yes! I here cast them to the winds! And, in the dauntlesshour of willing death, I proclaim my sovereign contempt of the wholerace of mankind! of its cowardly subterfuges, its mean assimilations,its heartless subtleties! Here, in the sublime act of voluntaryself-extinction, I exult to declare my adoration of thee,--of theealone, Albert Harleigh! of thee and of thy haughty,--matchless virtues!'
Gasping for breath, she leant, half motionless, yet smiling, and withlooks of transport, upon the shoulder of Harleigh; who, ashamed, in themidst of his concern, at his own situation, thus publicly avowed as theobject of this desperate act; earnestly wished to retreat from thegazers and remarkers, with whom he shared the notice and the wonderexcited by Elinor. But her danger was too eminent, and the scene was toocritical, to suffer self to predominate. Gently, therefore, and withtenderness, he continued to support her; carefully forbearing either toirritate her enthusiasm, or to excite her spirit of controversy, byuttering, at such a crisis, the exhortations to which his mind and hisprinciples pointed: or even to soothe her feeling too tenderly, lestmisrepresentation should be mischievous, either with herself or withothers.
The surgeon declared that, if the wound were not dressed without delay,no human efforts could save her life.
'My life? save my life?' cried Elinor, reviving from indignation: 'Doyou believe me so ignoble, as to come hither to display the ensigns ofdeath, but as scare crows, to frighten lookers on to court me to life?No! for what should I live? To see the hand of scorn point at me? No,no, no! I come to die: I bleed to die; and now, even now, I talk to die!to die--Oh Albert Harleigh! for thee:--Dost thou sigh, Harleigh?--Do Ihear thee sigh?--Oh Harleigh! generous Harleigh!--for me is it thousighest?--'
Deeply oppressed, 'Elinor,' he answered, 'you make me indeed wretched!'
'Ebb out, then, oh life!' cried she, 'in this extatic moment! Harleighno longer is utterly insensible!--Well have I followed my heart'sbeating impulse!--Harleigh! Oh noble Harleigh!--'
Spent by speech and loss of blood, she fainted.
Harleigh eagerly whispered Mrs Maple, to desire that the surgeon wouldsnatch this opportunity for examining, and, if possible, dressing thewound.
This, accordingly, was done, all who were not of some use, retiring.
Harleigh himself, deeply interested in the event, only retreated to adistant corner; held back by discretion, honour, and delicacy, fromapproaching the spot to which his wishes tended.
The surgeon pronounced, that the wound was not in its nature mortal;though the exertions and emotions which had succeeded it, gave it acharacter of danger, that demanded the extremest attention, and mostperfect tranquillity.
The satisfaction with which Harleigh heard the first part of thissentence, though it could not be counter-balanced, was cruelly checked byits conclusion. He severely felt the part that he seemed called upon toact; and had a consciousness, that was dreadful to himself, of hispowers, if upon her tranquillity alone depended her preservation.
She soon recovered from her fainting fit; though she was too muchweakened and exhausted, both in body and spirits, to be as soon restoredto her native energies. The moment, therefore, seemed favourable for herremoval: but whither? Lewes was too distant; Mrs Maple, therefore, wasobliged to apply for a lodging in the hotel; to which, with theassiduous aid of Harleigh, Elinor, after innumerable difficulties, andnearly by force, was conveyed.
The last to quit the apartment in which this bloody scene had beenperformed, was Ellis; who felt restored by fright for another, to thestrength of which she had been robbed by affright for herself. Hersufferings, indeed, for Elinor, her grief, her horrour, had set selfwholly aside, and made her forget all by which, but the moment before,she had been completely absorbed. She durst not approach, yet could notendure to retreat. She remained alone in the orchestra, from which allthe band had been dismissed. She looked not once at Harleigh; nor didHarleigh once dare turn her way. In the shock of this scene, she thoughtit would be her duty to see him no more; for though she was unassailedby remorse, since unimpeached by self-reproach--for when had shewilfully, or even negligently, excit
When Elinor, however, was gone, she desired to hurry to her lodgings.Miss Arbe had forgotten, or neglected her, and she had no carriageordered. But the terrific magnitude of the recent event, divested minordifficulties of their usual powers of giving disturbance. 'Tis only whenwe are spared great calamities, that we are deeply affected by smallcircumstances. The pressing around her, whether of avowed, or discreetadmirers; the buzz of mingled compliments, propositions, interrogtoriesor entreaties; which, at another time, would have embarrassed anddistressed her, now scarcely reached her ears, and found no place in herattention; and she quietly applied for a maid-servant of the hotel;leaning upon whose arm she reached, sad, shaken, and agitated, the houseof Miss Matson.
Before she would even attempt to go to rest, she sent a note of enquiryto Mr Naird, the surgeon, whom she had seen at Mrs Maple's: his answerwas consonant to what he had already pronounced to Harleigh.