Rome by Jay Crownover
“Well, shit.”
I cast him a look out of the corner of my eye. “Exactly.”
We hadn’t really been together long enough to take such a big step as moving in together, but considering having a baby together was the ultimate game changer, I wasn’t sure we could play by the normal relationship rules. He was pretty quiet, so I glanced over at him. He looked like he was thinking pretty hard, but he didn’t seem too freaked out or panicked by the questions. I let him muse over it in silence while I headed to the Victorian. When I pulled up out front, he turned to look at me with seriousness shining out of those cobalt eyes.
“What do you want to do, Cora?”
I wasn’t expecting that.
“I don’t know. I don’t want you to do anything just because of the baby. I don’t want you to feel forced into anything.”
“I’m one hundred percent here by choice, Half-Pint.” When he said stuff like that, it made my heart throb.
“I guess we don’t have to figure it out right this very second, but it’s probably something we need to have a plan for eventually.”
“My plan is to do whatever you need me to do.”
Every girl in her lifetime should be so lucky to have a guy like him say those words to her. I knew he meant it, so I figured now was as good a time as any to push my luck. I put a hand on his knee and turned pleading eyes on him.
“Good, then what I need you to do is agree to come see your parents with me next weekend.”
I saw him go stiff and a moment of panic flare in his gaze.
“Why?”
“Because at some point they are going to need to know that they are going to be grandparents and I figure we should break the ice first. Come on, it won’t be that hard and I’ll be there to protect you.” I wasn’t going to mention it was long past time for him to put his fears at rest about how they would or wouldn’t see him.
He swore under his breath and shoved the door of the car open. I tried not to giggle when he struggled to get out, but it was just too funny. I followed suit and he stared hard at me over the roof.
“I haven’t been in the same room with them for over a year.”
“Well, then it’s been long enough. I’m not asking you swallow all that resentment you have about the fact they didn’t tell you about Remy or about how your mom treated Rule. I’m asking for you to deal with it and get a handle on it so it can be one less thing that keeps you up at night.”
We stared at each other for a long moment of silence. Finally he pushed off the car and inclined his head toward the apartment.
“Can I think about it?”
I bit my lip and put my hands on each side of his waist so I could rest my cheek against the center of his back while he fiddled with the lock in the front door.
“You can, but I already had Shaw tell them we would be there.”
He went stiff in front of me but didn’t say anything back. Once he got the door open, he turned around and pinned me to the wood with my hands above my head. I looked up at him and refused to blink.
“You can be a major pain in the ass. You know that, right?”
I smiled up at him and lifted up so I could wrap a leg around his hip.
“I know. But I make up for it in other ways.”
He chuckled and dropped his head so that he could kiss me. It was so easy to just get lost in him. The more I did it, the less I wanted to be found.
“Prove it.” Now, that was a challenge I was totally up to. Good thing I had the rest of the day to do it.
“Why are you riding with us again?”
Rule and Rome were in the front of the cab of the big truck, and I was in the back texting back and forth with Shaw. I really thought this was a brilliant idea but now I had visions of it blowing up in my face and being flat-out catastrophic. It was already going to be a tense reunion and adding my little surprise to the mix might just push the entire family over the edge. I just wanted to help, but if Rome didn’t appreciate the effort and I screwed things up beyond repair, I wasn’t sure I could survive it. I had a feeling him abandoning me would literally kill me, unlike Jimmy’s betrayal, which had merely wounded me deeply.
“Because Shaw told me that if I wanted to have sex again in the next century, I would get my happy ass to Brookside even though she had a migraine and wasn’t going. She told me I needed to be there for you since you were going.”
I laughed. “Atta girl.”
That had both of them turning around to glare at me. Apparently it wasn’t funny to mess around with a guy’s supply of ready and willing sex.
Rule’s hair wasn’t green anymore, instead it was bleached out to a startling white, and it was as pale as his girlfriend’s. The spiky mess was a contrast to his dark brows and the brightly colored tattoos swirling along his neck. It was actually pretty sedate for him, not that I thought his folks would appreciate the fact.
“She said if she felt better she would rally and meet us there a little later.”
Oh, she was going to be there all right, but I didn’t think either of them needed to be privy to that information just yet. It took a while to get to Brookside, because it was up in the mountains and summertime in Colorado meant that everyone headed to the mountains on the weekends for fun in the sun and the million outdoor activities this state offered. The house was really nice, and when we all clambered out of the truck, I felt breakfast start to roll in my stomach. It was probably a mixture of nerves and the baby, but I just forced a smile and let Rome guide me to the front door with a hand on the center of my back.
The boys both seemed equal parts apprehensive and resigned to spending the day stuck with awkward family interaction, and I really just hoped my surprise wasn’t going to backfire epically. The door was opened after a knock by an older man who was the spitting image of Rome. He had the same bright blue eyes, the same strong build, but he was several inches shorter. His eyes snapped from son to son and then he enfolded both of them in a hug that had tears working their way into my eyes.
“Boys.” He had to clear his throat before he could go on. “I’m so glad you’re both here.”
Rome was rigid but he didn’t push his dad away; instead he dragged me forward.
“Dad, this is Cora.”
I stuck out my hand thinking I was going to get a handshake; instead I was enfolded in a hug that was tight enough to make me squeak.
“I don’t know how you got him here, but thank you for whatever you did.” He said the words so low that only I could hear them.
He might want to hold off on that praise, but I wasn’t going to say anything just yet.
“Let’s go inside. Your mother is dying to see you.”
We all trekked inside, the boys purposely dragging behind us as Dale chattered on happily. I found myself distracted by all the pictures of the boys on the walls. Rome looked so different, so young and carefree. There wasn’t a single picture of Rule that didn’t have Remy in it as well, and it was really interesting to see Rule’s transformation from typical teen heartthrob to sexy black sheep. I couldn’t rip my eyes away from them. I felt like I was getting an entirely new insight into the Archer boys.
“Oh, Rome.” A woman’s voice drifted across the expanse of the living room and a lovely woman with dark hair moved toward my guy. I saw him brace as she enfolded him in a shaky embrace. “I missed you so much.” Her tone was achingly sad and it was all I could do not to kick him in the shin for making these people who obviously loved him suffer so needlessly.
“Hey, Mom.” He sounded strained, but when she let go of him and moved to embrace Rule as well I saw the grim line of his mouth loosen just a little bit.
“Rule, thank you for coming.”
I knew this family had a history of pain and struggle, but when people loved each other and were willing to try, it was evident any wound could heal. My kid was going to be part of the Archer fold and that was just how it was going to be.
“Sure thing, Mom.”
Mar
He just shrugged and her attention turned to me.
“You must be Cora. Rule and Shaw have talked about you so much I feel like I know you already. Thank you for coming.”
She shook my hand and I returned the gesture with my heart in my throat. Shaw had just texted that she was only about ten minutes out, so it was almost showtime.
“Thank you for having me.”
“How long have the two of you been seeing each other?”
I opened my mouth to tell her it had only been a couple of months but Rome interrupted with a sharp “Long enough.”
I narrowed my eyes at him in warning and he grunted back at me. We all lapsed into an awkward silence until Rule let out a dry laugh that broke the tension.
“So this is what it feels like to be on the other side of all the family drama. I always wondered.”
Rome swore, Dale said his name sharply, and Margot just sighed. I was going to interject something but just then the doorbell rang. Everyone turned to look at it in surprise, so I steeled up the reserves and gave Rome’s arm a quick squeeze.
“That’s Shaw. Give me a minute.”
“What?” Rome and Rule barked the question in the same tone.
“I asked her to do me a favor; that’s why she sent you on with us.” I looked at Margot and Dale and offered a shrug. “I care about both your sons so much. Rule is one of my very best friends and Rome … well, Rome changed my entire life. This family loves each other, I think that’s obvious, but the secrets, the loss of Remy, are poison that you all are still afflicted with. I’m about to bleed the venom out, so bear with me.”
Rome growled at me, “What did you do, Cora?”
I just shook my head. “You all need closure, and this was the only way I could think to do it. You told me you had to figure it out on your own, and that’s just not true, Rome.”
I pulled away from him and went to the door to let Shaw and her guest in.
He was a blindingly attractive young man. He was tall and elegant-looking in a fitted gray suit. His shaggy auburn hair hung messily in kind brown eyes and he looked almost as nervous as I felt. Shaw was grinning from ear to ear, and when she hugged me I finally felt like maybe I could get through this without throwing up all over the place.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, thank him.”
I blew out a breath and stuck out a hand. “Hi, I’m Cora. Thank you so much for doing this.”
He smiled, and it was just as sad as when Rule or Rome did it. “Nice to meet you. I’m Orlando, but my friends call me Lando. When Shaw tracked me down I was surprised, but I’m happy to help. Remy loved his family; he would hate to know he was the reason they were divided or struggling.”
“They don’t know you’re coming or who you are; it might not be pretty.”
He nodded as they moved into the entryway, I saw both Rule and Rome hanging over the rail of the stairs watching our little party.
“I can handle it. I am well versed in how to manage an angry Archer.”
“Who’s the suit?” Rule’s voice was sharp and had us all looking up. I felt Lando tense next to me as he released a long breath.
“They look so much alike.” His voice was barely a hint of sound, and Shaw put a reassuring hand on his arm.
“Yeah, but it becomes apparent really fast that they are only similar on the outside.”
“Cora?” Rome’s tone brooked no argument, so I hurried up the stairs to where everyone was gathered. I clasped my hands together in front of me nervously and waited until Shaw and Lando were at the top of the stairs.
“I know all of you have questions about why Remy did what he did, why he hid behind Shaw and didn’t tell you what he was doing in his life. I know Rome in particular has questions that keep him up at night. The only person that I thought might be able to answer them was the guy he was in love with. Orlando Fredrick, the Archers. Archers, meet Remy’s boyfriend, Lando. I asked Shaw to track him down for me. She didn’t want to do it at first, but I convinced her it was what you all need in order to move forward. I would apologize for overstepping my bounds but I really feel this had to be done.”
You could have heard a pin drop. It was so tense, so silent, I was waiting for the volcano to erupt. Shaw stood next to me while everyone else just gaped at each other. Lando couldn’t take his eyes off of Rule, and the brothers couldn’t look away from their late sibling’s attractive lover. I thought I was going to have to do something, anything to move things forward, but my guy surprised me by clearing his throat and extending a hand. His voice was gruff, but he took the first step forward and clasped the hand Lando stuck out.
“It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for coming.” If I hadn’t thought my idea of what was perfect for me was wrong before, I knew now, without a doubt, how wrong I had been. I knew it couldn’t be easy for Rome, but he was making the effort, that is what a perfect guy did. And the idea of loving this remarkable man was as easy as it was terrifying; I was going to have to figure out what kind of risk I was going to take.
Rule followed suit and Lando had to visibly gather himself.
“Those eyes are pretty hard to forget.”
Rule gave a wry grin and walked over to pull Shaw to his chest. “Tell me about it. I see him every time I look in a mirror.”
Margot and Dale were a little slower to react, but when they did I was happy to see they were welcoming if reserved.
“Well, come in. Shaw, why don’t you go set another place since we weren’t expecting an extra guest and we can all sit down and get better acquainted.” Margot’s suggestion gave everyone a chance to process the shock for a little bit before trying to pull apart the past. Frankly I was surprised she was being so calm about it all.
We all sat at the table and I looked at Rome under my lashes when he put his big hand on the top of my thigh and squeezed it under the table.
“Always trying to make everything perfect, aren’t ya, Half-Pint?”
I winked at him and put my much smaller hand over the top of his.
“No, I like things imperfect, I’ve found out, but if I have the ability to make things easier for you, I’m going to do whatever it takes to make that happen.”
Brunch was actually pleasant. Lando was interesting, charming, and it was so easy to see in every word, every look on his face when Remy came up, how much he had honestly and truly loved Rule’s twin. It was heartbreaking, but lovely to see nonetheless. It was also apparent that Rome’s parents had missed Rome greatly and had suffered at the hands of his stubbornness. They weren’t looking at him as anything other than a beloved member of the family, and I think as the brunch wore on he recognized it. I helped Shaw clear the table and we gave each other a sneaky high five in the kitchen, when I heard Rule finally ask:
“Why didn’t he want us to know? Mom and Dad had it figured out, but he still didn’t want Rome or me to know. Why?”
“Remy didn’t want who he chose to love to define him. Rome was the hero, you were the troublemaker, and it was his greatest fear to be simply ‘the gay brother.’ It kept him up at night.”
“He had to know we would never try and stereotype him, to pigeonhole him into any kind of role. We loved him.”
Lando shook his head. “He was convinced that if you found out it would change your relationships. He was scared you would force him to live out in the open and that Rome would be so worried about him while he was supposed to be focused on staying alive in the desert that something awful would happen. He had his reasons, flawed as they may be. He believed he was doing the right thing and it was all done out of love.”
“It made me feel like I didn’t even know my brother.” Rome’s voice was raw and I just wanted to hug him, but the family had to get through this on their own.
“Why? He was still
The boys lapsed into silence and Dale decided to interject.
“What about you? The two of you apparently had a pretty committed relationship for some time. How did you stand not being part of his day-to-day life? You weren’t even at the funeral.”
All the color fled from Lando’s handsome face and pain etched into his expression. This was a young man who felt the loss of Remy Archer just as acutely as the rest of his family.
“I was tired of it. I never had any issues with who I was or how I lived my life. My family was supersupportive, and while I understood his reasons for wanting to keep our relationship secret, it never sat well with me. The night of the accident I gave him an ultimatum. It was me or the secret. He chose the secret. We had a huge fight and he hung up on me. The last thing I said to him was ‘I hope your secret keeps you company for the rest of your life.’ I never got to apologize, never got to make it right. To this day I regret it. I know he loved me, that we were meant to be together, and I can never take it back.”
It sounded so familiar that I saw Rome flinch involuntarily.
“I did go to the funeral. I sat in the back. I wanted to approach the casket, but it was too hard. I left when Shaw was giving the eulogy.”
It was all so sad. Grief and loss just permeated the air. I couldn’t resist walking over to Rome and wrapping my arms around his neck from behind. I kissed him behind the ear, and he reached up to run his hand along my forearm.
Lando cleared his throat and pushed his chair back.
“You all need to know he loved you. He was proud to be an Archer, he was proud to be your son and your brother. He talked about all of you all the time and he honestly thought he was doing the right thing. As much as any of us might have regrets for the final ways we said our last words to him, I know deep down in my soul he would have regretted his secret tearing you apart the way it has. We all just have to forgive and forget and move forward. Remy’s memory deserves that much. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to the city. I actually have dinner plans with my own family in a few hours.”