A Song of Snow and Ashes by S.J. Drew
need to talk. Not here."
"A pub?"
"No. Follow me."
Puzzled and worried, Blake did as he was told. Donnan lead him back to his own apartment, but took a more winding route than usual.
"Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to come here?" the acolyte asked. "And why didn't we take the direct route?"
Donnan fetched some water and put on a kettle. He waited until the tea was brewed before he sat down.
"You're awful twitchy. What's wrong?" Blake asked, cleaning his glasses.
"I went to Mulago today."
"Good. I was wondering when Dwyer was goin' to send you."
"What I'm about to tell you, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone else. Not Dwyer. Not anyone. I don't care if he orders you to. You got that?"
"Sure. Sure. I can keep a secret."
"Blake, promise me," he said insistently.
"Alright. I promise I won't tell anyone what you're about to tell me," he replied.
"Good. Good. Alright. Like I said, I went to Mulago today. I picked up all the stuff I need for learnin' magic. Got a scryin' dish and everythin'."
"Why in the world can't I tell anyone that?"
"You can tell 'em that part. Not this part." He lowered his voice. "Before all that happened, I met the LightBearer."
"What?" he yelped, as though he'd been stuck with a pin.
"Shut up," Donnan snapped.
"Sorry. Sorry." He lowered his voice. "You met the LightBearer? How did you know it was him?"
"Her."
"Her? He's a woman?" Blake asked in disbelief. "You'd best start at the beginnin'."
"There's not much to tell. I came out in a side street and walked to the Public Square, just like Dwyer told me to. Then I felt this flash of heat. I looked around, tryin' to figure out what it was, and saw this woman. And she was lookin' at me. That's when I knew who she was. We sort of circled around each other, real cautious. Then we stopped, facin' each other. We probably could have touched."
"You just walked up to the LightBearer? Just like that? Donnan, she could have killed you."
"I doubt it. She didn't look like a warrior to me. I don't think she even had a weapon. She's my age, Blake. At least, I think she is. I felt sorry for her."
"Oh, no."
"Yeah, I did. Here's this poor woman, far from home, and she meets the person she's probably been told she's got to fight and kill. How awful is that?"
His brow furrowed. "What makes you think she was far from home?"
"She looks it. She's got black hair and brown skin and deep, dark brown eyes. She's not from around here, that's for damn sure. She was kind of pretty, too."
"Oh, darkness," Blake muttered.
"She told me she didn't want to kill anyone, and I think meant it. She looked scared. Then we sort of backed off, and she apologized to me. She said she was sorry for what had to happen. Gods. And I'm expected to kill her?"
"Well, just because she didn't kill you there doesn't mean she won't."
"She fights for the Light. I don't think she's just goin' to kill me in cold blood."
The acolyte cleaned his glasses again. "This is bad. You can't ever feel sorry for the enemy. If you feel sorry for her, how are you goin' to defeat her?"
"I don't know that I want to. Gods. Do you know what happens if I do win?" he snapped.
"Uh, no. Do you?"
"Yeah. I get her powers, and I get to lead the world into Darkness. Isn't that great? That's exactly what I want out of my life. And that's exactly what I was afraid of when this whole mess started," he answered bitterly, slumping back in his chair.
"How do you know that?"
"I asked the god. How else?"
Blake's dark eyes grew wide. "You asked the god? And got an answer?"
"Oh, yeah, I got answers. Nothin' I wanted to hear."
"Did you tell the Dark One you don't want to be the Avatar?"
"Yeah. It didn't like that, and made my head hurt. There's no help for it. I'm the Avatar, and that's how it is."
"My friend, you are in a world of trouble."
"Thanks, Blake. Like I didn't know that."
The acolyte took a thoughtful sip of tea. "Do you think it's wise to defy the god?"
"What do you mean?"
"By not fightin' for It. The god has great powers. Terrible powers. No cleric has ever refused It's mandates. At least not as far as I know."
"Honestly, I don't think I can defy It. It's a god, and I'm just a human," he sighed.
"So you're stickin' to your plan?"
"For now. I draw the line at killin' her though. I don't have the guts. I just don't."
"Well, I can't say I blame you for that. Dwyer wouldn't like it though."
"And that's why you're not tellin' him. I'm not a murderer, dammit. I'm not goin' to become one either, no matter what god says." Then he looked around fearfully, as though expecting to be hit by lightning for his defiance.
"Brave words. Much braver than I am."
"Yeah, well, it's probably just words. It told me if I won, I'd 'start a reign of Darkness upon the world.' I don't want that. Do you want that?"
He sighed. "No. I just want a little power for myself. I don't see how your victory could plunge the world into Darkness. I mean, does it extinguish the Light or somethin'? It doesn't make any sense."
"Then you ask the god. I'm not doin' that again."
"Hey, the god answers you. That's more than I could say for even high-ranking clerics."
"Yeah, It answers me. I don't like half the answers, and I don't understand the other half," he replied irritably. He ran his hands through his hair. "Gods, Blake. What's goin' to happen to me? This power is gettin' stronger. I can feel it growin' every day. I don't know what it means, but this can't be good for me."
"I don't know either. I can't imagine what you're goin' through."
They sat in silence for a while.
Blake spoke up first. "I know it's been a long day, but I kind of wish we knew what she was doing in Mulago. And why did she show up the same day you did?"
Donnan shrugged. "How should I know? I didn't ask, and I don't think she would've told me." Then he remembered the darkling. "Darkling," he called.
A humanoid shaped disengaged from the shadows.
Blake jumped up, surprised, and moved away from the creature.
"Where did the LightBearer go, after I told you to follow her?"
"We know not."
"Why not? Didn't you follow her?"
"The one that was sent to follow the LightBearer was destroyed," it hissed, its odd echoing voice dripping with venom.
"Destroyed?" he repeated, surprised. "I didn't know you could be killed."
"Not killed. Destroyed."
"How did it happen?"
"She touched the one with the Light. The terrible, burning Light. We hate light, all light. But we cannot survive the touch of the Light that lives in the soul."
"But how did she know you were there?"
"We know not, Master."
"If I send you to find her again, would you?"
"We must obey. But we hate and fear light. We ask that you not order us to face the harsh light again."
"I'll remember that. You can go now," he replied, disturbed.
"Thank you, Master," it hissed, bowing, and then vanished.
"Gods, Donnan, when did you learn the Dark language?"
"What?"
"You were speakin' the Dark language. So was that creature. When did you learn that?"
"I don't know. I guess it comes with the power."
"And you can just call the darklings? Just like that?"
"Sure. Can't you guys?"
"Gods, no," Blake answered emphatically. "First of all, it's somethin' we just don't do often. Darklings are dangerous creatures. As it said, they hate light. They even hate moonlight and starlight.
It takes a complicated spell to summon them, and even then you have to trap it in light, and make sure you define your terms carefully. They've been known to turn on those that summon them."
"Oh. I didn't know that."
"Now you do. So you did send a darkling after her?"
"Well, yeah, I was curious. I didn't expect her to notice it, much less destroy it."
"Well, if she destroyed it just like that, imagine what she could have done to you."
"Oh, please. I saw her. She's not a killer. She probably noticed the darkling and reacted without thinkin' 'cause she was afraid of it. Gods, those things scare me."
"Even though you call them with so little effort and thought," Blake replied, his voice slightly scolding. He pushed his glasses up his nose. "But she did destroy that thing. She was takin' a life. Coldly. Callously."
"Oh, come on. Those things aren't human. I'm not sure they're alive."
"How do you know that?"
"I'll ask," he snapped. "I know what I saw in that woman's eyes. She's not a killer. At least not yet," he thought. He spoke again to the shadows. "Darkling. Answer a few questions for me."
One stepped forth. "Yes, Master?"
Blake jumped again and started to clean his glasses.
"Are you human?" Donnan asked.
"Not anymore."
"Not anymore?" Blake repeated. "What does it mean by that?"
The creature looked over at the acolyte, then back to Donnan.
"Well, what do you mean you're not human anymore?" he asked.
"We once were. We are not now."
"How did that happen?"
"We fell into Darkness," it replied, its voice now full of sorrow and pain.
"Are you still alive?"
"We exist."
"That's enough, Donnan. Send it away, please."
He dismissed the darkling. "See, it's not human."
"No, definitely not, and that disturbs me. Alright, I'll admit, if I saw one of those creatures followin' me, my first instinct would be to destroy it. I can't do that, of course, but she could. But if she's supposed to win, you're
"A pub?"
"No. Follow me."
Puzzled and worried, Blake did as he was told. Donnan lead him back to his own apartment, but took a more winding route than usual.
"Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to come here?" the acolyte asked. "And why didn't we take the direct route?"
Donnan fetched some water and put on a kettle. He waited until the tea was brewed before he sat down.
"You're awful twitchy. What's wrong?" Blake asked, cleaning his glasses.
"I went to Mulago today."
"Good. I was wondering when Dwyer was goin' to send you."
"What I'm about to tell you, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone else. Not Dwyer. Not anyone. I don't care if he orders you to. You got that?"
"Sure. Sure. I can keep a secret."
"Blake, promise me," he said insistently.
"Alright. I promise I won't tell anyone what you're about to tell me," he replied.
"Good. Good. Alright. Like I said, I went to Mulago today. I picked up all the stuff I need for learnin' magic. Got a scryin' dish and everythin'."
"Why in the world can't I tell anyone that?"
"You can tell 'em that part. Not this part." He lowered his voice. "Before all that happened, I met the LightBearer."
"What?" he yelped, as though he'd been stuck with a pin.
"Shut up," Donnan snapped.
"Sorry. Sorry." He lowered his voice. "You met the LightBearer? How did you know it was him?"
"Her."
"Her? He's a woman?" Blake asked in disbelief. "You'd best start at the beginnin'."
"There's not much to tell. I came out in a side street and walked to the Public Square, just like Dwyer told me to. Then I felt this flash of heat. I looked around, tryin' to figure out what it was, and saw this woman. And she was lookin' at me. That's when I knew who she was. We sort of circled around each other, real cautious. Then we stopped, facin' each other. We probably could have touched."
"You just walked up to the LightBearer? Just like that? Donnan, she could have killed you."
"I doubt it. She didn't look like a warrior to me. I don't think she even had a weapon. She's my age, Blake. At least, I think she is. I felt sorry for her."
"Oh, no."
"Yeah, I did. Here's this poor woman, far from home, and she meets the person she's probably been told she's got to fight and kill. How awful is that?"
His brow furrowed. "What makes you think she was far from home?"
"She looks it. She's got black hair and brown skin and deep, dark brown eyes. She's not from around here, that's for damn sure. She was kind of pretty, too."
"Oh, darkness," Blake muttered.
"She told me she didn't want to kill anyone, and I think meant it. She looked scared. Then we sort of backed off, and she apologized to me. She said she was sorry for what had to happen. Gods. And I'm expected to kill her?"
"Well, just because she didn't kill you there doesn't mean she won't."
"She fights for the Light. I don't think she's just goin' to kill me in cold blood."
The acolyte cleaned his glasses again. "This is bad. You can't ever feel sorry for the enemy. If you feel sorry for her, how are you goin' to defeat her?"
"I don't know that I want to. Gods. Do you know what happens if I do win?" he snapped.
"Uh, no. Do you?"
"Yeah. I get her powers, and I get to lead the world into Darkness. Isn't that great? That's exactly what I want out of my life. And that's exactly what I was afraid of when this whole mess started," he answered bitterly, slumping back in his chair.
"How do you know that?"
"I asked the god. How else?"
Blake's dark eyes grew wide. "You asked the god? And got an answer?"
"Oh, yeah, I got answers. Nothin' I wanted to hear."
"Did you tell the Dark One you don't want to be the Avatar?"
"Yeah. It didn't like that, and made my head hurt. There's no help for it. I'm the Avatar, and that's how it is."
"My friend, you are in a world of trouble."
"Thanks, Blake. Like I didn't know that."
The acolyte took a thoughtful sip of tea. "Do you think it's wise to defy the god?"
"What do you mean?"
"By not fightin' for It. The god has great powers. Terrible powers. No cleric has ever refused It's mandates. At least not as far as I know."
"Honestly, I don't think I can defy It. It's a god, and I'm just a human," he sighed.
"So you're stickin' to your plan?"
"For now. I draw the line at killin' her though. I don't have the guts. I just don't."
"Well, I can't say I blame you for that. Dwyer wouldn't like it though."
"And that's why you're not tellin' him. I'm not a murderer, dammit. I'm not goin' to become one either, no matter what god says." Then he looked around fearfully, as though expecting to be hit by lightning for his defiance.
"Brave words. Much braver than I am."
"Yeah, well, it's probably just words. It told me if I won, I'd 'start a reign of Darkness upon the world.' I don't want that. Do you want that?"
He sighed. "No. I just want a little power for myself. I don't see how your victory could plunge the world into Darkness. I mean, does it extinguish the Light or somethin'? It doesn't make any sense."
"Then you ask the god. I'm not doin' that again."
"Hey, the god answers you. That's more than I could say for even high-ranking clerics."
"Yeah, It answers me. I don't like half the answers, and I don't understand the other half," he replied irritably. He ran his hands through his hair. "Gods, Blake. What's goin' to happen to me? This power is gettin' stronger. I can feel it growin' every day. I don't know what it means, but this can't be good for me."
"I don't know either. I can't imagine what you're goin' through."
They sat in silence for a while.
Blake spoke up first. "I know it's been a long day, but I kind of wish we knew what she was doing in Mulago. And why did she show up the same day you did?"
Donnan shrugged. "How should I know? I didn't ask, and I don't think she would've told me." Then he remembered the darkling. "Darkling," he called.
A humanoid shaped disengaged from the shadows.
Blake jumped up, surprised, and moved away from the creature.
"Where did the LightBearer go, after I told you to follow her?"
"We know not."
"Why not? Didn't you follow her?"
"The one that was sent to follow the LightBearer was destroyed," it hissed, its odd echoing voice dripping with venom.
"Destroyed?" he repeated, surprised. "I didn't know you could be killed."
"Not killed. Destroyed."
"How did it happen?"
"She touched the one with the Light. The terrible, burning Light. We hate light, all light. But we cannot survive the touch of the Light that lives in the soul."
"But how did she know you were there?"
"We know not, Master."
"If I send you to find her again, would you?"
"We must obey. But we hate and fear light. We ask that you not order us to face the harsh light again."
"I'll remember that. You can go now," he replied, disturbed.
"Thank you, Master," it hissed, bowing, and then vanished.
"Gods, Donnan, when did you learn the Dark language?"
"What?"
"You were speakin' the Dark language. So was that creature. When did you learn that?"
"I don't know. I guess it comes with the power."
"And you can just call the darklings? Just like that?"
"Sure. Can't you guys?"
"Gods, no," Blake answered emphatically. "First of all, it's somethin' we just don't do often. Darklings are dangerous creatures. As it said, they hate light. They even hate moonlight and starlight.
"Oh. I didn't know that."
"Now you do. So you did send a darkling after her?"
"Well, yeah, I was curious. I didn't expect her to notice it, much less destroy it."
"Well, if she destroyed it just like that, imagine what she could have done to you."
"Oh, please. I saw her. She's not a killer. She probably noticed the darkling and reacted without thinkin' 'cause she was afraid of it. Gods, those things scare me."
"Even though you call them with so little effort and thought," Blake replied, his voice slightly scolding. He pushed his glasses up his nose. "But she did destroy that thing. She was takin' a life. Coldly. Callously."
"Oh, come on. Those things aren't human. I'm not sure they're alive."
"How do you know that?"
"I'll ask," he snapped. "I know what I saw in that woman's eyes. She's not a killer. At least not yet," he thought. He spoke again to the shadows. "Darkling. Answer a few questions for me."
One stepped forth. "Yes, Master?"
Blake jumped again and started to clean his glasses.
"Are you human?" Donnan asked.
"Not anymore."
"Not anymore?" Blake repeated. "What does it mean by that?"
The creature looked over at the acolyte, then back to Donnan.
"Well, what do you mean you're not human anymore?" he asked.
"We once were. We are not now."
"How did that happen?"
"We fell into Darkness," it replied, its voice now full of sorrow and pain.
"Are you still alive?"
"We exist."
"That's enough, Donnan. Send it away, please."
He dismissed the darkling. "See, it's not human."
"No, definitely not, and that disturbs me. Alright, I'll admit, if I saw one of those creatures followin' me, my first instinct would be to destroy it. I can't do that, of course, but she could. But if she's supposed to win, you're