A Song of Snow and Ashes by S.J. Drew
tended to his wounds. He'd been given guest quarters, a bath, and some clothes. She gently dabbed at the cuts on his back with antiseptic to clean them out thoroughly then used magic to close them up. This method didn't leave scars, but it seemed there was nothing she could do about the scars he already had. "Where I come from, community is the most important thing. They restored your honor, after all."
"It's very complicated," he sighed. "I'm glad they did that, but my clan is dead. Even the survivors are now part of a new clan. Actually, if that wasn't the case, they couldn't even restore my honor." He winced as she tended to him but didn't make a sound.
"I suppose that's something. It's just not fair after all you've done." She sighed. "But then again, my land has some strange and unfair rules for community as well."
"All things considered, I'm pleased with how things turned out."
"You're going to be scarred for life."
"At least it promises to be a long life," he said.
They lapsed into silence.
"What have you been doing these past months?" he asked.
"Delaying the inevitable. I'm afraid to fight the ShadowWalker. I'm not afraid I'll lose, but I am afraid of what it will do to my soul to kill him. And I'm afraid of what comes after."
"I'm not afraid for your soul. You were so angry this morning you were causing the ground to shake but you didn't lay a hand, blade, or a spell on the Warlord."
"Don't think I didn't want to."
"I know you did. I've never really seen you angry before, and I believe you could have hurt him. But you didn't. Why not?"
"It wasn't my place."
"Then why worry for your soul?"
"Because it is my place to kill the ShadowWalker."
"No, it's your place to stop him."
"And I think that means I'm going to have to kill him. I wasn't aware until this morning how much stronger the Light had grown in my soul. It's like a bright, comforting flame to me, but unmistakably divine and present. If the Darkness has grown as much, I can't imagine how anyone could withstand it. It must be awful, like a cold, dark river always trying to pull you down."
"Then as long as you understand the consequences of taking a life and don't do it out of anger or fear, I believe your soul will be fine. Not unscathed, but fine."
"Thank you," she said.
"Why do you fear what comes after you win?"
"Because I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't go back to my desert. I could stay in Tallis Marrom but the Hunters won't be needed anymore. They can disband and go back to their lives. But where do I go? What do I do? I will have so much power I can't even try to live a normal life."
"What do you want after you win?"
"I don't know. I'd like the things of a normal life. I'd like to have a useful job and find a place to settle down and have a family."
"And you don't think you can do that in Tallis Marrom?" he asked, his voice betraying no emotion.
"No. I like the men there, and Aidan is a great friend, but I can't stay there. It causes too much trouble to have that many young men and only one eligible young woman. Besides, what would I do if I didn't start a family? They only taught me to fight because it seemed to be the only thing they could do. I don't see myself spending my life there to defend the demians from the occasional bandit attack."
"What about serving the Order of Light?"
She shook her head. "No. I'm a bit put off by the Order since mine essentially exiled me from my home," she said bitterly. "I know it works differently in other places, but either I'd be a leader or I'd be a follower. I don't want to lead because I don't think I'm qualified to make judgments about people I don't even know. I know I lead the Hunters, but I don't tell them how to live their lives, which is what the Order does. I don't want to follow because I'd constantly be second-guessing my assignments to make sure I was doing the right thing, not following someone's political agenda."
"You've had a lot of time to think," he said after a minute's consideration.
"I have to face the future some time and there hasn't been a lot to distract me, despite my best efforts." She healed the last open wound, which was an ugly burn mark. "You're all done."
He pulled his shirt on. "Thank you. You didn't have to do that. There are proper Healers here and you've used a lot of magic today."
"I know. But I thought you'd want a friend to tend to you."
"Why did you follow the Light One's direction today?" he asked, facing her.
She looked puzzled. "I had to. I told you this already."
"You didn't even know what was wrong. What you did was reckless, like when you ran to fight that wildfire."
"True, but I knew something was wrong even if I didn't know what. I knew I was needed. And that was enough for me."
"Enough for you to run out of your house without breakfast or even put your hair up and probably worry Jomei half to death."
She sort of shrugged. "Well, I certainly didn't think about it like that at the time. I didn't really think about it at all. I had to be some place, I knew that, and I had to be there fast." She tried to run her fingers through her glossy black hair, but stopped when they got stuck. "I suppose if this tangled mess is the worst I've suffered today, then I'm doing pretty well for running recklessly into the unknown without so much as a bite of porridge."
He laughed. "Turn around. You helped me out of my mess, so I'll help you out of yours."
"This hardly compares," she said, handing him a brush.
"You're right. I'll have to thank you properly."
"There's no need for that and you know it."
"Eliora, would you sing for me?" he asked after a minute.
"Alright." By the time she finished the song, he had managed to restore order to her long hair.
"That was beautiful. What was it?" he asked.
She turned around. "The title is 'The Dream of Rain.' 'May you dream of rain' is a kind of blessing in my language."
"That makes sense to me. You come from a desert after all."
She nodded. "So the song is a song of renewal and hope of a bright future. I thought given the events of the day it was appropriate."
"Thank you. But what of your future? Isn't it bright?"
"It's uncertain."
He took her hand. "It doesn't have to be."
"I don't want to impose," she stammered.
He smiled and shook his head. "Eliora, only you would say something like that. I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it."
"What exactly are you offering?" she asked, suddenly remembering her conversation with Aidan over courtship.
"I'm offering you a useful job, to help heal the Charred Lands from the scars inflicted from the Mage Wars, if you want it. I'm offering you a place to settle down, eventually anyway, if you'll take it. I'm offering you someone to start a family with, if you'll have me."
"Jomei was right," she thought. "I do know where my heart lies. I just needed the courage to say so." Then she threw her arms around him and kissed him. The kiss was warm and soft and fiery all at the same time.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said breathlessly.
"How come you never said anything before now? All those times on the watchtower you could have said something. You just kissed me and walked off into the snow."
He met her dark eyes with his intense violet ones. "Don't be coy with me now, Eliora. One thing I really like about you is your honesty. I never said anything but I think I made my feelings fairly clear even before I first kissed you."
"Well, I am kind of flighty. I often don't pay attention to the things I really ought to."
"I think you were paying attention in this case. You aren't surprised, are you?"
"No, I guess I'm not. I guess I'm used to men being a bit more obvious. The other men in Tallis Marrom certainly were. Even my suitors back home were. You never even flirted properly with me. You really did surprise me whe
n you kissed me good-bye."
He shrugged. "I do things my own way. I wasn't sure how much I liked you when I met you, but I saw that you were terribly alone and grieving, so I reached out to someone I thought was a kindred spirit. You accepted, and it turned out I got a lot more than I expected. You let me be myself whether I was in a good mood or a bad mood or wallowing in self-pity and lashing out to those around me. Do you know why I stopped seeking revenge for my family's death?"
"You realized it wasn't worth it."
"Yes, but do you know why? Vengeance is taught as a clan duty from the time we are very young. It was ingrained in me as your deference to authority was ingrained in you. Before I met you, I thought about returning every single day to get revenge. Even after I met you, I thought about it often. But the more time I spent with you, the less I thought about it. I really only thought it about it again on my birthday. And I am sorry about that. I don't know if I can apologize enough for my harsh words."
"Davin, I forgave you then. Let it go," she said with a smile.
"You are amazing," he said, kissing her again. "I was even packing to leave that night when it occurred to me there was no reason to leave. Vengeance wouldn't bring my family back. Vengeance wouldn't undo the suffering the Warlord had caused to my clan, or me. I realized that thoughts of vengeance only kept me from healing. It only kept me tied to my grief. Talking to you helped me realize that. I also realized that despite my best efforts and the prejudice of the people around me, I had made a kind of life for myself in Tallis Marrom." He squeezed her hand gently. "I realized I had something to live for. I can never thank you
"It's very complicated," he sighed. "I'm glad they did that, but my clan is dead. Even the survivors are now part of a new clan. Actually, if that wasn't the case, they couldn't even restore my honor." He winced as she tended to him but didn't make a sound.
"I suppose that's something. It's just not fair after all you've done." She sighed. "But then again, my land has some strange and unfair rules for community as well."
"All things considered, I'm pleased with how things turned out."
"You're going to be scarred for life."
"At least it promises to be a long life," he said.
They lapsed into silence.
"What have you been doing these past months?" he asked.
"Delaying the inevitable. I'm afraid to fight the ShadowWalker. I'm not afraid I'll lose, but I am afraid of what it will do to my soul to kill him. And I'm afraid of what comes after."
"I'm not afraid for your soul. You were so angry this morning you were causing the ground to shake but you didn't lay a hand, blade, or a spell on the Warlord."
"Don't think I didn't want to."
"I know you did. I've never really seen you angry before, and I believe you could have hurt him. But you didn't. Why not?"
"It wasn't my place."
"Then why worry for your soul?"
"Because it is my place to kill the ShadowWalker."
"No, it's your place to stop him."
"And I think that means I'm going to have to kill him. I wasn't aware until this morning how much stronger the Light had grown in my soul. It's like a bright, comforting flame to me, but unmistakably divine and present. If the Darkness has grown as much, I can't imagine how anyone could withstand it. It must be awful, like a cold, dark river always trying to pull you down."
"Then as long as you understand the consequences of taking a life and don't do it out of anger or fear, I believe your soul will be fine. Not unscathed, but fine."
"Thank you," she said.
"Why do you fear what comes after you win?"
"Because I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't go back to my desert. I could stay in Tallis Marrom but the Hunters won't be needed anymore. They can disband and go back to their lives. But where do I go? What do I do? I will have so much power I can't even try to live a normal life."
"What do you want after you win?"
"I don't know. I'd like the things of a normal life. I'd like to have a useful job and find a place to settle down and have a family."
"And you don't think you can do that in Tallis Marrom?" he asked, his voice betraying no emotion.
"No. I like the men there, and Aidan is a great friend, but I can't stay there. It causes too much trouble to have that many young men and only one eligible young woman. Besides, what would I do if I didn't start a family? They only taught me to fight because it seemed to be the only thing they could do. I don't see myself spending my life there to defend the demians from the occasional bandit attack."
"What about serving the Order of Light?"
She shook her head. "No. I'm a bit put off by the Order since mine essentially exiled me from my home," she said bitterly. "I know it works differently in other places, but either I'd be a leader or I'd be a follower. I don't want to lead because I don't think I'm qualified to make judgments about people I don't even know. I know I lead the Hunters, but I don't tell them how to live their lives, which is what the Order does. I don't want to follow because I'd constantly be second-guessing my assignments to make sure I was doing the right thing, not following someone's political agenda."
"You've had a lot of time to think," he said after a minute's consideration.
"I have to face the future some time and there hasn't been a lot to distract me, despite my best efforts." She healed the last open wound, which was an ugly burn mark. "You're all done."
He pulled his shirt on. "Thank you. You didn't have to do that. There are proper Healers here and you've used a lot of magic today."
"I know. But I thought you'd want a friend to tend to you."
"Why did you follow the Light One's direction today?" he asked, facing her.
She looked puzzled. "I had to. I told you this already."
"You didn't even know what was wrong. What you did was reckless, like when you ran to fight that wildfire."
"True, but I knew something was wrong even if I didn't know what. I knew I was needed. And that was enough for me."
"Enough for you to run out of your house without breakfast or even put your hair up and probably worry Jomei half to death."
She sort of shrugged. "Well, I certainly didn't think about it like that at the time. I didn't really think about it at all. I had to be some place, I knew that, and I had to be there fast." She tried to run her fingers through her glossy black hair, but stopped when they got stuck. "I suppose if this tangled mess is the worst I've suffered today, then I'm doing pretty well for running recklessly into the unknown without so much as a bite of porridge."
He laughed. "Turn around. You helped me out of my mess, so I'll help you out of yours."
"This hardly compares," she said, handing him a brush.
"You're right. I'll have to thank you properly."
"There's no need for that and you know it."
"Eliora, would you sing for me?" he asked after a minute.
"Alright." By the time she finished the song, he had managed to restore order to her long hair.
"That was beautiful. What was it?" he asked.
She turned around. "The title is 'The Dream of Rain.' 'May you dream of rain' is a kind of blessing in my language."
"That makes sense to me. You come from a desert after all."
She nodded. "So the song is a song of renewal and hope of a bright future. I thought given the events of the day it was appropriate."
"Thank you. But what of your future? Isn't it bright?"
"It's uncertain."
He took her hand. "It doesn't have to be."
"I don't want to impose," she stammered.
He smiled and shook his head. "Eliora, only you would say something like that. I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it."
"What exactly are you offering?" she asked, suddenly remembering her conversation with Aidan over courtship.
"I'm offering you a useful job, to help heal the Charred Lands from the scars inflicted from the Mage Wars, if you want it. I'm offering you a place to settle down, eventually anyway, if you'll take it. I'm offering you someone to start a family with, if you'll have me."
"Jomei was right," she thought. "I do know where my heart lies. I just needed the courage to say so." Then she threw her arms around him and kissed him. The kiss was warm and soft and fiery all at the same time.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said breathlessly.
"How come you never said anything before now? All those times on the watchtower you could have said something. You just kissed me and walked off into the snow."
He met her dark eyes with his intense violet ones. "Don't be coy with me now, Eliora. One thing I really like about you is your honesty. I never said anything but I think I made my feelings fairly clear even before I first kissed you."
"Well, I am kind of flighty. I often don't pay attention to the things I really ought to."
"I think you were paying attention in this case. You aren't surprised, are you?"
"No, I guess I'm not. I guess I'm used to men being a bit more obvious. The other men in Tallis Marrom certainly were. Even my suitors back home were. You never even flirted properly with me. You really did surprise me whe
He shrugged. "I do things my own way. I wasn't sure how much I liked you when I met you, but I saw that you were terribly alone and grieving, so I reached out to someone I thought was a kindred spirit. You accepted, and it turned out I got a lot more than I expected. You let me be myself whether I was in a good mood or a bad mood or wallowing in self-pity and lashing out to those around me. Do you know why I stopped seeking revenge for my family's death?"
"You realized it wasn't worth it."
"Yes, but do you know why? Vengeance is taught as a clan duty from the time we are very young. It was ingrained in me as your deference to authority was ingrained in you. Before I met you, I thought about returning every single day to get revenge. Even after I met you, I thought about it often. But the more time I spent with you, the less I thought about it. I really only thought it about it again on my birthday. And I am sorry about that. I don't know if I can apologize enough for my harsh words."
"Davin, I forgave you then. Let it go," she said with a smile.
"You are amazing," he said, kissing her again. "I was even packing to leave that night when it occurred to me there was no reason to leave. Vengeance wouldn't bring my family back. Vengeance wouldn't undo the suffering the Warlord had caused to my clan, or me. I realized that thoughts of vengeance only kept me from healing. It only kept me tied to my grief. Talking to you helped me realize that. I also realized that despite my best efforts and the prejudice of the people around me, I had made a kind of life for myself in Tallis Marrom." He squeezed her hand gently. "I realized I had something to live for. I can never thank you