Back To The Start Box Set: Five Full-Length Novels by Aly Martinez
I froze. “What are you talking about? Who?”
“Whoever that guy is you’re sleeping with!” he yelled before getting himself back in check. “He told Devon you go up to that bridge every night to jump. Damn it, Levee, what the hell are you thinking?”
My heart began to race as the blood drained from my face. “It’s not. I mean… I’m… I don’t….” I stumbled over my words as my eyes lifted to Sam on the other side of the glass.
“Stewart is losing his fucking mind right now that Devon was just this guy’s first stop before heading to the press.”
Oh God.
“Just tell me this is some kind of rumor.”
As if he could sense my distress, Sam turned to face me. His golden eyes locked with mine, immediate concern painted his face.
“What?” he mouthed.
I couldn’t reply.
Not to Sam.
Not to Henry.
Not even to myself.
It wasn’t true.
It also wasn’t a lie.
“Oh God,” Henry gasped when my silence told him more than my words ever could.
Sam regarded me warily for several seconds before he dropped his cigarette and headed my way.
My world began to move in slow motion even as my mind frantically swirled.
He told Devon.
Betrayal chilled my veins, sending a shiver down my back.
“Levee?” Henry said, reminding me that I still had the phone to my ear.
“Yeah,” I whispered absently, my eyes glued to Sam as he slid the balcony door open. A gust of wind blew the curtains in the air as he entered.
“I’m on my way. I’ll be there in a half hour, okay? Stay put. We’ll figure this out.”
“I’m…really… I’m….umm….” My chin quivered as Sam stopped in front of me and tilted his head in a silent question. “I’m fine,” I finished. A tear escaped my eye as Sam physically flinched from the word, immediately folding me into his arms.
“What’s going on?” he questioned softly.
Why would he do this to me?
“I’ll be there in a half hour,” Henry repeated. “Devon’s on his way now. Hang tight.”
But I couldn’t do that at all. The man who had been the only thing grounding me for the last week had just sold me out. The terrifying free fall rushed up at me from the ground, all but swallowing me even as I stood wrapped in his safe arms.
He wouldn’t really tell anyone else… Would he?
If word got out that I was some sort of suicidal basket case, there was no way they’d let me help out at the hospitals anymore.
My pulse raced, and my hands got clammy.
I wouldn’t let him take that from me—from them.
My ears pounded, leaving me unable to make out the words Sam was repeating into my hair. I wasn’t sure if they were questions or soothing sentiments; it just broke my heart that he was uttering them.
He was the bandage—and, now, the wound.
Dropping my phone, I stepped out of his reach. After plucking his jeans off the floor, I threw them at him. “Get out.”
His head snapped back. “What?”
“Get the fuck out of my house.”
He put his hands on his hips, notably confused. “Excuse me?”
“Get out!” I screamed so loud that it echoed off the glass.
He didn’t budge. Instead, he pulled his jeans on and then chewed on his bottom lip as his eyes flashed between mine, searching for some sort of answer. “Who was on the phone, Levee?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Is he jealous?
I was about to become front-page news and he was jealous?
This is not happening.
It really fucking was.
And, for that alone, I got pissed.
Really pissed.
“I won’t let you do this to me. Your word means nothing against mine. You have no proof.” I snatched the robe off the back of my door and wrapped it tight as if it could magically keep me from falling apart.
“What the hell are you talking about?” He tugged his shirt on.
“I will not let you ruin me because of some misplaced savior complex. I don’t need you, Sam. So do me a fucking favor and keep your mouth shut about shit you don’t know anything about.”
“I’m so lost right now.” He threw his arms out to his sides.
“You told Devon I was planning to jump off the bridge!”
His shoulders sagged in visible relief. “Well…yeah. Someone needed to know. I’m not going to just stand by while you kill yourself,” he scoffed as if I were insane.
“I’m not going to kill myself!” I shrieked then began to pace around the room.
It was almost comical.
I was hurt
And pissed.
And floundering even more than ever before.
But Sam looked like he had just saved a litter of puppies from a burning building.
“Well, no. Not anymore you’re not.” He smiled proudly.
“Oh my God!” I threw my hands up in frustration. “You have mental issues.” I should have looked up. I didn’t. I kept pacing. “You seem to be so fucking hell-bent on saving me, but what about you?” I should have shut up. I didn’t. I kept ranting. “You were planning to jump off that bridge too, Sam. Maybe I should run to your employees and share that little secret. But no, I wouldn’t do that. Why? Because I’m a decent human being who respects your privacy. Congratulations, Sam. I didn’t jump, but when this little secret trickles down shit creek, I’ll wish I had.”
When I finally—fucking finally—looked up, Sam was gone. He was still standing in the room, but he’d left me all the same. His face was pale, and his fists were clenched at his sides.
“Listen up, princess,” he snarled. It wasn’t a term of endearment that time. It was an insult that hurt far worse than any other name he possibly could have called me.
I didn’t even have enough time to flinch from his verbal blow before he continued.
“Before you go around slinging insults from inside your glass mansion, you might want all the facts. Four months ago, my mentally ill sister went out for a stroll on the bridge. Two days later, they recovered her body from the bay.”
My hand flew up, covering my mouth as acrid guilt settled in my stomach.
“The last conversation I ever had with her was that morning when she adamantly told me she was fine.” He spat the word then cracked his neck. “She wasn’t. And neither are you. Levee, I never wanted to die. I go up to that bridge because I want Anne to come back.”
My vision swam. “Oh God.”
“Maybe you were never going to jump, but you were up on that bridge for a reason. Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me. But I won’t apologize for telling Devon. I’ll gladly leave now, but one day, when I see your face again, it’s not going to be on the news because they found your body washed up on the shores of the bay. You’re fucking welcome.” After snatching his shoes off the ground, he stormed out of my room.
“Sam, wait!” I followed after him, catching up just as he got to the front door—a cigarette already dangling from his lips.
“Don’t,” he snapped. “I can’t deal with this. You’re not at all who I thought you were.”
“Sam, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I—”
“Or maybe you’re exactly who I thought you’d be.” He lifted his hands, motioning around my lush foyer.
That hurt. A lot.
But not as much as the idea of losing him.
“I’m sorry, please—”
The door slammed before I could even finish the apology.
“Wait!” I yanked the door open, but a sleepy Devon stood on the other side. “Move!” I tried to shove him out of the way.
But he only shook his head and backed me into the house. “Levee, stop. I had Carter take him home.”
“You did what?” I screeched, rushing back to the door just in time to see the taillights disappearing.
Gritting my teeth, I stalked in his direction. “You’re fired.”
“Oh please. I have a good mind to quit after the shit I found out you’ve been hiding from me,” he bit right back.
“I wasn’t going to jump!” I yelled for what felt like the millionth time, but when it cleared my lips, I realized it was the best lie I’d ever told.
Even I believed it.
Sam hadn’t though.
Deep down, I’d seriously considered it. More times than I should have.
Daily.
My legs began to tremble, but they never even had a chance to give out before I was caught by Devon’s embrace.
“Shh. I gotcha,” he whispered into my hair. “Always, Levee.”
“I, um… I think… I need”—Sam—“help.”
“Then we’ll get it.”
Shit.
Chapter Eleven
Sam
IT’D BEEN ANOTHER sleepless night for me. After some huge guy I assumed was another bodyguard drove me home, I’d sat on my porch with Sampson at my side and watched the sun rise. I was starting to feel like I’d never get a full night of sleep again. It didn’t take long for me to regret having stormed out on Levee. She had problems, and I had done the one thing I’d sworn I’d never do again after Anne died—I’d walked away. But fuck, her explosive rant had cut me deep.
That’s not completely true though.
Anne had cut me deep.
Levee had unwittingly rubbed salt in the already-gaping wound.
I needed to apologize. She didn’t deserve that shit. If I went back over there, I could probably make her understand my over-the-top reaction.
But that was the last thing I really needed.
I had absolutely no business trying to pursue something with her. We came from different worlds—and only part of that had anything to do with her being famous. Hell, that was the easy part. We were both so filled with pain. Only she was determined to escape it, while I physically ached to stop her. We’d be a fucking train wreck together.
But that woman…
It’d only been a week and we’d only spent one night together, but, God, she’d felt like the great I’d always been searching for. Who cared if she had issues I would probably always stress about?
Oh, right. Me.
But, when we were together, it was easy to forget how we’d met. It was easy to get lost in her whiskey eyes and her contagious smile.
Her lithe body and her smooth, white skin.
Her soft breasts and her tight…
Damn it.
I desperately needed someone to talk to about her. But since Levee was such a public figure it made it tricky. I couldn’t air her bullshit like she so obviously already thought I was going to do. My mom was still struggling with Anne’s death. I couldn’t bring this kind of drama up without upsetting her. She was just starting to get it back together.
I had one choice…
So, at nine a.m., I grabbed my wallet and headed out the door.
“Dude, what the hell are you doing up here?” Ryan asked when I walked into his office, closing the door behind me.
“I just hired you. I fucked up last night and I need to talk, but you can’t say a word to anyone.”
“What. Did. You. Do?” he said very slowly, pushing away from his desk and rising to his feet.
“By the way, I really wish I’d known you charged four hundred dollars an hour before I paid Jen for your time. Fucking hell, man.”
He cocked an angry eyebrow. “One, stay the fuck away from Jen. Two, we’re best friends! You didn’t have to pay for my time, asshole.”
“Yeah, I know, but I needed attorney-client privilege for what I’m about to tell you.”
“Fuck, Sam. This does not sound good.” He pinched the bridge of his nose as he perched on the edge of his desk, and then motioned for me to spill it.
“I’ve been kinda seeing Levee Williams, and last night, I slept with her,” I rushed out.
His head snapped up. “Levee Williams, the singer?”
I quickly nodded.
“No shit?” he breathed. A grin spread across his face, but just as quickly, his eyes grew wide. “Oh, Jesus, did you hurt her? Is she trying to claim you forced yourself on her?”
“What? No!” I shouted, jumping to my feet.
“Then what the fuck did you do that you suddenly need a criminal defense attorney?”
“Nothing! I just wanted to talk to you without worrying that you’re gonna run your big-ass mouth. For fuck’s sake, Ryan! The first thing you assume is that I assaulted her?”
“I didn’t think you necessarily assaulted her,” he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and shrugging. “Maybe she didn’t like the bionic cock? You never know.”
I laughed without humor. “Don’t be ridiculous. Everyone likes that.”
“Including Levee Williams?” He smirked.
“Come on, jerkoff. Act like a professional.”
“Fine. I’ll ask that when we aren’t on your dime.” He walked back around his desk and, very businesslike, sat in his chair. ”Now, Mr. Rivers. What can I do for you today?”
I sucked in a deep breath and settled back in my chair. “I met her on the bridge about a week ago.”
He lowered his voice and mumbled a curse. “You have to stop going up there and torturing yourself.”
I waved him off. I didn’t need a lecture. I needed someone to tell me that I was insane for wanting to be with Levee. Then I needed someone to convince my body that it was insane, too, because all I really wanted to do was run back up that hill and lose myself inside her again.
“I didn’t know who she was at first. She was always wearing shades and a wig, but I could see her intentions like a beacon of light.” I cleared my throat. “She was going to jump. I know she was. She kept sticking her legs through the railing like she was testing out the wind on her skin. I couldn’t stop worrying about her, so, on the third night, I struck up a conversation with her. I’ve been meeting her up on the bridge every night since, and last night, she finally told me her name, and after dinner, we…uh…went back to her place.” I smiled and shook my head at how perfect the first half of the evening had gone. Then I groaned at the memories of how it had ended. “Anyway, I told her bodyguard that she was planning to jump, and when she found out, she exploded and kicked me out of her house. I have no fucking idea what to do, Ryan. I really want to go back over there and apologize tonight, but a woman like that is going to shred me. You remember how I was with Anne. I’d just be a sitting duck waiting for an instant replay. But I…um…like her.”
He sighed. “You can’t be with someone like that. Your personality cannot handle the crazy.”
“Come on, dude. Don’t call her crazy.”
“I just mean you need someone a little safer and more on an even keel. You know I’ve always considered you a brother. But the fact that you made me lunch and folded my clothes every day in college definitely made it easy to keep you around.”
I glared up at him, unimpressed.
“You’re a caretaker, Sam. It’s what you do. You did it for your mom when your dad died. You did it for me when…” He paused and swayed his head in consideration, “Well, you still do it for me. You did it for Anne. You do it for Morgan. And now, you’re gonna try to do it for Levee freaking Williams. You did the right thing by letting someone know what was up, but I really think she’ll be okay without you. If you want to have under-the-covers fun with her for a while, by all means, go for it. But, since I know your vagina doesn’t work like that, you need to stop this now. What you really need is for someone to take care of you—not the other way around.”
He was right.
I’d spent years of my life taking care of my father. Then even more years repairing the damage he’d caused our family when he’d ultimately hung himself in his workshop. Most recently, I’d spent my life trying to prevent Anne fro
Yeah. I couldn’t do that with Levee.
Not again.
Clearing my throat, I pushed to my feet. “You’re right.”
He was so fucking wrong, and I knew it even as the agreement tumbled from my lips.
She was right.
We were right.
I was just too afraid to start the cycle of pain all over again.
So, like a coward, I repeated a lie. “You are absolutely right.”
“Good.” He stood up too and buttoned his suit coat in a very professional manner. “Are we done here?”
I sighed and nodded, preparing to leave, but Ryan stopped me first.
“You want to grab some coffee? Off the clock, of course.” He winked and shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah. I could seriously go for a smoke and some caffeine,” I replied, deflated.
“Awesome. Now, spill it. Was she a freak in the sack? I can see her being kinky. And don’t even try to avoid answering. You can’t fuck the world’s biggest pop star and keep this shit from your best friend.”
I cleared my throat. “My best friend doesn’t know I had sex with Levee. Just my attorney. And since you’re off the clock…” I trailed off, tossing him a shrug.
“You are worthless.” He pouted, and I made a mental note not to let Ryan ply me with alcohol any time soon.
“That’s not what Jen said,” I joked, dodging the punch that I knew would be heading toward my shoulder.
Ryan talked the whole way to the coffee shop, but I didn’t have anything left to say. How was I supposed to just forget about her? Or stop worrying about her? Or stop myself from getting in my car and heading up to her house? God, I hoped Devon was going to truly get her the help she needed and stop taking her to that fucking bridge every night.
There was only one way to be certain about that though.
* * *
For seven days, I fought the urge and somehow managed to stay away from her. Her house was only fifteen minutes from mine, and my palms itched to touch her again.
For as much as I wanted to see her, it wasn’t like Levee was reaching out to me, either. She had my cell number from the night I’d given it to her at the bridge, but I didn’t know if she’d kept it. She knew where I worked though. I’d given the receptionist at rePURPOSEd full permission to give my cell number to anyone who called asking for it.