Back To The Start Box Set: Five Full-Length Novels by Aly Martinez
She drops to her knees and throws her hands to her face, desperate to scrub the memories from her mind. I take the moment of weakness to quickly reach forward, pull the weapon from her hand, and pass it out the door to one of the officers waiting. Finally, with the threat gone, I begin to say all of the things I should have said in the beginning.
Here, on an unusually warm evening, with the true love of my life listening around the corner, is where it ends.
“Sarah, look at me. You have to get some help. For me, for Manda, for Casey, for your sister, for everyone who loves you, but most of all, for yourself. Even Caleb needs to see you get better.”
“What would have happened to us?” she whispers, still covering her face.
“I have no idea what could have been with us, but I finally know what will never be. You can be happy again. I never thought I would get there, but I have, and I know you can too one day.”
She lifts her head and stares into my eyes. “What’s it feel like, Brett? To be happy again?” Her chin quivers at the question.
“It’s indescribable. I feel alive in a way I never have before. After all of the hell we have been through, we know how rock bottom feels. But when you find happiness again, those lows only make the highs even higher. You have to understand—you’re not stuck. You’ve just stalled. You can still move forward, figure out who you are, and eventually find someone who will complete the picture.”
“Is that what she does for you? Complete the picture?” she snaps in angry tone.
Her sudden shift startles me. Her anger doesn’t seem real though, and I begin to realize that she lashes out as way to protect herself from the answer.
“Yes, it is,” I say as calmly as possible, not wanting to put her back on defense.
“I don’t even know how to be happy again.” I know this isn’t one of her games. I can feel the fear in her voice.
“Look at me, beautiful.” Her sad red eyes rise to meet mine. “There will never be another Sarah Kate Erickson Sharp, but that doesn’t mean you can’t choose to be someone better. You’re so angry all the time, and that’s enough to make anyone miserable. You just have to open yourself up enough to let happiness in.”
She begins to laugh, but there is no humor in it. “Yeah, happiness worked out so well for us,” she says sarcastically.
“You and I weren’t meant to be together. We were fated for failure from the very beginning. This was never the course I intended to take, but there is no doubt it led me to where I was supposed to be. I’m in love with Jesse. I’m sorry if that hurts. I really am. But you have to understand there is nothing I would change from the last six months. Not even the ability to go back in time. As much as you were my life, Jesse is my future.
“This is the end of any ‘us’ that you might think still exists. I loved you once. If you remember what it felt like to love me, I’m begging you to please get some help. Find your own happily ever after. Find someone who will love you—not for the person you were, but for the person you are. Just give it a chance. I swear to you, life won’t always hurt this much. One day, the sun will appear, and when it does, I promise you won’t want to miss it.”
And with that final sentence, I walk over to Jesse, curl her into my chest, and walk away. I can still hear Sarah screaming my name, but I can’t bring myself to care anymore. Surprising the shit out of me, Caleb is the one I see rush to the door and carry out the shattered woman. Her arms are curled around his neck as he whispers words into her ear. I take a deep breath and focus back on the only woman who really matters to me.
“You okay?” I ask as we walk away, Jesse tucked tightly under my arm.
“I love you too,” is all she says.
Six months ago, it would have destroyed me to watch Sarah self-destruct in front of my eyes. But because of the beautiful woman in my arms, the one who didn’t comment on all the ugly that just happened back there, I’m alive again. All she heard was when I said I loved her.
On a night that should have ruined me, Jesse saved me with four little words. I can’t stop myself as I let out a quick laugh, dragging her into a hug.
“I love you. I love you. Fuck, I love you. I want to go home. To our bed. To our life together. I want it all and I want forever. Tell me it’s forever, gorgeous.”
She looks up at me with big brown eyes and nods, saying the most incredible word she has ever uttered. “Forever.”
Epilogue
Brett
Nine Months Later…
“JESSE JAMES Addison,” the announcer says into the microphone as the love of my life walks across the stage to receive her diploma.
A few days after everything went down with Sarah, Jesse walked into her advisor’s office and officially declared a major. She has just received her bachelor’s degree in counseling, and she will start on her master’s degree next month. Eventually, she’ll earn her PhD and become a licensed grief counselor. She said that it was the first time in her life she saw the path laid out in front of her. I know she’ll be wildly successful. After all, she rescued me.
We all jump to our feet, clapping and screaming as she shyly walks across the stage. Jesse didn’t want to do the whole cap-and-gown graduation thing, but I insisted. I also rented out the entire bowling alley for a surprise party afterwards. She is going to be so pissed. I laugh every time I think about the angry face she’ll make when she realizes what I did. She’ll have to get over it. This is something to celebrate.
Sarah has spent the last nine months in a court-mandated recovery center. It specializes in traumatic brain injuries, but they are also working her through all of her guilt. It’s where she should have been all along. Her sister moved up from Savannah, Georgia, to take care of her.
I haven’t seen Sarah since that night when I said goodbye. The very next day, I filed a restraining order so she couldn’t see Jesse ever again. Jesse had Caleb go behind my back and have it temporarily lifted so she could attend Sarah’s trial. She even spoke on Sarah’s behalf when it came time for sentencing.
I can’t forgive Sarah. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to. The fear I felt that day was too intense for me to ever truly get over. But the way Jesse has taken Sarah’s back has only reinforced why I fell in love with her to begin with.
“Where are we going?” she asks for the hundredth time since we left her graduation ceremony.
“Stop asking, gorgeous.”
“No, start answering, Brett.”
Did I mention that Jesse’s sass factor has increased over the last nine months? Gone is the shy, insecure girl I first met. I might be biased, but this woman is even sexier.
“Do you love me?” I catch her off guard.
“Of course. Why would you ask me that? Oh my God, what did you do?”
“Forever. Right?”
“Brett Sharp, what did you do?” she yells.
I just smile to myself and turn into the bowling alley parking lot. “I bought you a graduation present.”
“Please tell me you didn’t buy me a bowling alley,” she says, looking more concerned than angry.
I throw my head back in laughter. “Remind me later that we really should sit down and have a talk about our finances. I definitely did not buy you a bowling alley.”
“Oh thank God!” she rushes out on a breath, causing me to laugh even harder.
“Come on, babe. This is about to get better.” The familiar words cause her eyes to go wide before closing completely. “Jesse, let’s go inside.”
When she opens them, her eyes dance with pure happiness. I might have given her too much with that one sentence, but the look on her face is worth it.
“Okay,” she whispers.
We walk into the bowling alley as everyone around us screams, “Surprise!” Jesse stumbles back into my body as her family and friends rush to greet her. I catch her eyes as she disappears into the crowd. There is no mistaking the smile on her face or the, “I love you,” she mouths as she’s pulled away. I stay behind,
“Brett!” I hear Jesse scream from the other end of the room.
Even all these months later, my heart skips a beat in fear. I relax and head her direction when she holds up the custom bowling bag I had made for her. I had them monogram ‘Tiny’ on the outside to remind her of our first date in this very same place.
“You found it.” I pull her in for one last kiss before everything changes forever. “Well go on. Open it.”
“Brett,” she whispers, staring up at me, her eyes sparkling with tears.
I know, based on my words in the car, that what she is hoping for is not what she’s going to find when she unzips that bag.
“Wow,” she says, pulling out a blue-and-white-swirled bowling ball. It’s brand new and wrapped in plastic. She searches the bottom of the bag but comes up empty-handed. “I love it. Thank you,” she says, but her eyes say otherwise.
I try not to laugh at her disappointment, but as always, I fail. “I’m glad to hear that, gorgeous. It took me forever for me to pick it out for you. You ready to get your ass kicked?” I tease. “I’ll even give you a warm-up tonight, Jess. Who knows? I may have just been hustling you for the last year.” I grin as she gives me the eye roll I was half expecting and half hoping for.
I take the ball from her arms, unwrapping it, and place it on the ball return. A seasoned veteran at this point, I type our names into our lane and push play on the game of my life.
“You’re up, Jess,” I say, interrupting her conversation with Caleb.
“Go ahead, baby girl,” he says with a wink.
Jesse walks forward, picking up her new ball, trying to push her fingers into the holes. She struggles for a minute before looking up at me. “There’s something stuck,” she says, holding the ball out for me to fix.
“Just pull it out. Quit procrastinating! I know you’re afraid of losing tonight, but really, stop blaming it on the ball,” I say with a false confidence as my heart threatens to beat out of my chest.
“I’m trying. It’s stuck.”
She toys with it for a few more minutes before it shifts loose. She pulls out a diamond solitaire engagement ring and her eyes snap to mine. Everyone knows but her, and they all stand behind us, clicking pictures and smiling.
“Brett?”
“Gorgeous?” I respond, walking the few steps to meet her.
“Um…” She holds up a diamond that is nowhere near worthy to sit on her finger but still far bigger than anything she would ever allow me to buy her.
“I love you. I think we’ve covered that part by now.” I smile as tears start to slide down her cheeks, but her smile never wavers. “I don’t think words can adequately explain all the reasons why I think you should marry me. For now, I can only offer you one, and it’s selfish as hell. Jesse James Addison, I can’t live another day without calling you my wife. We have wasted too much time already. I should have married you that day at the football game fifteen months ago.”
She starts laughing—just as I hoped. As the magical sound washes over me, I drop to a knee.
“Marry me, Jesse.” I pull the ring from her hand and slide it on her finger.
She doesn’t say a word as she drops to her knees beside me. She throws her arms around my neck and buries her face into my chest. I hold her for a few moments, waiting for an answer that never comes.
“You didn’t answer,” I whisper as the large crowd looks on.
“Shhh. Do you hear that, Brett?”
“Hear what?” I ask, thoroughly confused.
“The silence.” She mocks my words then bursts into laughter.
I can’t help but join her as I fall over backwards, dragging her with me. Without shame, I kiss her indecently on the filthy bowling alley floor.
“Yes,” she finally whispers against my lips.
It’s more than a word. It’s a life, a future, and more than I will ever deserve. It’s forever.
The End
Read more of the The Wrecked and Ruined Series
Stolen Course, Book 2
Buy Now: Stolen Course
I fell in love with Manda Baker eight years ago, and I loved her to the core of her soul. We were supposed to have that elusive happily ever after and spend a lifetime together. But that was all before she was STOLEN from me.
Her best friend, Sarah Erickson, killed her. It wasn’t intentional. It was far worse. Everyone claims it was just an accident, but I can see through the lies. Even if it’s with my dying breath, I will make her pay for what she did.
Fate hates me. It robbed me of my first love and left me to navigate through this world emotionless and numb. Then, one day, spiteful fate gave me a woman to fill my shattered soul and make me feel again. It gave me Emma Jane Erickson. Now I spend my days searching for the answers that will ruin Sarah and my nights falling in love with her sister—the one person who is bound and determined to save her.
But what happens when everything you know to be true explodes around you? Who will be left to pick up the pieces, and who will need to be saved from the wreckage?
The Wrecked and Ruined Series
Changing Course
Stolen Course
Among the Echoes
Broken Course
Singe, the Guardian Protection Series
(Book 1 in a series of interconnected standalones.)
She was my nightmare. Every time I closed my eyes, I watched her fall into that inferno. Over and over, I failed to save her.
I hadn’t been able to reach her, and the guilt only burned hotter over time. Four years later, I was the unreachable one.
Heroes aren’t always saints. Sometimes, we’re nothing more than jaded sinners driven by sleepless nights and hearts full of darkness.
And then I met her. She was a dreamer who managed to soothe my scars and heal my wounds.
But, as the flames closed in around us, I feared I wasn’t the right man to save her. That is until I realized she was the one woman I’d burn the world down to protect.
Prologue
Jude
“Tomorrow, it’s on me,” I said, standing up off the barstool.
Behind the bar, Carmen waggled her eyebrows, seductively calling out, “Funny, I could be on you tonight if you stayed awhile longer.”
I laughed at her innuendo and tossed her a wink. “I gotta get home, babe. Seven a.m. comes way too early.”
“Well, offer’s on the table,” she purred.
It always was with her. And, if I wasn’t careful, I’d eventually take her up on it.
Not that sleeping with Carmen wouldn’t have been good. But, when you find a cheap bar only five minutes from your house, you don’t fuck that up by dipping your cock into the bartender.
“Later, Carmen,” I called, pushing the door open and heading to my car.
I wasn’t out of the parking lot before I heard, “Officer Levitt? We’ve got an alarm going off in Park Hill. You mind taking a look on your way home?”
Banging my head back against the headrest, I groaned to myself. Park Hill was about as “on my way home” as swinging past California on the way to Maine.
Switching my radio to my other hand, I complained, “I’m off the clock, Jocelyn.” I had been for several hours, even if I hadn’t made it home yet.
She laughed. “I’m sorry, but you’re the only one remotely close. I had to send two cars out to the Laslows’ to break up another argument between Cam and his old man.”
“They at it again?” I asked.
“Apparently, Cam told Lindsey he didn’t want the baby. Lindsey told his dad. Old Man Laslow lost his mind.”
I chuckled, putting my blinker on and then doing a U-turn in the middle of the empty road. “Christ. I bet he did. I know the man’s seventy-five, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to go toe-to-toe with him.”
“I’m with you on that. So…you gonna head out to Park Hill?” she asked in a sugary-sweet tone.
I g
“I don’t owe you anything.” She giggled. “However, as a personal thank-you from the state of Illinois, Park County, and the owners of Park Hill, I’ll bring you in a loaf on Friday. Deal?”
“Deal. I’m en route now.”
“Stay safe, and radio in with your report.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied, knowing exactly how much thirty-year-old Jocelyn loved being called ma’am by a twenty-five-year-old man.
“Don’t you—”
“Gotta go.” I turned the volume down to mute her, grinning to myself as I flipped my lights and siren on.
I’d been a cop for two years. And, in that time, I’d been out to the privately owned Park Hill estate at least a dozen times. It wasn’t unusual for the alarm on the mansion to get triggered. It never amounted to anything. The expansive estate was on the very edge of the county, and trouble didn’t usually travel that far out. More often than not, a bird at a window or a bumbling new member of the grounds crew would accidentally trip the alarm. Truth was, no one actually lived in Park Hill. The owners visited sporadically. But, for the majority of the time, it remained empty.
Some minutes later, I cut my siren as I pulled up to the entrance. The cold air assaulted me as I stepped out of my patrol car with my flashlight in hand and aimed at the keypad on the massive security gate that blocked the driveway off. That damn thing alone had to have cost more than I’d make in a lifetime. Forget about the house inside.
The smell of wood burning in a fireplace wafted through the night air. I guessed someone was home for a visit.
I typed in the emergency code on the gate panel and then climbed back in my car and made my way down the tree-lined driveway. I’d spent the day on patrol, and, with the exception of some minor vandalism across town, it had been a slow one.