Back To The Start Box Set: Five Full-Length Novels by Aly Martinez
“I immediately went to work trying to put pressure on all the places she was bleeding. She did a job on herself that night. She didn’t just slice her wrists. She was determined to end it all. Wrists, ankles, neck—you name it. She was bleeding from everywhere. I didn’t think there was any way she could possibly live through wounds like those. Mentally, Sarah is a quitter, but apparently her body is a fighter. The ambulance showed and took her from Brett. He didn’t even have it in him to ride along with her.” He pauses, only long enough to find my eyes.
“Jesse, that was the night Brett was forced to finally let go of Sarah. He’s convinced himself that he’s still holding on and that he can’t move on. It’s a load of shit, and that picture of you two together is proof. He’s trapped. Torn between doing the right thing as a man and a husband and making himself happy.”
My tears are openly flowing, but I keep my mouth closed because I need to hear the rest of it. I need to finally know why Brett is terrified to commit to me.
“I got to say goodbye,” he says, confusing me. “Maybe it wasn’t the way I wanted, but I looked at Manda’s beautiful face and stroked her silky red hair and told her exactly how our life would have happened. How many kids we would have had, what kind of car I would have bought her, and the size of our house. No detail was too small. She might have been gone by the time I said it all, but I know Manda heard me.” A small tear escapes his eye, and I crawl across the truck to curl into his side. He drapes his arm around me, accepting my condolences.
“Brett didn’t get that. When the ambulance left with Sarah barely clinging to life, he just stood frozen on the front porch. I could see a breakdown coming. All the guys from the station just walked by, patting him on the back. No one knew what to do to help the shattered man covered in his wife’s blood standing just a few steps away. I did though. Months earlier, he offered a shoulder to me when I needed it most. It was long past time I returned the favor. No words were spoken. Just a simple bond between two men who lost everything.
“Baby girl, if you really love Brett, give him time. He’s already made it further in four months than I ever thought possible. I guess a good woman will do that to you.” He squeezes me against his side and flashes me a sad smile.
“You’ll find someone like that one day.”
“I already found her. And buried her.”
“I want to meet Manda,” I announce.
“You’re about four years too late, sweetheart.”
“Take me to her grave. I want to introduce myself. I saw her picture on your desk today. She was really beautiful.”
“You have no idea,” he says, shaking his head and turning away to stare out the window. After a few minutes of silence, he pulls his arm off my shoulder and scrubs his face. “Fuck it. I’m not going back to work. You want to grab a beer?”
“What about the picture? Won’t Brett notice its missing?”
“Yeah. We can get your car and I’ll replace the picture. Then we can hit the bar next to Brett’s apartment. That way we can call him to drive us home when he gets off work.” Caleb starts laughing at his own plan.
Brett’s probably going to be pissed when he finds out that Caleb and I are together drinking in middle of the day. More about the me-being-with-Caleb part, less about the drinking in the middle of the day. Oh well. I just dragged this man around all of Chicago. The least I can do is buy him a beer.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Brett
I JUST picked up the last of Jesse’s Christmas gifts, and it took way longer than expected. It’s completely worth it though. I have to say that I’m pretty proud of myself for thinking of this one. She is going to love it. I’m running late, but thankfully I still beat Jesse and Kara to my parents’ house. I walk into the house, arms filled with boxes, and I swear my entire family has piled into the hallway to greet me.
“What the hell are you guys doing?” I ask, confused by the mass welcome.
“Is Jesse with you?” I hear my mom ask from behind the crowd. Oh, right! Jesse.
Ever since I told my family I was bringing someone home for Christmas, it’s all they’ve talked about. Knowing my sisters, they probably have a phone tree set up to share little details they find out about Jesse. For the last two weeks, one of them has called daily to interrogate me. What does she like to eat? What’s her favorite color? My sister actually asked me her bra size, and after that, I shut down all further conversations about Jesse. It pissed them off, but my family is nuts. I know this is a big deal to them.
Over the last few years, the women in my family have given at least two lectures a month about moving on and finding someone new. When that didn’t work, they tried to recruit my dad and brothers-in-laws to help their “Save Brett” mission. Luckily, the men refused.
I’m nervous as hell about introducing Jesse to my family. It’s such a big step, and if it weren’t for the idea of her spending Christmas alone and getting drunk with Kara, I’m not sure I would have invited her at all. Well, at least that’s what I tell myself. I can’t remember ever being this excited about Christmas, and I know it’s all because of her.
“You people need to take a deep breath and calm the hell down. You’re going to scare her if you bombard her like this.”
My words don’t faze them in the least. My mom walks over to the door and searches outside as if I may have forgotten Jesse on the front porch.
“Jesus. She isn’t with me. She and Kara are driving themselves over after they run some last-minute errands.” I hand my sister the boxes in my left hand. “Erin, can you wrap these for me? Nothing crazy. I have a one-bow limit with gifts I give people, so keep that in mind.”
“You should have Leah do it then. Jesse would think it was sweet if one of the kids wrapped her presents.”
“Oh, shut up! Don’t be jealous! I give better presents, so no one cares how they are wrapped,” my oldest sister Leah snaps over at Erin.
“What time are they supposed to be here?” my mom asks, almost giddy.
“Ma, you have got to calm down. She’s not like Sarah. She’s quiet, and this family is crazy enough without the added excitement. Don’t swarm her when she gets here. Now, Kara is another story. She will fit right into this loony bin. Focus on her.”
“Brett Thomas, it is not every day my only son brings home a woman. I’m allowed to be excited. I won’t embarrass you, but I can’t wait to meet her.
“I promise, son,” Dad says, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll keep them in check.”
“Right. That’s worked so well for you over the years,” I say sarcastically. My dad can’t control the Sharp women any better than I can. It’s a lost cause. I’d be better off just warning Jesse.
As if she heard us talking about her, there is a knock at the door. I hand the last of her gifts to my sister to hide in the back room and head to the door. I take a deep breath and look back at my family all wedged into the tiny hall. Rolling my eyes, I pull open the door.
“Brett!” Kara squeals, launching herself into my arms. She slams into me, causing me to stumble back a few steps. “I can’t believe you’re introducing me to your family already!” she exclaims.
I’m about to get pissed when I look up to see Jesse softly laughing. She’s wearing a clingy white sweater and a light-blue scarf that sets off her brown eyes. Jesus, she’s beautiful. I pry Kara from my body. Not bothering with introductions, I swipe one arm around Jesse’s waist and pull her in for a quick, deep kiss.
I can’t help it. I know my family is watching, and she’s stiff, but it’s worth every second of the shit I’m going to catch for it later. Still holding her, I spin to see eight surprised and confused faces. Giggling, Kara loops her arm through mine. It occurs to me that, while my family is full of nut jobs, Kara Reed is going to give them all a run for their money.
Judging by the smiles on the men’s faces, they are all assuming I’m part of some kinky threesome. I should probably correct this assumption. If Jesse weren’t te
“Everyone, this is Jesse Addison.” I pull her against my body. “And this”—I roughly snatch my arm away—”is her very affectionate best friend Kara Reed.”
“Hello, ridiculously attractive Sharp family!” Kara waves from beside me.
Even with her antics, she may as well be invisible. All eyes are on Jesse. My mom is the first to speak up. Only she doesn’t actually say anything at all. Tears spring to her eyes as she shoves my sisters out of the way and rushes forward, dragging Jesse into a hug. Not awkward at all.
Releasing her, she steps away and extends a hand. “Hi, Jesse. I’m Evelyn Sharp, Brett’s mom.”
Jesse takes her hand. “Jesse Addison. It’s so nice to meet you.”
My whole family is still watching them like the freak show at the circus.
“Ladies, this is my sister Erin and her husband Jack, Leah and her husband Ryan, and the tall guy in the corner is my dad Will. Everyone, this is Jesse and Kara.” No sooner than I finish, everyone rushes forward welcoming both women with open arms.
As my loved ones all gather around her, amongst the chaos of a million introductions, I hear the most amazing sound that only Jesse can give me—silence.
* * *
THE AFTERNOON flies by. The women drink wine and hang out in the kitchen, and the men lounge around the den, making sure the kids don’t destroy the Christmas tree. Kara fits right into my family, and if I’m not mistaken, I overheard her talking to Erin about a date with Jack’s younger brother. As expected, Jesse is quiet. I can tell she’s overwhelmed by the barrage of questions from my family, but she holds nothing back. She answers everything they throw at her.
“Mom, can we watch the movies yet?” I hear Samantha ask as we finish up dinner.
When Jesse met the kids, she adorably introduced herself with a handshake to each and every one of them, including Erin’s eight-month-old little boy. I felt it the moment her eyes landed on my oldest niece Samantha. I knew she was reliving the moment Sarah slapped her picture down on the table at Nell’s and claimed Samantha to be mine. I also knew she didn’t let it fester long, because she looked up at me grinning.
“She’s gorgeous.”
“Yeah, she is.”
“And tall! She’s like eight and taller than I am already. Your family is full of giants.”
“Nah, we’re just average. You’re actually just a snack-sized person,” I tried to tease, but I caught an elbow to the stomach instead.
* * *
WHEN DINNER is over, we all pile into the den for the annual pajama exchange. I can see the panic in Jesse’s eyes as she is handed a gift.
“Brett, you didn’t tell me there was a pajama exchange. I didn’t bring anything for anyone else!” she whisper-yells into my ear.
“Simmer down, gorgeous. I bought for you and Kara. No reason to get all worked up.” She still huffs in my direction. “But you have to promise to take them off tonight.” Her eyes go wide and I catch yet another elbow to the ribs. By the end of the night, I’m going to have a bruise or twelve.
Kara is the first to rip open her package. She even beats the kids to tearing off the wrapping paper.
“Shut. Up!” she screams entirely too loudly. “Vegetables!” She cackles, holding up a pair of footed pajamas covered in every vegetable known to man.
“I heard you were a vegetarian.” I lift my eyebrows at our little inside joke.
“Exclusively.” She winks.
My family continues around the room, one by one, opening gifts. Finally, it makes a full circle and lands on Jesse. Shit! I was hoping she could open hers amidst the chaos and blend in. But here she is, the focus of the room. I have to warn her. She’ll never speak to me again if I give her sexy panties in front of my entire family.
“Don’t remove the bottom layer of tissue paper,” I whisper into her ear.
“What?” she tries to whisper back, but it catches Erin’s attention.
“Yeah. What, Brett?” Erin shouts across the room.
Jesse acts fast, pulling out only the top half of the box, slamming the top back on, and handing it to me. I sheepishly nod at her unspoken chastise.
“Oh my God.”
“You like them?” I ask as she holds up the pajama equivalent of our relationship.
Grey fleece pants covered by cartoon versions of bowling pins, beer bottles, Chinese takeout containers, coffee, pickles, and of course, sunshine. Yeah, okay, I may have stumbled upon a place online where they make custom pajamas. I couldn’t resist. It was too fitting, and the smile that lights her face is worth a million-fold more than the money I spent on express shipping.
“I love them. Seriously, Brett, these are perfect.” In the most un-Jesse-like fashion, she plants a bold kiss on my lips in front of my whole family. “I promise, I’ll wear whatever you’re hiding in that box,” she whispers, causing me to chuckle against her mouth.
I look up to see smiles glued to the faces of everyone in the room. Jesse never notices everyone’s face because her eyes never leave mine.
Jesse
HE MADE me pajamas. Freaking amazing, sweet, and thoughtful pajamas. He didn’t just go down to the mall and buy me and Kara any old set of PJs. He took the time, got creative, and had them made. Ever since I poured my heart out to Brett, I’ve been trying really hard not to read into things. That just went flying out the window though. He made me freaking pajamas that tell the story of our relationship. Seriously, this is huge. No one gets it. I bet they all think I’m a pickle-obsessed alcoholic who is currently laying a wet one on their brother/son/uncle, but I don’t care one bit. I’m going to enjoy the heck out of this moment.
* * *
AFTER WATCHING A Christmas Story, Love Actually, and It’s A Wonderful Life, everyone decides to turn in for the evening. I’m not sure where Kara and I are sleeping. Brett took our bags somewhere when we arrived, and I haven’t seen them since.
“Where are Kara and I sleeping, handsome?” I smile hugging his muscular stomach.
I haven’t had this much fun on Christmas in years. His family is hilarious, and even though they were a bit overbearing at first, I knew they were just curious. I’m just happy they welcomed me the way they did. I was expecting someone to give me the cold shoulder, but they all seem to be thrilled.
“You’re sleeping with me, and Kara is in the bedroom in the basement.”
“I’m not sleeping with you in your parent’s house! They’ll think I’m a slut.”
“I don’t mean we’ll be having sex, Jesse. I just mean sleeping in the same bed with me.”
“Oh, I know exactly what you meant and the answer is still no way, Jose.”
“What? Why the hell not?”
“God, I should have bought you Q-tips for Christmas. Your family will think I’m a slut if I sleep with you!”
He tries to fight it, but fails when he bursts into laughter. It really annoys me, but he doesn’t seem to care that I’m shooting daggers at him.
“Jesse, I’m thirty-two. My family is not going to think anything if you sleep in my room. Besides, they love you. If you sleep in the basement, I can’t promise they won’t hunt you down in the middle of the night with pitch forks and torches.”
“They love me?”
“Gorgeous, everyone loves you.”
Everyone but you, I sadly think to myself.
“You sure they won’t care?” I ask.
“I swear. Mom already took Kara downstairs. You’re all mine for the rest of the night.”
“I like the way that sounds, but don’t get any ideas. I might be willing to let them assume I’m easy, but I’m not going to prove it.”
“There is nothing easy about you, Jesse James.” He squeezes me tighter than necessary. I know he’s trying to convey something to me with this hug, but I’ve done enough reading into Brett for one day.
??
“Excuse me for a minute,” Brett says, releasing me and charging down the hallway.
“Shit!” Erin yelps as Brett tackles her. They wrestle around in the hallway for a few minutes until Erin’s husband Jack walks out shirtless in his Christmas pajamas pants.
Unable to maneuver around them, he casually steps over the fighting siblings. This must not be anything shocking to him. He doesn’t even acknowledge it. He just points to the bathroom and asks, “Is anyone in there?”
When Brett and Erin finish the Christmas Royal Rumble, they both stand and I can’t help laughing at them. Eric and I fight, but we aren’t playful wrestlers. This funny relationship they have makes me smile.
“Bedtime.” He walks over to me like a caveman and slings me over his shoulder.
I wave goodnight to his ecstatic sister as she bounces on the balls of her feet. I guess they really do love me.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jesse
I’M CURLED up against Brett when the morning arrives all too soon.
“Merry Christmas, gorgeous,” he whispers into my ear, sending chill bumps down my body.
“Merry Christmas, Brett.” I place a kiss to his throat.
As if on cue, I hear the patter of feet running up the stairs and a myriad of knocks on the door.
“Uncle Brett, wake up! Santa came. It’s present time!” The kids sprint off to wake up the rest of the sleepy adults.
“Come on. You heard them. Santa came.” Brett’s excitement is infectious, and even though I’m tired and nowhere near ready to crawl out from under the warm blankets, I get excited right along with him.
“Point me to the coffee,” I say, dragging myself to my feet.
“Pointing you to a hairbrush might be more useful,” he says, smoothing down my sleep-mussed hair.