Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer by Demelza Carlton
there? I need help and I don't know how much longer I can stand up..." She swallowed, looking worried. The dark circles under her eyes only served to make them look bigger and sadder.
I crossed to the entrance of the change rooms and looked. The music over the shop speakers was a lot louder out here, but it didn't improve the perky pop song any. The teenage sales assistant was busy with a couple of giggling teenage customers, so she ignored my frantic waving. Maybe she just didn't hear me over the loud music. I headed back in to Caitlin.
Grabbing the chair I'd been sitting in, I said, "She's busy. I can help, if you like." I held out the chair, so its outline took shape through the curtain. "First, you should sit down." I slid it through the gap, closing my eyes until I felt her take the chair from me.
"Thank you," Caitlin replied. She took a deep breath, like she needed to say more. "But... I still need help with fastening things," she finished in a rush.
Fuck. "I'll go see if she's free," I told her as I headed for the entrance again. The giggly girls continued to ignore me. I returned. "Sorry, angel, she's not. Can I help?"
I could hear her breathing, but she didn't reply for a few slow breaths. "You remember how you helped me get dressed this morning?"
I laughed. "Of course, angel. I'll close my eyes or keep my eyes down the whole time. Don't you worry." Think horrible thoughts. Twisted, broken fingers. The gunshot wound in her leg, bleeding onto the road. Keep a blank face.
I slipped behind the change room curtain, my eyes on the grey carpet. A quick glance up told me Caitlin was sitting sideways in the chair, resting her arm on the back of it, so she had her back to me. As long as I stayed behind her, I might manage not to stare at anything she didn't want me to see. Of course, I wasn't counting on the surrounding mirrors, making sure even the slightest glance gave me a panoramic view.
She held out the back of her bra. I sighed and started on those little hooks. One, then the other one... oh, shit, now the first one again... I hated these bloody... Done.
I risked a glance up. Strawberry-red satin lifting a lovely cleavage. I closed my eyes. Not strawberries. Think of blood.
"Nathan, could you..." I opened my eyes. I didn't have to – I could undo her bra with my eyes closed. I kept my eyes on her back while she slipped the red one off and pulled something black on instead.
Smooth skin, marred only slightly by the pink and white patches where her ulcers had been. Healing rapidly, she'd already recovered so much. Far from the shadow of herself that I'd seen stretched out on the sand, she was every bit as real and vibrant as the angel I saw tripping down the Terrace. I wanted to...
"Nathan?"
Black hooks on black satin. I tried to focus on that bit, not the curve of black lace tempting me in the mirror. Think of her screaming in the dark, when there was nothing, NOTHING I could do to calm her down. I could feel my face wincing at the memory.
"Please..."
Pink and patterned, the swell of skin above them like the top of a tight-fitting corset. Pink like the scars on her ankles, where I'd had to peel the bloodied rope away...
Black and white stripes, cutting into her flesh like a knife blade about to pierce the skin...
Blood-red with black edging, like an encrustation of fresh and dried blood on her skin as she lay barely conscious on the sand...
Plain black satin, as dark as the inside of a nightmare when I couldn't stop her from screaming...
White satin, pure and pale like her face had been on the beach, when I'd thought she was dead...
"Can I help you with anything?" the salesgirl asked behind me, treading on my foot as it stuck out behind the curtain.
"Oh, thank God!" I blurted out as relief rushed over me. I wouldn't have to conjure up any more horrible memories of Caitlin's injuries to stop myself thinking about her in her underwear.
A sharp intake of breath and I dared to open my eyes. Caitlin's reflection stared at me, looking shocked and hurt. Instead of a new bra, she wore a silky little black nightdress and she looked nothing short of incredible. It hurt to look at her – close enough to touch and yet untouchable.
"Miss, are you okay in there?" the salesgirl asked, sticking her head inside the curtain. She squinted suspiciously at me, kneeling behind Caitlin.
"Fine," Caitlin said absently, whisking a tear off her cheek before the girl saw it. She reached for the hangers, laden with what she'd tried on. "I'll take these ones, with the matching knickers, all in small." She split the pile and handed a small stack to her, the strawberry-red one on top. "And you can keep these." The larger pile went to the girl's other hand. The girl didn't move, still gaping at me. "He's helping me," Caitlin said angrily. "Now let me get changed into my clothes."
The salesgirl opened her mouth like a flustered fish as she backed out and left.
Good riddance.
I looked at Caitlin, who gazed pointedly back at me. I closed my eyes and heard the rustle of satin as she took the nightdress off.
"You looked beautiful in that one," I said suddenly, feeling like I had to say something.
Caitlin didn't say anything until she needed my help. "One last bra, please, Nathan."
I fastened it fairly quickly this time – I was getting the hang of those bloody hooks. Deep purple satin, the colour of a blossoming bruise... Fuck.
Satin draped over her arm, Caitlin left the change room as soon as she was dressed, while I struggled to my feet and stumbled along behind her. She laid the nightdress on the counter. "This one, too."
I wanted to apologise. I wanted to explain. Most of all, I wanted to see her wear any of her new purchases without having to dredge up horrific thoughts. I wondered if there'd ever be a day I could think about her body without imagining blood.
I didn't have a hope in hell.
70
My phone vibrated, not quite silent. The screen glowed brighter than anything else I could see, for it was almost dark. Caitlin wasn't within earshot, so I answered it.
Navid's voice was panicked. "They're almost there – just coming into sight of her house. It's too late to get her out and it's now or never – get her hidden. Our team are still on their way. Get geared up and stick your earpiece in, now."
"As soon as Caitlin's safe," I replied, my heart plummeting at the thought that she was in danger.
"Just don't waste time. They're coming and backup won't be here in time to stop them from reaching you."
"How many?" I asked urgently.
"Three men," came the answer. "No sign of her."
Shit. "I'll take care of it. Let them in. Talk to you soon." I hung up.
I knew she was in the toilet, but I couldn't wait. Perhaps this was the best place to hide her and she'd be safe. I had a million thoughts running through my mind, but I couldn't focus when I considered the possibility that she might not survive. I couldn't think it and I didn't want to.
I heard the sound of cascading water and burst in, almost knocking her down with the door. She looked stunned as she tried to regain her balance, but I shoved my body up against hers, pinning her to the wall, as I kicked the door shut behind me.
My shirt slid over warm black satin with a froth of white lace at the top, highlighting the cleavage it made no attempt to hide. Oh God, she was wearing the new little nightdress. I dragged my eyes from her lace to her face.
A face full of raw terror and panic that I'd do anything to wipe clean. Her eyes didn't leave mine before she whispered imploringly, "Nathan, please... don't hurt me," as Caitlin closed her eyes. Surrendering. NO!
Painfully, I was reminded of her lying on the beach and that moment when I'd thought she was dead.
My heart contracted in my chest, aching for her, as I thought about how lost I'd be if anyone hurt her. If I lost her tonight. I tried to reassure her. "It's okay. You're safe," I lied through my teeth, knowing she didn't believe me.
I could feel her heart beating fast under my hand, reminding me that she was still alive. "I'm not goin
g to hurt you," I murmured. Fuck. LET THEM hurt you. Not going to let THEM hurt you... Surely she knew by now that I'd never hurt her!
Her eyes stayed closed. She opened her mouth to draw a deep, shaky breath.
I moved almost by instinct. There was no thought. I just looked at her face, her lips, her closed eyes... and touched my lips to hers.
She stiffened and her eyes flew open. She just stared at me, her eyes filled with hurt and betrayal, as if she didn't know me, as well she might. Like I reminded her of them.
I broke away from her. "I'm sorry..."
"Chris..." she breathed, confirming my fears.
She brought her knee up between my legs as hard as she could. "You prick," she hissed in my ear as I doubled over. "You did that before and you hoped I wouldn't remember."
She tried to shove past me, but even in my haze of pain I remembered why I'd cornered her in here in the first place. She's getting stronger, I realised. If I could keep her alive past tonight, she'd recover. My heart leaped at the thought.
"I need you to stay here. The security guard's told me there are people outside your house and I need you to hide in here, where no one will guess you are. Just until the police arrive." I pushed her into the corner, pressing her shoulders toward the floor.
Her cheek pressed against the trickling cistern, her dry eyes were both furious and terrified as she looked up at me. "You can't leave me here alone – give me something to defend myself with or stay here with me!" Her hands were curled into fists and so were her bare toes, she was so
I crossed to the entrance of the change rooms and looked. The music over the shop speakers was a lot louder out here, but it didn't improve the perky pop song any. The teenage sales assistant was busy with a couple of giggling teenage customers, so she ignored my frantic waving. Maybe she just didn't hear me over the loud music. I headed back in to Caitlin.
Grabbing the chair I'd been sitting in, I said, "She's busy. I can help, if you like." I held out the chair, so its outline took shape through the curtain. "First, you should sit down." I slid it through the gap, closing my eyes until I felt her take the chair from me.
"Thank you," Caitlin replied. She took a deep breath, like she needed to say more. "But... I still need help with fastening things," she finished in a rush.
Fuck. "I'll go see if she's free," I told her as I headed for the entrance again. The giggly girls continued to ignore me. I returned. "Sorry, angel, she's not. Can I help?"
I could hear her breathing, but she didn't reply for a few slow breaths. "You remember how you helped me get dressed this morning?"
I laughed. "Of course, angel. I'll close my eyes or keep my eyes down the whole time. Don't you worry." Think horrible thoughts. Twisted, broken fingers. The gunshot wound in her leg, bleeding onto the road. Keep a blank face.
I slipped behind the change room curtain, my eyes on the grey carpet. A quick glance up told me Caitlin was sitting sideways in the chair, resting her arm on the back of it, so she had her back to me. As long as I stayed behind her, I might manage not to stare at anything she didn't want me to see. Of course, I wasn't counting on the surrounding mirrors, making sure even the slightest glance gave me a panoramic view.
She held out the back of her bra. I sighed and started on those little hooks. One, then the other one... oh, shit, now the first one again... I hated these bloody... Done.
I risked a glance up. Strawberry-red satin lifting a lovely cleavage. I closed my eyes. Not strawberries. Think of blood.
"Nathan, could you..." I opened my eyes. I didn't have to – I could undo her bra with my eyes closed. I kept my eyes on her back while she slipped the red one off and pulled something black on instead.
Smooth skin, marred only slightly by the pink and white patches where her ulcers had been. Healing rapidly, she'd already recovered so much. Far from the shadow of herself that I'd seen stretched out on the sand, she was every bit as real and vibrant as the angel I saw tripping down the Terrace. I wanted to...
"Nathan?"
Black hooks on black satin. I tried to focus on that bit, not the curve of black lace tempting me in the mirror. Think of her screaming in the dark, when there was nothing, NOTHING I could do to calm her down. I could feel my face wincing at the memory.
"Please..."
Pink and patterned, the swell of skin above them like the top of a tight-fitting corset. Pink like the scars on her ankles, where I'd had to peel the bloodied rope away...
Black and white stripes, cutting into her flesh like a knife blade about to pierce the skin...
Blood-red with black edging, like an encrustation of fresh and dried blood on her skin as she lay barely conscious on the sand...
Plain black satin, as dark as the inside of a nightmare when I couldn't stop her from screaming...
White satin, pure and pale like her face had been on the beach, when I'd thought she was dead...
"Can I help you with anything?" the salesgirl asked behind me, treading on my foot as it stuck out behind the curtain.
"Oh, thank God!" I blurted out as relief rushed over me. I wouldn't have to conjure up any more horrible memories of Caitlin's injuries to stop myself thinking about her in her underwear.
A sharp intake of breath and I dared to open my eyes. Caitlin's reflection stared at me, looking shocked and hurt. Instead of a new bra, she wore a silky little black nightdress and she looked nothing short of incredible. It hurt to look at her – close enough to touch and yet untouchable.
"Miss, are you okay in there?" the salesgirl asked, sticking her head inside the curtain. She squinted suspiciously at me, kneeling behind Caitlin.
"Fine," Caitlin said absently, whisking a tear off her cheek before the girl saw it. She reached for the hangers, laden with what she'd tried on. "I'll take these ones, with the matching knickers, all in small." She split the pile and handed a small stack to her, the strawberry-red one on top. "And you can keep these." The larger pile went to the girl's other hand. The girl didn't move, still gaping at me. "He's helping me," Caitlin said angrily. "Now let me get changed into my clothes."
The salesgirl opened her mouth like a flustered fish as she backed out and left.
Good riddance.
I looked at Caitlin, who gazed pointedly back at me. I closed my eyes and heard the rustle of satin as she took the nightdress off.
"You looked beautiful in that one," I said suddenly, feeling like I had to say something.
Caitlin didn't say anything until she needed my help. "One last bra, please, Nathan."
I fastened it fairly quickly this time – I was getting the hang of those bloody hooks. Deep purple satin, the colour of a blossoming bruise... Fuck.
Satin draped over her arm, Caitlin left the change room as soon as she was dressed, while I struggled to my feet and stumbled along behind her. She laid the nightdress on the counter. "This one, too."
I wanted to apologise. I wanted to explain. Most of all, I wanted to see her wear any of her new purchases without having to dredge up horrific thoughts. I wondered if there'd ever be a day I could think about her body without imagining blood.
I didn't have a hope in hell.
70
My phone vibrated, not quite silent. The screen glowed brighter than anything else I could see, for it was almost dark. Caitlin wasn't within earshot, so I answered it.
Navid's voice was panicked. "They're almost there – just coming into sight of her house. It's too late to get her out and it's now or never – get her hidden. Our team are still on their way. Get geared up and stick your earpiece in, now."
"As soon as Caitlin's safe," I replied, my heart plummeting at the thought that she was in danger.
"Just don't waste time. They're coming and backup won't be here in time to stop them from reaching you."
"How many?" I asked urgently.
"Three men," came the answer. "No sign of her."
Shit. "I'll take care of it. Let them in. Talk to you soon." I hung up.
I knew she was in the toilet, but I couldn't wait. Perhaps this was the best place to hide her and she'd be safe. I had a million thoughts running through my mind, but I couldn't focus when I considered the possibility that she might not survive. I couldn't think it and I didn't want to.
I heard the sound of cascading water and burst in, almost knocking her down with the door. She looked stunned as she tried to regain her balance, but I shoved my body up against hers, pinning her to the wall, as I kicked the door shut behind me.
My shirt slid over warm black satin with a froth of white lace at the top, highlighting the cleavage it made no attempt to hide. Oh God, she was wearing the new little nightdress. I dragged my eyes from her lace to her face.
A face full of raw terror and panic that I'd do anything to wipe clean. Her eyes didn't leave mine before she whispered imploringly, "Nathan, please... don't hurt me," as Caitlin closed her eyes. Surrendering. NO!
Painfully, I was reminded of her lying on the beach and that moment when I'd thought she was dead.
My heart contracted in my chest, aching for her, as I thought about how lost I'd be if anyone hurt her. If I lost her tonight. I tried to reassure her. "It's okay. You're safe," I lied through my teeth, knowing she didn't believe me.
I could feel her heart beating fast under my hand, reminding me that she was still alive. "I'm not goin
Her eyes stayed closed. She opened her mouth to draw a deep, shaky breath.
I moved almost by instinct. There was no thought. I just looked at her face, her lips, her closed eyes... and touched my lips to hers.
She stiffened and her eyes flew open. She just stared at me, her eyes filled with hurt and betrayal, as if she didn't know me, as well she might. Like I reminded her of them.
I broke away from her. "I'm sorry..."
"Chris..." she breathed, confirming my fears.
She brought her knee up between my legs as hard as she could. "You prick," she hissed in my ear as I doubled over. "You did that before and you hoped I wouldn't remember."
She tried to shove past me, but even in my haze of pain I remembered why I'd cornered her in here in the first place. She's getting stronger, I realised. If I could keep her alive past tonight, she'd recover. My heart leaped at the thought.
"I need you to stay here. The security guard's told me there are people outside your house and I need you to hide in here, where no one will guess you are. Just until the police arrive." I pushed her into the corner, pressing her shoulders toward the floor.
Her cheek pressed against the trickling cistern, her dry eyes were both furious and terrified as she looked up at me. "You can't leave me here alone – give me something to defend myself with or stay here with me!" Her hands were curled into fists and so were her bare toes, she was so