Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer by Demelza Carlton
describing her feelings about what they did to her! Fuck, that's something no one should hear. I answered questions to back up her vague story so they'd believe it. That's all." I looked at him, about as angry as I'd ever been at any boss, no matter what the job. "The contract ends tomorrow. Let me keep her safe for one more day." And try to find a way to get her to let me stay for longer than that.
"If it was anyone else, I'd say fix it or I'll fire you, for it's not fucking hard." His eyes burned with anger. "But you can finish up tomorrow, along with your contract. I don't want any more fuck-ups, so you'll be handing over all your gear – weapons, body armour, the works – today. I don't want to see you back here."
I nodded, knowing I couldn't ask for any more. "Do we have any more leads on the rest of them?" Please tell me so I know what to look out for to keep her safe, even when it's not my job any more.
He sighed. "Our team has been through Laura's house from one end to the other and nothing. We have her computer files, but no one's managed to break into those yet. The only records she kept on paper are in a diary she had in her handbag. She occasionally made reference to contact with someone she called 'Al Himar,' but we haven't managed to work out who he or they are. Once we have access to her computer, we'll call in the translators and see what they make of it. If we don't close this operation properly, we'll look like right asses."
"What if they come after Caitlin tomorrow when I'm unarmed?" I asked.
He snorted. "Let her take care of them. She has a pretty good track record so far – maybe better than yours."
I didn't laugh. I wanted to cry. Instead, I just tightened my jaw and left. I had a gun to hand in and a shitload of worry to carry, with nowhere to offload it.
87
I arrived early at Caitlin's. It was still mid-afternoon, but I didn't want to stay away from her any longer. My head was too filled with dread for her safety when we were apart.
I dragged myself up her front steps, trying to pull myself together into some semblance of company for her, instead of the wet dishrag I felt like.
It was piano-lesson day, it seemed. The child I'd heard practising the piano for the last fortnight had played a very simple song, but the virtuoso who played what I barely recognised as the same song must have been the child's teacher, demonstrating how something so simple could become a complex masterpiece. For the second time that day, I felt like crying. Caitlin and I were right there at the child's skill level – our relationship working well enough to appear to be music. Would she survive long enough for us to take it further, to be the symphony we could be together? I wanted it – God, I wanted it, almost as much as I wanted Caitlin herself.
I couldn't wait any longer. I knocked on her door, dying to see Caitlin again.
The piano-played song ended in silence. The music lesson was over for the day, it seemed. Oh God, please don't let anything else be over. Not yet.
I heard Caitlin's steps creak on the boards in the hall before she opened the door. "Nathan – you're early!" Her eyes lit up and she threw her arms around me, delivering a delightful kiss.
My heavy heart lifted a little and I felt my smile return. "Angel," I murmured, not wanting to let go. She was the only light I could see, even with the sun still in the sky.
She laughed as she pulled away from me. "Come on in. I was thinking about an afternoon snack and the cheese looked really good..." She took my hand and pulled me inside, leading the way laughingly to the kitchen.
From the fridge she pulled out something small enough to hold in her hand and proffered it. Nestled in her palm was a small cheese, coated in black wax. "Jo and I bought it this morning and I wanted to share it with you." She flitted around the kitchen, pulling out a cutting board and a wicked little knife. Caitlin stretched up onto her toes to reach the crackers in a high cupboard above the bench, but her balance was perfect.
She took the knife and touched the point to the wax.
"Let me help you with that," I offered, worrying about her hurting her hands by handling a knife and hard cheese.
Caitlin shook her head, still laughing. Her fingers were quick. With a few deft strokes she'd peeled the wax from the little cheddar and laid it naked on the cutting board. I watched her carefully as she started to slice the cheese, but Caitlin didn't show the slightest sign of any pain.
She's really recovering, I realised. My heart lifted a little more.
Caitlin held out a cracker, topped with a freshly cut slice of cheese. She popped another in her mouth, smiling as I took her offering.
I crunched my way through what was good cheese. Better still was the cheese-flavoured kiss Caitlin followed it up with.
Her smile was almost infectious. "What would you like to do tonight?"
I found my grin again. "I'll leave that entirely up to you. Dinner, maybe?"
"I was thinking about going out to the hawker's. I want to try with chopsticks again..."
I needed to ask her out for tomorrow night. Plan a special dinner and maybe something else after, anything to get her to let me stay again tomorrow.
I opened my mouth to suggest it and the phone rang.
Caitlin looked surprised and picked up. "Hello?" Her eyes widened as she listened. "Is your wife feeling better? She had a cold last time I spoke to you... the kids didn't get it, too, did they?" She listened for a little longer, nodding a little.
"You want me to... hang on." She put the phone down on the bench and hit the speakerphone button. "Sorry, Detective McGuinness, I'm in the kitchen so I just stuck you on speakerphone. Now, what was that about me coming in to identify someone?" Our eyes met and my mouth wouldn't close. Caitlin didn't need the memories of dead bodies on top of the other horrible memories she had. Who did she know who'd died?
"Some of these bodies were found last night in a place that links them to your kidnapping. We'd like you to take a look at them and see if you recognise them. We've already identified four of them, with one family member coming in tomorrow to confirm the last identification. We'd like you to come in on Monday to..."
Caitlin was shaking her head and I understood her denial completely. She shouldn't need to do this.
"Detective, I can't come in on Monday. I fly out tomorrow night..."
WHAT?
Caitlin's eyes were on the cheese as she carefully cut another slice.
"... so the latest I could come in would be tomorrow afternoon. How about right after lunch? Or is that too early?" She turned her eyes expectantly to the phone, as if she could see through the plastic and phone lines to the detective himself.
"We have a relative coming in at two, so maybe... at three? Would that be too late for you? It's probably best that you don't meet him, especially if you identify his son as one of the men who..." He coughed.
Caitlin glanced at me and then away before I could say anything. "That's probably a good idea. Can I bring a friend along with me... for moral support? I just..." Her fingers slid between mine, squeezing lightly.
I looked at Caitlin to find her questioning eyes on me. I nodded in response. Of course. Any support she needed and I'd be there.
Even the detective sounded sympathetic. "Of course. Whoever you need. I realise this is difficult for you. Is there any chance you've remembered more than you told me the last time we met? That kind of information could be really useful..." He trailed off.
Caitlin's eyes went to the cheese as she sliced a fair bit more. I felt each stroke of the knife seemed a bit harder than the last. "I'll bring along what I have. It's just as much of my memories as I could recollect. Not really in the kind of format you're after, but I've tried to group them into people, places and days..."
He was silent. I could hear him clearing a dry throat before he could speak. "Of course. Thank you. Anything you have for us would be wonderful. We really appreciate any new information you can provide. See you tomorrow." He waited for Caitlin's goodbye before he hung up.
My mouth was still open and I didn't know wh
at to ask first.
Of course, Caitlin did. "Nathan, would you please come with me to the police station tomorrow? I don't want to do this alone."
My answer was immediate – without thought. "Of course. I'll hold your hand, no matter what."
She smiled and took another slice of cheese, savouring the taste with her eyes closed.
"Are you really flying somewhere tomorrow?" I blurted out, my voice sounding really forlorn.
Her eyes snapped open. "Yes. Jo told me this morning, while we were shopping for clothes. If you're really lucky, I may show you later." Caitlin winked, as she pulled down the shoulder of her shirt. I caught a glimpse of satin and lace before she covered her bra again. "The trip is my birthday present. She and Dad arranged with all of my friends to pay for me to have a holiday – she's coming, too. She wouldn't even tell me where – except that we'll be going clothes shopping, so she told me to pack light for warm weather, with underwear for two weeks, and I'll find out at the airport tomorrow." Caitlin looked so excited I couldn't bear to be anything but happy for her. She did deserve a holiday.
"Just you and Jo?" I enquired, not game to ask what I really wanted.
She laughed. "Yes, that's what Jo said. A girls' trip, now we're both old enough to travel alone." She looked sympathetic. "I'll be back in two weeks, Nathan. It's not like anyone will be following me – even I don't know where I'm going."
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to go with her, but
"If it was anyone else, I'd say fix it or I'll fire you, for it's not fucking hard." His eyes burned with anger. "But you can finish up tomorrow, along with your contract. I don't want any more fuck-ups, so you'll be handing over all your gear – weapons, body armour, the works – today. I don't want to see you back here."
I nodded, knowing I couldn't ask for any more. "Do we have any more leads on the rest of them?" Please tell me so I know what to look out for to keep her safe, even when it's not my job any more.
He sighed. "Our team has been through Laura's house from one end to the other and nothing. We have her computer files, but no one's managed to break into those yet. The only records she kept on paper are in a diary she had in her handbag. She occasionally made reference to contact with someone she called 'Al Himar,' but we haven't managed to work out who he or they are. Once we have access to her computer, we'll call in the translators and see what they make of it. If we don't close this operation properly, we'll look like right asses."
"What if they come after Caitlin tomorrow when I'm unarmed?" I asked.
He snorted. "Let her take care of them. She has a pretty good track record so far – maybe better than yours."
I didn't laugh. I wanted to cry. Instead, I just tightened my jaw and left. I had a gun to hand in and a shitload of worry to carry, with nowhere to offload it.
87
I arrived early at Caitlin's. It was still mid-afternoon, but I didn't want to stay away from her any longer. My head was too filled with dread for her safety when we were apart.
I dragged myself up her front steps, trying to pull myself together into some semblance of company for her, instead of the wet dishrag I felt like.
It was piano-lesson day, it seemed. The child I'd heard practising the piano for the last fortnight had played a very simple song, but the virtuoso who played what I barely recognised as the same song must have been the child's teacher, demonstrating how something so simple could become a complex masterpiece. For the second time that day, I felt like crying. Caitlin and I were right there at the child's skill level – our relationship working well enough to appear to be music. Would she survive long enough for us to take it further, to be the symphony we could be together? I wanted it – God, I wanted it, almost as much as I wanted Caitlin herself.
I couldn't wait any longer. I knocked on her door, dying to see Caitlin again.
The piano-played song ended in silence. The music lesson was over for the day, it seemed. Oh God, please don't let anything else be over. Not yet.
I heard Caitlin's steps creak on the boards in the hall before she opened the door. "Nathan – you're early!" Her eyes lit up and she threw her arms around me, delivering a delightful kiss.
My heavy heart lifted a little and I felt my smile return. "Angel," I murmured, not wanting to let go. She was the only light I could see, even with the sun still in the sky.
She laughed as she pulled away from me. "Come on in. I was thinking about an afternoon snack and the cheese looked really good..." She took my hand and pulled me inside, leading the way laughingly to the kitchen.
From the fridge she pulled out something small enough to hold in her hand and proffered it. Nestled in her palm was a small cheese, coated in black wax. "Jo and I bought it this morning and I wanted to share it with you." She flitted around the kitchen, pulling out a cutting board and a wicked little knife. Caitlin stretched up onto her toes to reach the crackers in a high cupboard above the bench, but her balance was perfect.
She took the knife and touched the point to the wax.
"Let me help you with that," I offered, worrying about her hurting her hands by handling a knife and hard cheese.
Caitlin shook her head, still laughing. Her fingers were quick. With a few deft strokes she'd peeled the wax from the little cheddar and laid it naked on the cutting board. I watched her carefully as she started to slice the cheese, but Caitlin didn't show the slightest sign of any pain.
She's really recovering, I realised. My heart lifted a little more.
Caitlin held out a cracker, topped with a freshly cut slice of cheese. She popped another in her mouth, smiling as I took her offering.
I crunched my way through what was good cheese. Better still was the cheese-flavoured kiss Caitlin followed it up with.
Her smile was almost infectious. "What would you like to do tonight?"
I found my grin again. "I'll leave that entirely up to you. Dinner, maybe?"
"I was thinking about going out to the hawker's. I want to try with chopsticks again..."
I needed to ask her out for tomorrow night. Plan a special dinner and maybe something else after, anything to get her to let me stay again tomorrow.
I opened my mouth to suggest it and the phone rang.
Caitlin looked surprised and picked up. "Hello?" Her eyes widened as she listened. "Is your wife feeling better? She had a cold last time I spoke to you... the kids didn't get it, too, did they?" She listened for a little longer, nodding a little.
"You want me to... hang on." She put the phone down on the bench and hit the speakerphone button. "Sorry, Detective McGuinness, I'm in the kitchen so I just stuck you on speakerphone. Now, what was that about me coming in to identify someone?" Our eyes met and my mouth wouldn't close. Caitlin didn't need the memories of dead bodies on top of the other horrible memories she had. Who did she know who'd died?
"Some of these bodies were found last night in a place that links them to your kidnapping. We'd like you to take a look at them and see if you recognise them. We've already identified four of them, with one family member coming in tomorrow to confirm the last identification. We'd like you to come in on Monday to..."
Caitlin was shaking her head and I understood her denial completely. She shouldn't need to do this.
"Detective, I can't come in on Monday. I fly out tomorrow night..."
WHAT?
Caitlin's eyes were on the cheese as she carefully cut another slice.
"... so the latest I could come in would be tomorrow afternoon. How about right after lunch? Or is that too early?" She turned her eyes expectantly to the phone, as if she could see through the plastic and phone lines to the detective himself.
"We have a relative coming in at two, so maybe... at three? Would that be too late for you? It's probably best that you don't meet him, especially if you identify his son as one of the men who..." He coughed.
Caitlin glanced at me and then away before I could say anything. "That's probably a good idea. Can I bring a friend along with me... for moral support? I just..." Her fingers slid between mine, squeezing lightly.
I looked at Caitlin to find her questioning eyes on me. I nodded in response. Of course. Any support she needed and I'd be there.
Even the detective sounded sympathetic. "Of course. Whoever you need. I realise this is difficult for you. Is there any chance you've remembered more than you told me the last time we met? That kind of information could be really useful..." He trailed off.
Caitlin's eyes went to the cheese as she sliced a fair bit more. I felt each stroke of the knife seemed a bit harder than the last. "I'll bring along what I have. It's just as much of my memories as I could recollect. Not really in the kind of format you're after, but I've tried to group them into people, places and days..."
He was silent. I could hear him clearing a dry throat before he could speak. "Of course. Thank you. Anything you have for us would be wonderful. We really appreciate any new information you can provide. See you tomorrow." He waited for Caitlin's goodbye before he hung up.
My mouth was still open and I didn't know wh
Of course, Caitlin did. "Nathan, would you please come with me to the police station tomorrow? I don't want to do this alone."
My answer was immediate – without thought. "Of course. I'll hold your hand, no matter what."
She smiled and took another slice of cheese, savouring the taste with her eyes closed.
"Are you really flying somewhere tomorrow?" I blurted out, my voice sounding really forlorn.
Her eyes snapped open. "Yes. Jo told me this morning, while we were shopping for clothes. If you're really lucky, I may show you later." Caitlin winked, as she pulled down the shoulder of her shirt. I caught a glimpse of satin and lace before she covered her bra again. "The trip is my birthday present. She and Dad arranged with all of my friends to pay for me to have a holiday – she's coming, too. She wouldn't even tell me where – except that we'll be going clothes shopping, so she told me to pack light for warm weather, with underwear for two weeks, and I'll find out at the airport tomorrow." Caitlin looked so excited I couldn't bear to be anything but happy for her. She did deserve a holiday.
"Just you and Jo?" I enquired, not game to ask what I really wanted.
She laughed. "Yes, that's what Jo said. A girls' trip, now we're both old enough to travel alone." She looked sympathetic. "I'll be back in two weeks, Nathan. It's not like anyone will be following me – even I don't know where I'm going."
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to go with her, but