Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer by Demelza Carlton
was a dream."
Navid was shaking his head in disbelief. "That's a hell of a messed-up dream for a girl to have."
"Compared to some of her nightmares, this is nothing."
"Mate..." he started to say, but I cut him off.
"Can you get someone to take care of the mess?" I nodded in its direction. "I want the whole team guarding every entrance to the house – especially her room. I want you outside her door, all night. If anyone leaves his post, I want him replaced, even if for only a minute. And get her some ice for her hand."
He stared at me. "It's over. You said it yourself."
I slowly shook my head. "We got all the ones who hurt her. One of them said she paid them for what they did. She could have hired more." I swallowed. "Please. I can't stand to lose her again. One more night – just in case. They're all on duty tonight anyway... mate, please. I'm begging you."
Navid nodded. "Hell of a night." He chewed on his lip, as if he was trying to bite back what he really wanted to say. "I'll go direct our team – they're arriving as we speak. You take care of her, okay?"
Curtly, I nodded, too, carrying my precious burden back to where I could get her cleaned up. I wished I could wipe her memories away as easily as blood.
74
Staring and standing beside her car, they matched.
Bright red car, bright red lips.
Shiny black and silver wheels, shiny black bobbed hair.
Her heavy-breathing friend.
A blow, couldn't breathe.
Pushed in with the pervert.
Her friend.
She drove away.
Kept driving.
Bastard in the passenger seat.
Her friend.
Forced down against taut thighs.
Face up.
Face faded as dark descended.
Red-tinted darkness.
75
When I reached the bathroom, Michael, his earpiece barely visible, had a stack of towels in his arms and a fairly confused look on his face. We exchanged nods.
"Navid said you needed these?" he said.
"Spread a couple of them flat on the floor, one on top of the other, so I can put her down on them," I instructed.
I watched Michael smooth the towels across the tiles before I was satisfied. "Now, go get her some pyjamas or a nightie to wear. I don't care if you have to go out and buy it. Just leave them outside the door."
He nodded and left.
He didn't have anything else to say to me tonight. I didn't have anything to say to me either. All my attention was on Caitlin. I'd come so close to losing her, I was scared almost into speechlessness. But I couldn't touch Caitlin without talking to her – she flinched away from contact unless I spoke. No bloody wonder after tonight.
"Okay, I'll be really careful, just in case you've been hurt. I'm going to try to get you cleaned up a bit. It's okay – it's just you and me. No one else."
I carried Caitlin to the shower. The plastic chair was still in the cubicle, so that's where I carefully placed her, the arms curving around her and keeping her upright.
My arms felt empty as I let her go. I shook myself out of my silly sentimentality and dropped to my knees on the tiles. I started checking her over. She'd been splattered with Laura's blood, dusted in something grey and then rolled on the carpet, so it was hard to tell if she was wounded. I decided to check her bones for breaks first, then look for anything else after I'd cleaned her up. Aside from the red marks from the handcuffs, her left hand looked fine. Her right hand wasn't so good, though, already swelling and tender from the pounding it had taken against the wall. A trickle of blood started at one knuckle, running down to her wrist. I took her hurt hand in mine and brought it up to my lips. "I'm sorry," I whispered again.
I felt stupid talking to her while she was unconscious, but it wasn't the first time, though it might be the last. I wondered what she was dreaming about, or if she heard me.
I closed my eyes, wishing there was someone else I could ask to do this. But there wasn't anyone else I trusted. I took a deep breath. "I'm going to take these clothes off you, angel. I need to check your injuries and make sure you're okay. Then I'm going to get you cleaned up. You won't need those any more – I'll get you into your own clothes as soon as I can."
Gently, I peeled the bloodstained pants from her legs, then pulled them off her feet, one at a time. I balled them up and threw them into the corner by the bin.
I took a deep breath and looked at Caitlin. There was dried blood on her knees and all along her shins. I closed my eyes, the images coming unbidden. She'd knelt in her nightie on the floor, slick with Laura's blood, as she pulled the pants off her and put them on. Fuck, what had she been thinking? Taking the clothes from a corpse?
Another deep breath that I held. Time for the vest. I swallowed, wishing I didn't have to do this. I had to check if Navid had broken any of her ribs. I told myself that if I thought of this as just another med practical and ignored her boobs like any professional doctor would, I'd be okay. Fuck. No, I wouldn't. Like a coward, I closed my eyes as soon as I touched the zip. Caitlin cringed, throwing her arms up to protect her chest, pushing my hands away.
I lifted my hands in surrender. "It's me and it's okay. I need to check if you're injured and get you out of these clothes. You're covered in blood, angel. I need to know that you're okay." Cautiously, I touched her zip again. "Just me, angel. I'm not going to hurt you." And I'm going to do my best not to perve on you, I swear. I clamped my mouth shut so I didn't say it. Right now, I'd apologise for it being dark at night if it would make her feel better.
Slowly, I pulled the zip down, then flipped it open to expose her blood-soaked shirt. Pretend you're back in the hospital, doing a chest examination on someone who's been in a fight. "It's okay, it's okay," I murmured as I checked her ribs. I breathed a sigh of relief as I realised that none of them was broken, though she had a fair bit of bruising already. "Okay, I'm going to take the shirt and vest off you completely so I can wash off some of the blood."
Carefully, I slid the vest down her arms, mindful of catching her hands on the armholes, before I pulled the shirt over her head. Desperately, I tried to think of anything but what was in front of me. I turned away to bunch the whole mess up and pitch it after the pants, but it was soaked in blood, leaving still more on Caitlin's skin and mine. I'd never been so happy to see she wasn't wearing a bra, for it was one less thing to take off.
I pulled the showerhead from its cradle, pointing the nozzle at the floor as I turned the tap on. I waited for the water to warm up, wanting it the perfect temperature to wash Caitlin without waking or burning her. I kept one finger in the spray the whole time and turned the fine mist on Caitlin's body.
I fixed my eyes on the floor, trying not to look at her as the pink water cascaded onto the tiles. When the water ran clear, I dared to lift my eyes. Her shins were clean and a few seconds more took the last of the dried blood from her knees. I leaned over her, letting the spray stream down her back as I watched the water on the tiles go from red to pink to clear once more.
Lastly, I focussed on Caitlin's face. Blood streaked her cheeks and there were chunks of Laura in her hair. I couldn't leave Laura's blood on Caitlin's hands or any other part of her. There was no way I could convince her it was all a dream if traces still remained.
Gently, I cupped the back of her neck in my hand so I could tip her head back and rinse the gore from her hair. That done, I carefully directed the spray so it ran lightly down her face. She screwed her face up, but she didn't open her eyes.
"It's okay, angel," I said softly. "Almost done."
I turned the water off and reached for a towel to cover her with. I spread another across my arms and lifted her from the chair to the towels on the floor, laying her flat. I slid a folded towel under her head as a makeshift cushion, spread another towel over the top of her and returned to the shower. For a moment, I looked at her, lying unconscious and cocooned in the
white towels as she had been in the sheets on a hospital bed. It was less than six weeks ago, but it felt like a lifetime. A lifetime that had nearly ended for her.
I stuck the shower head back in its cradle and turned the water on, hotter and stronger than I had for Caitlin. I dumped my vest on the floor and stood beneath the needle spray in my dripping clothes as tears rolled down my cheeks. I don't know how long I stood there, nor whether I was mourning or relieved. Or both.
Eventually, I came to my senses enough to realise that I had to get Caitlin up off the floor and into her own bed. I shut off the shower and dripped across the floor to the door. Just outside was a plastic shopping bag, so I yanked it inside and closed the door.
I dried my hands before taking a look in the bag. It looked like someone had gone up to Kmart and brought back some new pink pyjamas for Caitlin. I ripped the tags off and looked at her towel-shrouded body on the floor.
Now I just needed to get her into them.
I swallowed and leaned over her, not sure where to start. The pocket of my shirt sent a stream of water pattering onto the tiles. I jerked back, not wanting to wet her again. Fuck. I needed to take my wet clothes off and any clean ones I had were still in her room. Fucked if I was leaving her alone to go get dressed. But I couldn't go naked around her, either, in case she woke up. Fuck.
I stripped my wet clothes off quickly and wrapped a towel around my waist, praying it wouldn't come off. I wasn't sure what she'd do if she woke up to find me naked next to her.
I
Navid was shaking his head in disbelief. "That's a hell of a messed-up dream for a girl to have."
"Compared to some of her nightmares, this is nothing."
"Mate..." he started to say, but I cut him off.
"Can you get someone to take care of the mess?" I nodded in its direction. "I want the whole team guarding every entrance to the house – especially her room. I want you outside her door, all night. If anyone leaves his post, I want him replaced, even if for only a minute. And get her some ice for her hand."
He stared at me. "It's over. You said it yourself."
I slowly shook my head. "We got all the ones who hurt her. One of them said she paid them for what they did. She could have hired more." I swallowed. "Please. I can't stand to lose her again. One more night – just in case. They're all on duty tonight anyway... mate, please. I'm begging you."
Navid nodded. "Hell of a night." He chewed on his lip, as if he was trying to bite back what he really wanted to say. "I'll go direct our team – they're arriving as we speak. You take care of her, okay?"
Curtly, I nodded, too, carrying my precious burden back to where I could get her cleaned up. I wished I could wipe her memories away as easily as blood.
74
Staring and standing beside her car, they matched.
Bright red car, bright red lips.
Shiny black and silver wheels, shiny black bobbed hair.
Her heavy-breathing friend.
A blow, couldn't breathe.
Pushed in with the pervert.
Her friend.
She drove away.
Kept driving.
Bastard in the passenger seat.
Her friend.
Forced down against taut thighs.
Face up.
Face faded as dark descended.
Red-tinted darkness.
75
When I reached the bathroom, Michael, his earpiece barely visible, had a stack of towels in his arms and a fairly confused look on his face. We exchanged nods.
"Navid said you needed these?" he said.
"Spread a couple of them flat on the floor, one on top of the other, so I can put her down on them," I instructed.
I watched Michael smooth the towels across the tiles before I was satisfied. "Now, go get her some pyjamas or a nightie to wear. I don't care if you have to go out and buy it. Just leave them outside the door."
He nodded and left.
He didn't have anything else to say to me tonight. I didn't have anything to say to me either. All my attention was on Caitlin. I'd come so close to losing her, I was scared almost into speechlessness. But I couldn't touch Caitlin without talking to her – she flinched away from contact unless I spoke. No bloody wonder after tonight.
"Okay, I'll be really careful, just in case you've been hurt. I'm going to try to get you cleaned up a bit. It's okay – it's just you and me. No one else."
I carried Caitlin to the shower. The plastic chair was still in the cubicle, so that's where I carefully placed her, the arms curving around her and keeping her upright.
My arms felt empty as I let her go. I shook myself out of my silly sentimentality and dropped to my knees on the tiles. I started checking her over. She'd been splattered with Laura's blood, dusted in something grey and then rolled on the carpet, so it was hard to tell if she was wounded. I decided to check her bones for breaks first, then look for anything else after I'd cleaned her up. Aside from the red marks from the handcuffs, her left hand looked fine. Her right hand wasn't so good, though, already swelling and tender from the pounding it had taken against the wall. A trickle of blood started at one knuckle, running down to her wrist. I took her hurt hand in mine and brought it up to my lips. "I'm sorry," I whispered again.
I felt stupid talking to her while she was unconscious, but it wasn't the first time, though it might be the last. I wondered what she was dreaming about, or if she heard me.
I closed my eyes, wishing there was someone else I could ask to do this. But there wasn't anyone else I trusted. I took a deep breath. "I'm going to take these clothes off you, angel. I need to check your injuries and make sure you're okay. Then I'm going to get you cleaned up. You won't need those any more – I'll get you into your own clothes as soon as I can."
Gently, I peeled the bloodstained pants from her legs, then pulled them off her feet, one at a time. I balled them up and threw them into the corner by the bin.
I took a deep breath and looked at Caitlin. There was dried blood on her knees and all along her shins. I closed my eyes, the images coming unbidden. She'd knelt in her nightie on the floor, slick with Laura's blood, as she pulled the pants off her and put them on. Fuck, what had she been thinking? Taking the clothes from a corpse?
Another deep breath that I held. Time for the vest. I swallowed, wishing I didn't have to do this. I had to check if Navid had broken any of her ribs. I told myself that if I thought of this as just another med practical and ignored her boobs like any professional doctor would, I'd be okay. Fuck. No, I wouldn't. Like a coward, I closed my eyes as soon as I touched the zip. Caitlin cringed, throwing her arms up to protect her chest, pushing my hands away.
I lifted my hands in surrender. "It's me and it's okay. I need to check if you're injured and get you out of these clothes. You're covered in blood, angel. I need to know that you're okay." Cautiously, I touched her zip again. "Just me, angel. I'm not going to hurt you." And I'm going to do my best not to perve on you, I swear. I clamped my mouth shut so I didn't say it. Right now, I'd apologise for it being dark at night if it would make her feel better.
Slowly, I pulled the zip down, then flipped it open to expose her blood-soaked shirt. Pretend you're back in the hospital, doing a chest examination on someone who's been in a fight. "It's okay, it's okay," I murmured as I checked her ribs. I breathed a sigh of relief as I realised that none of them was broken, though she had a fair bit of bruising already. "Okay, I'm going to take the shirt and vest off you completely so I can wash off some of the blood."
Carefully, I slid the vest down her arms, mindful of catching her hands on the armholes, before I pulled the shirt over her head. Desperately, I tried to think of anything but what was in front of me. I turned away to bunch the whole mess up and pitch it after the pants, but it was soaked in blood, leaving still more on Caitlin's skin and mine. I'd never been so happy to see she wasn't wearing a bra, for it was one less thing to take off.
I pulled the showerhead from its cradle, pointing the nozzle at the floor as I turned the tap on. I waited for the water to warm up, wanting it the perfect temperature to wash Caitlin without waking or burning her. I kept one finger in the spray the whole time and turned the fine mist on Caitlin's body.
I fixed my eyes on the floor, trying not to look at her as the pink water cascaded onto the tiles. When the water ran clear, I dared to lift my eyes. Her shins were clean and a few seconds more took the last of the dried blood from her knees. I leaned over her, letting the spray stream down her back as I watched the water on the tiles go from red to pink to clear once more.
Lastly, I focussed on Caitlin's face. Blood streaked her cheeks and there were chunks of Laura in her hair. I couldn't leave Laura's blood on Caitlin's hands or any other part of her. There was no way I could convince her it was all a dream if traces still remained.
Gently, I cupped the back of her neck in my hand so I could tip her head back and rinse the gore from her hair. That done, I carefully directed the spray so it ran lightly down her face. She screwed her face up, but she didn't open her eyes.
"It's okay, angel," I said softly. "Almost done."
I turned the water off and reached for a towel to cover her with. I spread another across my arms and lifted her from the chair to the towels on the floor, laying her flat. I slid a folded towel under her head as a makeshift cushion, spread another towel over the top of her and returned to the shower. For a moment, I looked at her, lying unconscious and cocooned in the
I stuck the shower head back in its cradle and turned the water on, hotter and stronger than I had for Caitlin. I dumped my vest on the floor and stood beneath the needle spray in my dripping clothes as tears rolled down my cheeks. I don't know how long I stood there, nor whether I was mourning or relieved. Or both.
Eventually, I came to my senses enough to realise that I had to get Caitlin up off the floor and into her own bed. I shut off the shower and dripped across the floor to the door. Just outside was a plastic shopping bag, so I yanked it inside and closed the door.
I dried my hands before taking a look in the bag. It looked like someone had gone up to Kmart and brought back some new pink pyjamas for Caitlin. I ripped the tags off and looked at her towel-shrouded body on the floor.
Now I just needed to get her into them.
I swallowed and leaned over her, not sure where to start. The pocket of my shirt sent a stream of water pattering onto the tiles. I jerked back, not wanting to wet her again. Fuck. I needed to take my wet clothes off and any clean ones I had were still in her room. Fucked if I was leaving her alone to go get dressed. But I couldn't go naked around her, either, in case she woke up. Fuck.
I stripped my wet clothes off quickly and wrapped a towel around my waist, praying it wouldn't come off. I wasn't sure what she'd do if she woke up to find me naked next to her.
I