Balloon Boy and the Porcupine Pals: Antihooliganism by Mort Gloss
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The space travelers carried on in a similar manner for the next five or six hours. Balloon, Tom, and Russ mostly stayed in the command center, while Victory occupied her time between eating in the kitchen, rummaging through her luggage, and reading on the flower couch. Eventually, Russ began to feel the tug of sleep.
"Balloon, guess how long it's been since we left Midland?"
"'Bout nine hours, give er take."
"It's probably time we closed things down for the night."
"Good call," agreed Tom. "Let me go and grab my Scooby Doo pillow."
"Y'all ain't gonna need no pillow," said Balloon. "That's the big surprise I been waitin' to tell y'all."
"The surprise is that you stole my pillow? Bad form, Balloon."
"Nope. None of y'alls is gonna need nothin' soft to sleep on. Hold on jist a minute." Balloon smiled to himself as he walked toward Victory in the other room. "Vic, we's gonna shut down fer the night. Ya ready?"
"Sure, why not?" Victory put down her book and lumbered over to one of her many bags of luggage. After rummaging for a few seconds, she pulled out a bright pink sleeping mask, a toothbrush, and toothpaste. Balloon waited patiently while she brushed, gurgled, spit, and repeated the process all over again. After a few minutes, she nestled her tremendous flesh into each nook and cranny of the couch and placed the sleeping mask over her eyes. "Alright, Balloon," she said, "I'm ready. You can shut everything down."
Balloon was mesmerized by Victory's night ritual. As he watched her, he allowed himself to entertain vague fantasies of domestic life with Victory. He thought about attempting a good night hug, or some other physical affection, but quickly jettisoned the notion, opting instead for something verbal. "Well, uh, Vic, hope ya sleep well 'n everthang."
"Thanks, Balloon. Good night."
An enormous smile spread across Balloon's face. He turned around and went back into the command center. "Alrighty, boys. Y'all ready fer my surprise?"
"I'm as ready as Russ will ever be," said Tom.
"Okay, here we go." Balloon moved in front of the long line of switches on the wall, lowered his head, closed his eyes, and guessed which one he needed to flip. The answer came; he opened his eyes and moved his pudgy fingers to the correct spot. He flipped the switch and immediately felt a heavy burden lifted from his legs. Each of the four space travelers felt the same sensation, as they began to drift from their prior location.
"Hot dang, Balloon!" yelled Russ as his legs left the floor. "You got a no-gravity button?"
"You betcha," answered Balloon. "I knowed we wasn't gonna have room fer no feather beds 'n what not, so I's figurin' this here would be the next best thang."
"There's only one thing I don't understand," said Tom, trying to swim through the air to the entryway of the command center. "Why isn't Victory having a fit about this?"
Through pushing off walls, using each other for leverage, and a bit of luck, the three travelers were able to position themselves around the doorway in order to look at Victory. She was no longer nestled into the corners of the couch, but drifted in midair, her sleeping mask still in place.
Balloon whispered to the others. "Look to me like she already drifted off, er that she so comfy she don't even know she floatin' up there."
Tom whispered back. "Let's just let her be. Somewhere under all that mass is a set of female bones that's extremely grateful for the lack of gravity. Maybe her subconscious will thank us."
The conscious space travelers did their best to move back into the command center. The darkness of empty space was all they could see through the wall-size viewing window.
"Well, boys, hope y'all gits a good night a sleepin'. She's mostly smooth-sailin' fer a while now...."
"Thanks, Balloon. You too," said Russ.
Tom closed his eyes and began to speak. "Balloon, what you did today was amazing. You really made all this happen, and we're not even dead yet. Congratulations, man. Congratulations."
Balloon half-smiled to himself, nervously looked out the viewing window, and closed his eyes to go to sleep.
End of Book 1
BOOK 2 - ZAXMORTHIA