Balloon Boy and the Porcupine Pals: Antihooliganism by Mort Gloss

  ****

  Victory slurped gratuitously from a large feeding tube as she sat in an overstuffed chair. Lilia, Nabashio, and their band of Zaxmorthian soldiers watched Victory's food intake with awe. They had positioned themselves in the landing platform on the east end of the Dome of the Beloved.

  "Benevolent Victoria," said Nabashio with an air of respect, "are there any additional accommodations which you desire at the present moment?"

  "Perhaps something to prop up my feet," she said with confidence.

  "It shall be done," answered Nabashio.

  Lilia rolled her eyes with impatience. As she did so, her communicator beeped, indicating an incoming message. "First Class Protector Lilia here," she said. The voice on the other end of the line described an intruder's miraculous breach of the security forces stationed at the main entrance to the Dome of the Beloved. The voice further indicated that, based on his last known trajectory, this unparalleled warrior was presently heading toward Nabashio. "How much time do we have?" asked Lilia, clearly flustered.

  "He will be upon you momentarily," came the response.

  Lilia immediately turned her attention to Nabashio, who was unashamedly staring at Victory's every move. "Commander, sir," she said with intensity, "the hooligan imposter has breached the Dome and is now making his way toward our position. What are your orders?"

  Nabashio did a double-take, at first annoyed Lilia was disturbing his observation of Victory, and thereafter fearful of the impending confrontation. "It is not possible this recreant has entered the Dome of his own accord."

  "Apparently possible, and a historical fact at this point," said Lilia. "What are your orders? He will reach our position momentarily."

  Victory lost focus on the feeding tube. "Who is it that's coming?" she asked.

  "You know very well who it is," answered Lilia with anger. "Your hooligan cohort and fellow imposter!"

  Victory pushed the feeding tube aside and stood up from the cushioned recliner. "I told you; I'm not with them." She then turned her attention to Nabashio, softening her tone. "And if you have any compassion, you will hide me from these people and take me away from this place."

  Nabashio hesitated, repeatedly shifting his gaze from Victory to Lilia.

  Lilia sensed his indecision. "Our mission is to engage and detain the hooligans-all of them-Commander, sir."

  "And your duty is to obey my orders," responded Nabashio, sharpening his resolve. He turned to Victory. "Ms. Victoria, if you desire protection from these miscreants, I am able to provide it." Lilia threw up her arms in disgust.

  "I appreciate your willingness to assist me," said Victory, becoming more aware of her power over Nabashio.

  "We shall leave at once," he said, bowing as low as his large waist would allow. "Lilia, instruct the Second Class Protector unit to board the landing vessel and take their positions."

  "But sir, what about our orders? What about the Protective Essence?" pleaded Lilia.

  "There will be no discussion on this point. The security within the Dome is sufficient to protect the Essence. You will succumb to my instructions or be decommissioned forthwith."

  Lilia reluctantly obeyed his orders, radioing the soldiers stationed around the perimeter of the landing platform. As the Second Classmen gathered around the entrance to the landing vessel, they heard a scream.

  "Vic!" said a frantic voice. "Vic, I come to save ya from them bandits!"