Balloon Boy and the Porcupine Pals: Antihooliganism by Mort Gloss
****
"Get your hands off me," screamed Victory. "Don't touch me!"
After giving Balloon a good kicking to the head, Victory had stormed back into the jungle in a fit of rage. Losing her sense of direction after just a few seconds, she stomped around aimlessly, hoping in her irrational anger to never see any of her fellow travelers again. Five minutes or so after losing her way, she heard rustling in the bushes close-by. "Balloon," she had yelled, "leave me alone. I'm in no mood for you right now." A group of armed, overweight soldiers wearing thick dark shields over their eyes then jumped out from behind the vegetation and seized her.
"You'll regret this; I promise you you'll regret this," howled Victory as the various soldiers herded her through the jungle.
"We will regret nothing, hooligan," answered a female voice, piped into Victory's ear through the universal translator. A large, plump female-roughly half Victory's girth-stood before her. Victory recognized her as the Zaxmorthian Commander they had encountered just prior to leaving Pedro's planet. "It is you and your band of fiends who will pay dearly for your multitudinous crimes."
Victory was taken aback, impressed by the precise vocabulary utilized in the woman's words. "The only crime I'm aware of is your unlawful seizure of my person," answered Victory, stout and resolute.
"Where are the others?" demanded the woman, "and what is your nefarious objective on our most precious Planet of Protection?"
"I travel alone," responded Victory, "and I have no objective. I came here for personal reasons, which are of no concern to you."
"Your insolent responses will not prove beneficial," responded the woman. "We, of course, know that you arrived here with a band of recreant hooligans, and that your landing near the Dome of the Beloved is no coincidence. Reveal your true intentions."
"I have no intentions," yelled Victory in response, "true or otherwise."
"Let this poor woman be, Lilia," said an even larger man, gingerly approaching their location. "At the present moment, we have no reason to doubt the veracity of her statements."
Victory looked at the man who stood before her, impressed by his strong presence and benevolent words.
"But, Commander Nabashio, sir," responded Lilia, flustered by his unexpected objections, "the others are still out there. This woman no doubt knows their purpose."
"Given this noble woman's physical attributes," said the man, "it is inconceivable she is involved in any type of hooligan conspiracy."
Lilia grabbed the man by the collar and pulled him aside, hissing at him. Despite her apparent effort to keep the conversation private, the universal translator piped the words into Victory's ear. "This woman was with the other imposter on Zaragozo. She is either wearing a compensation suit or has undergone surgical augmentation. Don't lose focus! Or I'll put a pair of those goggles on you."
The man was at first startled by her words, and then became angry. "How dare you question my authority in front of the others?" he said, speaking loudly. "I have this situation well under control. Watch and learn, soon-to-be Second Class Protector." He then turned to Victory, flashing her a gentlemanly smile. "What is your name, my noble queen?"
Victory's typically pale-white face shifted red. "My name is Victoria," she said with a stutter.
"My dear Victoria, I am Nabashio, Commander of our most excellent PROT IX. Would Your Grace be willing to accompany me to the Dome of Our Beloved? I desire to there provide you with comfort measures, including sustenance and psychological support."
Victory tried to suppress any indication of satisfaction in Nabashio's offer. "I will agree, as long as these buffoons release me and I am treated with respect."
"Of course. All of your desires shall be appeased," agreed Nabashio.
Chapter 9 - Star Sky
The Travelers Obtain the Ball O' Power;
Victory Makes a Decision; and
Balloon Takes a Vow